Time to Lose the COVID-19(lbs)

HelPur25 wrote: »

I'm honestly struggling this week with my "all or nothing" mentality. Last weekend, we visited our friends' house for dinner. They're the types who always offer waaaay too much food/snacks/drinks/desserts. My strategy at home is to just not have unhealthy foods on hand so that I won't be tempted.

I really tried to stick to the veggie tray, salad, chicken breast and things like that at their house, but as the night wore on, and they kept offering more tempting items over and over again, my willpower started to dwindle. I guess I can only politely refuse foods that I love 50 times before giving in.

I think I gained back all that I had lost the previous week, and then my subconscious negative thoughts crept in. "Why bother trying this week, since I already blew it last weekend? I may as well eat whatever I want this week, too." My partner has invited them over to our house this weekend, because of course we have to reciprocate their hospitality, and the pattern repeats.

This is my main struggle... socializing while trying to control what I eat. I could just not socialize with "food pushers" but that would severely limit my circle of family and friends, and it's already so limited because of the pandemic.

Can I comment? I'm not in your OP target audience, I'm a longtime MFP user who noticed your post. (I used MFP to lose from class 1 obese back in 2015-16, have been here maintaining a healthy weight since.)

This stuff is hard at first, for sure . . . and as you're observing, the "all or nothing" approach can make it even harder. You may not be able to do it yet, but I'd encourage you to strive toward balance, stability, finding routines that are (relatively) easy to sustain, keep you happy . . . and have enough of a calorie deficit in the picture to achieve your loss goals, and enough fun activity to accomplish your fitness goals. That approach puts you on (IMO) a better path toward staying at a healthy weight long term.

You're not going to give up socializing with friends forever, right? (I see some people here do that: It's a bad plan IMO.) And you're not going to be "that person", i.e., the one who tells your friends they have to prep very special things so that you can eat reduced calories while feeling like one of the gang, it sounds like?

So, that puts a priority on learning how you personally, as a unique individual, can handle this sort of thing long term, but accomplish your weight management goals alongside. There is no universal best approach anyone can tell you (some will claim they can). It's all about your personal preferences, strengths, limitations. Work with those. Be wily.

Figuring this out during weight loss, while you have that cushion of a calorie deficit in case of failed experiments, is a good thing.

Failed experiments are a normal, productive part of the process. You try a strategy. If it doesn't work, you learned something. You spend (IMO) no more than 10 minutes thinking of a new strategy that might work better in similar future situations, rehearse it vividly in your head a few times like a mini-movie so it seems real, then you forget about it until the next situation arises.

Guilt and self-recrimination don't burn any extra calories, feel icky, are unproductive. They're also optional. Give those up for Lent, or something sooner. 😉

Next, some things I've learned along the way that may apply for you. This will be about the things I bolded in your post. (This is getting long. I apologize for that!)

One thing I've learned is that the majority of my days determine the majority of my progress. The rare exception days matter way, way less, maybe barely at all. Let's say you're trying to lose a pound a week, sticking to your goal well. Then there's a social event like this one, and things go . . . not as planned 😉.

Log what you ate, even if you have to rely on faulty memory and estimates. Now, you know where you stand. Let's say you ate 1000 calories over your goal, approximately. (That's quite a few calories, as you know, so it's quite possible it was less. But even if more, the principle applies.)

Your 1-pound-per-week loss goal should be giving you a calorie goal about 500 calories below the number of calories it would take to maintain your current weight. But you ate 1000 calories more than that!

OK, so you've erased your deficit for that day, plus erased the equivalent of the deficit from one other day. You've delayed reaching ultimate goal weight by 2 whopping days (😉). You will still lose weight for the week, but instead of one pound, it'll be more like .71 pounds. Is that really a big deal? I think it shouldn't be, as long as it's not on frequent repeat.

However . . . use that as a rationale for having a wild week, because "you've already blown it"? Yup, that'll interfere with progress, especially if done on repeat. (If done once and a while, and you get back on track as soon as you can manage, it's still not the end of the universe. The train hasn't derailed until you stop trying. If things go wrong occasionally, it just slowed that train's progress: You'll get to goal a few days later. Meh.)

