WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2023

Whidislander · March 2023

cityjaneLondon wrote: »

Rebecca - I am so sorry you are going through this. Believe me, you are not alone. It does seem to be increasingly common these days, though I guess it has always happened. My friend G is in the same position and she equally feels devastated and angry. There are two grandchildren she has never seen.
You are a lovely person, remember that. I read the book 'Rules of Estrangement' by Joshua Coleman, which at least shows how common this no-contact is. I used the phraseology of his sample letters when I wrote the reply to my angry ex recently. As you know, there are several women on this thread in the same situation. Often it is a hidden problem that people hesitate to talk about.
I hope your son will find the strength inside him to make a move towards you. I can’t assume what his reasons are, but someone professional to talk to might help you, as you have said. I send all the best wishes I possibly can.

Hope Lisa is OK.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

I appreciate your support and kind words. I do draw strength from you ladies. I think the other moderators in my Navy Mom Strong group noticed my words of encouragement in threads regarding "I haven't seen or heard my sailor in a week" were a bit mournful on my end. Its not fair to drag them down to my level of bereavement. That is not encouraging for them or me. I am going to try to post a gentle letter of apology to them all today. They need to know I try to do my best, but also know the realities of the issues I face. hugs!
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa

Whidislander · March 2023

minicooper452 wrote: »

Welcome newbies and returnees! (((hugs))) to those who need them.

Thank you Karen. I didn't know that, but it makes perfect sense. I figured that they wouldn't want to put up with horrible behavior, but I didn't know how they would go about getting rid of those types. Not the way I'd want my family member to be taken care of either, but geez, that woman is a PITA. Sorry Debbie.

Oh well geez, Rebecca, God forbid you make a comment about missing your own sailor! Isn't that part of you being supported too?

OMGosh, Ginny, I so agree. Beth's "Stuff just zaps my mental energy" hits a chord. And there's been so much "stuff" lately. The kids at school have been just nutz. We have to cut $7M from the budget, so the staff has been totally on edge.There's all the regular stuff I deal with at work and then there's just stuff outside of work.

Beth, we have the same thing going on at my mom's facility! DANG, it must be coming back again. I was all ready to head up to visit her this morning because we were finally able to move her back IN last week. Her arm is "better" enough that they can handle her again and "hospice" (just extended care, not end-of-life) has been added.

Allie, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

4. Notice how you speak to yourself and choose to use kind words.

Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN

It is, and yes when I read it I had a knee jerk reaction to it. I texted very defensively and blunt. But looking back at the past posts I do see a sad trend. It wasn't fair for me to state, "so sorry you haven't gotten a text in a week, my last text with youngest sailor was June 2020". Its not a contest and it might've not come across as sympathetic, but more " so sorry but I can top that" sort of nonsense.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa

kevrit · March 2023

Thank you for all the birthday wishes! Helped make my day.
I did have a nice day. I heard from all my sibs and my kids along with my mother. My DH took me to town where we just goofed around at Big Lots, Hobby Lobby, Sam’s, Walmart, PO, and bank. He was nice all day then we had an enjoyable evening. We still dealt with the ranger and campers, but was a good day overall. We got a rock tumbler to try and a rock painting kit. Both were on clearance and in kids section, but a way to try them. We had lunch/dinner at 2:30 pm at IHOP of fish and chips at my request. Very tasty because we hadn’t had them in a long time. Not the best choice, but its only one day.

March, 2023 Action for happiness.org

Word of the year: Appreciate : today I appreciate parents of new babies.

