What makes a relationship work?

Love does conquer all, but very few people define love correctly in the 21st century. Love is sacrifice, trust, forgiveness, grace under pressure, meekness, humility, dependence on each other - all the things no one is willing to offer to another human being anymore.

A painful lesson learned for me: Love is not enough.

I'm not a martyr for love. I have enough of it for myself to know when "working" on a relationship will cost me more than is fair to ask me to "pay".

Components of a healthy relationship:

- Honesty at all times (with yourself and with partner)
- Communication, even if not on the same level, as long as the couple has worked out how to do it with each other, is essential.
- Having no expectations that go unsaid.
- Being understanding.
- Being affectionate regularly (the couple determines the frequency, but their level of affection should be a standard)
- Not asking for sacrifice of the other person's core makeup. In other words, just letting your partner be who he or she is without hoping for or pushing for change, nagging, or complaining. Find ways to appreciate the differences, or find another partner.

Continually working on yourself, introspecting, striving to be your very best - and understanding what that means. Understanding to the utmost how you yourself work, objectively looking at your own qualities with a loving, open mind. Working on yourself and meeting your own needs so that you truly do have more to give without expecting things in return.

My relationships - all of them - always improve the most when I look inward. It's pretty magical.

Oh yeah, great communication, too. From these two base items - introspection and communication - you can work on everything else together.

I LOVE this. I was a little taken back by putting them before you...that seems like a good way to lose yourself?

What do you think about the "put them before you" approach?

I agree. To a certain extent. Yes, you have to put your partner's needs before your own, but you have to make sure that you're still focusing on you. It's a tricky balance that you have to find, and personally one of the more difficult things I've found about relationships. Example: My past experience has been to focus on my partner's needs, but then I end up ignoring my own (ie gym time, taking care of myself, etc.) and then you realize one day that you're not doing your partner any favors by ignoring yourself or your own needs. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's ok to be "selfish" with your time every now and then, especially if it's something that you need for you, in order to make yourself a better partner.

Ah Love.... Does not conquer all. I can only speak for myself. For me - it's the foundation but other factors have to be present.
Honesty, trust, communication, compromise, *intimacy including sex = all very important to me.
Attraction to who they are - not just physically. I respect and admire my husband, to me he's the most beautiful man on earth.
Finding someone who compliments you (and I don't mean flattery) so that you're better together than apart.
Embracing each others differences and loving their imperfections because that makes them who they are.

Yes you must always consider the other person but you have to keep yourself happy as well.
It's a constant balancing act but when it works, it works. Both parties have to make an effort and both
parties needs need to met. It's never a one way street. This is where communication is key - none of us are
mind readers, though I think a lot of times one party assumes the other is.

I think every relationship is different and what works for some won't and doesn't work for others.

We all have our "off" days... but at the end of the day - good bad or ugly - there's no one else I'd rather be with than my husband.
Together we make it work. That's what commitment means. Making an effort - every day - to keep each other happy.

I think most people are on track - compromise, communication, constant work, intimacy, etc. As far as communication goes, I think in a long-term relationship two people need to be very upfront about three things: their finances/financial outlook, religion, and kids/future kids. Those three seem to be the hardest to find ways to compromise.

I've only been married for 19 years so, I'm not sure I have good answer.

Seriously though. Relationships neither work or fail. People either work or fail. If two people are willing to learn to give up their preferences, forgive when they don't feel like it, and spend time cultivating their's and the over persons love, then obstacles become adventures.

^^^^^^^This. I have been in what some people call a long-term relationship (only 29 years so far). I would boil our "success" down to one word:

Compromise

Relationships by their very nature are a compromise. If you don’t compromise, then it isn’t a relationship. Sometimes you just have to . . . well you get my point.

Also, relationships change as people change. Embrace each other as you embrace change.

Compatibility (including love), communication, and compromise.

Continually working on yourself, introspecting, striving to be your very best - and understanding what that means. Understanding to the utmost how you yourself work, objectively looking at your own qualities with a loving, open mind. Working on yourself and meeting your own needs so that you truly do have more to give without expecting things in return.

My relationships - all of them - always improve the most when I look inward. It's pretty magical.

Oh yeah, great communication, too. From these two base items - introspection and communication - you can work on everything else together.

I LOVE this. I was a little taken back by putting them before you...that seems like a good way to lose yourself?

What do you think about the "put them before you" approach?

I agree. I don't see how you could go on your entire life by putting your partner ahead of yourself, and still remain happy. I think it's good to have a balance, and that includes making time for family and friends and most definitely yourself, even if every now and then it's at the expense of his wishes. But then again, if both partners feel that way, then I'm sure that makes a difference. Just my thoughts.

Simple, She wins, everytime. :smooched:

Fight fair. Don't accuse or imply the other person's feelings. Don't bring up stuff from the past, if it bothered you then, you should have said something, Always start your "fights" with, "I love you, but...". Communicate effectively. Look out for each other. Take care of yourself. Define boundaries early on.