Things people say when you lose weight

Today, someone who hasn't seen me for at least 6 months said, "Wow! Your a whole new person! I'm so happy for you!" And I got a sweater from one and she bought me a medium! Which should be perfect, right now.

The last time I lost a lot of weight, NOBODY said anything. Not a single peep. It was really discouraging and made me question if I actually looked any better, or if it was all in my head. I started getting lax because it seemed like apparently there was no difference in my appearance anyway. I take the blame for gaining the weight back, but the fact that nobody noticed was definitely a contributing factor! Now at least I know going into it that's likely to happen (maybe people are just too afraid to make any comments, even positive ones, now) and that I can't expect compliments as fuel.

I started in January of 2020. I remember being super miffed that my pants finally fit in March of 2020, and then I had nowhere to wear them b/c of lockdowns. Unlike most people, I found weight loss easier during covid lockdowns. I had much less stress, and my two biggest stumbling blocks are a) social situations and b) getting stressed at work and picking up something I shouldn't be eating on the way home. With lockdowns, neither of those were happening, and I had nothing to do but focus on weight loss.

By June, I'd gone from a super tight/barely fitting 18 to a loose 16. Finally got out into some social situations. Nobody said anything. By the end of summer, I literally had to go buy a new wardrobe because nothing fit. I found I was a size 12-14 then. I was finally going back to work in person and assumed everyone would be complimenting how much better I looked. Nope. Literally not one single peep, from anyone in my life. Needless to say those size 12-14 pants didn't last long at all. At least I won't be surprised this time.

The best comments are about what I do at the gym and about my fashion style.

I hate everything else. I hate "you must have so much more energy", I hate "omg you look so good" (never got those comments at this weight when I was gaining), I hate "I see you lost weight, wow". I like my body, I liked it when I was at my heaviest and I'll like it when I lose more. I never had any weight-related health issues. With the exception of the pandemic and healing from a traffic accident, I've always been active and sporty. My weightloss is a side effect from exercising the way I want to be and being unable to keep up food-wise. I wouldn't mind not losing any further, but I can't eat that amount so unless my exercise goes way down this is my new reality and that's okay. I just don't want people to let me know they notice.

I get that some people need others to notice but I don't want to hear anything from anyone. There are a few comments from a few (types of) people I will tolerate but it kills my self-esteem to hear any of these and I really don't have much self-esteem to begin with.

Unsolicited advice is more about the needs of the giver than the receiver. I don't need compliments to fill me UP. I don't need their judgments either. It's simply the way others experience us. I don't let judgments or compliments move me. I don't live or die by opinions about my weight or anything else.

If you enjoy the compliments, be prepared for when they stop. Others will get used to the way you look and won't notice the weight loss. They'll just see you.

At a burger place the other day, a woman told me and my daughter she loved how "colorful" we looked, and how we weren't afraid to be ourselves (I was wearing a bright orange tshirt, and my kid a rainbow tie-dye dress.) I'm still 200+pounds. My kid is 300+. We both know she was commenting on our "courage" being visible while fat, but we didn't mind. I can sure see how someone might, though! We took it as kindly as it was meant, but wow. Not cool.

Vaguely related, I've taken to telling people when I want to hear nice things. Like making my kid look at my cheekbones (who knew I had those??) or announcing to appropriate people that they may tell me how good I look or compliment how hard I'm working at this. I like choosing when and who may say anything (though obviously I can't control random strangers.)

People do find weird things brave, like wearing red lipstick. I'm more scared of nude shades than reds.

But fat people also get told REALLY often how brave they are for going out looking like that, for wearing shorts, for wearing colour. Maybe we think people wearing bright colours are brave but there's extra stigma, extra negativity, extra expectation on fat people to be as invisible as possible and hate their own bodies as much as possible so of course it's unusual when they don't wear all black. At least in these people's minds. I fully understand the wariness hearing this.

