Break up or make up?

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Replies

  • GreenEyedLefty
    GreenEyedLefty Posts: 12 Member
    Definitely break up. Life is too short to be treated like that.

    I also had a baby at 19. It was hard, but not impossible, and now my baby is a 21 year old junior in college. If I could do it over again, I would have put myself first a lot more than I thought I should have. That doesn't mean being selfish, but doing more for the betterment of myself and my child(ren).

    Hang in there and enjoy your baby!
  • msmith2020
    msmith2020 Posts: 365 Member
    Leave him. You AND your son deserve a better life and a Husband/father who will treat you right. And like Like she said before, 101 wont make a difference because he just is not going to change.Good luck though, I wish you the best! And Merry Christmas to you and your son.

    Think about your son in the future, your want him to be raise right, with morals and dignity. He deserves happiness just as much as you do.
  • Stephshea77
    Stephshea77 Posts: 3
    Lose the loser....I've been through the same thing in a relationship...waiting on someone else to change. Take care of YOU and your son. Don't subject yourself & your child to such bad behavior and don't reward him by going back. You deserve better!!
  • learningtolove
    learningtolove Posts: 288 Member
    Just the fact that you said " try and make it work because we have a son" and not "becayse I really do love him" says a lot.
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
    Repeating what everyone else said would just take too much time so I will just say this...

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    If not for you than for your son.
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    I just want you know there are good men out there. Men who don't play video games, men who put their family first, men who are fun and will love you and your son.
  • scarlettd12
    scarlettd12 Posts: 111 Member
    I agree with everyone else, leave. It's not going to be easy. You obviously love him. Even if you're falling out of love with him, it could be a comfort thing, or like you said, you want what's best for your son. But it's not fair to you or him. He won't change. I was in a relationship for a long time with someone the same way. He kept saying he would change. He even went to counseling, but he still didn't change. There just comes a point when enough is enough and you realize you can't do this anymore and that you deserve better. There is no point in being miserable every day. You deserve to be happy. Get out now girl. You and your son deserve better. Good luck!
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
    You definitely need to leave. It won't be easy. In fact, it'll probably get worse in terms of paying bills and child care and all the responsible stuff. But leaving is the only path to getting out of this bad situation. For the future, I would encourage you to really think about that kind of qualities you want in a partner. Don't settle for less than that no matter how much you think you can change a guy or ignore some things. In the end, you want the guy that you held out for that already has what you want on his inside. The outer appearance, while very appealing sometimes, can just be the first step on the road to disaster.

    And always always always put your babies well being before a guy.

    Be strong...
  • DixieDarlin1987
    DixieDarlin1987 Posts: 553 Member
    Leave him, he obviously cares nothing for you or his child since he just wants to play xbox. You are better off without him and there are plenty of men out there that would love to have a woman like you and a son. Find a real man.

    I LOVE your answer! What he said!!! It takes a real man to be a father and you, as a mother, deserve nothing less than a real man. Please leave him, for your son's sake!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    People like that usually don't change and you and your son deserve better. I know you're trying to make it work for your child, but I think he's even more of a reason to leave and stay gone. Let him be a dad, but you don't have to be in a relationship with someone who treats you bad and makes you unhappy. Good luck! You're too young to let a guy make you miserable! (we're the same age :flowerforyou: )
  • Aesop101
    Aesop101 Posts: 758 Member
    Why would you get pregnant by a guy this immature?
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Why would you get pregnant by a guy this immature?

    This isn't helpful to her. The baby is already here and that can't be changed. I don't really think it matters why she got pregnant (birth control DOES fail, you know) - what matters now is making the best choices for her son and for her well being.
  • kegonzales
    kegonzales Posts: 75
    First of all I am sorry that he is treating you this way. No one deserves that! If his behaviour is showing a trend , which it sounds like it is, you need to stop try to change him. Having a child together doesn't mean that you and he are meant to be together and staying together for the sake of your child is not the option. He can be part of his son's life whether you are together or not but should you be jeopardizing your happiness for the sake of an image of the happy family? Ultimately, you need to make the decision yourself and no one can tell you what you should do but you do need to really look at your relationship. Are you happy majority of the time, does he love, honor, and cherish you? Does he think of your feelings? If the answer is no then you need to make a hard decision. But remember there are plenty of happy children with parents who are not together. You and your son deserve to be loved, respected, and treated well.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    Leave him. Not just for you, but for your baby.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    He's very young and he's very immature. There's a chance that as he gets older, he will change. But, there's a chance that he'll remain immature and put his friends and video games ahead of you for a very long time (if not forever). I won't tell you whether you should go or stay - that is in your hands (and I think you already know what is the best plan of action). You can not change him - only he can change himself, so staying and hoping you can make him "see the light" is a waste of your time.

    Good Luck to you!
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,900 Member
    Getting married isn't going to make it any better. If he's like this now, he will only be worse as time goes on. Sadly you know inside what is best for you and your son.

    My experience is this, since you have a son together, I would first walk away from the relationship. If you find you love him too much then at least walk a way for now. In the mean time get him in to some counseling and it is not your responsibility to get him there and back, to make sure he is going or even to remind him. Let it be on him.
    Don't see anyone else for 3 to 4 months, give some time for the counselling to work. If he quits then move on to someone more stable for your son.

