Is he trying to sabotage me!

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  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
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    I don't agree. That would be very passive aggressive and will cause higher tension and issues between them.

    I am of the mind set that only YOU can sabotage yourself. This is our journey, not anyone elses. We have to do what is best for us, but we can not dictate the lives of those around us. Our weight loss journey should not be anyone elses. To force our views on others is just wrong.

    this
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Have you checked his phone for suspicious text messages?
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    Have him put the stuff away where it is out of sight out of mind. I still buy stuff for my family that I won't eat. I just don't leave it where it is easy to grab and I have learned that I need to either avoid it all together, or get myself ONE serving and log it.
  • geekymom57
    geekymom57 Posts: 176 Member
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    I'm with those who say don't throw it out. The only time I throw out "indulgence" foods is if I bought them--which means I rarely do. I might buy a package of a favorite item, eat one serving, and then seal it in double bags to make it extra-hard to get to. If he needs/likes to have those things around, then perhaps he could have a special storage container for them that's off-limits to you--not literally, but figuratively. That way they'd be out of sight, out of mind, and you would also know they weren't intended for your consumption.

    I must admit it's hard for me to envision anyone liking Poptarts--even my now-grown children grew to hate them after begging me to buy them a few times when they were young. But obviously people do like them, so maybe you could develop a self-induced inversion to them. One thing that did it for my one of my kids was eating a stale one without heating it up--dry, cold, tasteless. :0)

    In any event, you will have to teach yourself how to avoid trigger foods and/or how to incorporate them into your food options in a reasonable way. Maybe indulging in a half a Poptart once or twice a week might be a way to do that, and to make sure you aren't just grazing/nibbling on it--prepare it, put it on a plate, sit down at the dining/kitchen table to eat it, and put it back on the plate in between bites. That will make it a deliberate eating decision and not just a spontaneous I-see-it-and-therefore-I-want-to-eat-it decision.
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
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    You need to tell him outright that you are trying to watch what you eat and that you would appreciate it if he didn't purchase foods that would undermine your weight loss. I wish you all the luck in your weight loss and am proud of you for coming on here to let us help you. You can do this!
  • carrie340
    carrie340 Posts: 36
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    It does sound like he's putting you to the test, but you just need to use all the will power you've got and not eat them! When he sees it's not working he won't bring your favourite junk into the house. :-)

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  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)

    I totally agree.

    I don't agree. That would be very passive aggressive and will cause higher tension and issues between them.

    I am of the mind set that only YOU can sabotage yourself. This is our journey, not anyone elses. We have to do what is best for us, but we can not dictate the lives of those around us. Our weight loss journey should not be anyone elses. To force our views on others is just wrong.

    Agreed. It sucks, my husband brings home stuff all the time, but it's my choice to eat it.

    I think it would be pretty rude (among other things) to throw it in the garbage.

    You can do it - find the willpower - or, make allowances for it in your calorie allowance. Give yourself a treat - but only once, maybe. :)

    I try to ask myself - is this the last time I will ever be able to have (insert food here) again? If the answer is no, I don't really need to have it.

    Good luck!
  • aftergypsies
    aftergypsies Posts: 248 Member
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    I agree with people who say don't throw it away. If you really have no self control try and fit a pop tart into your calories for the day. My BF is skinny and fit and he brings home junk all the time. He's also VERY supportive of what I'm trying to do. I don't think he's trying to sabotage me if he brings home cookies and chips etc. I choose not to eat those things and maybe once in a while I will slide one into my day with no regrets. For example, we currently have doritos in the house and I just ate like 8 lol. I fit it into my calories for the day and that is all I will eat. It's part self control and part not denying yourself things you want. I don't think your husband is trying to be a jerk, I think he's just not on a diet so he doesn't realize maybe that it's so hard for you. Talk to him about it and maybe work something out. Like, I compromised with my BF and he won't bring home cake. haha.
  • jid314
    jid314 Posts: 71
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    Eat it in moderation. I changed many things, like eating turkey instead of cow and pig - but I never deprived myself of junk food. You really do have to have will power. I understand it's hard to look at a bag of donuts and not eat it, but if you are serious about weight loss, you won't eat it.
  • Moms3Kwa
    Moms3Kwa Posts: 57
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    As hard as it is sometimes(I have given in also). It is a choice for YOU!!! Maybe give him some suggestions to bring you home a treat that is healthy. I would just talk about how it makes you feel and that you are trying to make positive choices and that this doesn't help. Be open!!! If you chew him and come out "swinging" he may continue to keep doing it. Also, maybe he was just thinking that he wanted to eat it and didn't think either. STAY STRONG AND POSITIVE!!!
  • nancy5012
    nancy5012 Posts: 40
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    Sorry but it is not his fault that you have gained weight. So what that he has brought these foods home? My husband is having tortilla chips and salsa right now 5 feet away from me. I can actually smell the salt on them! I LOVE chips. However I have made the choice not to have them and will have some other snack and some water.

