Is he trying to sabotage me!

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  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.

    This.

    No need to throw the stuff out. No need to cause issues in your marriage. This isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change. It's pretty unreasonable to assume you'll never be faced with a pastry, cookies, candy or cake for the rest of your life. Making certain foods "off limits" will only cause resentment and result in binge eating later. If you REALLY want the pop tart, have it - but account for it in your daily calories. I have something sugary every single day (actually, I'm known for using up to 400 calories a day for "treats"). It makes me happy to be able to have treats each day and keeps me on track the rest of the time. I've lost nearly 60lbs and kept it off for almost 18 months by doing it this way. No need to go "all or nothing".
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
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    That's a horrible idea. She is on the diet, not him. That would be like him throwing out all her healthy food because he doesn't eat it! My husband is supportive but that doesn't mean he eats what I do. She is an adult and it's her choice what she eats.
    I agree take the stuff and throw it out. Then tell him how it makes you feel. Don't keep inside.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Your best bet is to exercise self control. This is hard. I have the same issue with chips, but I find that having in the house actually helps me remember to control myself. If I want them, I have them and count the chips according to serving size and enjoy them with something else.
  • pratod
    pratod Posts: 68 Member
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    It's possible that seeing you weigh your food and track everything made him concerned. He may have just been trying to let you know that in his eyes you don't need to lose or maybe he thought you deserved a reward after all your hard work. Has he ever brought home treats as a nice surprise before? Maybe he just hasn't figured out what nice gestures he can make that fit your new healthy lifestyle.
    That being said, you don't have to eat the food he brought home, but don't let it hurt your relationship until you talk to him and find out what his motivation was for buying it in the first place.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)

    Exactly. If he complains, show him that ridiculous ingredient list, that insanely high calorie count, the sugar... those are garbage. If he really needs something quick in the morning, help him find healthy and whole food alternatives.

    I found a version of "poptarts" you can make at home once online, too. I doubt they're hugely healthy, being a baked good, but you can make substitutions and should still allow yourself (and him, because it is hard living with a dieter!) some wiggle room.

    I disagree. Telling someone else that what they're eating is garbage, has no nutritional value, etc isn't the way to keep peace in the house. If he isn't interested in eating better, that's HIS choice. Having the OP "inform" him of his poor choices is a good way to cause an argument. We are all adults and no one wants another adult telling them what to eat or not to eat. SHE can make the choice to not eat it for herself -- but at the end of the day, what he eats is up to him.
  • DorisR184
    DorisR184 Posts: 471 Member
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)

    I totally agree.

    I don't agree. That would be very passive aggressive and will cause higher tension and issues between them.

    I am of the mind set that only YOU can sabotage yourself. This is our journey, not anyone elses. We have to do what is best for us, but we can not dictate the lives of those around us. Our weight loss journey should not be anyone elses. To force our views on others is just wrong.

    ^^ I agree with this last comment ^^

    It's up to you to make and keep your changes, their will always be temptation but you need try and be strong.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    I agree with not throwing them away. You can look at the package and figure out how long will it take you to burn the calories this carries - then have a sorta break up with it. If you do end up going for them, only grab half of the pastry and east it very slowly - you satisfy your craving without sabotaging your progress... no matter what you do it is going to be a lil hard. I don't deprive myself from any food.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    DO NOT THROW THEM OUT. you should have a real conversation in which you explain to him that this is important for you and that you want him to be supportive, and if he absolutely must have these things in the house to please hide them from you because it is making it hard for you.

    I completely agree - I dont know why anyone would suggest throwing them away... in turn you would be punishing your husband for bringing it home.... that could cause more unnecessary hardship....

    My husband comes home with his favorites a few times per week. Soda, fried chicken, bag of chocolate chip cookies, tortilla chips and salsa... He knows I wont touch it and from a medical perspective, I really dont feel like having food-related allergic reactions any time soon if I were to consume those items.

    For someone like you, you DEFINITELY owe it to your husband to have a sit-down discussion and explain to him your situation.

    The bottom line is this: NO ONE sabotages you unless they willingly know and acknowledge they are teasing you and coaxing you into eating things in a malicious manner...

    The minute you let your self take a bite - YOU sabotaged yourself...... You allowed yourself to grab one, two, three, twelve, what ever the number is... ultimately its no one's choice but yourself. You will need to learn how to identify your food triggers and eating behaviors and work really hard at correcting them. If your husband is willing to keep them 'out of sight', it will hopefully remain 'out of mind.' Thats alot better than declaring everyone else's "Marital-martial Law" by throwing their foods out....

