wedding etiquette
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Our wedding was a destination wedding I guess because my husband was stationed in Florida and all of our family live out of state and we were having the wedding in FL. We got married at a B&B that cost about $300 a night but we recommended other nearby places to stay since we understood they were all having to buy plane tickets, outfits, gifts, and other wedding stuff that comes with weddings. It's expensive, but it only happens once. the difference with ours was that it was family only and I think people are more willing to pay for their son/daughter/sister's wedding than a friend.
I am in a wedding next summer that I will have to fly in for, not to mention the $300 dress I had to pay for up front (totally wasn't expecting that :grumble: ) plus her bachelorette party is in Las Vegas a months before the wedding so there's the flight, hotel, spending money, etc. involved in that but I'm saving for it now because she is a good friend and it is important to her that I'm there and hey... it should be fun!
In all honesty I would evaluate the friendship, if it's a good friend it's probably worth saving these next few months to pay for it. If it's not a great friend whom you'd consider family, I'd explain that weddings are expensive and you can't spend like that right now. Hopefully you can find some alternative lodging and consider not drinking at the winery so you can drive. If not just save up and have fun, weddings *hopefully* only happen once.0 -
If he agreed to be a groomsman, it is expected that he would pay for his own lodgings. But, you don't have to stay at the same place - look for something cheaper. Also, look for another couple or individual in the same situation. Perhaps you can share a small cottage?
Being in a wedding party is a big commitment. If you can't swing it financially, perhaps it would be best to bow out gracefully as early as possible so they can find a replacement. Worst case scenario, you can still attend the wedding (skip the tuxedo, only pay for 1 night at a B&B). Or, skip the drinking and drive home after the reception.
I pretty much have to agree with all that said here - you shouldnt agree to be in a wedding without taking into consideration the cost
additionally as some one who just had a destination wedding 4 hours away, we had people drive home after the event! Its definitely possible for you guys to do the same. You could try to have him explain that you can't swing the two nights there and you'll gladly stay one, but coudlnt do both. or like others side there has to be somewhere more reasonable to stay or share with someone- maybe not right there, but it may be a half hour drive....thats what our guests had to do if they didnt stay at the place we picked
one last thing - you said you could save up for it over the summer and all, so I assume this wedding is in the fall? Yes it seems like alot of money, but i think thats a very reasonable ammount of time to tell your bridal party ahead of time so they know what to expect. As someone else said, being in a wedding, or even attending is an optional thing, and if he really cant afford it, he needs to let them know now
you could always also tell him that since its his friend, he should pay for it all - though that doesnt work well if its a mutual friend or someonw you know pretty well also
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Ok, unless there's two Hermann MO's, I found options on hotels.com. There's a Days Inn in New Florence - 14 miles away from city center for $48/night. Other options range in price up to $449/night. You'll have to drive a few miles, but it may be a good solution.
Keep looking.0 -
If the couple is requiring you to stay at a certain hotel, they should pay for it. Sorry that's the way I see things. Obviously they're not gonna do that so you should be allowed to pick your own lodgings which suit your budget. They should let you stay wherever you choose to.0
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Honestly I think the wedding business has gotten blown out of proportion and it's crazy what the bride/groom will expect as perfectly normal for their friends. If you can't afford it, simply tell the bride that you would love to be there but cannot due to the financial issues you are having. It's also acceptable for your bf to go without you if he wants to spend that kind of money (unless you share a budget). The bride/groom plan whatever they want for their big day, but it's the guests' right not to participate for any reason they choose.0
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Honestly I see both sides of this; On one hand your BF is probably very honored to have been asked to be a part of the wedding party, and from that standpoint he wants to do whatever it takes to be there for his friend, which is admirable. On the other hand being in someone's wedding should not come at the cost of putting a strain on your finances, especially if it is a situation where you are having to chose between practical uses for the money and going. Here is my suggestion: As an usher in the wedding I could not understand the importance of him being there for the rehearsal dinner on Friday night. I know he wants to be with his buddy, but by coming down on Saturday you'll cut your lodging expense in half, and honestly you all wouldn't be using the hotel much Friday anyway. I say come to the wedding on Saturday, enjoy the heck out of the event, go to your B&B that evening, and make the best of it.
As a side note, $300 for a tux rental is ridiculous, and he could probably buy one for less then that. It sounds to me as if the bride or groom to be has very expensive taste, and needs to be a little more considerate of the finances of those involved in the event. That, or be willing to pay for some portion of the lodging for the wedding party.