    YOU are the one responsible for what you put in your mouth. If he is trying to sabotage you then show him it is not working. Leave the pop tarts in the pantry - or even pop them in the toaster and serve them to him!

    It has take me months to get to this part but I finally realized that I can't let food control me. It's something I deal with every day - every meal, but in the long run it is the way to learn to eat for life - not just while I am losing weight.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    I have to agree with the "not-thrower-out ers."

    Sounds like you guys need to talk, before the passive-aggression turns to resentment, which it may already have.
    Welcome him along on the journey, but continue whether he joins you or not.
  • Jettatastic
    Jettatastic Posts: 22
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    I would talk to him and explain these things. If he insists on having them in the house, I'd tell him he needs to have it somewhere you don't know where they are. But I'd really try to get through to him that you need him to be supportive and helpful and bringing that in the house is not helpful.

    You can also look at this as a lesson in willpower?

    Good luck!!!
  • ikkle_hellie
    ikkle_hellie Posts: 15
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    Find your will power, apparently clenching your fists helps.... ?!? I read this somewhere, no idea if it works!

    I've given up alcohol, but my other half hasn't, he drinks in front of me at the weekends, and we still go to pubs. I just say no!
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Do you have his Facebook password? Perhaps you should check his Facebook wall, and messages. Also, don't forget his email.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I disagree with everyone saying throw it out. You are in the situation where you feel you need / want to lose weight, not him. He's a grown adult and should be allowed to eat whatever he likes.
    If he's a normal weight, he shouldn't have to diet like you. If he's overweight, he'll hopefully learn on his own after seeing you succeed - you won't be able to change his opinions on your own, you'll just piss him off in my opinion.

    If you feel that he is doing this purposely, or trying to sabotage your diet, then you need to have a proper adult conversation with him about the changes that you are making for the better, and can he please be more respectful of the foods that you are struggling to resist. If he's not doing this on purpose, it will be tough, but the whole world is full of temptations, you only have to go down the street and you see some kind of takeaway, or shop with special offers on crisps, fizzy drinks, biscuits etc.

    Maybe you could create a separate cupboard for all his treats so you wouldn't have to see them? and when he wants to eat them, he could eat them in a different room, or you could go somewhere else until you feel comfortable being around him when he's eating. I personally can't resist once the smell of crisps drifts over! - I either get a packet myself and budget it into my calories for the day, or go somewhere else.
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
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    Do you have his Facebook password? Perhaps you should check his Facebook wall, and messages. Also, don't forget his email.

    Did you already tell her to check the text msgs on his cell phone and outgoing/incoming phone calls???
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    Don't throw the stuff out, but talk to him about how it made you feel to have him so unsupportive. He may have seen you working hard at losing weight and had a moment of self-pity indulgence. He may have also not realized how hard it is for you to have these foods. Arrange for him to put them somewhere that it is out of sight/out of mind for you and not eat it in front of you.

    I know it is hard, but this is your journey, and while it would be nice to have him be a partner, you can't make him change.

    Good luck!

    Mary Ann
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/iddreams/view/overcoming-the-obesity-mindset-194711
  • avmp111
    avmp111 Posts: 2
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    I agree it's a lot easier to eat right when those temptations are not sitting out on the counter but they are. It would be great if he were more supportive, but he may never be! Its really not about him and his choices its about the choices you make. What you eat is a CHOICE of yours. We all fail at times but without failure their would never be any growth. See the "goodies" on the counter, not as a hindrance to success but as challenge for success. If you can win that battle (in your own home) the war is won......
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
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    Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.

    This.

    No need to throw the stuff out. No need to cause issues in your marriage. This isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change. It's pretty unreasonable to assume you'll never be faced with a pastry, cookies, candy or cake for the rest of your life. Making certain foods "off limits" will only cause resentment and result in binge eating later. If you REALLY want the pop tart, have it - but account for it in your daily calories.

    Seconds on this. It take several weeks for habits to become routine. I read the other day that for exercise it takes about 5 weeks. When I started making changes I sat my husband down and explained that I had to make changes and I wasn't going to force him to do anything, but I wasn't going to be bringing certain foods into the house.

    The first three weeks were the hardest. If he brought something home, it was his. I just didn't have any. If it bothered me, I told him and again reminded myself that this was MY journey, not his. Reminded him, that I wasn't forcing anything on him, but I wanted him to know how it made me feel. And you know what? Resisting all those little sweet temptations made me feel invincible. Every time I wanted to eat something he brought in that bothered me, I went for a walk. I walked until I felt better and then... if I still wanted it, I had some. Most of the time, I didn't want it though after a good walk. I do the same today. If I want something I know I shouldn't have I go for a walk or start drinking water. Usually quells it quickly.

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