Finding it hard to stick to with unsupportive partner
Replies
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Hi guys...
Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..
I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..
Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.
I can definitely understand your need for him to be supportive however, you need to be determined to stick to your diet and exercise plan regardless of what he's doing. If he doesn't want to be healthy, that's his business. If there is an issue with using the Wii, maybe you can do it when he isn't there to watch TV? I don't know. But, it sounds like he is immature in his thinking and you really shouldn't concern yourself too much about it. Move on so you can be a happier person. Just my opinion.0 -
Honestly? This is indicative of a greater issue. If he belittles you for making a positive change in your life, he obviously doesn't value you the way he should. Red flags should be popping up for you right now.
I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk about the situation. Explain that while he might think it's funny, you don't. You want to be healthy so you can be there for your child in the future. You really think he should be attending to his own health issues and not ignoring them or belittling you for the doing the things he knows he should be doing himself. His reaction is important. If he blows you off or gets hostile, it's probably time to walk away from the relationship. Better you do it while he's still a boyfriend, even if he is the father of your child, than to be married to him with more kids before your realize he's a loser and that you're better off without him.0 -
Ranting is a good place to start! You're making great progress for your happiness and setting an awesome example for your little girl- keep up the good work and don't let him bring you down.
My father was my greatest role model for self care- he took great pride in his health and well being, I really hope you can inspire Mr Couch Potatoe off his @ss. Change scares the *kitten* out of some people and you're doing an awesome thing- some people are just too wrapped up in themselves to look past the 'crap, she's making me look bad' instinct to 'wow, I should get up and do that too!'
I really hope you can find some peace, but stick with your guns and keep making *you* amazing and he's going to either man-up or crawl into a hole and there's nothing you can do but take care of you and your daughter
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What concerned me most is that when someone said "Dump him" you responded that you have a 1 yo so it's not that simple... Oh boy. Not knowing you and the entire situation please take this with a grain of salt: Children are NO reason to stay with an unsupportive mate. If anything it could make it harder for them in the future for not seeing what true love is really all about.
BUT as I said, not knowing you and your situation maybe it is just simply that he is GREAT in every other aspect of your relationship and is just being a goof about the weight loss.
It is my experience that you will always have the 'nay sayers', the ones that ask when you are going to gain it back, or the ones that want so badly for you to get dessert or the cheeseburger when you know the salad is the better choice, etc. As long as you stick to your guns and do what you need to for YOU, you will do alright. Is there a time of day that he is gone or doing something else when you can do your fitness routine? Good luck to you and I truly hope that it works out in your favor!0 -
Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.
This is by far my favorite answer of all!! Seriously, I'm going to second this one!!!!
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I third this one!!!! Donkey punch all the way!!!
Seems likes he's insecure of you losing weight like you might find something better after your looking smokin hott. Have a talk with him about that and if he still doesn't understand re-evaluate your relationship.0 -
I would sit down with him over a cup of coffee (or tea, whichever you guys like) and just ask for his support. If he continues to make jokes, ask him if it makes him uncomfortable for some reason. Joking is often a release for tension. If he's threatened by you getting "more beautiful" then you can discuss that with him. If it makes him feel guilty for not taking better care of himself, then you can offer your own encouragement to him as an incentive to do it together. If he really just thinks that the TV should be his all the time, then you've got a whole 'nother level of selfishness going on. Start by talking about it. Don't be passive aggressive; it's no more mature than he's being.
Congratulations girl... you're doing great, and keep it up no matter what he says about it.0 -
Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.
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THIS :laugh:0 -
What concerned me most is that when someone said "Dump him" you responded that you have a 1 yo so it's not that simple... Oh boy. Not knowing you and the entire situation please take this with a grain of salt: Children are NO reason to stay with an unsupportive mate. If anything it could make it harder for them in the future for not seeing what true love is really all about.
BUT as I said, not knowing you and your situation maybe it is just simply that he is GREAT in every other aspect of your relationship and is just being a goof about the weight loss.
It is my experience that you will always have the 'nay sayers', the ones that ask when you are going to gain it back, or the ones that want so badly for you to get dessert or the cheeseburger when you know the salad is the better choice, etc. As long as you stick to your guns and do what you need to for YOU, you will do alright. Is there a time of day that he is gone or doing something else when you can do your fitness routine? Good luck to you and I truly hope that it works out in your favor!
I agree completely with this. A child is not a reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Your teaching your child it's ok to be treated this way. And trust me they are watching. I hope its just hes unsupportive in this area. Good Luck I wish the best for you also.0 -
When I started releasing the weight, I was already at a point where 'hang what everyone else thinks, I am in this for me ... I am in this not because I am selfish, I just need to be the best me I can be, because others need me'.
You stick to YOUR guns as you have more than 1 to look after.
I stepped out - I've been married 20 years and have 5 children (so yeah, it's a little more complicated), now I have quite a following of others at home and around me.
My point is, stick to your guns and do what you know in your heart is best.0 -
Let him rant. Personally if it's just a BF and that's the way he acts, just think how it will be if you were ever married. You may want to start looking elsewhere if that's the attitude he takes towards what you want.Hi guys...
Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..
I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..
Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.0 -
We have a 1yr old daughter... so its not that simple.
the frustrating thing is that he has a fatty liver, and has been told by the dr's he needs to do some serious weight loss or they are going to have to put him up for surgery.. he's just not taking any of it seriously
Actually, that makes it simpler...what role model do you want her to see?
You have bigger issues than his being unsupportive on fitness.0 -
I know in my heart, and my head... that staying with someone because we have a child is totally the wrong reasons, and is actually harmful..
i did leave him a few months back over the way he talked down to me, and was shocked when everyone i knew, my family, and my mother, all told me i was being selfish and that we had a child so i should just suck it up and get on with it.. and thats what i did..
4 months down the line, nothing has changed, we are just arguing about different things, and he has a new subject to make me feel small about0 -
Hi guys...
Sorry, i just need a bit of a rant lol..
I am trying my hardest to stick to my diet (my diary is open).. and to do my 300 cals worth of cardio every day.. But my bf has decided that if i do my Wii, then im being selfish for using the tv.. and he makes such a huge deal of eating what he wants infront of me..
Any advice on how to get him to understand? he just thinks its funny.
maybe do your Wii when he's not around. This is your decision to get your body in shape so what he eats in front of you shouldn't matter.
Also i would try to at least double your calories burned. At least that would allow you some flexibility. you don't wanna starve yourself.0 -
One thing I learned in Al-Anon, the sister group to AA, is that you can't argue with a drunk. In this case, you can't argue with him when he is in an argumentative state of mind. It's tough to ignore all of the crap he says when he is doing it, but if you let him rile you up he is getting what he wants. If he isn't getting the response he wants he will stop trying to cause it. Letting go of your resentment toward him about the food and the TV will be hard but it is what you must do if you want to stay with him.
Maybe you could get another TV?
aug0 -
I totally understand how you feel, my partner has ruined all my attempts at losing weight (he is very over weight himself) we have gotten to the point we have decided its over but have to share a house due to finances. I have started to buy my own groceries and cook for myself and let him do his own thing. He laughs and mocks me but I just rise above it and get on with what Im doing...knowing that everyday I get closer to the me I want to be. BB xx0
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I might be looking too deeply into it, but it might be insecurity- maybe he is trying to sabatoge your weight loss because he feels like, if you get thinner you won't want to be with him anymore? Maybe he feels left behind, like you are accomplishing something with out him.. or he may even be jealous that you are accomplishing something he doesn't feel he can/would be able to accomplish? Maybe try to just talk to him and make sure he knows that no matter what you look like or what he looks like, you love him for him and that you aren't going anywhere.0
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Or you could donkey punch him in his sleep.
This is by far my favorite answer of all!! Seriously, I'm going to second this one!!!!
[/quote]
This!
Tell him - ONE of you has to take your health seriously to be around for your daughter... Obviously - you're mature enough to realize that...0 -
I've heard about this situation before, it seems the culprit here is jealousy. Your partner sees that you are serious about big time weight loss and sees it as a potential threat. He might feel like you are going on a journey to better yourself and he feels left behind. He might also feel like you will change and become a different person, or leave him once you reach your weight loss goals.
There are reasons that the people who we think should be supporting us the most are often the ones who try to sabotage us. The issue here is obviously not about you using the TV for your Wii time, that's just a scapegoat for the real underlying problem. It might seem that he is being ridiculously selfish, but he might just be reacting like this because he doesn't want you to leave him behind. You should let him know that your own health is the most important thing, and if he continues to hinder your success... Well, the rest is up to you my love!
I hope you get the advice you need in this delicate situation, and try to continue to strive for your health0 -
I can relate REALLY well to most of this. My husband and I are pretty young- mid twenties- and he has a fatty liver too. We spent an entire year of me battling him constantly to lose weight and drink less. Finally, when we applied for life insurance, he was denied coverage. That was the reality check he needed. He started working out a few weeks ago and is drinkign significantly less, but it's still a battle sometimes. I suggest you see if you can get him to talk to a doctor with you present. He needs to realize that his fatty liver is reversible, but if he doesnt fix it, he could end up with cyrhosis (he'll DEFINITELY end up with it if he drinks) and the only cure for that is a liver transplant.
