how honest should a MFP friend be?

okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??

If you know all the reasons behind their food choices and they are "bad" let them know!
I made the mistake once when I told a friend that they needed to stop starving themselves to death...yadda yaddah....she just had her stomach stapled! I had no clue! DOH!
But 90% of the people I have shaken my finger at have better eating habits now.
So let them know!
This isnt www.myignorantpal.com!

(Read my second paragraph before you make comments about my first) If someone doesn't want anyone to give advice or make suggestions then they should have their food diary private. What is the point of making it public if you do not want any feedback at all?

HOWEVER ... approaching it with concern and friendship and gentleness is how you should do something ... I would also suggest that you (or anyone) have already begun a dialog with the person (i.e. a relationship) before any comments are made. Perhaps they are just starting to go public with their diary and know they are trying to change their habits but are not there yet. Why make them feel bad about their first step to vulnerability and transparency? Just a word of caution too. Relationship first ... if that's not there a comment seems arrogant and judgmental.

Also, if I am friends with someone (already have that relationship) and I see that they are loosing weight by eating 3 oreos and a glass of milk for each meal, I may still say something out of love. If I'm friends with the person I would be truly concerned about them, and "losing weight" is not healthy in of itself.

"Love is about being deeply concerned with another human being and being willing to do something about it." S. Briscoe

You know what? People can change their lifestyle and still enjoy the things they enjoy in life. I'm a perfect example of that. I don't eat fast food and I don't drink pop. I do, however, enjoy cookies and cake. The vast majority of the food I eat is good (or at least better for me than what I used to eat) and if I want to indulge in a cookie (or more!), a piece of cake (no frosting, please) or something "sugary" as a treat, I will.

Does it mean I'm winging it? Does it mean I haven't changed?

60lbs lost.

145lbs.

Maintaining for over a year.

Yeah. I think I got it all figured out.

Restrict yourself if you choose. I only have ONE life to live and I plan to enjoy it..

This is exactly how I feel too. Restriction has led to failure for me in the past and I'm so glad I finally figured that out! I still eat chocolate almost every day and have still managed to lose nearly 70 pounds. I don't eat as much fast food as I used to but I do still eat pizza or chinese at least once a week. I'm a foodie so it's important to me to enjoy what I eat.

Obviously you've got a fairly mixed response on whether or not you should say something. I mostly don't, unless asked, except for the rare instance when someone complains about something specific and I have some advice that might help (like high cholesterol issues). If you feel really strongly that your MFPal needs some education because they're struggling and/or complaining, go ahead and comment but do so in a private message and preface it by saying something like "I was checking out your diary and wanted to give some helpful advice. If you're not open to that at this time, feel free to stop and delete this now."

Good luck!

I'm just starting out here, and it's difficult getting my head around starting out. Last night I didn't get to the store to buy my healthy groceries for the week. I was stuck with almost nothing in the fridge and I ended up with cream cheese and Bisquick mix and a Paula Dean recipe (dang her eyes!). So I had a couple cream cheese biscuits for dinner. In my calorie range because I had a protein drink for breakfast and yogurt for lunch, but it wasn't good for me at all. I still logged it. I think I'd rather give a person credit for logging their mistakes and taking ownership of them -- because no one feels good when they fall off the wagon.

Too, you really don't always know where that person's head is or what their circumstances are. By saying something, you could make them feel like that small failure is far bigger than it really was. Some days it's so easy for one little comment to make a person feel like they just can't do this. It's too overwhelming, or too difficult, or they don't have what it takes. I suppose it also depends on how well you know a person. Some people are simply more open to criticism -- even "constructive" criticism -- than others. It's a very real conundrum. But -if- you feel you need to say something, I agree with a lot of people here: put a positive spin on it.

I know my friends well enough to know when it's their cheat day or when it's just blatantly a bad streak. I don't chastise, I merely comment when its been a long time since they have eaten healthily.

they are aware one day they will wise up and relaize how much of there hardwork & time they are waisting. But I the fresind I have that admitt and say they wanna stop/change those ar ethe ones I hold accountable...

it can be hard becasue people log junk and then complain about how they haven't lost weight. Maybe they aren't ready to commit to being healthy just yet? I would ask about it. Not judge or give advice but maybe so you can see where they are at in their journey or what they are doing. Them maybe you can decide to drop them or support them.

I only say something if the person is making ba food choices/not exercising and then turns around and COMPLAINS about the fact they are not losing, feeling better, etc. I'll make suggestions then.

sometimes I think it can be ok to say something in as polite a way possible... maybe pm them about it so they don't feel embarassed about it on their page! I know them days when Im being really bold and eating crap I would like ta have some one ta tell me m going off track a wee bit and ta get back into it...

Tell the truth and let the cards fall where they may.
And if they don't like it, too bad.

A real friend is one who'll stand up and say "THE EMPEROR WEARS NO CLOTHES!"