My 2 cents, which is probably worth less.
Well said. $300 for a rental is outrageous!0 -
Yes, it's normal, depending on the class of people you hang with, and we're only talking about a lousy $1200 for such a wonderful event.I need to vent to my MFP pals and see if I am totally off base. The BF's good friend is getting married this summer. He is an usher in the wedding. The wedding is in our state about 2 hours from where we live...thus we are expected to make it a destination wedding as we need to be down there Friday and Saturday night...and its a winery so obviously no driving. Its a small town with only a small handful of B&Bs to stay at while down there. The couple to be picked a very nice cottage type place next door to the winery which is going to cost us $350 a night! we are looking at a minimum of 700 for lodging, plus another $300 for his tux and his daughter's (the flower girl) dress. Breakfast is provided and dinner is served each night for the rehearsal and the wedding. I have been in PLENTY of friends' weddings and have never been expected to drop sooo much money before! We just had a huge blowout fight about it and I wanted to make sure I am not the crazy one here! He surely does not have the money for this. I could probably scrape it together in the next few months....but as a teacher I do not get paid in the summer and was hoping to save any extra to help with bills and daily living during my time off.
thoughts??? Is this normal to expect of your friends when you get married?
Maybe you'd prefer he befriend those who just want a quick meet at the Elvis Cathedral followed by a trip to the Chinese ALL YOU CAN EAT Buffet?
Anyway, weddings are big deals.
Pay up, and have a great time!
Thanks for your input Daddy Warbucks, very valuable insight. Of course what more could we expect from such a posh fellow like yourself...
Oh btw, that was sarcasm just in case the "class of people" you hang around with don't use such literary elements.0 -
As a side note, $300 for a tux rental is ridiculous, and he could probably buy one for less then that. It sounds to me as if the bride or groom to be has very expensive taste, and needs to be a little more considerate of the finances of those involved in the event. That, or be willing to pay for some portion of the lodging for the wedding party.
that was her guesstimate, but that also was including the flowergirl dress too, so when you put both of those in there is not as bad0 -
Yes, it's normal, depending on the class of people you hang with, and we're only talking about a lousy $1200 for such a wonderful event.I need to vent to my MFP pals and see if I am totally off base. The BF's good friend is getting married this summer. He is an usher in the wedding. The wedding is in our state about 2 hours from where we live...thus we are expected to make it a destination wedding as we need to be down there Friday and Saturday night...and its a winery so obviously no driving. Its a small town with only a small handful of B&Bs to stay at while down there. The couple to be picked a very nice cottage type place next door to the winery which is going to cost us $350 a night! we are looking at a minimum of 700 for lodging, plus another $300 for his tux and his daughter's (the flower girl) dress. Breakfast is provided and dinner is served each night for the rehearsal and the wedding. I have been in PLENTY of friends' weddings and have never been expected to drop sooo much money before! We just had a huge blowout fight about it and I wanted to make sure I am not the crazy one here! He surely does not have the money for this. I could probably scrape it together in the next few months....but as a teacher I do not get paid in the summer and was hoping to save any extra to help with bills and daily living during my time off.
thoughts??? Is this normal to expect of your friends when you get married?
Maybe you'd prefer he befriend those who just want a quick meet at the Elvis Cathedral followed by a trip to the Chinese ALL YOU CAN EAT Buffet?
Anyway, weddings are big deals.
Pay up, and have a great time!
Have you lost your flippin mind!! She should not be spoke to with such discuss for simply asking for advice. GROW UP>0 -
As a side note, $300 for a tux rental is ridiculous, and he could probably buy one for less then that. It sounds to me as if the bride or groom to be has very expensive taste, and needs to be a little more considerate of the finances of those involved in the event. That, or be willing to pay for some portion of the lodging for the wedding party.
