Small and huge things, an accountability thread

donidaily
donidaily Posts: 825 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi hello. I’m not sure how to start. This is not my first attempt at losing weight, or my first time on MFP. The earliest and highest weight I have recorded here was 193.1lbs in January 2016; the lowest weight I have recorded was 155.5lbs in October 2020. It kind of breaks my heart to write that because this morning I weighed 184.8lbs, meaning I have gained almost 30lbs in under three years.

The number itself doesn’t shock me — I live in my body. Most of my clothes don’t fit. Walking, cycling, yoga, and pilates are harder than before. In case I needed additional evidence, it’s all there in black and white on the summary of my recent physical: overweight, cholesterol (a little) high, diabetes markers trending in the wrong direction.

I’m sad. I need to do something new, and this thread is that something: I’m looking for people to talk to. I am reasonably knowledgeable about nutrition and exercise and calories but my mental/emotional relationship to food is not healthy. So often for me, eating beyond hunger and even comfort feels inevitable and out of my control. I don’t feel like I can talk with my loved ones because I am ashamed of my habits. Plus, I don’t want to spread my issues with food around!

So I’m starting with something that’s both small and huge: I promise to be honest, with myself and with you if you choose to read along. And I want to figure out the other small and huge things that will make a difference for me. If you can relate, I’d love you to join me here.
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Replies

  • Palpatches
    Palpatches Posts: 14 Member
    I also need accountability! I have bad habits that kick into n after a few days. And if I weigh myself I tend to stick with it longer, except that I’m terrified to weigh myself! What can I do to help you with your accountability? I would love to have someone to work with!
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Thanks so much @Palpatches, nice to meet you! Like you I find tracking my weight and measurements useful (even though I know this isn’t the case for everyone.) I use an app called Happy Scale that averages out your weight over time, that helps me to keep fluctuations in perspective.

    Right now in terms of accountability I’m just going to try to keep checking in on this thread and see if there are others like us who want to chat. How can I support you?

    I am really trying to reframe my efforts as small changes rather than everything all at once. Here is my current small change: I work in an office most days and we are very well supplied with snacks. There’s trail mix and nuts, popcorn, pretzels, sun chips, rice krispie bars, granola bars, even those mini boxes of cereal including froot loops, apple jacks, and frosted flakes. I honestly wish we didn’t have these available in the office as I find free food hard to resist! Some days I eat four or five of them. But! There is also fruit. So I’m trying to take only fruit from the office snacks. Day one.
  • jenlefleur6793
    jenlefleur6793 Posts: 5 Member
    Hey!!
    Would love some accountability friends!
    I have recently moved to an office based, job after having a very active job! And the office snacks are a killer!!
    Hope you don't mind if I send you an add across 🙂 @donidaily
  • MaggieGirl135
    MaggieGirl135 Posts: 1,029 Member
    I think your goal of eating only the fruit when in the office is a good first move!
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Happy to report that one banana, one clementine, and one apple later I managed to navigate the office snacks pretty well! Today I’m working from home due to the smoke in NYC so I don’t have to think about it too much. What is it about free food though? I’ll eat it when I’m not remotely hungry, and I could buy any of these (totally average let’s be honest) snacks for myself if I really wanted them. I need my brain to understand we don’t have to eat something just because it’s there…harder than it sounds.

    I really appreciate the cheers, @Jenlefleur6793 and @MaggieGirl135. How are you doing?
  • MaggieGirl135
    MaggieGirl135 Posts: 1,029 Member
    Doing great; working to just lose a few pounds, then vacation, then repeat.
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    For the longest time I’ve tracked my weekly weight on Saturday mornings, so I’m going to start officially tracking tomorrow. I want to set up mini-milestones (my goal divided by ten) and rewards so I will need to give that some thought. Right now I just want some more of my clothes to fit.

    I’m tracking my food consistently and going strong on the snacks, and I am sure it’s partly thanks to sharing here. My doctor tells me sleep can be critical to weight gain/loss, so that will be the next thing I want to focus on. Small huge things!
  • KirstenIM
    KirstenIM Posts: 1 Member
    This is exactly the conversation I want to be a part of. Someone once told me about a concept called "food dis-inhibition", not being able to stop when the food is there (in my case leftovers) and sometimes free food though I'm better at leaving that alone. Going to a friends house, determined to have one drink and one crack with cheese and eating the whole plate of crackers. seriously I need some inhibition. How do you all do it?
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    @KirstenIM I’ve never heard the term food disinhibition before but it makes sense! In the case of parties and social gatherings, for me there is something psychological there for sure. I feel like it is a sense of scarcity or missing out? Like, if I don’t eat this now I’m not sure when I will have a chance to do so again? There is also the sense that eating, or eating certain things, is sanctioned in social situations. So I might never have four kinds of cheese in my own refrigerator but I get to a party and hey! Everyone is eating four kinds of cheese so why shouldn’t I!

