Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control
Replies
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I think where I'm coming from here is hoping/praying that none of my children come to me for birth control. Not because they're afraid of me, but because they know and respect my position. I've always tried telling them that I view my job as parenting a vocation, and I answer to God for how I raise them. So, they hopefully would know I would not provide them with birth control. I have talked about sex with all my kids, except my 9 year old because it hasn't come up yet. We discuss pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and the responsibility of having sex. I'm not saying my children have not had sex.......I'm pretty realistic when it comes to behaviors of teenagers. I'm just saying I hope they are mature and responsible enough to know how to handle the situation. (I realize my answers are probably best suited in a group forum). Sorry!
Just curious...
Imagine your 9 year old daughter achieves the "age of enlightenment" and starts her cycle and has horrific cramps, acne, mood swings, etc... that can sometimes come with it and her doctor recommends birth control due to the fact it can help counter-act these issues. Would you consider it then? Birth control pills are not just about preventing pregnancy, but the affects that they have on the female body to help alleviate other issues are sometimes well worth being on them.
Yes, if a doctor prescribed birth control pills for health reasons, I absolutely would! I probably should have addressed that in my initial response. I do realize birth control pills are not just for prevention of pregnancies. If my daughter came to me for birth control pills because she was sexually active, I would/could not.0 -
My parents took this approach. My mother made it clear that IF I needed to get some form of b/c, she would be supportive (and had even told her gynocologist that he could give them to me if I came to him without her), but she preferred that I waited till I was emotionally prepared. As a result, I actually did wait till I was older, just because I wasn't ready for the risks....but I have always appreciated the fact that she was supportive and open about it.I would probably do it but it would be accompanied by a long talk reminding her about STDs, the importance of condoms, and the emotional aspects of being sexually active as a teenager.
I think I would take a similar approach as my mother "While I would like you wait until you are with someone that you love, this is what you need to do when you decide you are ready". I hope that by the time my daughter is 15, that we will have talked enough about these type of subjects that she is comfortable enough to come to me.0 -
While I respect the morals aspect of not wanting your kids to have sex before marriage, I just cannot wrap my mind around the idea that you'd rather just not know or leave it to them or absolutely flat-out refuse to help them prevent pregnancy if they choose to have sex.
There was nothing anyone could have said or done for me to not do it when I was in high school. I was boy crazy and curious and it was pretty much inevitable. If my daughter were the same, no matter my religion or values, I would prefer she didn't have to pay the consequences forever. To me, THAT is the job of a parent.0 -
i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.
edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.
I agree that pregnancy is better than AIDS. But think for a moment.....pregnant means she wasn't practicing safe sex....so AIDS is still a very real risk.0 -
After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.
As for the "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out," reference, haven't you people ever heard of Bill Cosby? If not, perhaps try growing a sense of humor.
And if being from Texas has contributed in any way to my being a responsible, intelligent, successful adult who has some courage to go along with my convictions, well, that's one more reason among many to love this great state.
...with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the nation. You forgot the last part.0 -
Congratulations on being an amazing parent!
Thanks! I was totally patting myself on the back this morning. :laugh:0 -
If my daughter came to me for birth control pills because she was sexually active, I would/could not.
Daughter: Hey mom, my boyfriend and I are having sex. Can I get some birth control?
You: No
Daughter: Ok, we'll just stick with condoms. I *think* he's using them right!
Really? You're going to trust a teenager with that crap? Not picking a fight here (I loathe internet drama), but that, in my opinion, is irresponsible parenting.
My sex talk as a young girl was "here, read this book. If you have questions, ask". I still, as a 28 year old, am embarrassed to talk to my parents about this stuff. I barely feel comfortable talking with friends about sex. Hell, just typing this out is making me feel weird. Is that how you want your daughter to grow up?0 -
I wish my daughter would have requested it. Instead she gave birth to her first son at that age and her second one 9 months and 18 days later! My grandboys are everything to me, but I could have done without being a grandmother at 36!0
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If my daughter came to me for birth control pills because she was sexually active, I would/could not.
Daughter: Hey mom, my boyfriend and I are having sex. Can I get some birth control?
You: No
Daughter: Ok, we'll just stick with condoms. I *think* he's using them right!
Really? You're going to trust a teenager with that crap? Not picking a fight here (I loathe internet drama), but that, in my opinion, is irresponsible parenting.
