how honest should a MFP friend be?

I have also been thinking the exact same thing! I know that I don't always make the best food choices, but staying within my calorie limit is really important to me. If I want a treat, then I will workout a little harder that day. Some diaries I've looked at consistently have soda and fast food with absolutely no exercise for over two weeks... It's hard to sit back and not say anything. I am not here to hurt one's feelings, but when your profile information says things like "I've been trying to lose weight my whole life"... I find it REALLY hard to believe they're even trying at all. It's kind of a touchy subject to call someone out. Hmm... what shall we do....

What I would say is... you never know how they USED to be. I know it sounds silly or ridiculous, but what if only drinking 2 cans of Coke a day IS an improvement from their previous 10 cans? You never know how someone USED to be that would make even their not so ideal choices now not seem quite so bad.

Don't assume you know or understand what they're working on. Some people are proud when they give up multiple cans of pop or 3 fast food meals a day. And while you're looking at their diary thinking "Dang, they need to get it together" - maybe they ARE taking baby steps to get it together. Not everyone can go cold turkey with things. Some people HAVE to take baby steps or they give up.

I always tell people - don't judge. You never know their circumstances.

While I certainly understand the rest of your post, I certainly can't agree with the statement below. For you perhaps, yes. However there are plenty of people on here to specifically track their eating habits, nutrition structure, and another stuff. The beauty of MFP is that it's as simple and as complex (virtually) as you want to make it. For many reasons, including some medical and allergic, people use it to track much more than a number.

Many times I too go through a period of heavy tracking on specific balances (fiber, fat, carbs, etc.) ... for me it's a tool that helps me steer towards healthy eating. If you want to use it as strictly a calorie counter, go for it. But MFP is not "all about staying under calories and weight loss".

MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.

Well, what I mean to say is FOR ME: MFP is all about counting calories, figuring in my exercise, and logging in my food so that I can see my healthy food choices. Healthy food is VERY important to me. I LIKE eating only healthy food if that is what I can get. For others it might be about only losing weight. I have lots of friends who like to figure in desserts and use less sugar, or eat only one cookie instead of a whole pack. That is progress for them. For me, I'd call it dosing myself with sugar. I don't want to dose myself with sugar or white flour anymore. It makes me crave more and want to eat more. I am better off for instance making my chocolate pudding with spinach, berries, a banana, flax seed and psyllium fiber and cocoa powder. THAT is dessert for me and I had a nice big bowl for breakfast!

That quote of mine is to be filed under the "Live and Let Live" philosophy. I think I have gotten a frosty silence here before from someone who didn't want me butting into what she feeds her child who reminds me of myself as a child looking for sugar. That is why I believe that the number one thing people are trying to do here is to stay at or under their calorie allotment for the day. How they choose to do that is up to them, not me. My diary is open if they want to see how I achieved my success. You may not like my choices and that is fine, but I am happy with 90% of them and that is MY goal for MFP. I am aiming to keep my calories in line and steer myself towards healthier eating all the time. It is a process and I plan on doing better as the years go by. I am by no means "done" nor will I ever be.

Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me