Question for all WOMEN. I'm a guy and need to know.

Ok, I know your situation. My current boyfriend of 5 years is in the program and when we got together lived with his parents fresh our of prison for stupid things done while drinking. He is not that person anymore. We now own our own home, he is great with my son and he works hard. It is possible. How would people like to be judge on their past. You are doing great getting things back together and any real women would respect that.

ohhh i ageee!!!

Somethings been really bothering me lately. I don't plan on getting a job until next year. I'm 36. I'm an alcoholic who has managed to only drink twice this year. (I already know that that is a good thing.) My past is HORRIBLE i.e. hardly any employment, arrests for public intoxication etc, NO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OR ASSAULT, no ambition, hardly any girlfriends at all, and I drank some friends away, all my Facebook friends know that Iv'e always been an alcoholic. I never moved out of my parents house, got a job, or bought a car etc. because I just didn't care about life. Basically I had a problem and I let it take over my ENTIRE life.

Currently I'm doing REALLY good, am exercising, love life, and am going to the local university. There are A LOT of girls there. I lucked out and look like I'm only 24 or 25. I attract girls but am too weary to talk to them because of my past. I mean, what will they do when they find out all this stuff I just told you? It's embarrassing and scary. I know I'm not at school to find a girlfriend but I know something will eventually happen. My question is: with knowing everything I just told you about myself.....how much will all that play a role in whether or not a girl just flat out rolls her eyes at me, says, "Oh my God" and never speaks to me again? I don't approach girls but there ARE girls who will approach me.

Feel free to tell me exactly what you think.

Prioritize. Finish your education, and then get a job with your degree. Relationships aren't as important as becoming independent.

dannylives: Don't be afraid. Everybody has a past, and everybody makes mistakes. I think who you are defines you, not what you used to do. If you are on track with life, and striving to be the best you can possibly be, that is the most important thing. Good luck!

I agree w/a lot of the other posters on here -- we ALL have our demons, and we all have our pasts. I don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic, but I had a pretty traumatic childhood. You're already trying to face your demons, and deal with where you are, and where you wanna be. That's a BIG first step.

I went through a lot of bad / unhealthy relationships when I was still dealing with all my issues. It wasn't until I spent a LOT of time getting myself together (by being alone, and working on things with a good therapist) that I found myself in a better place -- soon I was confident and stronger, and I finally knew what I really wanted out of my life, my living situation, my relationships. Over time, I found a GREAT guy who was not only a good guy, but really good for me. It was worth the wait.

The best thing you can do for yourself is what you're doing now -- getting yourself together. Once you are standing on your own 2 feet, and feeling good about where you are and who you are, all the other stuff will follow.

HANG IN THERE, and keep up the hard work. I admire your perserverence!!

Hi, I'm an alcoholic too, haven't drank in 22 years. I have to say that I think healthy women will run from you like the plague, but I don't think there are that many healthy women, there are a large number that will want to help you to be all that you can be. I don't think that that usually works long either.

I have to say I'm proud of you, keep up the good work, be honest with yourself and others and YOU will like you.

This is probably the most realistic of posts.

Another thing you have to look at, women in general, while more than capable themselves, look to their men to be protectors. They like guys they can feel safe with. Physically, financially, emotionally. Someone they can see themselves having a family with. That implies responsibility, steadfastness, loyalty, maturity. A shoulder to lean on. I think this is something both sexes would value in their partners.

This is why a man with a job, who can take care of himself, is important. If he can't take care of himself, how can you expect him to be part of and take care of a family?

Pattern recognition is valuable, and a person's history can show a pattern of behavior that can convey whether they are a risk or not.

To say a woman isn't worth it because they don't like what they see of someone else's past is a wrong way to look at it. They value themselves enough not to be drug down into what they see as potential misery. Can you honestly blame them?

Same goes for men that have learned what to steer clear of. Usually they don't do that "just because".

Yeah, maybe it might work out, but the key word is *maybe*. Some people won't risk it.

I am about 10 years younger than you, but have dated older me before.
I used to winder why at 30 something they were still single and going nowhere.
So your post kind of caught my eye.

My advice: Better yourself NOW. Try to find a job, and get yourself into a stable place, and move into your own place - you don't have to buy or get a huge place, but that's a big thing for women. We don't want someone who lives at home.

Any woman you meet who is worth it is going to look at who you are right now and who you will potentially be. We all have things in our past that we aren't proud of , or struggles that might come up again (I know how tough alcohol recovery can be). But if you get yourself together, or at least have a plan thatchanges things. You need to have a good plan and work hard for it - those are the things women want to see.
Good luck!

I think you need to be totally honest with anyone you date or may one day date. You are who you are and your life circumstances have made you that way. Why deny it. You need to get your ducks in a row and be self sufficient. That way you know you truly can make it through life as a responsible, independent member of society. That way when the crap hits the fan, and it will, thats the way life rolls you don't need a woman, a family memeber or anyone else to lean on. You can handle it and move on.
Then......
What you need to do is look in the mirror and have a talk with yourself. Set some clear goals as to what you want in a woman. You need to look at that real close. It may be easy to attract the wrong type of woman who will take you back to your past. You need to look for the type of woman that will be what you want in the future. Set your goals HIGH and don't settle for less.

My father was an alcoholic, my sister a druggie and my aunts boyfriend was both and in and out of jail. I dated boys that drank, but I refused to stay with one who couldn't be responsible. I know how the life of being the spouse of someone with those problems are. I couldn't get too close to it, because I couldn't handle it.(that's just me) I hardly drink at all. I think you need to be with someone who has the patience and understanding about that lifestyle. She also needs to responsible and sesitive to it. She needs to know that you have a life long problem with alcohol and she cannot take a laxadasical approach about YOUR relationship with achohol.

I am not saying cannot be reformed and that you can't move on and have a very loving life with a wonderful woman and children (if that's what you want) I just think you need to be upfront and honest. Ghosts have a way of coming out of the closet at the most inopportune time and you need to be prepared.

My dad has been sober for 25 years and counting. It can be done. And you CAN do it! Just don't sweep it under the rug and think you conquered it.

Best wishes to you,
:flowerforyou:

Danny, you seem like an awesome guy. Even with the most "perfect" person comes baggage. If a woman is worth having, she will not judge you based on your past. But hopefully, you don't say "hi, I'm Danny. And this is my life story" as soon as you meet someone. that may be a little overwhelming for some. You can't change your past...is your past relevant? yes, but it's not the entirety of who you are. And it definitely isn't who you are now, right? So don't be embarrassed. I could ramble on forever. I hope I kind of answered your question

Is this a serious post or are you being snarky?

My answer depends on the context

**EDIT: I think he is serious. So heres a serious answer.

Depends on what type of girl you are looking for. If you are looking for a hang and bang/blow n' go type relationship, then there is ALWAYS messed up, emotionally scarred, daddy issues type girls that can be found that really won't care about your past.

If you want an ACTUAL relationship with a girl worth keeping, you're gonna have to change some things...

1 - Get a job. Like... tomorrow.

2 - Move. The. HELL Out of your parents house. Like... tomorrow.

3 - Get confident. Being unsure of yourself is a huge turnoff.

4 - Own up to your mistakes and be honest with yourself. If you can live with your past, then a girl shouldn't have any problems with it.

Trust me on this one, NO ONE is proud about everything in their past.

Now this answer says it all!:drinker: :bigsmile: