how honest should a MFP friend be?

How well do you know the person? What is that person going through? What are their needs? If you offer unsolicited advice to someone that you don't know what their current goals and needs are, you could very well be giving the wrong advice to them. Maybe your friend used to eat really bad, and is now working on small changes to get better. Even if that is not good enough for you, it could be so much better than what they were eating before. Maybe your friend is recovering from an eating disorder. Maybe 1000 calories is a lot more than what they were eating before and so much healthier for them now. There are so many reasons why what is working for you may not work for someone else. If someone asks, I will say something. If I know my friend's story and circumstances, I will say something. I am not going to search through diaries of people on here if they aren't asking me to do that.

Being in the Fitness industry and actually dealing with people on a day to day basis, to take away what people really like (especially their favorite junk) will usually lead to weight loss failure in the long run. Anyone can lose weight if they clean up their diet, have calorie deficit and do more physical activity. But will they do it for the rest of their lives that way? No. So once most people reach goal, they indulge in what they used to eat. And that's when the weight returns. I'm sure many here are here for that very reason.
There is NOTHING wrong with having an "unhealthy" meal or item in your daily eating as long as you are getting in the required essentials from good sources. Unless your doctor says it will end up killing you, I believe moderation of favorite foods in controlled portions will help a person maintain a better weight and also make the journey easier. Nothing worse than a client who always whines that they miss eating _____.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I'm always honest...but I dont put them on blast though..if I see a problem or if I want to give them a tip or hint I inbox them.

IMO, I would say something but in a positive way. For example, one of my best MFP friends will ask me how much water I had if I didn't track. It is great for me to be called on that because I am a diet cokaholic! I will literally not drink anything but that all day. But once she started asking about it I have been more committed to getting my 8 to 10 glasses of water in. I made my food tracking public because I wanted to be held accountable.

Amybell68, I would say be brutally honest. I know there was one time when I went a few days without eating a vegetable :embarassed: and even though I was under my calories (which is always my goal), an MFP friend commented that I must not like veggies. the comment refocused me and reminded me that I need to make sure I am getting all the food groups. While I love the "way to go"s, a quick reminder of what is important is also appreciated.

That's my take, anyway.:ohwell:

I can't speak for anyone else, but I would welcome the honesty. I try and make the best food choices I can, but I'm no nutritionist. If I am making some really obvious mistake that I just don't see, I'll be glad to hear about it.

I don't like to receive unsolicited advice there for I don't give unsolicited advice. If your friend asks for help then by all means state your opinion. But if they are not asking - don't say a thing.

what you say could motivate one person and demoralise another.

^this

If it's public, say something in a private message in an encouracging way. They may know they need to change their food selections and your encouragement may be just what they need. Just don't nag... good luck and what a good MFP buddy you are to want to help!

Don't offer unless asked. Unsolicited advice is a big NO NO

Most advice is not true anyway

However, it's not unsolicited if your diary is public. If I don't want advice on my diary, then why would I make it public? People can still tell your "posting it" and see if you're under/over if you want ... but If there is a real reason to making a public diary yet not wanting anyone to comment, then by all means let me know. I just don't get it ... if I don't want advice, I'll close my diary (or only open it to some).

I'll answer. I think mine is public, 1. because it's the automatic setting (it's the status quo, until I started seeing these types of threads, it didn't occur to me that those were publically viewed, or that they could or would need to be changed), 2. I don't care if people read it, anyway. I think it's silly to think you need to educate me on the fact that the few Butterscotch chips I just had aren't healthy, I already know that, I just ate them anyway LOL; just like I tell my friends when I work out, because I log it... It's not really about your response to how I worked out, it's about logging it, and even the positive response and encouragement is nice. 3. if people want ideas, I assume that's where others might look, so I may as well leave it open.

And if someone does comment on the Butterscotch chips I ate, I guess I'll just think it's silly. LOL I think it's condescending to think that I need you to educate me on it, but it's not skin off my hide, really. I don't like having a TON of friends, though, just a few I have time to keep track of, so it wouldn't be a person I'd keep on my list. Not because I hate them or anything, it's just not what I need.

Ugh. Wanted to add a thought here. I think this is where the Food Notes section of the Food Diary would help. Say you know you had a bad day and why, note it. Or note your intention to do better. That is if you're aware of what you're doing wrong. That could clear up much confusion about why someone is eating the way they are. Just an imho.

I was contacted to be a friend and I accepted. Later on I looked at the food diary! WOW! ALL fast food from Burger King or McDonalds the entire way down the list! There were less than 10 items for the day. Obviously a woman with a lot to lose as she was within her 2000+ calorie limit for the day, but the food was all "crap" in my opinion. I am usually the polar opposite with 30 or more ingredients that make up my usually highly veggie based diet and I cook all of my own food from scratch. I thought about saying something, but am learning late in life to keep a lid on it. Sometimes I am not successful, but sometimes I am. People are mainly here to lose weight. What they choose to do with their health I guess is up to them. I have been told to up my protein before and I resist. I just can't get behind a high protein diet or taking large amounts of processed canned protein in. Mentally, it just isn't going to work for me no matter who says what, and I suppose I should respect the fast food dieter as well. I can quietly lead by example IF someone wants to be lead by my example. Not sure why she friended me as she didn't write a note (a pet peeve of mine!) But as another poster said, "all of my friends are adults" and I am learning that I can do it my way, and I can also let them do things their way. You may not like what I am doing with my diet and that is okay with me. I however, love it! It works for me. So I choose to butt out unless asked. MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.

I think it would depend on how well you know them. Do you know them to be someone that responds positively to constructive criticism? What is their goal? Are they trying to eat healthy and failing? Many people are quite happy eating junk as long as the scale and/or tape measure shows results. Some people strive for health, others just to be thinner.