We Broke Up Because....... part 2 .....
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She accused me of having multiple personalities0
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I actually only broke up with 4 of her personalities...We're fine with the other 30
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It was too crowded at our place0
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She was obsessed with living in a tiny house and I'm afraid of tornadoes.0
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She was delusional - kept talking about tornadoes, witches and the yellow brick road0
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She is a love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Always on a jet plane outta here.0
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She refused to fly away with me0
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She wanted me to migrate for the winter in her gooselike flying apparatus she built herself.0
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She had an irrational fear of all types of water fowl...0
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He took me duck hunting for a surprise Valentine's day date.0
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She didn't like to celebrate Valentine's Day 🙁 Called it a Hallmark holiday0
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She didn’t appreciate my handmade cards…always demanded they be from Hallmark0
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All we did was have whiskey and eat fancy sandwiches1
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He wouldn't ever meet me for coffee0
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She would always ask me over for coffee, but give me the wrong directions to her house.0
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She replaced my coffee with civet coffee claiming health benefits. No thanks. No one messes with my coffee.0
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She was a constant rule breaker 🤭0
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She was unimpressed with both my ability to rock the casbah and my collection of 99 luftballoons…0
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He couldn't decide if he should stay or he should go...
so he left0 -
She always kept me hanging on...I was just so tired of waiting...0
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He'd end up blowing all his wages for the week... and he wouldn't come dancing with me
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She complained I wasted all my wages on paying the bills when I could have gone out dancing and having fun.0
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She didn't get any of my song references0
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She always drank all the coffee and wouldn’t even save a cup for me.0
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She started talking like Bob Goldthwait with even the smallest amount of caffeine!0
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Her best friend, Bobcat Goldthwait, was over all the time0
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We fought over a guy, Bobcat G. 🥰0
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I was team Hedberg, she was team Goldthwait
I was team Nirvana, she was team Pearl Jam
I was team Letterman, she was team Leno…0 -
He wouldn't let me on team Letterman...0
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Kept calling me Dave and wanted me to grow the "santa" beard0
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