Girly dating question
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I used to be a huge horn-ball, but in my mid-20's now I've slowed down a bit. My bf is always ready to go but some days I'm just not. I'd be really hurt if he just left without asking me about it and being patient with me. I've definitely improved from almost never being in the mood (due to medication). I think you should communicate with him about it, and THEN decide if you want to move on.0
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I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.
Holy crap! I love when a woman instigates. And since he's able to perform otherwise I think it is either another woman or porn. In either case, YOU CAN'T FIX HIM. Tell him how you feel, if his behavior doesn't change, walk.
I know that sounds harsh, but time is too valuable to waste on someone that won't give you 100%.0 -
Maybe it is that time of the month for him???0
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Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! If he is only not interested when you initiate intimacy but has no problem getting it on when he initiates, then he is exhibiting classic signs of being controlling. Anyone who makes you feel stupid for trying to be loving is trying to damage your self-esteem and train you to answer to his commands. Let go, move on, and find a man that creates a loving atmosphere and lifts you up, not one that makes you feel stupid.0
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I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.0
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It really sounds like he is a under gay...I love gay ppls but not the ones who date women as a cover up! I suggest you check him out and see if gay a possibility.0
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Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! If he is only not interested when you initiate intimacy but has no problem getting it on when he initiates, then he is exhibiting classic signs of being controlling. Anyone who makes you feel stupid for trying to be loving is trying to damage your self-esteem and train you to answer to his commands. Let go, move on, and find a man that creates a loving atmosphere and lifts you up, not one that makes you feel stupid.
Wow, that is a really good pick-up, I have been following this thread and this makes alot of sense. But the OP kind of threw it out there, and disapeared... I would like to know more! for example was alcohol involved, are they romantic?, etc.0 -
I went out with a guy who didn't want to be intimate but took me to parties and dates with friends...found out he was gay. I was just there so nobody knew his sexual preferences.0
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Girl, it doesn't sound like it's you that's the problem. It sounds like he has his own issues. Maybe he's self-conscious, or he could have something else going on in his life that he's not being open about. Are either of you still seeing other people or are you monogamous?
IMO, it's too early in the relationship to reach this sort of physical "plateau." At two months, you should be all over each other, especially if you've already been intimate.
I would sit down and ask him straight up what the problem is. "Is it a physical issue? Are you seeing someone else? Is it an insecurity you have?" I could see this after years of marriage, but two months of dating... you should be ravenous for each other. If he has something else going on that you don't know about, you deserve to hear it from him.0 -
Honestly, he's not that into you, it's cliche and NOT your fault you can do better. 10 years in friendship limbo you deserve more
It's what I think too... :S0 -
Whoa there is a lot of rude stuff in here!
I read the first post and thought of medical reasons:
a) too little testosterone
b) mental health
c) reactions from medications
also other less serious reasons
d) not feeling quite right yet (2 months is crazy early in my view)
e) might be thinking twice about the times you did do it and trying to judge where you are in relationship
f) might be really freaking tired from work / the day
solutions: talk to him about it. ask him straight up if there is a reason why he doesn't want sex. listen to his response and honor it. if he isn't ready, ask him to tell you when he is and be patient. if he is not feeling well, get him feeling healthy again and try that. if he is on meds, understand that and if he is willing, try to find an alternate med with a lesser side effect. if he just doesn't want to, judge how that effects your relationship and make a call from there.
2 months is not a long time. a 10 year friendship is something that makes this difficult. really think about your future and what you want in it. tell him about it and ask if he wants to be there with you. if this is really bothering you and he is not helping you find a solution, it could be time to move on.0 -
Trust me, it's one of these:
1) He watches too much porn and/or masturbates too much (i.e. creates diminished sexual desire for a partner) This is a major problem in our modern culture.
2) You're in the friend zone in his mind but he's too lazy to be honest and move on because he likes your companionship. This could include another girl in the picture.
3) Him being gay is a possibility too, but not likely.
Regardless, you need to move on. Don't settle, don't try to change him, don't be offended and fight with him, just move on.
this0 -
Danger Will Robinson!!!!! Trust me, if you are having this concern now, it does not improve with time, just the opposite. A relationship should not make your feel stupid and insecure, just the opposite! It may hurt initially, but don't invest any more time with him - trade up!
^^^^^^This for sure....warning, warning, warning, red flag, abandon ship, head for the hills!!!!!
Who knows why but maybe he's gay, insecure, haunted by some childhood trauma, has low T, etc....It doesn't matter. Sex is very intimate and should make you feel loved and beautiful. If it doesn't then it's not the right relationship.
And btw, you can't change him---ever0 -
There are a lot of reasons a guy might not want to have sex:
#1- Low sex drive (this could be just the way he is or perhaps he has a hormonal problem)
#2- Overweight, kind of ties in with #1 but overweight men have a higher occurrence of sexual dysfunction.
#3- Stress. When a guy is stressed or nervous he will either not be able to get it up, or not feel like it to begin with.
#4- Lack of attraction/chemistry.
From first hand experience I have a higher sex drive since losing about 35 pounds and exercising regularly. I also tend to chase the wife around the bed less when I'm stressed out. I've never dated a woman I didn't have chemistry with or wasn't attracted to. I guess my sex drive fluctuates, some months my wife probably gets annoyed that I'm after her practically every minute we have alone time and other times she gets a little annoyed that I just want to go to sleep.
