What makes a relationship work?

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  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    In your opinion what makes a relationship work? Say two people really love each other-but have lots against them...

    Does love conquer all barriers? Or does it take more?

    I am personally leaning towards both people (in love) will make anything work until they decided not to.

    Thoughts?
    :heart:
    Many abused women love their abusers. I don't think that's a working relationship.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    [/quote

    I am asking for what makes a HEALTHY relationship. Not asking how people justify their bad ones :P

    I agree that it is not a working relationship to stay with someone who abuses you
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    Relationships are about equal giving and taking. If one side gives more than the other, eventually the giver will feel unappreciated. Eventually it leads to unhappiness in the relationship and it's nothing more than a live together situation.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    I am asking for what makes a HEALTHY relationship. Not asking how people justify their bad ones :P

    I agree that it is not a working relationship to stay with someone who abuses you
    I was under the assumption that "does love conquer all barriers" was the question at hand.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    Relationships are about equal giving and taking. If one side gives more than the other, eventually the giver will feel unappreciated. Eventually it leads to unhappiness in the relationship and it's nothing more than a live together situation.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Buddhist Psychology says that you should never expect anything from anyone else. You should give freely or not give at all.

    What is everyone's thoughts on that?

    I believe equality doesn't really exist.
  • Multistyles
    Multistyles Posts: 167
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    "Communication is a difficult subject in the fact that men and women communicate differently. A lot of women are long winded and a guys attention span is short. If you don't get to the point quick we start to zone out. And with us most of us talk or explain things quick which gives the illusion that we're trying to hide something. Communication between the genders needs to be approached with logic and reason. Guys and girls need to be aware of each others biological communication flaws." (sorry I accidentally deleted the html quote thingys. you know who you are :))


    TOTALLY agree. It takes being sensitive to how you both communicate to make communication mutually satisfying and actually beneficial. If I gabbed my husband's ear off every night, he'd go insane. Likewise, it can be hard for him to realize that his idea of spending time together i.e. falling asleep on the sofa doesn't satisfy my need for "spending time together". Finding the balance between what you both need is the trick. Being honest about what you need is step one to getting there.
    Thanks lol Communication seems to be a hot topic. I'm pretty bad with the spending time and NOT falling asleep in the sofa lol
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    I am asking for what makes a HEALTHY relationship. Not asking how people justify their bad ones :P

    I agree that it is not a working relationship to stay with someone who abuses you
    I was under the assumption that "does love conquer all barriers" was the question at hand.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Yes, I clarified later in the thread. I guess I should add it into the main thread :P
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    "Communication is a difficult subject in the fact that men and women communicate differently. A lot of women are long winded and a guys attention span is short. If you don't get to the point quick we start to zone out. And with us most of us talk or explain things quick which gives the illusion that we're trying to hide something. Communication between the genders needs to be approached with logic and reason. Guys and girls need to be aware of each others biological communication flaws." (sorry I accidentally deleted the html quote thingys. you know who you are :))


    TOTALLY agree. It takes being sensitive to how you both communicate to make communication mutually satisfying and actually beneficial. If I gabbed my husband's ear off every night, he'd go insane. Likewise, it can be hard for him to realize that his idea of spending time together i.e. falling asleep on the sofa doesn't satisfy my need for "spending time together". Finding the balance between what you both need is the trick. Being honest about what you need is step one to getting there.
    Thanks lol Communication seems to be a hot topic. I'm pretty bad with the spending time and NOT falling asleep in the sofa lol

    My man is the same way. Sleeping in each others arms is the perfect way to spend a day. And I'm the kind of person who wants to get out an explore :P

    Luckly for him I also love sleeping in his arms so he usually can get his way ;P
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    Wont let me edit my post? idk guess people will have to be confused :P
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Buddhist Psychology says that you should never expect anything from anyone else. You should give freely or not give at all.

    What is everyone's thoughts on that?

    I believe equality doesn't really exist.


