Parenting without Yelling

stephanielindley422
stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
edited October 7 in Chit-Chat
And advice on how to do this? I feel like lately all I do is yell at my girl...she's almost 3....and it's not getting me anywhere except crying myself to sleep because I feel like a terrible mommy. LOL
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Replies

  • takehimaway
    takehimaway Posts: 499 Member
    I think I would like to know how to live without yelling. My parents did not parent without yelling, and now I feel like I can't do anything, but yell. My girlfriend said this today, "Just because its valid doesnt mean it needs to be screamed at me." -sighs- Good luck, and I hope you change your ways now. Try to remember to breathe, stay where your feet are, and it's gonna be alright.
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    parenting without yelling == parenting without kids.
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    OR

    Parenting without yelling == parents who let their kids run nilly willy in public and pretend "what? MY little bethany isn't doing ANYTHING wrong!"
  • shmunster
    shmunster Posts: 538 Member
    lol nleisher, I think that's true! My little guy is only 2 and he already drives me batty sometimes!
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    and now i feel immediately bad. No - I don't yell all the time, but it happens. I'm human. You'll get through it. If you feel yourself going off, walk away from the situation and take a break. Your daughter will forgive you!
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    I think I would like to know how to live without yelling. My parents did not parent without yelling, and now I feel like I can't do anything, but yell. My girlfriend said this today, "Just because its valid doesnt mean it needs to be screamed at me." -sighs- Good luck, and I hope you change your ways now. Try to remember to breathe, stay where your feet are, and it's gonna be alright.


    This exactly. My mom was a yeller, and I love my mom, but I don't want to be that way with my girl. There has to be sommething better then having to scream everything to get your point across
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    and now i feel immediately bad. No - I don't yell all the time, but it happens. I'm human. You'll get through it. If you feel yourself going off, walk away from the situation and take a break. Your daughter will forgive you!

    I jsut feel like I'm yelling all the time...LOL...maybe I'm not..but it sure feels that way
  • healthyJenn0915
    healthyJenn0915 Posts: 185 Member
    Honey, welcome to parenthood! I try my best not to yell at my kids, but I swear it's the only way they listen and respond to me! Don't feel bad about it, your daughter loves you and always will!
  • Nic620
    Nic620 Posts: 553 Member
    They can break a down lol! My daughter will be 3 April and she loves testing me right now. I try to check myself so I'm not yelling at her but I try and speak calmly even when I'm about to pull my hair out because she's told me no for the 10th time.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
    I'm not a parent, but I can say that I was not yelled at often. My family had a lot of discussions - if I did something wrong, it was explained to me why it was wrong, and I was taught why I should not repeat it. There was no "just stop that!" or "because I said so!" or anything like that. As a kid, I didn't always like it, but I appreciate it now that I'm older.
  • realme56
    realme56 Posts: 1,093 Member
    Yelling is not all that bad, neither is telling your children NO!! Too many people think it is bad to tell a child no and it isn't. Be realistic, if you tell your kid you are leaving (____) if they do something one more time then DO IT!! Not following through with discipline is worse than yelling!
  • takehimaway
    takehimaway Posts: 499 Member
    This exactly. My mom was a yeller, and I love my mom, but I don't want to be that way with my girl. There has to be sommething better then having to scream everything to get your point across

    My dad was a yeller, and sometimes we'd throw blows or whatever, and I mean, I was arguing with said girlfriend last night, and I was shouting, and I kinda [well, there's no fcking kinda about it, actually] grabbed her up, to make her just stop and listen to me, and all the next day, I was just sitting on it, thinking as I know I shouldn't have to put my hands on my lady or yell at her to get her to listen to me! There is better options, but I'm not sure what they are. I sometimes feel like writing gets my point across better, or the whole active listening thing. "I had an apple for breakfast, but I wanted a pear." "I'm hearing you say you would have rather had a pear for breakfast." "Yes, a pear would have tasted better and been juicier." Make sense? I don't want to be hurtful toward anyone in my life, so I'm trying to make changes.
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    Yelling is not all that bad, neither is telling your children NO!! Too many people think it is bad to tell a child no and it isn't. Be realistic, if you tell your kid you are leaving (____) if they do something one more time then DO IT!! Not following through with discipline is worse than yelling!

    We follow through, thats for sure. I didn't ONE time and she took full advantage of it.
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
    I agree that yelling happens--parenting is crazy hard!-- and it's not helpful to beat yourself up about it. But kudos to you for trying to do better. I support you in that. I took a free webinar from a parenting coach that had super advice. Hm, let me find that. Here:

    http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/pricing/free-parent-training

    She has other resources on her site. Worth taking the free seminar, lots of tips.

    And then there's the book 1-2-3 Magic. Very helpful strategies for my family (my daughter is now 4, we've been using these strategies since age 2).
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    I can't do it. I yell at my daughter, I yell at my cats...I yell at my daughter because she won't take her turn yelling at the cats.

    ETA: I mean yelling at them to get off the counter, out of the trash, etc...not just random cat yelling. lol
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    I agree that yelling happens--parenting is crazy hard!-- and it's not helpful to beat yourself up about it. But kudos to you for trying to do better. I support you in that. I took a free webinar from a parenting coach that had super advice. Hm, let me find that. Here:

    http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/pricing/free-parent-training

    She has other resources on her site. Worth taking the free seminar, lots of tips.

    And then there's the book 1-2-3 Magic. Very helpful strategies for my family (my daughter is now 4, we've been using these strategies since age 2).