    I know I am a bit fixed on the office snacks but it has worked for me to keep telling myself that I don’t need to eat them just because they are there. I can come back for something later if I really want it, or I can even buy my own if someone else takes it from the office stash. This food FOMO comes from deep inside and I am working hard to reassure that part of my brain that we don’t need to worry. Having this thread to come back to as a way of continuing a conversation is really helping me.

    I did my official (to me) weigh in yesterday and calculated out ten milestones to goal. Yesterday I weighed in at 185.5. My first goal of 10% is 182.4. I’m just going to keep my head down and look forward to that number for now. Learning as I am going.

    I hope anyone reading has had a lovely weekend!
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
    edited June 2023
    Hi Donidaily.. I'm just venturing back myself after a very long break. I would love to find accountability partners too. I will add you, if that's ok!
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    I would love that @misssixtea, look forward to sharing the journey with you.

    I had a free food victory today! A colleague offered me leftover pizza — and it's really good pizza — from a team lunch. I had already packed my own food but I was soooo tempted. I paused to think it over then took one piece which I put in a container to have for lunch tomorrow. I am looking forward to it so much knowing that I have planned for it! I even made a salad to have on the side, fancy.

    In the spirit of small things that are actually huge I'm adding taking the stairs at work. My office is on the third floor so it's totally doable.
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
    Checking back in - I couldn't work out how to add you @donidaily but I will try again!

    Well done for resisting the pizza... that's a definite win. And stairs are a small but big thing too. Little changes are the way forward, I think!

  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    A solid day today, I did a grocery run to Whole Foods to get supplies for my next few days of office lunches and didn’t buy anything extra. I usually love their hot food bar (and the cookies you can buy by the pound!) but I felt clear and focused.

    As I walked back a guy called me “big and beefy” after I declined to give him money. Like, he said “Trying to get something to eat,” and when I didn’t give him anything he added sleazily “Something tasty...something big and beefy”. Now, I don’t know this man’s circumstances and want to be compassionate, but that is gross. In the past I would have been burning with shame and embarrassment at those words, but today I was more just thinking about how some version of “fat” is often the first thing people reach for when trying to hurt others. It sucks.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅ (twice!)
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅ (actually, no office snacks today)
    Didn’t take the stairs today ❌ both times I came in I was walking and talking with someone, so I rode the elevator
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Still here and doing my small huge things I think I’m ready to add something to the list next week!

    Thursday:
    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅

    Friday:
    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅

    Weekly weigh-in tomorrow!
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Happy to have lost 3.1lb this week. I know the first week of changing habits often results in a big number like this so I don't expect to keep losing at this rate, but still it's very encouraging <3

    Wondering how you're doing @Palpatches, @KirstenIM, @jenlefleur6793? @misssixtea your workouts are inspiring! I walk a lot day to day but want to do more cardio. Yesterday I went hiking with friends and my phone tells me we climbed the equivalent of 50 flights. My legs agree!
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Found myself flagging a bit today. When I went out to get my planned salad for lunch I found myself prowling around for something, anything. I picked up some mixed berries and kombucha so satisfied the “I just want something” urge without going too far off what I had planned for the day.

    I’m trying to figure out what this is all about. One, I had meetings in the middle of the day today so I was seriously hungry by the time I went out. Two, I weigh daily and the last few days haven’t been encouraging even though I’ve been eating well and exercising. I KNOW that I shouldn’t get stuck on a couple of days and that results take time. Well, I know that logically but maybe not emotionally. Tomorrow is another day.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅
    New small thing: I’m weighing more of my food.
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Still struggling with a wandering mind when it comes to food but I had a better time on the scale this morning. Decided I will not pack my lunch tomorrow – I’ll still get something that fits in with my goals but I think I need to feel a little more freedom.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅
    Weighed my food ✅
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Feeling a little refreshed thanks to a day off from planning every bite. Not recommending this necessarily, just finding what works for me.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ❌
    Weighed my food ✅
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    I have had a busy few days so haven’t been checking in. And guess what? Things got wobbly. Where attention goes, energy flows, so this is me recommitting my energy here.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ❌ (and feeling rubbish about it)
    Took the stairs ✅
    Weighed my food ✅
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
    Hey @donidaily - sorry I didn’t spot your posts! Still finding my way around using these boards and seeing when people have posted is obviously on my “skills to learn” list.
    Sounds like you’ve had some ups and downs, but I’m impressed you’ve recommitted and still managed to post and acknowledge how it’s going. When that happens to me, I tend to give up and not come back!
    Small changes are key, I think. I’m reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits at the moment, and that’s what’s brought me back here - accountability and committing to specific actions seems to be pretty critical in establishing new and better habits.
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
    donidaily wrote: »
    A solid day today, I did a grocery run to Whole Foods to get supplies for my next few days of office lunches and didn’t buy anything extra. I usually love their hot food bar (and the cookies you can buy by the pound!) but I felt clear and focused.