    This I believe a thousand percent. I try and live this way in ALL my relationships. I admit, sometimes its hard when youre giving so much of yourself to someone who is perfectly willing to take and not contribute.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    Buddhist Psychology says that you should never expect anything from anyone else. You should give freely or not give at all.

    What is everyone's thoughts on that?

    I believe equality doesn't really exist.


    This I believe a thousand percent. I try and live this way in ALL my relationships. I admit, sometimes its hard when youre giving so much of yourself to someone who is perfectly willing to take and not contribute.

    I agree! I struggle with it constantly but have seen great results in my attitude when I think this way. :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I don't think love concurs all. I believe the relationship works as long as you want it to work and as long as you work at it.

    Also, willingness to compromise your differences and resisting the urge to change your partner helps. Not expecting every day to be rainbows and butterflies is key.

    It's not an easy task to come up with a perfect formula. I've been married for 12 years and we've both sacrificed things, went through really low times, had a lot of unexpected things happen, had some really fantastic high points. I just go back to my first statement, as long as each of you want to be in the relationship, it'll continue to grow.

    I agree with this. Love doesn't conquer all. The two people in the relationship have to not only love one another, but respect one another, be willing to compromise and not think they're going to turn the other person into someone else. I truly believe respect ranks higher than love in deciding whether or not a relationship will work. You can love someone, but if the respect is lacking? The relationship likely won't survive.

    After a divorce, I've realized that you can NOT compare one person to another. Never tell the other person "well, my ex did _____ (whether it is good or bad)" No one wants to be compared to someone. I think being open minded and accepting another person's flaws are important too. None of us are perfect and we all have flaws - some are worse than others and can't be overlooked.
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
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    Compromise, forgiveness, love and laughter.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    Buddhist Psychology says that you should never expect anything from anyone else. You should give freely or not give at all.

    What is everyone's thoughts on that?

    I believe equality doesn't really exist.
    If you only gave, you would get taken advantage of. I've seen many a female as a client who has gone through this.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    If you only gave, you would get taken advantage of. I've seen many a female as a client who has gone through this.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    [/quote

    I felt this way when I read that as well. The book I read explained it better. Basically it says you should not give freely and abandon your own self respect.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    Compromise, forgiveness, love and laughter.

    :) I like that!
  • blkmale67
    blkmale67 Posts: 61 Member
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    Bump to post comment later
  • monocot
    monocot Posts: 475 Member
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    i'm not really sure anymore. My relationship is so confusing(8 years together yet so very apart). I just know that when I'm having a horrible day, even if i'm annoyed at him. Everything just feels Okay again when in arms of my man.
  • Thena81
    Thena81 Posts: 1,265 Member
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    an assload of compromise lol
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
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    After a divorce, I've realized that you can NOT compare one person to another. Never tell the other person "well, my ex did _____ (whether it is good or bad)" No one wants to be compared to someone. I think being open minded and accepting another person's flaws are important too. None of us are perfect and we all have flaws - some are worse than others and can't be overlooked.


    I agree with not comparing...kinda like don't try and change a person...comparing is like asking them to be someone they're not.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
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    "Communication is a difficult subject in the fact that men and women communicate differently. A lot of women are long winded and a guys attention span is short. If you don't get to the point quick we start to zone out. And with us most of us talk or explain things quick which gives the illusion that we're trying to hide something. Communication between the genders needs to be approached with logic and reason. Guys and girls need to be aware of each others biological communication flaws." (sorry I accidentally deleted the html quote thingys. you know who you are :))


    TOTALLY agree. It takes being sensitive to how you both communicate to make communication mutually satisfying and actually beneficial. If I gabbed my husband's ear off every night, he'd go insane. Likewise, it can be hard for him to realize that his idea of spending time together i.e. falling asleep on the sofa doesn't satisfy my need for "spending time together". Finding the balance between what you both need is the trick. Being honest about what you need is step one to getting there.
    Thanks lol Communication seems to be a hot topic. I'm pretty bad with the spending time and NOT falling asleep in the sofa lol

    LOL. 50% rate of falling asleep on the couch is tolerable. Especially after 12 hour + work days. More time together is what the weekends are for :)

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