that was her guesstimate, but that also was including the flowergirl dress too, so when you put both of those in there is not as bad
True enough; in fairness that information came to light after my initial post. Depending on the age of his daughter, I strongly recommend a "pillow case dress". We used these in my wife and my wedding, and they are very nice looking, plus very cost effective. Just a thought. I am sure you all will work it all out, and good luck.0 -
I need to vent to my MFP pals and see if I am totally off base. The BF's good friend is getting married this summer. He is an usher in the wedding. The wedding is in our state about 2 hours from where we live...thus we are expected to make it a destination wedding as we need to be down there Friday and Saturday night...and its a winery so obviously no driving. Its a small town with only a small handful of B&Bs to stay at while down there. The couple to be picked a very nice cottage type place next door to the winery which is going to cost us $350 a night! we are looking at a minimum of 700 for lodging, plus another $300 for his tux and his daughter's (the flower girl) dress. Breakfast is provided and dinner is served each night for the rehearsal and the wedding. I have been in PLENTY of friends' weddings and have never been expected to drop sooo much money before! We just had a huge blowout fight about it and I wanted to make sure I am not the crazy one here! He surely does not have the money for this. I could probably scrape it together in the next few months....but as a teacher I do not get paid in the summer and was hoping to save any extra to help with bills and daily living during my time off.
thoughts??? Is this normal to expect of your friends when you get married?
I got married in November and my wedding party knew exactly what they were getting themselves into before they made the commitment to be in the wedding. My husband's best man lived 2 hrs away as well but he stayed at his relatives house with his wife and two kids for the wedding. I had a few people who didn't commit to the wedding and the plans ahead of time because they knew they wouldnt be able to afford it. It is the bride and the grooms responsibilty to make sure their wedding party knows all details and that they know they can afford everything commited to them. Obviously if someone is in a wedding party, they would have to come in sooner but it should have been made clear ahead of time by the bride and or groom. If they let him know ahead of time about everything, and he said yes, then its not their fault. If they factored in exactly how much everything cost after he asked him to be in the wedding, they should help offer to pay for the arrangements or offer a place to stay (such as a relative).0 -
Yes, it's normal, depending on the class of people you hang with, and we're only talking about a lousy $1200 for such a wonderful event.
Wow. I can't believe someone actually said that. I have a feeling you and I define "class of people" quite differently.
I've spent upwards of $3,000 to be in one friend's wedding and it was a wonderful time. However, I was in graduate school at the time and it was definitely a hardship. If I could do it again, I'd find ways to cut corners (though I can't think of any off the top of my head.) I don't regret doing it, but getting through the rest of the summer wasn't as simple as it could have been and it pretty much killed any savings I had.
$1200 isn't small change to most people, and you shouldn't have to provide money you're not comfortable parting with. If you can afford it and will be able to have a good time, go for it. If you can't, negotiate. Can you drive down one of the days if you don't drink and only stay there one night? It might be a little less fun, but the gas for a 2-3 hour drive, even round trip, has to be less than the room for the night.
Actually, is there a place maybe half way or half an hour away where you could stay one night? If you could get a $50 hotel room for one of the nights, that'd be helpful too and maybe cheaper than the driving.0 -
RIDICULOUS! I am getting married in May and I felt bad that the bridesmaids and groomsmen had to spend between $100 - $150 on their outfits!! I can't imagine expecting people to spend more than that!0
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As a side note, $300 for a tux rental is ridiculous, and he could probably buy one for less then that. It sounds to me as if the bride or groom to be has very expensive taste, and needs to be a little more considerate of the finances of those involved in the event. That, or be willing to pay for some portion of the lodging for the wedding party.
that was her guesstimate, but that also was including the flowergirl dress too, so when you put both of those in there is not as bad
True enough; in fairness that information came to light after my initial post. Depending on the age of his daughter, I strongly recommend a "pillow case dress". We used these in my wife and my wedding, and they are very nice looking, plus very cost effective. Just a thought. I am sure you all will work it all out, and good luck.
yea i used to work at a bridal salon and i was appalled at what some girls spent on their daughters (nevermind on the wedding gowns)
if she has a specific dress she requires, i'd suggest looking on ebay or something too to try to get it cheaper!0 -
Yes, it's normal, depending on the class of people you hang with, and we're only talking about a lousy $1200 for such a wonderful event.
Wow. I can't believe someone actually said that. I have a feeling you and I define "class of people" quite differently.
I've spent upwards of $3,000 to be in one friend's wedding and it was a wonderful time. However, I was in graduate school at the time and it was definitely a hardship. If I could do it again, I'd find ways to cut corners (though I can't think of any off the top of my head.) I don't regret doing it, but getting through the rest of the summer wasn't as simple as it could have been and it pretty much killed any savings I had.