    But please - ignore the "throw it away" people .. that is just wrong on so many levels...
  • deborahlena
    deborahlena Posts: 5
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    Just look at the pop tarts as little squares of poison to your body because that is what they really are. You wouldn't drink Drano. They are full of trans fat and sugar = poison to every cell in your body . Your cell membranes are made up of fatty acids so if you eat foods with a lot of trans fat that's what your cells will be made of but if you start putting good fats such as good quality fish oil your cell will change. This is where you are going to have to be really strong. Good Luck as I know where you are coming from.
  • katismiles
    katismiles Posts: 96 Member
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    Explain to him that if he brings home junk food, he needs to hide it or eat it all quickly or tell him if he wants sweets that he should buy a serving of it and eat it before he gets home.
    My parents do the same thing, and it's extremely frustrating.
    Oh but be nice about everything!!!!!
  • baldchocnsexy
    baldchocnsexy Posts: 43
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    Well that certainly doesn't seem very supportive, but I stop short of accusing him of intentionally "sabotaging" your efforts. I have the advantage of having started my journey WITH my wife (of 17 years!). As far as throwing away the food he bought I am not sure that is the best way to go. It is similar to my two youngest children: simply because WE dont make pastries, ice creams etc. a part of our daily diet doen't mean our children can't indulge every now and then. Or better yet it appears YOUR diet (for lack of a better term) is not HIS diet.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
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    Seriously????? Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean that he is. Have some self-control and just don't eat what he's bringing home!
  • chameleon73
    chameleon73 Posts: 119 Member
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    No need to throw the stuff out. No need to cause issues in your marriage. This isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change. It's pretty unreasonable to assume you'll never be faced with a pastry, cookies, candy or cake for the rest of your life. Making certain foods "off limits" will only cause resentment and result in binge eating later. If you REALLY want the pop tart, have it - but account for it in your daily calories. I have something sugary every single day (actually, I'm known for using up to 400 calories a day for "treats"). It makes me happy to be able to have treats each day and keeps me on track the rest of the time. I've lost nearly 60lbs and kept it off for almost 18 months by doing it this way. No need to go "all or nothing".

    I agree... Don't make everything 'off limits' to yourself or one day you'll find yourself eating a while box of those gummy tarts because you just can't stand it anymore. Allow for one now and then in your calorie intake and not only will you be happier, your husband will be too without being forced to pack his bags for a 'guilt trip'. Lol
  • hwjssc
    hwjssc Posts: 194 Member
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    Self control is the Key..If you wantt to eat one then adjust your food intake for the day..If I want a poptart I eat it but I know that I have to give up something else that day..Good Luck
  • IrishHarpy1
    IrishHarpy1 Posts: 399 Member
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    Yeah... the last thing I'm going to do is tell a fully-grown, college-educated adult what he can and can't bring into the house. :indifferent:

    No one is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to have any of the so-bad-but-oh-so-tasty treats my husband loves to bring home. And you know what? If I *do* happen to want some, then I'll get my *kitten* on the elliptical for a few extra minutes and EARN the calories.

    I can manage my OWN health and nutrition, TYVM. I don't need a babysitter who is going to shield me from all those eeevil foodz.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh, but part of being an adult is learning right from wrong and good from bad -- and taking responsibility for *yourself.*
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)

    I totally agree.

    I don't agree. That would be very passive aggressive and will cause higher tension and issues between them.

    I am of the mind set that only YOU can sabotage yourself. This is our journey, not anyone elses. We have to do what is best for us, but we can not dictate the lives of those around us. Our weight loss journey should not be anyone elses. To force our views on others is just wrong.

    I'm with this last comment. Don't throw it away. You are in control of you. If you really legitimately don't want to exert the willpower to avoid these foods, then talk to him about it and ask him not to buy them anymore, or at least only buy what he will eat in a short period of time so you don't have to look at them every day.

    He's not sabotaging you. He enjoys these things. Maybe he even knows you enjoy them, so he's trying to do something nice. Talk to HIM about this rather than asking strangers what his motivation might be. We don't know him. You do.
  • thatgirl125
    thatgirl125 Posts: 294 Member
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    I strongly disagree with throwing it away. Just because you are on a diet does not mean your whole family needs to be too, that is just plain selfish.
    Gain some self control.
    I went grocery shopping this morning and bought poptarts, toaster strudels, fruit snacks, nutty buddy bars, pringles, chocolate chips cookies, and tons of other things that I know I cannot have. But it is self control. I got my husband and children it because THEY do not have weight issues nor are they dieting. I am. That is why you need to go out and get yourself some snacks. How about a fiber one bar that is 90 CALORIES. They are actually good. Or snackwell chocolate covered pretzels 100 CALORIES (delicious little things too!).
    He is not sabotaging you, if anything your are sabotaging him by telling him to not bring what he enjoys and can still eat into the house.
  • Bomber989
    Bomber989 Posts: 24
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    May be just a little different perspective but I'm confident that if he works with you, watching what you eat will be a lot easier. I would talk with him first and tell him how this hurts your effort. Hopefully he will be supportive and stop bringing these items home. I'm like you, at least I think, it's a lot easier to eat right when those temptations are not sitting out on the counter or in the pantry.

    I hope this works for you because I'm affraid you'll have to resort to some of the other suggestions provided in this thread for an alternative answer if he doesn't.

    Good luck and hopefully he'll be sympathetic to your concern(s).
  • Munchi8175
    Munchi8175 Posts: 73 Member
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    I hate to say it, but I tend to agree with the people that are saying it is an accurate representation of the real world. We leave the house and drive past McDonald's or the ice cream store, or whatever. We go to the store and walk down aisles and aisles of bad food. It's OK. We can resist and we can be strong. And as one of my MFP friends has pointed out, even if we get to the point of putting it in our mouth and chewing, and soon as it clicks in our brain that we will regret doing it, it's not too late to spit it out. At the end of the day, you can exhibit the self-control and you'll feel even stronger because of it. But, if you feel yourself getting weak, just ask him nicely to hide them where you won't find them to eliminate the temptation.
  • holly_v
    holly_v Posts: 292 Member
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    i tell my bf "keep the junk in your car if you want to get fat again, because i dont"

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