Now, about thinking that you gained back all that you'd lost. It's unlikely, even if loss had been modest (see math above - cumulatively, you need to be about 3500 calories above your current maintenance calories to gain one pound in theory, and even then it's unlikely to be a whole pound in actuality, for some complicated physiological reasons we don't need to get into here - I could, but this is already long.)

What can happen is that the scale will jump up immediately by several pounds, and make you think you gained it back, or a big chunk of it. In situations like this, bodyweight scales are lying liars that lie, when it comes to fat loss. (This is true even if you have "body fat percent" on your scale. That lies, too.)

In a "rare day or so" scenario, the scale is jumping quickly for two reasons that are not fat gain. (It's fat gain we really care about, right?)

1. Water retention. When we eat more carbs than our usual - even if a perfectly reasonable amount of carbs, from healthy foods - our body needs to hold onto a little more water while it's digesting/metabolizing them. The same thing happens when we eat more salt/sodium than normal: Our bodies hang on to some water to balance our internal electrolyte levels. It's water, not fat.

Why worry about water? It'll drop off in a few days to a couple of weeks. Until then, you won't have a view of how much fat might've been gained (other than the math estimates above) . . . but if you get back to your usual habits and calorie goal, it's likely you will've lost that tiny fat regain already, and be back on the losing track.

To learn more about this kind of weirdness, this is a good read, can be reassuring:

https://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations

2. Food! You ate extra food, drank extra drinks. Those things have a weight. That weight shows up instantly on the scale. An apple in my stomach weighs as much as it did in my fruit bowl, but now it's part of my body weight. Here's the thing: Most of that weight is just traveling through, on its way to becoming waste. Full digestive transit can take up to 50+ hours, so it could take 2-3 days, maybe more, for the extra food weight to sort itself out.

That, too, is not fat, not worth stressing over. Wait it out.

Now, about repeating patterns, by reciprocating invitations and such.

Think about this as another experiment, in how to handle at home events.

Obviously, you can make calorie-efficient foods for your friends' visit, and they can be pretty delicious. You won't want them to be confronted with just a plate of plain celery sticks. Maybe use this occasion to make or buy some treats that your partner (and maybe your guests) will really enjoy, but aren't your favorite things, easier to limit. It will be a nice, generous treat for your partner, right?

Another option is to (sneakily) make more nutrient dense treats that are still treat-y, so they contribute to your nutritional goals. You'll figure it out, but an example might be adorable little fruit tarts (instead of cake). A calorie-efficient herb-flavored cheese spread, on whole-grain crackers. Mini quiches. Etc.

Maybe mix in strategies like having a glass of water going steadily during the event (or some fancier-looking low-caloric drink) so your hands and body are busy with that, may snack less. Put the non-meal snacks table nearer the guests than you, so you have to stand up, walk past others to get a serving, then walk back to your chair. If your calorie goal isn't too aggressive already, maybe eat an extra 100 calories less each day this week, bank some extra calories to spend during the social event. Take an extra walk or whatever, if you have time, bank those calories, too. Eat lighter earlier in that day (not so little that you pass out!), then use those nutrient-rich treats to get your calories/nutrition. And so forth.

Try stuff. If it doesn't succeed, learn from it, improve the plan, keep going. Over time, you'll figure this out, and all that experimenting/failing/adjusting will set you up for happy long term maintenance.

If you keep going, and keep adjusting gradually in positive directions, you'll accomplish your goals. Only giving up and "going back to normal" stops that from happening. You can find a new normal that's happy and practical . . . or at least I and a bunch of other regular folks here have done that. Trust me, you're at least as capable as a hedonistic aging hippie, old enough to be your granny (probably) like me.

Hang in there. Best wishes!

P.S. This might amuse you, dunno:

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10603949/big-overfeed-ruins-everything-nope/p1