Break up or make up?
xonicolette
Posts: 151 Member
Some quick advice if you have the time?
I am engaged and we have a 2 month old son together. I am 19 and he is 22.
We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change. My fiance likes to put his friends before me, and now it has turned into me any his son.
Yesterday, on Christmas, he bascially kicked us out so that he could have a friend over and play xbox. We fought and fought and I ended up going to my mothers. Then he gets drunk tonight and calls me getting mad at me cause I am sleeping and he doesn't believe me. He flips out and then gets over it. Then he gets mad cause when he called me he didn't make any sense because he was so drunk, I told him I was going to bed. Then he texts me (perfectly fine) things like "f**k you", "I'm done". Then he calls me and just talks more crap to me.
This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow. Everytime he does this, he apologizes and says he will change and I try again because we have a son together. But it always ends up bad at least a month later.
Opinions please? Thank you.
I am engaged and we have a 2 month old son together. I am 19 and he is 22.
We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change. My fiance likes to put his friends before me, and now it has turned into me any his son.
Yesterday, on Christmas, he bascially kicked us out so that he could have a friend over and play xbox. We fought and fought and I ended up going to my mothers. Then he gets drunk tonight and calls me getting mad at me cause I am sleeping and he doesn't believe me. He flips out and then gets over it. Then he gets mad cause when he called me he didn't make any sense because he was so drunk, I told him I was going to bed. Then he texts me (perfectly fine) things like "f**k you", "I'm done". Then he calls me and just talks more crap to me.
This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow. Everytime he does this, he apologizes and says he will change and I try again because we have a son together. But it always ends up bad at least a month later.
Opinions please? Thank you.
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Replies
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Leave him. He's never going to change. If this has happened 100 times, what makes you think 101 will be different? You deserve someone better! Good luck:)0
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I think you've already decided what's good for you - and your son.0
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what advice would you give to your son if he had a gf treating him this way?0
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Getting married isn't going to make it any better. If he's like this now, he will only be worse as time goes on. Sadly you know inside what is best for you and your son.0
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move on sweetie. he doesnt want to settle down or care about you and your son. its sad but true and you can do so much better. do you want your son to grow up seeing that its ok for him to treat you like that and perpetuate the abuse and he treats his so like that also? tell your boyfriend that you deserve more respect than that!0
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Leave. Don't put your son in a bad situation like get. Get out now!0
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Seek some help from your family and/or close friends and get out now.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results! Setting healthy boundaries for others is a Christmas gift to yourself and your child! God bless you...0 -
I have 3 suggestions for you.
1. Pack up
2. Leave
3. Never look back0 -
Absolutely leave. It isn't healthy bring up a child around that kind of father. What role model is he being?0
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I agree with everyone else....you need to think about wheat is best for you and your son. He won't change. Once you move, he will probably try even harder to get you back. Stay strong!! Good luck!!:flowerforyou:0
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As much as it hurts it's time to go, it will be a struggle with the son you share but better you raise a loving and caring son than someone like his dad. Do it for yourself and your son.0
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I have 3 suggestions for you.
1. Pack up
2. Leave
3. Never look back
This ^^
It's no longer about you anymore, sweetie. It's about you and your son.0 -
I agree, leave (there will be other romances waiting for you along the way).
Wishing you the very best whatever course of action you take.0 -
Agree with everyone else...how heartbreaking to have your baby's first Christmas and basically be kicked out of the house so he can play video games and get drunk. I can say with 100% certainty that is NOT what you OR your baby deserve. No one does. Good luck sweetie. You know what is right.0
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Omg...I am so sorry you are going through this. I just got out of an abusive relationship. I finally got the courage and confidence to leave. I had a 18 month old and a 7 week old baby. Leaving is hard, I know, but life gets better!!!!
Just know nothing will change if you stay- I waited for things to change for 3 years. It just gets worse!
Put your son first- all this is effecting him. You don't deserve to be treated like that.0 -
You don't deserve it and you don't want your son learning that kind of behaviour is ok. Take all these strong ladies' advice and run the other way!0
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I am so sorry to hear that your son's first Christmas wasn't a joyous and fun occasion, and that you are so young and having to deal with crap like this! My sister was your age when she had my little niece and she was in a similar situation. She has long since left him (niece is coming 4 now) and is enjoying life and setting an excellent example for her little one, and has her in a positive, safe, and nurturing environment. I hope you are able to do the same for your boy! The way your fiancé is treating you is extremely rude and disrespectful. I hope that you would have support and help from your Mom, which would make leaving easier. It sounds as though you know what is the best thing for you and your baby son. Do you have any siblings and/or close friends who could help as well? Or who are at least close by for support?
Good luck to you! Sending hugs!!!0 -
Sadly, the only thing that makes someone change is the desire they have within themselves to do so...no babies, marriage, or happy home is enough incentive to make them unless they WANT to. I was in a similar relationship and left, and while it takes time to get over it, I realize now that my son and I both deserved better long before I sought better. I wish you all the luck and strength you will need if you embark on your new endeavor!0
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Some quick advice if you have the time?
I am engaged and we have a 2 month old son together. I am 19 and he is 22.
