What are your best comebacks?

13

Replies

  • jeffazi
    jeffazi Posts: 198
    This pretty much works for any insult:

    "yeah, I remember my first beer"
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    "I know you are, but what am I?"

    Juvenile comments require a juvenile response :tongue:
  • rmwinters
    rmwinters Posts: 288 Member
    $@#% U, of course
  • kimmie185
    kimmie185 Posts: 550 Member
    I give "the look."

    lol, that's what I do.
    my come backs usually don't come to me until after they leave :/
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    I also like calling someone a "fu%ktard" if they say something stupid or are being an *kitten*
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
    "You sure you boys wanna ride that train?"(Hancock-jail scene) "Tell em I'm coming and hell is coming with me!" (Tombstone)
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    9 years of doing stand up and dealing with hecklers has me well prepared.

    "Why don't YOU shutup!"


    Seriously though just be cold and merciless:

    "Would you just die already?"

    "Why do you think I care about what you're saying?"

    "Hey that's great! Bye!"

    "Your parents failed."

    "OH NOW I see why you're such a miserable person!"


    The really cruel ones I save for myself. Worst I've ever heard in my life was from Patton Oswalt at a show. I can't even begin to repeat it here...
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    Oh, I'm fond of "...and the horse you rode in one," too :tongue:
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
    End yourself.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    I don't have any, because I don't need any.

    Nobody'd dare unless through the safety and anonymity of a phone, text or computer.
  • Munque
    Munque Posts: 123
    To my kids, "this is my world and you're lucky I'm letting you breath my air"

    To everyone else, I pretty much work with what I get thrown at me, I'm pretty creative when I get around friends or enemies.
  • vanessaclarkgbr
    vanessaclarkgbr Posts: 731 Member
    I also like calling someone a "fu%ktard" if they say something stupid or are being an *kitten*

    That's a personal favourite of mine too. The OH and I regularly use that for tender moments (like today when I had to come home as he left the door unlocked ;-))
  • lniffa
    lniffa Posts: 675 Member
    Why don't I call H E L L and have satan pull that fork out your *kitten*!
  • 3ur3ka
    3ur3ka Posts: 230 Member
    My personal favorite is "You're one shot your momma should haven taken to the mouth!"
  • beebabe
    beebabe Posts: 67
    ***notes all these genius comebacks and can't wait for the chance to use one***


    :)
  • beebabe
    beebabe Posts: 67
    Do tell!
  • kyle4jem
    kyle4jem Posts: 1,400 Member
    The best come back is to ignore the ignorant fcuwit.

    Never show weakness! :smokin:
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    NA NA NA NA BOO BOO STICK YOUR HEAD IN DOO DOO
  • jenlikesfood
    jenlikesfood Posts: 27
    "whatever, freak!"

    "You're just creepy"

    "You make me want to rip my vagina out, stomp on it and put it out of it's misery, you worthless piece of *kitten*."

    I have more but these are my faves.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815

    "You make me want to rip my vagina out, stomp on it and put it out of it's misery, you worthless piece of *kitten*."

    Best. one. Yet.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    When I was younger, I was getting my children out of my car. 3 guys were walking by and asked if I wanted another one. I told them they could'nt handle it. I was so upset to think someone would talk to a Mother like that, in front of her children. Like I said I was young but that was not excuse for it.
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 614 Member
    I'll listen when you have something interesting to say.

    Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

    Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

    Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date

    And if those don't work. FU
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
    :devil:

    Bite me!

    Suck cheese shark face!

    Eat a d*ck!

    Shut up. If I want any $*it out of you - I'll squeeze your head.

    Sometimes if I'm trying to be nice, I'll just say 'And?....'

    Oh yah - and who could forget .... 'A sphincter says what?'
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    I use "Take a flying f*** at a rolling donut"

    and

    "If I wanted your lip, I'd have undone my zipper."

    "Eat a Richard"

    "You are proof that swallowing is better than internals."
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    That was classy.
  • mhamlin
    mhamlin Posts: 35 Member
    haha too funny!
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    Most recently it was to my brother after he commented that I am the "diet Nazi!" I said "Oh yeah, well while you're exercising that fork to your mouth and having to buy bigger clothes, I'm keep having to buy smaller and smaller clothes!" It was funny the whole holiday as his girlfriend kept patting his huge belly telling him he needs to do what my husband and I have so he can lose the weight!
  • CannibalisticVegetarian
    CannibalisticVegetarian Posts: 1,255 Member
    Most of my comebacks come in the form of, 'Your FACE.....TAKE IT!'

    ...I also say, 'Your mom does/goes [insert random place or phrase]'

    And whenever someone says something I don't want to hear, my comeback is usually along the lines of, 'I can fill a room with all the f*cks I couldn't give!' or 'I could rent a small luxury penthouse on the better side of town using the f*cks I couldn't give as currency'.
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    I said Good Day, Sir!!!
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
    "and yet I am still soooo far outta your league...."
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