However, when we were dating it was practically an every night thing. Unless there is some medical issue or something going on it's sort of odd that a newly dating couple struggles with this sort of thing.0 -
Maybe he feels weird about it because you have been friends so long?0
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Maybe he feels weird about it because you have been friends so long?
Could be that too. It might be things are a little weird and confusing for him. However, typically It's more of an issue just starting a romantic relationship with someone who has been a friend before, not continuing it once you start one.0 -
You have known this guy a long time , first as a friend and now in a relationship that isnt really intimate. The only way forward is to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. It may be a confidence issue or he does not feel he is a good lover. Best to talk and work it through if possible. Tell him when he does this, it makes you feel like................Good luck.0
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That's very strange.
You should try to tell him this, then see if he addresses the issue.
And if not, then say bye bye.
I don't mean to take lightly your situation, but this might be one to go back to being "just friends" with or sever the relationship totally.
Say something like "it's not you, it's me" and "I need time apart, so I can grow as a person"
And just leave and find another guy who will know what to do and do it right.
Sexual compatibility is a must for any relationship to work.0 -
It would only get worse if you were married..... some guys don't want sex (not me! ) but I have married friends who have not had sex in years. To me that is depressing. So it sounds like you are heading down this road. Platonic....
What?! No way! You need to ask him and make sure he understands you want an honest answer. As a sexual person you need a proper answer. UGH! To be turned away has to sting. I would be backing him in to a corner and demanding a proper answer without worrying about feelings.0 -
He might just be nervous...you've only been together for 2 months so give it some time. Try talking with him about it. Maybe he had some sort of trauma in the past and it's hard for him to get past it. I doubt he's not attracted, he wouldn't be with you if he wasn't. Just don't jump to conclusions (like half of the people responding in this thread).
OK, keep dreaming.... they are in thier 20's and sleep tgether 3 nights a week for 2 months and had sex 2 times.... something is not right! Anyway goodnight going to see if I can get lucky tonight with my wife
I agree! I'm 26 and my b-f is 33 and when we were 2 months into our relationship, we used to have sex everywhere and anytime! I don't think it is you... I think it's him!! I would talk to him about it and if he says it's you... RUN AWAY!!!! It's just a bad begining for a relationship!!!!0 -
Sorry to be a pig, but there is only one reason a man in good physical condition doesn't want sex & that is because he just had it
Thats the only reason!! ONLY REASON :laugh:
Russ0 -
It would only get worse if you were married..... some guys don't want sex (not me! ) but I have married friends who have not had sex in years. To me that is depressing. So it sounds like you are heading down this road. Platonic....
What?! No way! You need to ask him and make sure he understands you want an honest answer. As a sexual person you need a proper answer. UGH! To be turned away has to sting. I would be backing him in to a corner and demanding a proper answer without worrying about feelings.
I think for women being turned down is probably more demoralizing because men tend to initiate sex a lot more often and get turned down a lot more often (though not always the case). So, I think for the average woman this sort of rejection is more problematic than it is for the average guy.
Most of the time for good reason to, because most guys I know rarely turn down sex when the woman initiates it. I mean, that's like free money! :laugh:0 -
Mmm gay.0
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Sounds like he has a testosterone problem. One of my friends husband has that and he just could care less about sex. Maybe another man would be a better option. YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY. THERE ARE MORE FISH IN THE SEA. No man should make you feel bad about you wants.0
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Oooo. 4 areas you MUST be compatible. Sex, intimacy, money, and religion. I had an experience like yours once, and the guy turns out had some SERIOUS mommy issues. This pointed out and confirmed by various mutual friends. Though not totally his fault, he seemed content not to do anything about it, and so there you go. Or rather there I went!0
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It's possible he's just not that interested in sex. There are guys like that, doesn't mean they're gay or have another gf or anything, they just don't want sex that often.
It makes sense to talk to him about it and see what the deal is. If he just doesn't like bonking as often as you do, and he is happy with himself, then chalk it up to sexual incompatibility. It happens.
There is always the possibility of a medical condition. Kleinfelder syndrome is one of many that results in low testosterone levels. If he's unhappy with his life, then he can see a doctor to improve things. If he's happy, then move on.0 -
Talk to him about it and keep an open mind. Tell him how you feel. Listen as intently to him as you want him to listen to you. However if his actions or words continue to make you feel stupid move on. You should never feel that way in a relationship, if you do he's not the right guy for you. He may not know he is making you feel that way. Once he does hopefully he will be able to explain things to you so that you understand without feeling stupid or his actions will change. Good Luck !0
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I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.
This! If a guy came on saying his gf never wanted to shag, and someone replied saying "well if she's not put out after 2 months dump her" the women here would be going mental!
TALK TO HIM. You won't find your answer here. I've been in your situation before, and the only way out is to get him to tell you what's wrong.0 -
I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.
This! If a guy came on saying his gf never wanted to shag, and someone replied saying "well if she's not put out after 2 months dump her" the women here would be going mental!
TALK TO HIM. You won't find your answer here. I've been in your situation before, and the only way out is to get him to tell you what's wrong.
THANK YOU! I was beginning to wonder whether I was the only person who noticed this double standard.
Woman doesn't want to have sex: there's something wrong with the man!
Man doesn't want to have sex: there's something wrong with the man!0 -
I would say the exact same thing to a man. Don't continue a relationship in which you feel bad or ashamed after sex.I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.0
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