    Thank you. Checking it out now. :)
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    I know that yelling happens. I'm not going to calmly say "Now, darling, we really shouldn't play in the street"....but there's got to be a better way to get her to pick up her toys LOL
  • lyssamichelle
    lyssamichelle Posts: 1,307 Member
    I'm not a parent but I do know that my nephew won't listen if you yell at him.
    He does listen when you use a strict voice. I'm the only one who uses it.. so I'm the only one he listens too. My sister & her husband let him do pretty much whatever because they feel bad if they yell at him. At least I think that's why he listens..
  • firefly101
    firefly101 Posts: 23
    Let's face it. Kids are frustrating little boogers. You're going to crack. You're going to yell.

    That said, if you're truly yelling all the time, that's not right for anyone. Moreover, if you're yelling all the time, your kids will just learn that 'this is the way Mommy communicates-- with her outside and 5 blocks away voice'. To be effective, yelling should be reserved for special occasions only. Also: maybe you need a little help or adult time to vent or an hour on a massage table of something... too much heat makes the kettle whistle, if you get my drift. It's late and I'm starting to babble like a baboon, so I'll stop now. Best of Luck!
  • takehimaway
    takehimaway Posts: 499 Member
    I once heard somewhere that if you tell a kid why doing something is wrong, they'll get it more. "We shouldn't play in the street, because you could get hurt by getting hit by a car, so let's come over here in the driveway, so you can stay safe and whole. You can bring your skates." or whatever.
  • ElementalMoe
    ElementalMoe Posts: 186 Member
    Yelling, is okay in moderation, and long as you don't lose your mind. However, if you're like me and occasionally lose your mind, it will work to your benefit when the kid gets older. My daughter is 5 and I just have to say "Do you want me to get mad?" and that usually gets her to do what I need her to do.

    Otherwise, I found time outs highly effective, as long as you let the kid know that they HAVE to be in the time out. None of this getting up and leaving nonsense. We would place my daughter on a chair as a child (3 or so) and make her sit there for a few minutes. If she got off the chair, we'd put her back on. She learned that time outs were non-negotiable because we'd always just return her to the chair.

    That, and flat out communication is great, too (Especially for older kids). My mom wasn't much of a yeller when I was a teen, but would sit us down and discuss things logically, which was often worse than being yelled at. I can do that now with my daughter, to a point - She gets what I'm saying, for sure.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    I think the key is to instill at an early age that there are consequences for not doing what Mommy asks. If you ask calmly that she pick up her toys and she doesn't, there should be a reasonable punishment for that. It's easier to yell, but it really shouldn't have to come to that.
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    I once heard somewhere that if you tell a kid why doing something is wrong, they'll get it more. "We shouldn't play in the street, because you could get hurt by getting hit by a car, so let's come over here in the driveway, so you can stay safe and whole. You can bring your skates." or whatever.

    I do this
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    I think the key is to instill at an early age that there are consequences for not doing what Mommy asks. If you ask calmly that she pick up her toys and she doesn't, there should be a reasonable punishment for that. It's easier to yell, but it really shouldn't have to come to that.

    We took bubble guppies and dora the explorer away today. It seems to have helped just not having the dang TV on
  • firefly101
    firefly101 Posts: 23
    take away her toys if she can't put them away... or give her 1 and if she is good with 1, give her 2. My Mom is the nicest person you could ever meet, but she would do all sorts of stuff to us (4 kids) to keep us in line... get creative and have some fun with it.
  • teamlangston
    teamlangston Posts: 25 Member
    So here's my confession of feeling like a CRAP parent. I have taken to yelling SHUT UP. Of course this is proceeded by "Hush" "Be Quiet' "Enough" and then the SHUT UP comes out. Unfortunately lately it seems that my ids won't respond until the SHUT UP comes out. and then I spend the rest of the night/day feeling terrible. I've tried talking to them and explaining that they need to hush when I say it the first time, and that I don't like yelling SHUT UP, they seem to get it for a bit, but hen it magically fades away the next time they are really rambunctious..... *SIGH*
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
    I think you’re setting the bar too high …I yelled at my 3 sometimes ..…many times. I think it kept me from asphyxiating them. ( well….that and the tax breaks, fear of being put in a nursing home when im older, love..ect) They are older now ( 17,16,and 10 )but when they were younger.....I was happy if I didn’t drop the F - bomb . They turned out ok…………..so far.

    Give yourself a break
  • stephanielindley422
    stephanielindley422 Posts: 273
    take away her toys if she can't put them away... or give her 1 and if she is good with 1, give her 2. My Mom is the nicest person you could ever meet, but she would do all sorts of stuff to us (4 kids) to keep us in line... get creative and have some fun with it.

    That is brilliant. All the dang Christmas toys are STILL in my living room because my husband is set that she is going to pick them up herself, wich she should do. She is plenty old enough and smart enough to get her own stuff picked up. Trying this tomorrow.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    I think the key is to instill at an early age that there are consequences for not doing what Mommy asks. If you ask calmly that she pick up her toys and she doesn't, there should be a reasonable punishment for that. It's easier to yell, but it really shouldn't have to come to that.

    Exactly what I was going to say. If you just yell at your kids, then the kids won't associate it with anything but you just speaking loudly. If you assign a consequence for not obeying AND FOLLOW THOUGH with it(very, very important), then you won't even have to raise your voice. But if you threaten a punishment and never follow though, then they will learn quickly that you're not serious.
  • takehimaway
    takehimaway Posts: 499 Member
    I once heard somewhere that if you tell a kid why doing something is wrong, they'll get it more. "We shouldn't play in the street, because you could get hurt by getting hit by a car, so let's come over here in the driveway, so you can stay safe and whole. You can bring your skates." or whatever.

    I do this

    Good, I'm glad.
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