Good intentions are lovely and everyone should have them but results and consequences matter more. Not to get too off topic but this is why so many white people don't get that they're racist because they mean well. Maybe that person had good intentions and maybe they're wonderful but they said something fatphobic and potentially hurtful. Tired of good intentions being valued more than the impact of people's actions. There's a reason they pave the road to hell, you know?

"You look great"
"You look amazing"
Compliments on legs/butt.
"Careful, you're gonna disapear"
"That looks amazing on you!" When I wore something I hadn't worn in a while.

I haven't had any huge transformations. I'm on round 7 of losing the baby weight.

10 or even 5 years ago people would give compliments and comments of encouragement, with an occasional bit of snark from jerks. Now it seems like everyone has been shamed into silence and they pretend not to notice.

It's great people are trying to be sensitive, but I'd honestly prefer 9 compliments and 1 stupid remark over the silence. For me, words of affirmation are a big deal.

That said, I once read somewhere than even being 10 pounds overweight people will start to see discrimination. I had never noticed that, but sure enough, after each baby, when I get back into a healthy weight I see a change in how I'm treated. Men go out of their way to open doors twice as often. That sounds like a silly thing, but it feels like a compliment.

I really disliked “ keep up the good work”. It meant to me “ you need to do more”. Yuck.

Addressing someone’s weight can be uncomfortable. It’s personal. I saw someone a few months ago (before I started my weight loss efforts) who I had not seen for a few months and who obviously dropped a lot of weight. I simply told her it was good to see her again and she looked great. I left it there. Maybe I could have handled it differently.

Now that I am losing I don’t really know how I would like people to respond. Talking about my extra fat or loss of it isn’t a conversation I want to have with acquaintances. I think I prefer not to have things said. But I don’t enjoy compliments after a new haircut. So it may just be me liking to fly under the radar. Close family is different. I appreciate their support.

smartpig1960 wrote: »

I don’t much like the “you look great” comments as it implies that I (and anyone else who has been overweight) used to look awful. I prefer when people ask if I’m happy with where I’m at etc.

I suppose everyone is different. To me a “You look great” after not seeing each other for a while is a general compliment and in no way implies the person used to look awful. When someone told me my hair looked great after I got a haircut I didn’t take it to mean it used to look awful. I personally would not like being asked questions about my feelings about where I am at in regards to weight. This is probably why many people avoid the subject all around. Everyone is different.

I’ve been getting a lot of, “wow, you’re looking slim/skinny.” It’s always by people who mean well and give me a big smile and kudos. I’m pretty vocal about my journey and experiences, so I don’t mind at all. I work in healthcare and have tons of conversations with coworkers about the health aspects and details of the process. One coworker called me her “inspiration to work out and drink more water” which was flattering. I’m happy to be a positive influence.

At my last family gathering in May, folks I hadn’t seen in months or years were pulling my husband aside and asking about my weight loss. I guess they were afraid to ask me directly, although when one got brave and spoke up, I made sure to let her know it was not an off-limits subject and chatted about it happily.

My hubby used to say nothing about the way I looked except for the occasional compliment when I got dolled up. Now he keeps talking about how fit I am and points out when he can see new muscles on me. He has been hitting the gym hard himself and recently started using MFP to do a cut. I am proud of him and grateful to have a partner who not only supports me, but has embraced a healthy lifestyle with me.

The support of my coworkers. All noticing the change and encouraging me to continue until I reach my goal!
How are you doing it? You look great.
(Down 44 lbs)

1BlueAurora wrote: »

Weirdest: "You've lost weight. Is that intentional?" Friend has a look of grave concern, then asks if I'm battling cancer. I reassure her that I'm healthy, go out for a run, and wonder whether I look ill to everyone around me.

I got that one as well from a co-worker. She meant it kindly and I think she didn't want to congratulate me if I was actually ill. So I assured her it was intentional and she was positive. To her credit, I was at my smallest at the time.

I've been getting this one lately............."how much more do you want to lose?" When I say another 30 pounds--and the response is..." oh no, that's too much. you are going to look too thin"..... Next time I am going to ask...How do you know?