My sex talk as a young girl was "here, read this book. If you have questions, ask". I still, as a 28 year old, am embarrassed to talk to my parents about this stuff. I barely feel comfortable talking with friends about sex. Hell, just typing this out is making me feel weird. Is that how you want your daughter to grow up?
That absolutely not be how the conversation would go in my home.0 -
While I respect the morals aspect of not wanting your kids to have sex before marriage, I just cannot wrap my mind around the idea that you'd rather just not know or leave it to them or absolutely flat-out refuse to help them prevent pregnancy if they choose to have sex.
There was nothing anyone could have said or done for me to not do it when I was in high school. I was boy crazy and curious and it was pretty much inevitable. If my daughter were the same, no matter my religion or values, I would prefer she didn't have to pay the consequences forever. To me, THAT is the job of a parent.
I understand your position and I respect it.0 -
I have step-daughters so it wouldn't be my place to put them on birth control, but believe me I've had the talk with my husband about having the talk with his girls. They are 13 and 16 and the 16 year old has a boyfriend that she's been seeing for about a year. I think he's in denial though. I have a 19 year-old son that I hope practices safe sex. We had a very open and honest relationship when he was growing up and talks of sex, STDs, Aids, and such came up often. He knows what he needs to do to protect himself and I can only hope he continues to do so.0
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I would get them for her, discuss all of the side effects, etc. of the pill and also have the "birds and the bees" talk with her and let her know I am available for her to talk to me if she has any questions. Maybe also some websites or something she can get more information from if needed.
I had just turned 16 when I started birth control pills, which I am happy I did. They are NOT effectively immediately. Sometimes it can take up to 3 months for your body to properly respond and become 99.9% effective, so I think it's better to start sooner rather than later.
(this is coming from a 22 year old without any children, but from experience as I was a teenager not too long ago
) 0 -
Actually, the pill is effective against pregnancy after one full week. It sometimes takes your body three months to adjust to the hormones and not make you feel like you have morning sickness, etc.I would get them for her, discuss all of the side effects, etc. of the pill and also have the "birds and the bees" talk with her and let her know I am available for her to talk to me if she has any questions. Maybe also some websites or something she can get more information from if needed.
I had just turned 16 when I started birth control pills, which I am happy I did. They are NOT effectively immediately. Sometimes it can take up to 3 months for your body to properly respond and become 99.9% effective, so I think it's better to start sooner rather than later.
(this is coming from a 22 year old without any children, but from experience as I was a teenager not too long ago )0 -
Nope. But only because there's better things out there that I trust. My daughter will be getting one of those implants that prevent pregnancy for years. I trust that more than I trust a teenager remembering to take a pill.
Refusing to give your kids the tools to make decisions on their own doesn't stop them from making decisions on their own. It just makes them ill prepared. I won't do that to my little girl.
I have adult children and a 13yo daughter. I don't trust myself to take the pill responsibly so will seek an alternate form of bc for her when the time comes. I talk to her about this issue as well as lots of other things. I will stress that condoms are necessary each and everytime. We already talk about this.