Exercise goals added
Yoga 10 mins 3 times a week 2/15-(100%,100%)
Walk 7,000 every day 1/31– (84%,86%,)
Arm weights twice a week 2/1010— (100%, 60%hurt my elbow,)
Meditation: daily. 2/31 (82%(started Feb))

1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 1/8–(100%,100%)
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. (7,700,110%,98519,100%)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 0/2 —(100%,100%)
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 1:16 —(100%,100%)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)16/64–(100%,100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2—(100%,100%)
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 2/20– -(100%,88%)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 7/12 (100%,100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR——3/12—(100%.100%,100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71 (100%,100%)
Decided that if I do more than stated I will not grade higher than 100% 2/5/23

January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met
April met
May met
June met
July met — met
August met
September met
October met —
November met—
December met—

1. Set an intention to live with awareness and kindness. I intend to live with more awareness and kindness every day.
2. Notice three things you find beautiful in the outside world. The blue water of Lea Lake, Snow on the mountains at a distance, walking a nature trail. All at Bottomless Lakes State Park.

3. Start today by appreciating your body and that you are alive. I am healthy and above ground. I can walk,talk,hear, see, taste, and smell (mostly). I appreciate that I alive and have a healthy body.
4. Notice how you speak to yourself and choose to use kind words. I will try…

5. Bring to mind people you care about and send love to them.
6. Have a ‘no plans’ day and notice how that feels.
7. Take three calm breaths at regular intervals during your day.
8. Eat mindfully. Appreciate the taste, texture and email of your food.
9. Take a full breath in and out before you reply to others.
10. Get outside and notice how the weather feels on your face.
11. Stay fully present while drinking your cup of tea or coffee.
12. Listen deeply to someone and really hear what they are saying.
13. Pause to watch the sky or clouds for a few minutes today.
14. Find ways to enjoy any chores or tasks that you do.
15. Stop. Breathe. Notice. Repeat regularly.
16. Get really absorbed with an interesting or creative activity.
17. Look around and spot three thing you find unusual or pleasant.
18. If you find yourself rushing, make an effort to slow down.
19. Appreciate nature around you wherever you are.
20. Focus on what makes you and others happy today.
21. Listen to a piece of music without doing anything else.
22. Notice something that is going well, even if today feels difficult.
23. Tune into your feelings, without judging or trying to change them.
24. Appreciate your hands and all the things they enable you to do.
25. Focus your attention on the good things you take for granted.
26. Choose too spend less times looking at screens today.
27. Cultivate a feeling of loving-kindness towards others today.
28. Notice when you are tired and take a break as soon as possible.
29. Choose a different route today and see what you notice.
30. Mentally scan your body and notice what you are feeling.
31. Discover the joy in the simple things of life.

Barbie's Happiness Commandments

Be Barbie
Lighten up
Do it now
Dance more
Choose strategy over willpower
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
Come from a place of love
Stay in the moment
Act the way you want to feel
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
Don't expect praise or recognition
It is what it is
Don't take things personally
Treat yourself like a toddler
What's fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa
You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like
Be kind, no exceptions
Ask always, how could my life be better with less?

RVRita

kevrit · March 2023

RVRita

OregonMother · March 2023

Lanette: Thanks for checking up on me. Not much to report here. Dealing with my mom's estate, which has been a little overwhelming. In good ways, as well as difficult ways. I told my mom years ago that she needs to spend her money, and that if we got to the end of her life and I found that she had been stashing money away, I would be angry with her. Well, I am a bit angry with her. Not that she has it stashed around the house; she doesn't, but she had multiple annuities from which she was drawing just the RMD, and two large life insurance policies. So I am extremely grateful to her, as two weeks before she died, my husband lost his job and still hasn't found another, and with my health, my working is from scan to scan. So my mom has provided us with a nice safety net should everything absolutely fall apart.

Work continues to be stressful but also rewarding, so I am planning to work as long as I can. My job is being eliminated at the end of June, as part of a reduction in force, but I have been promised by the president that he has a job for me transition in to. We are making that plan for July 1, but it still feels very tenuous right now.

My kids are doing as well as can be expected, and better than expected.

