WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2023

Snowflake1968 wrote: »

Debbie - My heart hurts that you DH wasn’t able to show the emotion you needed.
I felt the same with my DH when my Dad passed. He was here, he was supportive but he didn’t show the emotion I thought he should have.
When his Dad passed in January I learned what it must have been like for him. I was so incredibly upset and hurt, but really felt like I needed to be there for him without him having to worry about my feelings. He may think I’m not as emotional as I should be either.
I do talk about his Dad a lot though because the lack of talking about Dad did me in.


Happy International Women’s Day Ladies!
Tracey in Edmonton

When dh's dad passed away, I was there for him. He just kept telling me I didn't know how it was. I wouldn't know until I lost my dad. Then, when I did loose my dad suddenly he acted like it wasn't a big deal.
One of the worst parts was as I was getting ready to head up to be with mom(I waited a few hours so I wasn't driving the back roads in the middle of the night by myself), mom called and told me that they had both tested positive for Covid(they had tested the day before, just to see beings dad wasn't feeling good). The results came in a few hours after he passed away. DH treated me like I had the plague- Wouldn't even give me a hug as I was leaving. Was worried he would get it. At that point, I was still feeling ok but in shock of course. Turns out, I did have it, got sick the next day. Son and his girlfriend also tested positive and they were in our house(girlfriend's parents didn't want her to come back to their house-we had all been exposed on Christmas day). I ended up staying at mom's for two weeks, too weak to even think about getting in my car and driving the backroads for over an hour. When I did come home, was quarantined in the living room so dh didn't get it for another week. This was the beginning of covid so was following the protocol back then. Dh never did get it.
We had to wait 5 months in order to do dad's service. I went up two days before to help mom. Dh, son and his girlfriend came up that day. Got there late because they had stopped for lunch. They sat in the other building because the church was full(we had seats saved for them but someone took them and at that point, I didn't care if they were in the room or not. He sat in there chatting with a friend that surprised us and came from Vegas.
Former hubby offered to fly out from Indiana if I wanted him to.Sent a big flower arrangement to mom. It was the first one to arrive. He has shown more support than dh has. He talks about my dad with me often. Knows how much I miss him.
It has been almost 2 1/2 yrs and it still hurts. He has gone to see my mom maybe two or three times since dad died. I have told him how his actions/lack there of hurt me but he just shrugged it off.
To show more compassion for a feral cat that had just been coming around a few weeks and nothing for a man he had known for over 30 yrs is beyond me.

Debbie

Michele - the 250 calories is for the whole pancake/waffle. Might be a little more than that depending on what I put in, but I'm looking for total protein. That's 1/2 cup of the mix plus 1/2 c milk and the additions. I might take a waffle, stick it on a cookie sheet, spread a little pizza sauce on it, top it with mozzarella and put it in the oven at 350f until the cheese melts. My 20 year old nonstick Cuisinart waffle iron is getting a workout.

Margaret - thank you so much for the basil tips! My house might still be too cold for it, I let it get down to the low 60's at night. Tho what I read on Googoo right now, it should be able to survive any temps over 50. your comment to Rosemarie.

Kim (((HUGS)))

Waiting for it to warm up today to start on the BIG project cleaning up the potting shed. I'm in the mood to pitch and consolidate. This Saturday looks to be sunny and warm in the afternoon, so I'm getting a few things staged up so I can hop on the mower if it's dry enough.

Lanette
SW WA State

PS - Barbara, you mentioned yesterday you get up and dance for a few minutes to help get out of the doldrums. On most days, when I get up (around 3 am) I turn on the local rock and roll radio station and get some dancing in to unthaw my joints and wake up this old bod. If any potential window peeper is seeing my silhouette through the shade, they probably wonder what's wrong with me. In my mind, I'm dancing like Tom Cruise in Risky Business minus the splits, lol.

Gosh, slow start again this morning! I started reading here in my PJ’s then a friend and her DH showed up. My DH and I stood outside (me in PJ”S) and talked to them for over an hour! Now I’ve finally been able to mostly skim to catch up.

Messed up my shoulder now that my elbow is better. Not sure if I did it doing yoga yesterday. Did a lot of shoulder stuff and planks, or when I did weights on Tuesday. Oh, well, part of aging and slower healing I suppose. This pain too I’ve had before. Seems if I get active, all my re-curing issues show back up to slow me down! I’m not giving in this time! I need to get healthier to take care of me so I can take care of DH when the time comes. Speaking of him, his dementia is progressing. At least it is slow moving. He loves to cook and lives to cook and never goofed in the kitchen before. In the last 2 weeks, he has forgotten a burner on (electric). Never has he ever done that before. Did it twice in the last 2 weeks. So now, I’m watching that carefully and anything else he tends to do.

Yesterday, I walked 9.993 steps (I didn’t realize I only needed 7 more to make 10,000! Grrrr), Did yoga, meditated 15 minutes, did wash (wash, dry, fold, and put away) which included making the bed. I’m struggling with the weight loss so far this month. My birthday on the 3rd and now our anniversary on the 12th (26 married, 31 together). Then I need to get serious again. Not gaining, but not losing either. Last night a camper gave us some homemade bread, which didn’t help! DH and I split it in half, smothered it in butter (was still warm) and ate it all. At least it was only a 1/2 a loaf! We added Kerrigold cheddar cheese and pepperoni slices to that. All bad but really GOOD!

Welcome to all the newbies, hugs to all who need or want them. Try to enjoy the day and take them one at a time.
Laters Ladies!
RVRita

Kim - If you decide you can't have your mother live with you for the sake of your mental health, no one will think badly of you. I, for one could never, EVER, be a carer for my mother. It was just not in the realms of possibility. My mother could not do it for her mother either and in those days in the 70s, she was heavily criticised by other family members. All the friends of mine who have been in a similar situation have had to sell the mother's property in order to fund their care. G had to go to Florida to do it, P is in that position right now, B had to do it, my ex also for my MIL, L had to. And others. I know it is hard to make that calculation between your financial security and your health, but I just knew that I actively disliked my mother so much, that her presence knocked me out with rage in a day or so. I did 'love' her but I did not have grief when she died. Love is not enough. So much more is required for that kind of sacrifice.
You have been an amazing daughter, far better than she ever deserved. Don't kill yourself for her.
I sincerely hope I haven't hurt you or added to your stress with these words. I'm saying it from my perspective, with my own experience of a toxic bond. I already know you are a much more giving person than I could ever be, but everyone has a limit. We love you. We want you to have peace of mind that you have done the right thing to the best of your abilities. I had a very low melting point, so it made my choice easier. I knew i couldn't. You have a whole lot of figuring out to do. Listen to your inner voice . Do you want to do this? Really want to?
I wrote a poem many years ago about my grandmother and her relationship with my mother at the end. It is in my book, Memory Boxes. It was published in a poetry magazine. I loved my grandmother more than I loved my mother, but the same toxic thread ran through all of us.
It's complicated. I feel your rawness and confusion. It's the hardest thing ever.
Lots and lots of love to you.
Heather UK xxxxxx