Please remember that condoms should be used everytime no matter what other form of birth control they are on. I tell her that sometimes guys or girls might think "my bf/gf can't have an std / nice people don't get std's" but anyone who is sexually active can get an std and can pass it to their partner.0 -
I haven't read through all of the responses, but if your 15 yr old daughter requests birth control it's awesome that she can come to you to talk about those kinds of things. Some 15 yr olds don't feel comfortable talking to their parents and would either go without birth control at all, go get it at the health department or planned parenthood without you knowing, or would try the various things their friends advise which may be completely useless. Use it as an opportunity to really talk about the subject. Talk about sex, pregnancy, STDs. Talk about love and respect. Remind them that NO method is 100% effective against pregnancy or STDs, remind them that every time they have sex they are taking a chance of having a baby or contrating a disease that their partner may not even realize they have. The pill is not 100% effective even when taken completely correctly, and the effectiveness goes down if it's not taken consistently at the same time every day. Teenagers may or may not understand the importance of that little fact. Even IUDs are not 100% - I know of several women who've gotten pregnant when they were supposed to be 'protected' from pregnancy by an IUD. Make sure they realize that they would still need to use condoms anyway, as an added layer of protection against pregnancy (it's possible for condoms to fail and possible for pills to fail, but less likely that they will both fail at the same time) and of course as protection against STDs. That's a hard one for a lot of young people to wrap their heads around needing to be concerned with, b/c nobody wants to think that the person they're attracted to could be infected with some nasty disease. But it can happen without either person knowing, so it's very important to stress that condoms are needed. Not to mention there are possible side effects from hormonal birth control - some women tolerate it really well and have regulated cycles, easier PMS, less acne, but others have depression, mood swings, weight gain, and for myself my cycle was WAY unpredictable on the pill - it's not common but it does happen. Really talk to your daughter about all the pros and cons of various types of birth control including abstinence from intercourse. You can't decide what your child is going to do, but you can educate them in their choices so they know what they're getting themselves into.0
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Not a parent, but as someone who has *told* her mother she was going on birth control, I can say I would let my daughter get on the pill. If she is responsible and mature enough to ask me about it and be honest, then I'd have no problem with it. My mom and I didn't talk about sex a lot, but she always made it very clear that she knows what it was like to be a teenager (she got pregnant at 16) and that she wishes she had a mother that she could have talked to about it. Where she grew up, there were no free teen clinics, and if you were under 18, you had to have permission. She relied on spermicide and condoms, neither of which are very reliable. So when I told her I was going to go on birth control at 17, this was basically our convo:
Me: "Mom, I want to get on birth control. I'm gonna go to the teen clinic on Monday to get it. Do you want to come?"
Mom: "No, but that's okay. Are you and Nick already having sex or is this a just-in-case thing?"
Me: "No, but I know we will soon, and I want to make sure it's in my system before we do. Is that okay?"
Mom: "Of course. I knew it wouldn't be too much longer before you did. (Then she started crying because I was growing up lol) just make sure you use a backup."
Me: "Okay."
See? Simple. While I understand not all parents have this kind of a relationship with their daughter, I think that if your child is responsible enough to tell you, you should trust that you've raised them well enough to be responsible in other aspects of life as well.0 -
Not an ideal situation, but I prefer having my 15-year old on the pill than come home pregnant!
This exactly. My SIL had a baby at 16, so my husband is in the same boat.
I would of course also explain the importance and emotion aspect behind sex, as well as the dangers of STDS ect. I would like my children to be as comfortable as possible when discussing these things. It shouldn't be a forbidden, taboo subject.0 -
I would get them for her, discuss all of the side effects, etc. of the pill and also have the "birds and the bees" talk with her and let her know I am available for her to talk to me if she has any questions. Maybe also some websites or something she can get more information from if needed.
I had just turned 16 when I started birth control pills, which I am happy I did. They are NOT effectively immediately. Sometimes it can take up to 3 months for your body to properly respond and become 99.9% effective, so I think it's better to start sooner rather than later.
(this is coming from a 22 year old without any children, but from experience as I was a teenager not too long ago )
Actually, the pill is effective against pregnancy after one full week. It sometimes takes your body three months to adjust to the hormones and not make you feel like you have morning sickness, etc.
I was told differently back in the day, but regardless, it's tell a precautionary measure that should be taken, in my opinion.
And NO, just because she is asking for birth control pills does not necessarily mean they are sexually active. She might just be being proactive or know that the time will come eventually. I was not yet sexually active when I started mine.0 -
After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.
As for the "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out," reference, haven't you people ever heard of Bill Cosby? If not, perhaps try growing a sense of humor.
And if being from Texas has contributed in any way to my being a responsible, intelligent, successful adult who has some courage to go along with my convictions, well, that's one more reason among many to love this great state.
I don't believe anyone here is adopting the attitude of "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." Your parents educated you of consequences. That's exactly what I am going to do with my daughter too. I would also protect her if she felt like she was going to do something. Not everything is based on "how we were raised". You have free will and you chose the path you chose. The same is said for my daughter. Not everyone is going to do the same things. Perhaps her request for BC pills is a result of her considering the consequences. While I would try my hardest to talk her out of it, ultimately this decision is hers. This does not reflect on how much I love my daughter or about how I did not teach her right from wrong or consequences.0 -
My parents took this approach. My mother made it clear that IF I needed to get some form of b/c, she would be supportive (and had even told her gynocologist that he could give them to me if I came to him without her), but she preferred that I waited till I was emotionally prepared. As a result, I actually did wait till I was older, just because I wasn't ready for the risks....but I have always appreciated the fact that she was supportive and open about it.I would probably do it but it would be accompanied by a long talk reminding her about STDs, the importance of condoms, and the emotional aspects of being sexually active as a teenager.