$1200 isn't small change to most people, and you shouldn't have to provide money you're not comfortable parting with. If you can afford it and will be able to have a good time, go for it. If you can't, negotiate. Can you drive down one of the days if you don't drink and only stay there one night? It might be a little less fun, but the gas for a 2-3 hour drive, even round trip, has to be less than the room for the night.
Actually, is there a place maybe half way or half an hour away where you could stay one night? If you could get a $50 hotel room for one of the nights, that'd be helpful too and maybe cheaper than the driving.
actually in louisiana, its all about the class of people you hang out with.. i've been to several weddings... in November, with everything involved including a full blown catholic church, it only cost 8,000 grand. My bridesmaids were expected to paid no more than 150 for their dress and shoes ( I paid for their hair and make up) and my groomsmen paid 120 for their tux. as for as arrangements, I said they were on their own but each managed. I live in a area with just a few hotels as well and they found a place to stay.. even if you have to drive 15-20 min more for the next town over, im sure you can find something cheaper.0 -
Yes, it's normal, depending on the class of people you hang with, and we're only talking about a lousy $1200 for such a wonderful event.I need to vent to my MFP pals and see if I am totally off base. The BF's good friend is getting married this summer. He is an usher in the wedding. The wedding is in our state about 2 hours from where we live...thus we are expected to make it a destination wedding as we need to be down there Friday and Saturday night...and its a winery so obviously no driving. Its a small town with only a small handful of B&Bs to stay at while down there. The couple to be picked a very nice cottage type place next door to the winery which is going to cost us $350 a night! we are looking at a minimum of 700 for lodging, plus another $300 for his tux and his daughter's (the flower girl) dress. Breakfast is provided and dinner is served each night for the rehearsal and the wedding. I have been in PLENTY of friends' weddings and have never been expected to drop sooo much money before! We just had a huge blowout fight about it and I wanted to make sure I am not the crazy one here! He surely does not have the money for this. I could probably scrape it together in the next few months....but as a teacher I do not get paid in the summer and was hoping to save any extra to help with bills and daily living during my time off.
thoughts??? Is this normal to expect of your friends when you get married?
Maybe you'd prefer he befriend those who just want a quick meet at the Elvis Cathedral followed by a trip to the Chinese ALL YOU CAN EAT Buffet?
Anyway, weddings are big deals.
Pay up, and have a great time!
Wow, way to be a complete *kitten*. Not everyone has a "lousy $1200." I know I'd rather have friends who want a quick Elvis Cathedral wedding followed by Chinese buffet than people like you.0 -
You could always just drive there the day of and drive home after. I was in a wedding 3 hours away and couldn't take off work Friday or Sunday so I worked all day Friday, got up at 5 am and drove down for the wedding, and drove back that evening to work the following day. It is possible.0
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As a side note, $300 for a tux rental is ridiculous, and he could probably buy one for less then that. It sounds to me as if the bride or groom to be has very expensive taste, and needs to be a little more considerate of the finances of those involved in the event. That, or be willing to pay for some portion of the lodging for the wedding party.
that was her guesstimate, but that also was including the flowergirl dress too, so when you put both of those in there is not as bad
True enough; in fairness that information came to light after my initial post. Depending on the age of his daughter, I strongly recommend a "pillow case dress". We used these in my wife and my wedding, and they are very nice looking, plus very cost effective. Just a thought. I am sure you all will work it all out, and good luck.
yea i used to work at a bridal salon and i was appalled at what some girls spent on their daughters (nevermind on the wedding gowns)
if she has a specific dress she requires, i'd suggest looking on ebay or something too to try to get it cheaper!
I hate to keep posting these "well at MY wedding..." but I agree with the dress thing, if you have the time you can usually find the same or similar dresses online for cheaper. My bridesmaid dresses were from amazon.com for $50 and my own wedding dress was from Ebay for $100 total including the gloves and veil and they all turned out really great. Most people understand the need to save money, especially on a flower girl dress.0 -
Try to go on hotels.com or another website to check for different places to stay in the nearby area. I don't believe I would spend a grand to go to someone's wedding. I'm cheap, I didn't spend that much on my own wedding.0
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I think you have some options other than B&Bs. I just googled for about 30 seconds and found the Hermann Motel. Room rates $55.95 to $114.95. There's also the Hermann House Inn. $105-$175. The Vinchester Inn shows rates under $100 in January, may be higher later in the year.0
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