Kim -- so sorry about your mom, and thankful that surgery went well.
Carol -- what a beautiful picture of you and your husband. Congratulations on your anniversary.
Rebecca -- I mourn for you, and I wish your "support" group would be more supportive, but please know that you have us. We share in your pain and do not mind at all that you share it here.
Debbie -- just hugs.

My health remains stable, and in some ways, I continue to feel better -- more like my normal self. My eldest son and I went to LA last week for a short test he had to take for his paramedic degree, so last Sunday, we went to Disney. I rode some rough rides that I probably should not have, because of the spots on my back. Thunder mountain railroad was especially hard on my back, but I am fine. I realized in the middle of that ride when I got tossed violently from one side to the other, and my back protested, that I probably did not make a wise decision. But my son had a terrific time, and the whole weekend was very good for his mental health. He has been working so hard on this degree, so it was a special time for us to get away, reconnect, and relax. Snow on the Hollywood hills was a strange sight to see, however. Very strange.

Much Love.

Flea

bwcetc · March 2023

Rebecca ... I appreciate your seeing the other side of things with the Navy moms ... but cut yourself some slack. You are also allowed to be sad that you haven't heard from your son. And, yes, you can help other moms put it in perspective by sharing your story. I think your Navy support group is just a bit "precious." Know that we love you and you can lament all you want with us!

Kim ... so very glad your mom came through the surgery! That's a huge hurdle for the over 90 crowd. Having had my mom break her left femur and then a few months later her right hip last year, I can empathize with all that needs to be done now. It's doable! Just exhausting for everyone ...

Carla ... covid just never seems to end ... so tired of it!

Beth

1948CWB · March 2023

SophieRosieMom · March 2023

Happy Saturday ladies!

Carol - glad your DH had the scope, and crossing fingers the ulcers are quickly treatable and he's back in good shape very soon. Nice picture of you two!

Kim - thank you for the Mom update. Will the rehab center be closer to you? Hoping they get her back walking and able to care for herself.

Allie (HUGS) Sorry to hear about your friend.

Too many deaths these days.

Heather - hope the crud, whatever it is, is very minor for you and you bounce back quickly.

Lisa and Rebecca - (((HUGS)))

Flea - great hearing from you.

Boy, lots going on at your house. Very glad your mom left a safety net, takes that stress off. Crossing fingers a new job will be ready for you, and something you like to do

And that your DH lands a better one than he had!

Barbie - those vinyl planters are super, should last forever and a nice match to your fence. Plus, it offers good privacy, and a visual barrier like that is nifty.

Cordless Drill: I did an early morning trip to Wally World this morning and bought myself a small battery operated drill. Hyper Tough brand, fairly inexpensive, and light enough for my weak hands. DH had a heavy Ryobi - my hands are too weak and thumb joints have arthritis, and I can't squeeze hard enough to get the battery out. So I said "why the murder?"

I found an oval galvanized raised bed form on Amazon, ordered it. It will need to be put together and a drill to turn the screws will speed things up. My plan is to use it for amping up used potting soil, adding compost and such. If I like it, perhaps I'll get another for planting. It's only 1 foot high but we'll see how it goes.

Covid & Melatonin: Finally, so sorry to hear about parents in nursing homes with the crud raising its nasty head. This morning I got a substack from an author I follow, he keeps up with a lot of medical research. This article (very long) was about melatonin - and all the good things it does, and how it wanes as people age, how it partners with Vitamin D. How it helps with cancer treatment, Parkinson's.....Gosh, too much to list here.

What caught my eye was how important it was for elderly folks with Covid. The information is in the first 1/4 of the article. There are voluminous references at the end of the article if anyone wants to research this stuff further. Here's a link to the article if anyone is interested:

https://roundingtheearth.substack.com/p/melatonin-the-hormone-of-both-sun

I started taking melatonin - around 7 mg per night - at the beginning of the pandemic in early 2020. This was way before vaccines were available. My dental hygienist told me of studies in other countries about how it boosted the immune system, so I thought why not? When I caught it last September, I raced through it, and I thought it might have been due to my high D3 level and zinc I took daily. Now I realize perhaps the melatonin also played a part. Who knows?