I think I would take a similar approach as my mother "While I would like you wait until you are with someone that you love, this is what you need to do when you decide you are ready". I hope that by the time my daughter is 15, that we will have talked enough about these type of subjects that she is comfortable enough to come to me.
My parents took this approach too. My dad gave me my first box of condoms and my mom said, "I'd rather you didn't have sex yet, but if you do... come home and do it in your own bed, not the back of a car. (paraphrased, of course). I waited.
I plan to do the exact same thing when my daughter reaches that age.0 -
i personally would say no to birth control and make sure SHE KNOWS how to put a condom on correctly (why would you leave it up to the guy to know?).
birth control messes with the body's hormones too much and can have grave consequences later. just because birth control has become the go-to drug for controlling pregnancy does not mean it is safe for a growing, developing child's body. women have different hormone to perform difference functions in the body and a mono-cyclic birth control pill is counter-intuitive to lasting hormone health. there has been a rise is 'unexplained infertility' in the last couple of decades and i wonder if there isn't a connection. also birth control is not effective if she is on certain medications for a cold or if she forgets and skips a day. i believe condoms are the better option for young girls.
i would also talk about abstinence and trying to wait for marriage. and i would send her to talk to my sister-in-law (who was on the pill) and brother who got pregnant at 15 and 16, respectively. have them talk about how hard school, sports and a social life was with a kid. they were lucky and stayed together (actually not so much luck as hard work). most kids don't.0 -
I would get them for her, discuss all of the side effects, etc. of the pill and also have the "birds and the bees" talk with her and let her know I am available for her to talk to me if she has any questions. Maybe also some websites or something she can get more information from if needed.
I had just turned 16 when I started birth control pills, which I am happy I did. They are NOT effectively immediately. Sometimes it can take up to 3 months for your body to properly respond and become 99.9% effective, so I think it's better to start sooner rather than later.
(this is coming from a 22 year old without any children, but from experience as I was a teenager not too long ago )
Actually, the pill is effective against pregnancy after one full week. It sometimes takes your body three months to adjust to the hormones and not make you feel like you have morning sickness, etc.
I was told differently back in the day, but regardless, it's tell a precautionary measure that should be taken, in my opinion.
And NO, just because she is asking for birth control pills does not necessarily mean they are sexually active. She might just be being proactive or know that the time will come eventually. I was not yet sexually active when I started mine.
If a doctor told you that, he or she needs to go back to medical school. If it came from someone else, then it's probably not reliable info.
If you're on the pill, you should have read the insert that comes with it and educated yourself on it. Not that there's anything wrong with using additional BC, just that you should know all you can about any medication you put into your body.
I was on the pill longer than you've probably been having a period. :-)0 -
I had my daughter when I was 17. I was in total denial that "people like me" (upper middle class family, professional parents and grandparents, honor roll student, didn't drink or do drugs, etc.) didn't get pregnant in high school.
If my daughter felt she needed it, I would help her get it, while also talking about diseases and things like that so she would also use condoms and be smart about sex. You can't stop your kids from having sex if they want to do it, but you can assist them in making sure that one not-so-great decision doesn't impact the rest of their lives.
Agree. As much as we want our children to stay children; they do grow up to become sexual beings. I'd much rather my child be protected then to live in denial. Along with BC comes the talk of responsibility and safety. It's ugly, but necessary. All this being said I am very strict with my kids and the chances that either of them will be alone with a boy are very very slim. 3:)
*Also wanted to point out that I've only taken BC pills for 3 months of my life for Endo and I hated every second of it. I do not like putting drugs into my body.0 -
Listen to her.......communicate with her.......educate her.........make an appointment to the ob/gyn to discuss options......AND give her condoms!~0
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i have two teenage daughters at the moment (another getting close = tween)....
we talk about sex and they are aware that i fully expect them to eventually have sex. it's completely normal. i talked to them about my first experience, age, etc... i have always intended on being open about this sort of thing -- because it's going to happen anyway.
i am fine with putting my daughters on birth control at/around 15 if it's something they need/request.
i have also made it very clear, that i do no intend on raising another baby!! :noway:0 -
We also used to marry our daughters off at 13 or 14 years old (if not sooner -- Henry VII's mom was 12 when he was born), often to 40-year-old men. Maybe we should just go back to that.
