Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,540 Member
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    J_NY_Z wrote: »
    J_NY_Z wrote: »

    I share almost all of your experiences. I always internalize and shut down in an argument/disagreement.

    I'm sorry to hear you are familiar, It's super frustrating and it sucks. Learning how to change these behaviors is rough.. but it can be done.

    Do we have the same mom and I just didn't know all these years? :neutral:

    I relate... strongly.

    Anything is possible! Always wanted a sister.
    It's horrible. Sorry you experienced those things.

    Seems like we have enough people for a support group.

    I'm only interested in this support group if there's kitten/puppy cuddling and booze.

    You and me both sister. Well, the cats at least...
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    I'm severely mentally ill and that has obviously affected my education, employment opportunities, social life, love life, physical health. I can live with that. No problem. I'm ok with being called a jobless ugly buffalo. But the constant painful flashbacks from the past every minute of the day? That's making everything unbearable. I mean my suicidal tendencies have subsided over the years but sometimes it becomes difficult to carry on....

    I’ve had periods where my PTSD has been pretty overwhelming in that department.

    Writing helps me. And art of one form or another.

    Hang in there. <3

    I knit, crochet or draw/paint to get through mine, so you're not alone! :heart:
    Same for anxiety/depression. It helps some.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,642 Member
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    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.

    We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.

    Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.

    My heart aches for you. I don't have words, but having two of my own, I can imagine how I would feel. 😔
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
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    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.

    We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.

    Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.

    I have worked in family law for a long time and these kinds of moves are always so hard on the parent who stays. I'm sure you know all the ways you can keep in touch and still be part of your son's life even if you aren't physically present. There's just no good way to ease the heartbreak of not having the constant interactions.

    You and your son will find a new normal. It takes time. In the meantime, I really feel for you-not a fun time at all.
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,390 Member
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    Thank you for your kindness and compassion. :heart:


    Something I tell my kids... When you go to the hospital, they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. It's YOUR scale. YOUR pain threshhold. 10/10 is the max of what YOU can handle. A ten is a ten. it's 100%. It doesn't matter if that 10 is someone elses 5, 2, 1, 9, 10, or 15. It is a 10 to you, and it's the most you can handle.

    It deserves the same respect as someone else's 10/10.

    That said... if you need to vent, then please do. If it's heavy to you, it matters to me.

    So true on pain levels.... it's an individual thing.

    As for me, it's more a life direction thing. I left a job that I hated and should have left earlier, and now find myself wondering which direction to go. Our financial needs are easy to meet, and so really the money aspect is more or less to just build up for a better retirement.

    But I just want to find something more fulfilling, and something where I come home and feel like I've accomplished something more important that just making someone else money.

    I can't take forever to figure it out, but I don't want another job that leads to hating the job.... In theory so easy, but in reality not so easy sometimes.

    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    This morning my ex moved some 700+ miles away. My 16yr old son went with her. Our 50/50 custody split is no longer. I knew it was coming, but still... now that it's here and happening, it sucks.

    We have a pretty good relationship all things considered, so I have no concerns about being able to see my son whenever I want/can, but logistically every couple of months is probably the most I can manage in the short term. This will the be the least I've seen him, ever... and the least involved I've been as a parent, ever.

    Logically, I know there is some potential good for him relative to the move. Logically, I have some concerns about some potential bad. Emotionally, I'm struggling in the now realness of it all.

    Hang in there. Hopefully the visits will make him realize the other side of the coin. And in a couple years, he can make his own decisions as to where he lives.

    I do feel for you though. I can't imagine going through it myself. I can't even imagine my 22 year old leaving soon... it will always be too soon for me.

  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,452 Member
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    dawnfire72 wrote: »
    Just need to vent. I have done some really stupid things in the past few years and they have now come to a head and exploded in my face in a very bad way. I have 1 adult child who is not talking to me and we used to be close and I am afraid I have done more damage than can be repaired. I have made life so miserable for my poor hubby that he is now on stress leave because he was taking his home stress to work and lashing out with inappropriate language to some of his co-workers. I am waiting on counselling to start again in hopes that I might be able to salvage things. Hubby is talking to someone through his EAP and maybe that will help as well. I just hope that I didn't burn any bridges and that maybe one day we will find our way back to a better relationship.

    *Big hugs* that you are aware that things need fixing is a start. 🙂
  • Ladyovthelakes
    Ladyovthelakes Posts: 79 Member
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    Great idea for a thread I must say but personally I come here for light hearted banter to escape the reality and seriousness of my daily life.. plus you get weirdos that take pleasure in using stuff like this to manipulate or be malicious to people online so I’d rather not 😊
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,390 Member
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    dawnfire72 wrote: »
    Just need to vent. I have done some really stupid things in the past few years and they have now come to a head and exploded in my face in a very bad way. I have 1 adult child who is not talking to me and we used to be close and I am afraid I have done more damage than can be repaired. I have made life so miserable for my poor hubby that he is now on stress leave because he was taking his home stress to work and lashing out with inappropriate language to some of his co-workers. I am waiting on counselling to start again in hopes that I might be able to salvage things. Hubby is talking to someone through his EAP and maybe that will help as well. I just hope that I didn't burn any bridges and that maybe one day we will find our way back to a better relationship.