Ok ladies, time to play with the drill! I can just hear DH saying "It's a flimsy girly thing!" and my response is that it's just what I wanted.

Make it a fabulous weekend!

Lanette

SW WA State

LisaInArkansas · March 2023

Kim - So glad your mom's surgery was successful!

Allie - I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You have had so many losses of late, and I know it is hurting.

Heather - Glad it's not covid or the necessary quarantine, but sorry you feel like ca-ca. There's a man sitting to the left of me asleep in his chair, still feeling like crap on a cracker, and has for a week and a half, bless him.

Flea - Good to see you! So glad you had some time with your son. Hope there are no repercussions for your back.

Rebecca - As Beth said, cut yourself some slack! One of the wonderful things about this group is our stories, the parts of our experiences that we use to support each other. Like Pip's experience is such a good fit for Katla. Your intent with your words is to help them understand that falling out of communication with their sailors is an experience you have in common, to let them know they have company in their misery. It's a human need and part of how you build community. And good grief, they're a "support group?" It's honestly part of the toxic positivity that really annoys the snot out of me. You can support people, but only as long as you do it with positive words. We all love the positive words, like some of the beautiful images Machka posts regularly, but we also love and support those that are hurting and saying so.

Sorry - that went a little ranty.

Feel sooooo much better than yesterday, I have the last load of laundry in the dryer, dishwasher just finished, cleaned off the stovetop, folded three loads of laundry already, and as we speak, I'm using Corey napping as an excuse not to vacuum and write to y'all instead. So nice to have a little energy. Talked to my sis for nearly an hour this morning, got her to cool her jets. She worries. Makes me feel quite loved...

The only hangover from yesterday is that food is making me gag, so it's just one or two bites at a time and walk away. Then another few bites when my stomach settles back down. So annoying... but this too will pass. Hopefully soon.

Dang, Corey woke up. Time to go drag the vacuum out. Oooo, the dryer just buzzed. I can procrastinate a little longer by getting that folded and put away. I am not fond of vacuuming.

Later y'all,
Love,
Lisa

pipcd34 · March 2023

144144

Anniesquats100 · March 2023

I ate 1083 calories so I'm under my 1100 limit so far. But it's another emotional day (taxes!) And it's only 4:00. I'm hungry. And I already have dumbbells planned tonight to hit my target deficit. We shall see if I can keep my nose out of the kitchen when under pressure.

Food would only feel better for a few minutes anyway. Skinny will feel better all day long. And regret lasts too. And my sister is coming to visit in two weeks.

Annie in Delaware

cityjaneLondon · March 2023

I've been using vermouth for cooking risotto and a couple of other dishes. Better than opening a whole bottle of wine. We ran out and prices are way up!

I ordered a bottle of Noilly Prat vermouth, which was cheaper and also made in the place we visited on our last cruise..Couldn't resist ordering gin to make martinis.

I've never had one before, but tonight was the night! Found the cocktail glasses and the shaker at the back of the cupboard! Swirled it all round with ice and a twist of lemon, and it did my flu the world of good!

Of course, it might have been the paracetamol!
I think I'm liking being Mrs Bond!

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

pipcd34 · March 2023

No luck getting a hold of katla now that I’m ready to help her out. Her voicemail box isn’t set up so I can’t leave a message

exermom · March 2023

Did a Non-Stop Cardio DVD today. The plan for tomorrow is to do a Body by Bethany (yoga) DVD.

