Question for all WOMEN. I'm a guy and need to know.

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Replies

  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
    Honestly, the lack of a job nor the ambition to get a job at your age would worry me more than the alcoholism.

    yes.
  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
    Women, or at least me, look for people who are trying to better themselves. I've done things that I'm not proud of and if someone doesn't want to be with me because of it then they can **** off. Yes, everybody judges but every time I do I try to remember that it doesn't matter where someone's starting point is, it matters where they are headed. If I were you I'd approach women, assertive men are hot.

    Forgot to mention, you don't need to tell your date everything about your past and ambition is key.
  • getnhealthymum
    getnhealthymum Posts: 32
    If we all were judged by our past or all of the not so smart things we've done then we'd all be doomed! I personally wouldn't tell anybody about my past until it got pretty serious. If a woman likes you it's for the person you are now, not the one you were. :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    To be honest, at first, all of that was really off-putting. But then, as I thought about, I realized that I'm guilty of many of those same mistakes. The only reason I am where I am now is because I had children early in life and they needed me. But it was a long, hard road for me to get to this point.

    There are lots of girls out there, and if they don't understand what it means to make a mistake, then they are not the girl for you. Don't be afraid to share your past. You have to get to know people, but if these girls don't understand where you are coming from, then don't bother wasting your time.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    Get a job. Move out of your parents house. If you find someone interesting TAKE YOUR TIME. If you tell this story too soon you will send the girl running.
  • christybrooker
    christybrooker Posts: 37
    Being 36 years old, unemployed & living w/your parents, you should probably work on fixing your life before involving someone else.

    This.
  • findingfit23
    findingfit23 Posts: 845 Member
    Honestly, the lack of a job nor the ambition to get a job at your age would worry me more than the alcoholism.

    This.
  • mandylooo
    mandylooo Posts: 456 Member
    Honestly, the lack of a job nor the ambition to get a job at your age would worry me more than the alcoholism.

    yes.

    Even if he's currently studying at university?!?!! I'd say that is fixing his life and it certainly shows ambition.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    First off if you dumped all that crap on me the first time we meet then I would take off running in the oppisite direction and warn all my friends to stay away!! With that being said you have to take the time to get yourself together and get out of mommy's house and get a job and then a female can see the progress you have made to becoming a better you. Right now it's all talk and no work from my point of view. Once she see's you moving forward I don't think your past will be huge issue as long as it stays in the past.

    I agree with this too. I wouldn't bother looking for a relationship until you are ready to give someone some serious focus. If you still have stuff to work on, then a relationship will interfere and vice versa.
  • becky2967
    becky2967 Posts: 124
    someone who is worth it will be ok with your past and help you maintain the better person your becoming. some people will roll their eyes and dont let that drag you down, no one has a 100% perfect past, keep working on the no-drinking, carry on life and close the door on your past, if you find agirl worth it mention it, x
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    I'd worry less about the girls and more about keeping your life on track and moving ahead. Make a plan to get a job and then get your own place as you finish school. THEN DO THAT. Focus on those things, being a good friend, and things will fall into place. You need to build a history in this new lifestyle to offset the old one.

    That is, if you are looking for Miss Right. If you're looking for Miss Right Now...

    Lots of girls are co-dependent and/or looking for a fix-up project. With a co-dependent, you will make no progress. With a fixer upper, you'll either get tired of her trying to fix you or you'll get fixed and move on.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    bump
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    What I know about recovery is you're not supposed to get involved until you've been sober a full year. And you haven't yet.

    Besides that, if you turn your life around, then there's no reason you can't have a healthy, happy relationship going forward. This isn't first or second date stuff to get into. Wait until you know each other a little better and then talk about what you've been through and where you're going.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    I'd worry less about the girls and more about keeping your life on track and moving ahead. Make a plan to get a job and then get your own place as you finish school. THEN DO THAT. Focus on those things, being a good friend, and things will fall into place. You need to build a history in this new lifestyle to offset the old one.