    Don't give up. We all make mistakes, and once it's done it's done. All you can do it try to make things right and let them know you feel bad about it. Families can drive us crazy at times, and anyone should know that.

    Relationships are hard, but the people that can work through those times are better for it.


    glassyo wrote: »
    This started off in the Random Thought thread but got kinda heavy in my mind as I was typing it...

    There's this flatbed truck parked on my street which reminds me of the wooden trucks we
    built in first(?) grade. Which reminds me of the toys I had and, God, did I have awesome outfits for my Barbie dolls. Which reminds me of all these things that suddenly disappeared because my mother gave them away without even asking me if I wanted to keep anything. Which reminds me why I really didn't like her (among other reasons).

    I really wish I still had that truck. It was painted orange and probably badly nailed together but it looked right and I made it.

    Sometimes seemingly small things can weigh heavy on us. With or without intention, parents do some things that have lasting impacts.


    Great idea for a thread I must say but personally I come here for light hearted banter to escape the reality and seriousness of my daily life.. plus you get weirdos that take pleasure in using stuff like this to manipulate or be malicious to people online so I’d rather not 😊

    But couldn't someone easily just read into that and think you have to make efforts to escape your reality and use it to manipulate you?
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,642 Member
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    RAinWA wrote: »
    Another vent... feel free to skip. I just need to put it somewhere.
    I get up at 6 - 630 to feed my 2 kittens, then go downstairs to test my diabetic cat's sugar, give her insulin and feed her. If I don't sit with her, she often doesn't eat, so I sit on the floor to have a cup of coffee and make sure she eats. I then go and change all the cat litters.

    I then go and make sure my kid(s) are up and getting ready for school, get lunches and them out the door.
    Then I work. I try to work through my lunch because I have to leave at 240pm to drive to get my oldest. Her school is 35 minutes from here, but by the time I get home, I've lost an hour and 40 mins. So I end up working until 6pm or later.

    I haven't planned ahead, so then I'm working on dinner. We often don't eat until 7pm. Which is when Betty needs her second dose of insulin. We finish dinner and I try to get the kitchen and dining areas cleaned up. By the time all that is said and done, it is 8 or 8:30pm. At that point, I *could* go and workout. But I'm already exhausted.

    By 10pm, I'm harassing my kids to be sure they have bathed, snacked and are getting ready for bed. Which they never are. We all have ADHD and if one of us is not on top of the others (i.e. me) everyone loses track of time. It's a constant harassment to get people to bed. Often 11:30 rolls around and that's when I'm saying good night to one of the kids. Except, that's when their troubles come to light. That's when they need or want to talk.

    Last night my youngest had another meltdown, and didn't want me to leave his room. I sat with him in his room, with a headache so bad I was nauseous, until 2am. I crawled into my bed at 2:30, and then the kittens started playing at 5.

    This is often what every work day looks like. I am lucky, INSANELY LUCKY, if I get even 5 hours of sleep - and it's not even uninterrupted. I can't get up earlier to work out. I'm stumbling tired in the morning, cannot even see straight.

    By the time friday rolls around, I am so tired I'm falling asleep sitting up. Saturday and Sunday comes and my house is a mess, laundry, never ending groceries and dishes, yard work, everything... it all sits on my shoulders. And it's so heavy.

    Lately the load feels so heavy that on the weekends I just want to sleep. Sometimes I go back to sleep after the cat's meds / feedings are done. The kids want to have fun and do stuff, and I'm behind. I am always behind. My house is a disaster and I can't even find the energy to get up and sweep the floor. My kitten seems to always step in his wet litter, so I'm constantly changing litter, cleaning mess.

    Sometimes I look ahead, and the dreary monotony and stress seems to stretch ever forward, with no end in sight.

    I know that my kids are 14 and 16, and that eventually they will grow up and things should get easier. I know that my kids should be doing more to help me. But I also know that their mental health issues, ADHD, anxiety, and (as of yet undiagnosed autism) mean that they are not able to help the way I need them to. They try, but it's not enough to keep me from feeling like I'm always one step from drowning.

    I feel like I have not equipped them for adulthood. I feel like I should be doing so much more... but I also feel like I just can't do any more.

    People say... find a way. If you want to work out, find a way. No room for failure. No excuses.

    No excuses.

    If there is no room for excuses, then how? How am I supposed to do it all?



    I wish I had really good advice for you that would make everything easier, but I'm in the same boat. Between caring for my husband, coordinating with the hospice team, trying to work, making sure the animals are cared for, etc., etc., etc., there is just too much. And if I get an hour to myself (after everyone is asleep usually) I just want to zone out with the TV or a book. Except for stretches I need to do to keep my back tolerable, exercise has fallen by the wayside.

    I tell myself I am doing all I can and if my house isn't as neat and clean as I like it's not that my standards slipped, it's my priorities have changed. Spending time with your kids and letting them know they are heard and loved is clearly your priority and you are a great mom for it.

    Hang in there, workout when you can but don't stress about it - you'll get back to it.

    Wish I could be more helpful.

    it is helpful. I keep telling myself that I have to let go of some of my expectations of self, because I know I simply cannot attain them at this time. It's just so hard to feel like doing so is a sign of me being a failure.