Margaret – I know that I always feel good when I get rid of something that I’ve wanted to get rid of for a long time

Rebecca – kids sure know how to tug at our hearts, huh? Glad to hear you’re seeking help

Beth – Sure hope that your mom escapes the Covid

Allie – my heart breaks for you. Remembering the good times will help you

Heather – glad you tested negative. Hope you feel better soon

Kim – glad your mom’s surgery went well. Phew! You tire me out just reading what your schedule is like

Vince and I went to the ceramics place near here so I could pick up the items I purchased. Then to the bank, then WalMart, then Publix since I had a coupon for a free bouquet of flowers. I think I told you that I bough a vase at a thrift store and am giving these flowers to the Condo to say “thank you” for everything. I figure for a little over $1, I can afford it! Then I went in the pool, made salmon cakes, church in a few

Michele who is off to church down here

auntiebk · March 2023

4: Notice how you speak to yourself and choose kind words. And swap the complaint wristlet when I don’t

Carol prayer said and will continue for your DH, his care givers and you. Handsome couple, you must have married as children

Rebecca Good luck! If the first therapist isn’t a good match, try another one. It is crucial to have one with whom you resonate. You are worth the investment of time and effort! I’m with Carla and others about that moderator. If I were a Navy mom who posted about not having seen or heard from my son in a week, your experience would give me perspective.
Machka like Lanette, I love your multifaceted/multilevel garden. If we had more sun. . . naah I’m too lazy ;}
Ginny that memory is not at all silly but a treasure. Glad you have the tile to remind you.
Lisa that’s a tough love language to tolerate, but glad Corey was able to filter a bit for you. Holding good thoughts for next week’s lab results and plan forward.((hugs))
LOVED yours to Rebecca especially about toxic positivity. Allow me to introduce you to Maizey, my iRobot Roomba.

Barbie you have arranged your garden (and your life) just right to suit you. Our only sunny spot (the powerline meadow) is downhill across the drive from the house/water, too far for hose or for me to schelp buckets. I’d really like a timed drip system as I am an inconsistent waterer. Will ask Joe and the water guy to think about a solution that doesn’t involve digging up the drive…

Beth and Kim holding good thoughts for both your moms.
Allie :sad: :brokenheart: ((hugs))
Heather that Belcher pic made me laugh but oh I hope you’re feeling better (and Covid-free) SOON. Swirled not stirred.

Kim grateful to hear you mom made it through surgery. Will she cooperate with the PT program?
Flea so good to hear from you. Thanks for the mental image of snow on the Hollywood hills and your fun time with your son.
Beth yours to Rebecca. Perfect.

Snow, hail, big thunder/lightning, wind, now rain so no dog group for us today. More snow expected starting at 4pm. Too bad. One of our line dancers arranged for a band to play for us at the Elks tonight. I’m not going to risk the travel as the ravines here are steep and deep, and other drivers too reckless. Feel bad to let the dance group down but would feel worse for Joe if I crashed.

03/03: Move: 0 sets PT, Harbor stroll with T, active mins: steps:8509
Fuel: plants running count for week so far: 10+5+6 = apple, beans-garbanzo, cabbage, cranberries, ginger, Kashi, macadamia nuts, mint jelly, mushrooms, olive oil, onions-red, peanut butter, potato, radish, romaine, scallions, tangerines, tea-black, tea-lemongrass/wintergreen, tofu, wheat-pasta/English Muffin/ginger snaps. CI<CO=368
Live: Joe, readings, BP, took Cubby’s phone call even though I was in the bathroom, chiropractor, lunch with T, reading “nap”. W: 136.0 CI<CO=:
03/02: Move: stroll with Joe and the dogs to the mailbox, 2 sets PT. active mins:229 steps:4759
Fuel: plants running count for week so far: 10+5 = apple, beans-garbanzo, cranberries, Kashi, mushrooms, olive oil, onions-red, potato, radish, romaine, scallions, tangerines, tea-black, tea-lemongrass/wintergreen, wheat-pasta,. CI<CO=368
Live: Joe, readings, BP, Wt: 136.0

Lighter, lovelies!
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD

2023: Be of good cheer.
March: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.

