Break up or make up?

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  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
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    First... I want to say how sorry I am that you are in this position. Thirty years ago, I was in a similar situation as you. If it is not good, and he is not ready to be married or to be a parent, it will only get worse if you stay.

    My advice... get out. Get educated. Provide a good life your child, and move forward.

    Your life can and will be so much better. Do not settle.
  • mattstith
    mattstith Posts: 2
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    You know already! Good Luck and it takes a lot of guts!
  • sgtlittle
    sgtlittle Posts: 258 Member
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    Leave him, he obviously cares nothing for you or his child since he just wants to play xbox. You are better off without him and there are plenty of men out there that would love to have a woman like you and a son. Find a real man.
  • Giraffe33991
    Giraffe33991 Posts: 434 Member
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    Never stay in a bad relationship "for your kids"!!! Kids need to be raised in a loving safe environment. Your baby's father is not providing that at all! GET OUT OF THERE QUICK!

    He will not change.

    Things will not get better--only worse-- if you stay.

    It will be very difficult and scare to leave, but in a short while you will realize how great your life is and will continue to be with out the bad relationship. No one derserves to be treated like that.

    Good luck!! I'll be rooting for you!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I'm not saying people don't change. Absolutely they do. But the point is he hasn't changed, and it isn't good for you and even less so for your son to stick around waiting for him to. Leave him, if in future he really changes and decides to be a decent human being, and proves that he is over many months or even years, then you can think about second chances, but today, you need to leave him, he is a bad father and a bad person.
  • Bsp120167
    Bsp120167 Posts: 68 Member
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    Sounds very immature, and not a good role model. I would get out now, and hope that someday he gets his **** together so he can have a positive relationship with his son. Verbal abuse is the first step to him getting physically abusive.
  • caligirl04
    caligirl04 Posts: 33 Member
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    What is there to make up?? Seems he fights to get his way and then when it's convenient for him, apologizes. Do you want your son to grow up and treat a woman like that? Get the book, Boundaries. It really will help you set some very healthy and needed boundaries and I'm with the others, I think you know what is best for you and your son. Good luck!
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
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    I'm not going to tell you to leave or stay. That's a decision only you can make.

    However, I will ask you to do this ... what memories - holiday or otherwise - do you want for you and your son? When you look back upon your life, what do you want to remember?

    Are there behavior patterns that have continued over time? Is the doubt of what your boyfriend is going to do causing you stress? Are you comfortable with things as they are now?

    When you were 12 years old and in bed thinking of the man of your dreams and a "happily ever after Cinderella story" does the person you're with now reflect your dreams? Are you living how you want to live?

    Answer those questions with your heart and your head. Then you'll have your decision.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
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    Oh dear, sweetheart my advice is to move in with your mom file for full custody and start praying. That is not how God designed relationships. He will not change, and if he does it will be at least a couple years and he will have to drop all his "friends" and start fresh. There is your prince charming out there, I promise. Pray to God to give you strength, and just get deep in his word for guidance.

    Good luck
  • jwaitman
    jwaitman Posts: 367 Member
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    My husband and I got married very young, I was 18 and he was 21, however we did not have children. At times I felt that he cared more for his friends than me and he did more with them than he did with me. We had our first child 2-3 years later and things didn't really change, but as we matured he did change as I am sure I did too. If it was just that in your case I would say stick it out, but it sounds like you have much more of an issue than just maturity levels.

    Sounds like there may be a little control issue or possibly even some abusive behavior on his part and that I simply would not tolerate. My husband was not like that, if he was I wouldn't have put up with it. I don't think that type of behavior is going to change at least not without some serious help.

    Twenty two years later we are still together our kids are older and we get to go out and have fun from time to time. Good luck with your decision and do what is best for you and your child. If he puts his hands on you get out!
  • GreenEyedLefty
    GreenEyedLefty Posts: 12 Member
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    Definitely break up. Life is too short to be treated like that.

    I also had a baby at 19. It was hard, but not impossible, and now my baby is a 21 year old junior in college. If I could do it over again, I would have put myself first a lot more than I thought I should have. That doesn't mean being selfish, but doing more for the betterment of myself and my child(ren).

    Hang in there and enjoy your baby!
  • msmith2020
    msmith2020 Posts: 365 Member
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    Leave him. You AND your son deserve a better life and a Husband/father who will treat you right. And like Like she said before, 101 wont make a difference because he just is not going to change.Good luck though, I wish you the best! And Merry Christmas to you and your son.

    Think about your son in the future, your want him to be raise right, with morals and dignity. He deserves happiness just as much as you do.
  • Stephshea77
    Stephshea77 Posts: 3
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    Lose the loser....I've been through the same thing in a relationship...waiting on someone else to change. Take care of YOU and your son. Don't subject yourself & your child to such bad behavior and don't reward him by going back. You deserve better!!
  • learningtolove
    learningtolove Posts: 288 Member
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    Just the fact that you said " try and make it work because we have a son" and not "becayse I really do love him" says a lot.
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
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    Repeating what everyone else said would just take too much time so I will just say this...

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    If not for you than for your son.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
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    I just want you know there are good men out there. Men who don't play video games, men who put their family first, men who are fun and will love you and your son.
  • scarlettd12
    scarlettd12 Posts: 111 Member
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    I agree with everyone else, leave. It's not going to be easy. You obviously love him. Even if you're falling out of love with him, it could be a comfort thing, or like you said, you want what's best for your son. But it's not fair to you or him. He won't change. I was in a relationship for a long time with someone the same way. He kept saying he would change. He even went to counseling, but he still didn't change. There just comes a point when enough is enough and you realize you can't do this anymore and that you deserve better. There is no point in being miserable every day. You deserve to be happy. Get out now girl. You and your son deserve better. Good luck!
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    You definitely need to leave. It won't be easy. In fact, it'll probably get worse in terms of paying bills and child care and all the responsible stuff. But leaving is the only path to getting out of this bad situation. For the future, I would encourage you to really think about that kind of qualities you want in a partner. Don't settle for less than that no matter how much you think you can change a guy or ignore some things. In the end, you want the guy that you held out for that already has what you want on his inside. The outer appearance, while very appealing sometimes, can just be the first step on the road to disaster.

    And always always always put your babies well being before a guy.

    Be strong...
  • DixieDarlin1987
    DixieDarlin1987 Posts: 553 Member
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    Leave him, he obviously cares nothing for you or his child since he just wants to play xbox. You are better off without him and there are plenty of men out there that would love to have a woman like you and a son. Find a real man.

    I LOVE your answer! What he said!!! It takes a real man to be a father and you, as a mother, deserve nothing less than a real man. Please leave him, for your son's sake!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    People like that usually don't change and you and your son deserve better. I know you're trying to make it work for your child, but I think he's even more of a reason to leave and stay gone. Let him be a dad, but you don't have to be in a relationship with someone who treats you bad and makes you unhappy. Good luck! You're too young to let a guy make you miserable! (we're the same age :flowerforyou: )

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