We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change. My fiance likes to put his friends before me, and now it has turned into me any his son.
Yesterday, on Christmas, he bascially kicked us out so that he could have a friend over and play xbox. We fought and fought and I ended up going to my mothers. Then he gets drunk tonight and calls me getting mad at me cause I am sleeping and he doesn't believe me. He flips out and then gets over it. Then he gets mad cause when he called me he didn't make any sense because he was so drunk, I told him I was going to bed. Then he texts me (perfectly fine) things like "f**k you", "I'm done". Then he calls me and just talks more crap to me.
This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow. Everytime he does this, he apologizes and says he will change and I try again because we have a son together. But it always ends up bad at least a month later.
Opinions please? Thank you.
Instead of asking yourself why you should leave .. ask yourself why you should stay. The writing was on the wall LONG ago.
He was abusive and controlling before you had a child, why in the world would you think THAT would change. You are very young and perhaps very naive if you thought people just simply 'change'. I am assuming you have stayed with him because you think you love him. Here's another question: Are you in love with the guy the way he is or are you in love with who you want him to be?
Your child does not deserve to be slammed into an environment where there is such obvious resentment. Your 'fiance' is obviously too young and immature to even begin to contend with the responsibilities of raising a child, not to mention handling a loving and caring adult relationship.
Move on .. It's time to start thinking like an adult .. You are a parent now .. Starting thinking like one. You have to be the one who puts that child's needs far above your own ... Your 'fiance' is certainly not .. He has more important things to do (or so HE thinks) ! He is still thinking and acting like a carefree teenager, not a family man.0 -
Getting married isn't going to make it any better. If he's like this now, he will only be worse as time goes on. Sadly you know inside what is best for you and your son.
Go, start the New Year with a new outlook. Neither having a child nor getting married won't change a person.0 -
First... I want to say how sorry I am that you are in this position. Thirty years ago, I was in a similar situation as you. If it is not good, and he is not ready to be married or to be a parent, it will only get worse if you stay.
My advice... get out. Get educated. Provide a good life your child, and move forward.
Your life can and will be so much better. Do not settle.0 -
You know already! Good Luck and it takes a lot of guts!0
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Leave him, he obviously cares nothing for you or his child since he just wants to play xbox. You are better off without him and there are plenty of men out there that would love to have a woman like you and a son. Find a real man.0
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Never stay in a bad relationship "for your kids"!!! Kids need to be raised in a loving safe environment. Your baby's father is not providing that at all! GET OUT OF THERE QUICK!
He will not change.
Things will not get better--only worse-- if you stay.
It will be very difficult and scare to leave, but in a short while you will realize how great your life is and will continue to be with out the bad relationship. No one derserves to be treated like that.
Good luck!! I'll be rooting for you!0 -
I'm not saying people don't change. Absolutely they do. But the point is he hasn't changed, and it isn't good for you and even less so for your son to stick around waiting for him to. Leave him, if in future he really changes and decides to be a decent human being, and proves that he is over many months or even years, then you can think about second chances, but today, you need to leave him, he is a bad father and a bad person.0
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Sounds very immature, and not a good role model. I would get out now, and hope that someday he gets his **** together so he can have a positive relationship with his son. Verbal abuse is the first step to him getting physically abusive.0
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What is there to make up?? Seems he fights to get his way and then when it's convenient for him, apologizes. Do you want your son to grow up and treat a woman like that? Get the book, Boundaries. It really will help you set some very healthy and needed boundaries and I'm with the others, I think you know what is best for you and your son. Good luck!0
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I'm not going to tell you to leave or stay. That's a decision only you can make.
However, I will ask you to do this ... what memories - holiday or otherwise - do you want for you and your son? When you look back upon your life, what do you want to remember?
Are there behavior patterns that have continued over time? Is the doubt of what your boyfriend is going to do causing you stress? Are you comfortable with things as they are now?
When you were 12 years old and in bed thinking of the man of your dreams and a "happily ever after Cinderella story" does the person you're with now reflect your dreams? Are you living how you want to live?
Answer those questions with your heart and your head. Then you'll have your decision.0 -
Oh dear, sweetheart my advice is to move in with your mom file for full custody and start praying. That is not how God designed relationships. He will not change, and if he does it will be at least a couple years and he will have to drop all his "friends" and start fresh. There is your prince charming out there, I promise. Pray to God to give you strength, and just get deep in his word for guidance.
Good luck0 -
My husband and I got married very young, I was 18 and he was 21, however we did not have children. At times I felt that he cared more for his friends than me and he did more with them than he did with me. We had our first child 2-3 years later and things didn't really change, but as we matured he did change as I am sure I did too. If it was just that in your case I would say stick it out, but it sounds like you have much more of an issue than just maturity levels.
Sounds like there may be a little control issue or possibly even some abusive behavior on his part and that I simply would not tolerate. My husband was not like that, if he was I wouldn't have put up with it. I don't think that type of behavior is going to change at least not without some serious help.
Twenty two years later we are still together our kids are older and we get to go out and have fun from time to time. Good luck with your decision and do what is best for you and your child. If he puts his hands on you get out!0
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