pipcd34 · March 2023

Phoned katla

dlfk202000 · March 2023

Update from Destiny's mom:

As many of you know Destiny went into the hospital to get her hematoma drained.. well they put in a drain on wed and in the operating room they took out 300cc of fluid. And was told there is about a liter of fluid buildup in her thigh. During the day they were supposed to take out another 100cc per hour.. Before they started taking out more fluid they did a CBC ( complete blood count). Then proceeded to take out 450cc. her hemoglobin (red blood count) dropped from 8.4 to 6.4 in a day.. which was dangerously low.. they did not drain anymore of the fluid because somewhere in her upper they something was still bleeding. So they stopped draining and had to come up with another plan, because as they drained some fluid more was taking it place. that night she had a blood transfusion. During the blood transfusion she had some type of reaction to it and her heart rates was over 160. We finally got her to relax and they gave her adivan and she finally calmed down and fell asleep.
The next day she had an ct on her leg to figure out the next step. Yesterday she went back into surgery and the ended up doing a IR Embolization, which they went through one of her main arteries to block the blood vessels from producing blood into the soft tissue mass in her leg. last night they again checked her hemoglobin and it was 9.5 this morning they checked and it had gone up to 9.7.. so as of right now it seems like it is working.. on Monday they will start to drain her leg slowly and we will know for sure if it actually worked

grandmallie · March 2023

Evening ladies
I ended up taking 1/2 an adivan because I had the shakes.. which is unusual for me..but its been a rough few weeks so.. i did get laundry done and got some of my packing done..
But not much else...

dlfk202000 · March 2023

Rained some this morning while we were out running a few errands(had two merchandising jobs to do-haven't done any in a year but they had nice bonuses with them so grabbed them) but the sun came up as I was heading home.
Frozen pizza for dh and so(when he got home from work) and refrigerator cookie dough I baked up while the oven was hot. HUGE salad for me. I used some of my pesto sauce from last night, warmed it up and added rice vinegar for my dressing- it was SOOOOO good. Added some Colby cheese to add some protein to it.
No idea what I am going to do for dinner yet.

Doing the two shops this morning will almost pay for 2 months of zumba class. I have one more super easy one that I will do that will more than make up the difference. For some reason it isn't on the app yet. I have until Wed. to finish it.
Once I am retired I will start doing more mystery shops and merchandising shops. I know the legit companies that I have worked with for many years.

Have to call the dentist again on Monday-The tooth that he did the build up on after I broke it came off for the second time. May have to get another crown. Three all together. Thankfully they can put it in as accident so the insurance pays more on it and we have the better insurance for the next two months.

Church tomorrow and that is all I have planned. Not sure if dh has anything planned.

Dh checked his work schedule for the week and they have him down for a few more hours. I am sure it will all work out.

Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

barbiecat · March 2023

Kim, my laid back peaceful grandma broke her hip when she was in her 70's and she peacefully took to bed and a wheelchair and didn't do much of the PT that was available to her. She ended up needing a wheelchair full time and finally had to go to a nursing home. My feisty argumentative mother broke her hip at a similar age and a fought for her recovery and got back up on her feet and resumed her daily outdoor walks. Attitude made all the difference.

A quote from my mother, "Self pity is like a drug. The more you get, the more you need."

A dear friend who got cancer in her 60's said that she allowed herself a bit of self pity time every day. She set a timer for 10 minutes and when the timer went off she told herself it was time to get busy with her life.

Barbara, when we bought the house we live in now, I was delighted by the tall evergreen trees around it. The day we moved in we found out that we couldn't get satellite TV because of the trees, then we noticed that the shade kept us from growing anything in many parts of the yard, and in a few months we found out how much stuff from the trees landed on the roof and in the rain gutters and how much it cost to have someone get on the roof twice a year and clean the mess. Life, as you know, is all about trade-offs.

Carol, I wish you and your hubby the best during his recovery.

Barbie in NW WA

WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2023

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