    Also don't explain any on this to him at all, it will only cause you more hardship in the future. Just have him go to counseling for himself and his son, that way if you have to move on he can't say I did all this for you:)

    Good luck!
  • oneIT
    oneIT Posts: 388 Member
    It took me 12 years to figure out people don't change. I stayed for my son until 3 weeks ago. I finally realized it was all a waste. Your still young, go on with your life. Maybe he will grow up eventually and things can be different. Don't waste any more of your time though.
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
    Break up. Your son needs a great role model. Don't waste more years thinking he's going to change. He will not.
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
    Why would you get pregnant by a guy this immature?

    Well, bless your heart. I bet you didn't realize you typed that out loud and posted that comment for all to read, huh? We'll just pretend your hands type faster than your brain thinks.
  • hongruss
    hongruss Posts: 389 Member
    I have 3 suggestions for you.

    1. Pack up
    2. Leave
    3. Never look back

    This is perfect advice. You asked for it, but being young the toughest thing can be doing the right thing! You said he puts friends first over his son. DON'T you make the same mistake, PUT YOU & YOUR SON FIRST!!

    Russ
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    You're already broken up, you just don't realize it yet.

    Time to take the appropriate action and move on, especially for your son. Don't want your son to grow up to be his father.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    .
  • DixieDarlin1987
    DixieDarlin1987 Posts: 553 Member
    Why would you get pregnant by a guy this immature?

    Well, bless your heart. I bet you didn't realize you typed that out loud and posted that comment for all to read, huh? We'll just pretend your hands type faster than your brain thinks.

    Hahaha!!! I like you.....you're funny!
  • speedyf
    speedyf Posts: 1,571 Member
    I've been there. I won't tell you what to do.
    But just ask yourself if you want your son to grow up
    in that kind of environment... And you're so young, and
    strong, you'll find your way around this.

    And remember: YES, you deserve to be respected and loved.
    Don't ever let ANYBODY say or make you feel otherwise.
    YOU deserve the best.
  • tigertown11
    tigertown11 Posts: 310
    to me it's obvious that video games are coming before you and your son. Think of him in his 30's sitting with his friends playing video games and you coming home to your son doing something harmful because the lazy *kitten* can't get himself away from his buddies and games! I am 38 and have seenn it happen one too many times. I am a mandatory reporter for the state of MN and don't hesitate one bit, especially when a 2 year old came walking over to my house from 3 blks away in his VERY dirty diaper and asking me for a cracker. The kid was ignored by his video gaming dad who didn't even know the child was missing for 4 hours until the mother came home.
    Just sayin', but if you are asking the question; I thnk yoiu know the answer!
    God bless
  • Aesop101
    Aesop101 Posts: 758 Member
    Why would you get pregnant by a guy this immature?

    This isn't helpful to her. The baby is already here and that can't be changed. I don't really think it matters why she got pregnant (birth control DOES fail, you know) - what matters now is making the best choices for her son and for her well being.

    It isn't helpful to the current situation, I agree. What I would hope is that for those following this post is to think just a bit to avoid such a situation. It's a horrible situation that gets repeated every day when it doesn't have to be that way. My heart goes out to the poster and I wish I had some solid advice but I don't. So if I can't give solid advice at least I can make a point to those who could potentially end in this situation.

    The thing is some do not want to know the harsh realities of a situation like this. They only want to hear what they want to hear.

    The one thing I will say, and it agrees with your post, is to do what is right for the baby. Everyone else is secondary.
  • Angel87a
    Angel87a Posts: 113
    Turn the 90% into 100%, it's time to run. Maybe when he grows up, you can have a civil relationship. Not only is that extremely unhealthy situation for you to be in, but even worse that you have a son involved as well. I say move to your Mom's & tell him to hit the road. No one deserves to be treated like that, clearly he has issues!
  • Angel87a
    Angel87a Posts: 113
    Turn the 90% into 100%, it's time to run. Maybe when he grows up, you can have a civil relationship. Not only is that extremely unhealthy situation for you to be in, but even worse that you have a son involved as well. I say move to your Mom's & tell him to hit the road. No one deserves to be treated like that, clearly he has issues!
  • curlyclo
    curlyclo Posts: 243 Member
    We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change.
    This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow.
    Those two say it all. Leave.
  • SLaw4215
    SLaw4215 Posts: 596 Member
    BE A GOOD PARENT FIRST and leave for the sake and safety of your child.

    Leave. Break up. Whatever you want to call it.

    Life is shorter than you think. At the age you and the boyfriend are at, you think life is forever but it can be taken away at a split second. LIVE your life now and make it the very best one you can make for you and your beautiful son who is counting on at least one of you to be a grown up and do the right thing. Anyone can be a sperm doner. It takes a really parent to put your child's needs first and the way his dad is behaving is not a healthy environment.

    You have to ask yourself "what positive factors is he (the alcaholic middle-school behaving dad) contributing to your and your son's life. It will get worse... I'm living proof of it. And I'm living proof that once you have a little distance you will see how much relief you feel when you are no longer wondering what sort of "mood" he'll be in today, tomorrow, next Saturday night.

    Live YOUR LIFE to the fullest. Forget about him....
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