If you think teens weren't having sex 40 or 50 or 60 years ago, look up adoption stats from those eras.
I heart you for this. People might not have been keeping them or advertising their pregnancies but they were certainly having sex & babies out of wedlock.
I'm 53 and this is about my great uncle and his wives/children so you can surmise how long ago it was.
Uncle P's first wife gave birth to 3 of his children. For whatever reason she was not happy when she became pregnant again. While he was working the fields along with the kids she used a piece of wire and attempted to abort the baby, she bled out and when they returned to the house they found her dead. He remarried and no more children.
Of his 3 kids one was a girl. At this time there was no reliable bc. She got pregnant out of "wedlock". He kicked her out and never saw her again. He lived to be very old and to regret his actions.
Kids were having sex outside of marriage then, and still are. In my opinion....I'll protect my child by giving her the tools to protect herself.0 -
My oldest is 15..almost 16 and my youngest is 12. I think if your daughter asks for BC...a conversation is needed. I know my daughter is not sexually active..nor is she thinking about it..I know most of you think I am naive..
Some background..she was adopted at 10..and knew what life was like. Her bio mom had 9 children..first one at 14. She made the decision to stay pure for marriage..and we do everything to help her accomplish her goal. She is the first child counting the oldest 6,,,that will be 16 and not have a child, not be pregnant...and still be a virgin.
I think open communication is key with your children..they want it more than you know. I am also a youth partner at our church..and the biggest complaint I get is that parents dont talk to their children...they lecture...
My daughter has irregular periods..and like one of the posters said..she took BC at this age for health reasons. I am one of those parents who is over-educated..and plan to go down every avenue...before even thinking of giving my kid BC...Its a band-aid..doesnt solve the main issue..0 -
I don't think you're naive. Some kids really don't do it or want to. Most of my friends waited at least until college and I know for an absolute fact my daughter isn't doing it.My oldest is 15..almost 16 and my youngest is 12. I think if your daughter asks for BC...a conversation is needed. I know my daughter is not sexually active..nor is she thinking about it..I know most of you think I am naive..
Some background..she was adopted at 10..and knew what life was like. Her bio mom had 9 children..first one at 14. She made the decision to stay pure for marriage..and we do everything to help her accomplish her goal. She is the first child counting the oldest 6,,,that will be 16 and not have a child, not be pregnant...and still be a virgin.
I think open communication is key with your children..they want it more than you know. I am also a youth partner at our church..and the biggest complaint I get is that parents dont talk to their children...they lecture...
My daughter has irregular periods..and like one of the posters said..she took BC at this age for health reasons. I am one of those parents who is over-educated..and plan to go down every avenue...before even thinking of giving my kid BC...Its a band-aid..doesnt solve the main issue..
I think a big part of WHY she hasn't done it is because she's grown up with a mother who had a baby in high school and the reality of the consequences is so in her face. We've talked about it. Other adults in her life have talked to her about it. Sex has never been made a dirty or wrong thing to her, just something with consequences that she has decided she doesn't want to risk.
It's been one of my biggest fears all these years that she would follow my footsteps, but I was already a month and a half pregnant by the time I was the age she is now, so she's already gotten over that hump. Woo hoo! lol
On the other hand, while I know now she isn't having sex, it would not have shocked me if she had. I know it happens and could have happened with her. I think there's a difference between denial and knowledge.0 -
I'd do just as my mother did: make a doctor's appointment and get her on the pill.0
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Education! When I was a kid me and a friend were caught playing with matches. His mom set us down and showed us pictures of burn victims and dead burnt children. This was all I needed to be convinced that playing with matches and lighters is a very horrible idea. Kids don't really think about consequences the way adults do and often have the mentality of "this won't happen to me". My daughter is only 4 but when that day comes I will sit her down and discuss pregnancy and stds and how boys lie and top it off with a slide show of close ups of crowning babies, genital warts and herpe blisters; only then will I provide her with condoms.0
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