    That is, if you are looking for Miss Right. If you're looking for Miss Right Now...

    Lots of girls are co-dependent and/or looking for a fix-up project. With a co-dependent, you will make no progress. With a fixer upper, you'll either get tired of her trying to fix you or you'll get fixed and move on.
    I think this is excellent advice. Until you are stable and independant focus on you. The stress of a relationship could derail all of your hard work. Although I do wonder why you have drank twice this year and you are an alcoholic. Did you fall off the wagon? Are you attending AA meeting? If not you should. They will help guide you with a lot of these decisions.
  • VeganInTraining
    VeganInTraining Posts: 1,319 Member
    Honestly, the lack of a job nor the ambition to get a job at your age would worry me more than the alcoholism.

    yes.

    Even if he's currently studying at university?!?!! I'd say that is fixing his life and it certainly shows ambition.

    Alcoholics have a tremendous earning power and power to succeed once they put the bottle down. At 36 one should be more than able to go to school AND work.
  • adk88
    adk88 Posts: 143 Member
    The past is the past and everyone has got one. You have taken steps to improve your life and I think that says it all right there. Nobody is perfect, nobody has been perfect for their entire lives and I think it would be unfair for someone to expect that from a partner. As long as the follow through is there and you stick with the changes you have made, I think that the right girl will see the person that you really are instead of focusing on the person that you were.

    Congrats on making the decisions and taking the steps to bettering yourself. :)
  • cal1973
    cal1973 Posts: 306 Member
    Good luck.

    From me too :)
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused
    Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused Posts: 935 Member
    First, get yourself established. When you move out from your parents and get a job, you will find yourself some confidence. Then, worry about meeting someone. Yes you should tell them your past, but you don't need to advertise it. Only share your past with those who are deserving to know, and make it clear that you've changed. If you have a job, live on your own, and are doing well and being sober, it will show. If you still live with your parents and have no job, it will look like you're still struggling and could fall back into the dark side again. If the girl runs off after that, then *kitten* her. You don't need her. But I'm willing to bet that if you can build self confidence, become more self-supporting, and live the lifestyle that reflects your sobriety, when you meet a girl (one who is worth anything), she will be more willing to accept your past as your past, and that the you in the present is who you are now.
  • mandeiko
    mandeiko Posts: 1,657 Member
    Is this a serious post or are you being snarky?

    My answer depends on the context :D

    **EDIT: I think he is serious. So heres a serious answer.

    Depends on what type of girl you are looking for. If you are looking for a hang and bang/blow n' go type relationship, then there is ALWAYS messed up, emotionally scarred, daddy issues type girls that can be found that really won't care about your past.

    If you want an ACTUAL relationship with a girl worth keeping, you're gonna have to change some things...

    1 - Get a job. Like... tomorrow.

    2 - Move. The. HELL Out of your parents house. Like... tomorrow.

    3 - Get confident. Being unsure of yourself is a huge turnoff.

    4 - Own up to your mistakes and be honest with yourself. If you can live with your past, then a girl shouldn't have any problems with it.

    Trust me on this one, NO ONE is proud about everything in their past.

    Completely with him on this one!

    I would not date someone jobless and living at home (unless you're my age, broke and right out of college-- which you're not), though I am happy you are making changes in your life! Good for you! You're bettering yourself. Confidence is key. We all have a grungy past, but it shouldn't come off as BAGGAGE to the poor lady you try to date. Do NOT lay this all on her right away. Sheesh! I get stressed out just thinking about it. Good luck though!! :) Congrats on turning over a new leaf!
  • Wendyma1
    Wendyma1 Posts: 289 Member
    Hey Danny,

    The past matters to a girl and we take that into consideration, however, what is more important to us, is how you have overcome your challenge and what you are doing with your life NOW!

    Best of luck my friend! One day Ms. right will come along and be very lucky to have found you!

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