    As I walked back a guy called me “big and beefy” after I declined to give him money. Like, he said “Trying to get something to eat,” and when I didn’t give him anything he added sleazily “Something tasty...something big and beefy”. Now, I don’t know this man’s circumstances and want to be compassionate, but that is gross. In the past I would have been burning with shame and embarrassment at those words, but today I was more just thinking about how some version of “fat” is often the first thing people reach for when trying to hurt others. It sucks.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅ (twice!)

    I can’t believe you have to endure abuse like this. That’s really sad.

  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    @misssixtea Thank you for the kind note! I know I have read something like, the difference between people who reach their goal and people who don’t is that the ones who reach their goal keep going. I’m sure it could be put more eloquently but that is what I am trying to remember. One or two or three not-great days does not put me back at the beginning. Keep going.

    Back on my small huge things after two days back in the arms of the office snacks. I’m really trying to break up with them for good lol.

    Fruit only from the office snacks ✅
    Took the stairs ✅
    Weighed my food ⭕️ kind of N/A today as I didn’t pack anything from home
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    So, I lost 3.3lb in June. Not bad! I'm definitely having ups and downs but coming back to this thread reminds me to keep going.

    It's a holiday weekend for me and I've been catching up on sleep. Gods, this is so important. When I have a good night sleep it's like I've been possessed by some kind of healthy spirit! Yesterday I got up and made a SALAD for breakfast. My doctor has told me this but life is busy, right? I really want to figure out how to prioritize sleep to support my goal of losing weight. The first thing I did was delete instagram off my phone for the weekend. I'll see how I feel from there. Can anyone relate to the sleep thing?
  • ravengirl2014
    ravengirl2014 Posts: 93 Member
    @donidaily Hey there! Your post really resonated with me. This is my probably third time losing significant weight. My most recent loss was 2018-2019 where I lost from 203.5 to 135.5 with a trainer. I wanted an awesome photo with Jeffrey dean Morgan (Negan😍) and I got it but here I am again at 177...I have binge issues and a loooong history with low self esteem. Now...finally getting enough water..careful exercise...and keeping my cals mostly 1400-1500/day...I wish you all the luck on your journey 💪
  • misssixtea
    misssixtea Posts: 35 Member
    Hey Donidaily - great to see you checking back in. I'm also checking back in after a few days of anything goes. Life is just really busy! When I'm on my own, I'm fine and in control, but I'm a few months in to a new blended family situation, I was married in April and we have brought together our respective children. 4 teenagers, 2 adults, and trying to cook for meat eaters (them) veggies, gluten-free (me) is a complete nightmare. Trying to find something everyone will eat is almost impossible, and I simply can't factor in another separate meal for me which is portion controlled! Plus the evenings are a madness of after school sports pick-ups, it's insane.

    Anyway, I'm back today, making a commitment to not eat ice-cream and to run this evening with the club, even though it's a hard uphill route and I will, no doubt, be making ALL the excuses by 6pm..

    Hello @ravengirl2014 :-)
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    Well yikes, a four day weekend threw me WAY off. Not so much in terms of calories but definitely in terms of tracking and checking in. Well, I’m still here! @misssixtea I so identify: I do great when left to look after myself but eating socially or just in sync with others (I live just with my partner) is so much harder. Props to you for navigating the blended family and congrats on your wedding. It sounds hectic but wonderful!

    How are you doing @ravengirl2014? I'm right there with you in the bingeing and self-esteem battles. I'm very grateful to yoga which has helped me get to know and appreciate my body in a better way, but it is a long journey. Glad to share this leg with you!

    I’m struggling to prioritize sleep though, and by the end of the week I am positively prowling for snacks, sugar, caffeine during my work day. I beat myself up because I don’t have kids so I know I have it so much easier than others! But I really do need to develop some discipline when it comes to bedtime. I’m reading (well, I’m listening to be ebook on the Libby app) Atomic Habits right now…think I’ll have more to say about this.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    Think about it this way: if you gained 30 lb in 3 years, you are eating about 100 calories too much per day.
  • donidaily
    donidaily Posts: 825 Member
    csplatt wrote: »
    Think about it this way: if you gained 30 lb in 3 years, you are eating about 100 calories too much per day.

    It is useful to look at long term trends, thanks!
  • ravengirl2014
    ravengirl2014 Posts: 93 Member
    @donidaily Thanks for checking! I have had a few days of slipping...after almost 2 months of being in control. My binges show up as excessive grazing mostly so keeping my meals even and regular is super important. I am back to that and am working on that and getting more satiating foods.

    Good luck to everyone who is struggling 💓

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