But, that's all HIS health. In terms of him being an *kitten*, I would suggest talking to him about it and setting real boundaries. If that doesn't work, you may want to reconsider this relationship. He's probably fighting with you because he doesn't want you to lose weight if he isn't. And that's not okay- it's hard enough to lose weight when you DO have support, nevermind the opposite. Do what's right for you. And your baby.0 -
to everyone suggesting a second tv - he not only wants to watch tv himself, he will have a full blown toddler style strop if i dont sit down next to him and watch his rubbish.0
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Sometimes it's hard for the people we love to know how to respond to positive changes we're making in our lives. When we make positive changes we inadvertantly disrupt patterns of behavior that are what our relationships are built upon. Does your bf sound like he's being a little douchey? sure. But maybe if you think about why he's behaving that way, then you can come up with a strategy for getting him on board with your life changes. For example, he likes to watch TV and eat. Did you guys used to eat together--was there fun involved in getting a pizza or chinese food together? Eating is ceremonial and as weird as it sounds, people form bonds by eating together. By changing your eating patterns, keep in mind that he might be missing the connection you two had with food. Did you hang with him on the couch when he'd watch TV? There is intimacy involved with sharing your time with each other, even over something like Two and a Half Men. So, by doing something different, he might feel left out. You certainly shouldn't abandon your new lifestyle over this behavior, but maybe you need to find other ways to bond. And keep it playful. Next time, he's taunting you with food. Take out some healthy veggies and eat them seductively in front of him. The more fun you have with your transofrmation, the more likely he'll see it as non-threatening and want to get involved. :-)0
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He's jealous that you're getting hotter by the second, & worried he's going to lose you. Or he's just a straight up jerk lol
What she said ^0 -
I kind of know where you are coming from! My husband isn’t really interested in my nutrition changes or exercise. He also should be doing something about his health as well, but he doesn’t want to right now, and there is nothing you can do to make them want. It’s important to remember that it has to be a personal choice, and being mad at him because he hasn’t made the choice that you think he should is not going to help things.
Remind yourself of why YOU are doing this. You are doing it for you. My husband eats in front of me constantly, whatever he feels like eating. I used to nag a bit when he would order mashed potatoes AND fries, but you know what? Me nagging just irritated him and drove him to irritate me back. So I just dropped the issue and continued doing what I do, because actions will speak louder than words. Once he sees the progress I make (I am doing before and after pics, so not only will he see changes before his eyes, he can look back and see how different I look), then I hope that my positive actions will lead to HIS positive actions. It’s not easy watching him eat burgers and fries and ice cream and 7 tacos, I feel your pain! But it sure does feel good stepping on the scale and see a little less than I saw yesterday. That’s how I make it through the temptations!
If he thinks you are hogging the tv, then work a set time for you to have it. Give him something to do during that time, like playing poker with his friends, waxing the car, taking a shower, whatever. If he is not agreeable, tell him he can buy you a gym membership or a jogging stroller, because it’s either staying home and using the Wii or spending money and taking yourself off to work out somewhere else. (lots of gyms have childcare, or push baby in jogging stroller) That might do the trick! I hope he comes around. My husband is less than interested in my exercise, but he doesn’t try to keep me from doing it.0 -
He's jealous that you're getting hotter by the second, & worried he's going to lose you. Or he's just a straight up jerk lol
Second that!!0 -
to everyone suggesting a second tv - he not only wants to watch tv himself, he will have a full blown toddler style strop if i dont sit down next to him and watch his rubbish.
I'm sorry, but this guy sounds like a REAL loser. He doesn't support you; he doesn't care about waht matters to you'; he doesn't care about your feelings; and he treats you like a terrier. Sounds like to me the ONLY thing he has going for him is some errant sperm.
You might consider couples counseling-- and not just for the diet stuff. This guy is a CHILD, and quite frankly, with a toddler in the house, you don't need a second big fat baby to make things worse.
He needs to grow up and be a man; or you need to grow up and get the hell out of there.0 -
to everyone suggesting a second tv - he not only wants to watch tv himself, he will have a full blown toddler style strop if i dont sit down next to him and watch his rubbish.
I'm sorry, but this guy sounds like a REAL loser. He doesn't support you; he doesn't care about waht matters to you'; he doesn't care about your feelings; and he treats you like a terrier. Sounds like to me the ONLY thing he has going for him is some errant sperm.
You might consider couples counseling-- and not just for the diet stuff. This guy is a CHILD, and quite frankly, with a toddler in the house, you don't need a second big fat baby to make things worse.
He needs to grow up and be a man; or you need to grow up and get the hell out of there.
thank you for this... i start to think that i am being unreasonable about the way i view his behaviour.. but it is reassuring to know other people can see the way he behaves is just wrong, and childish.. thank you0 -
to everyone suggesting a second tv - he not only wants to watch tv himself, he will have a full blown toddler style strop if i dont sit down next to him and watch his rubbish.
What??? Really, you need to have a long hard reality talk with yourself. Wow.0 -
Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.
Agreed. If you have talked to him about this and how important it is to you and how much you need and value his support and he continues to be an @ss, then the only thing you can do is decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't support your efforts to be healthier. Hope this works out okay for you. *hugs*0 -
I think everyone has moments of selfishness. It becomes an issue if he gives you a hard time about it all of the time.
Maybe a good strategy would be to sit down with him to set up a TV schedule. That way, he can see programs that he really wants to see and you can squeeze your workout in before it gets too late at night.Approach him in a positive loving matter about this, so that he'll be open to it. Maybe suggest it over a relaxing dinner. Definately don't broach it in the heat of the moment, or it won't make him cooperative or understanding to your feelings.
Shannon0 -
Not sure that there's much you can do to change him. The only thing you can change is yourself - specifically if you wish to continue to live with someone that doesn't respect positive changes you're incorporating into your life.
this times a million.0
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