once a cheater always a cheater - true or false?

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  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    pretty sure you can't throw anyone that's ever cheated into one of the two camps.

    it's like saying "men are pigs" or "women are sh*tty drivers"

    far too dumb of a statement.

    ^ I agree with this aside from the part about women driving.

    ;)

    Hahahaha!
  • smrtcar
    smrtcar Posts: 104 Member
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    Cheating is simply unapproved "strange". If your current relationship is unsatisfying, either end it or modify it, openly with your partner. Don't hide it. THAT'S cheating. Search online for "monogamish". Sometimes being monogamish can save a relationship.

    Just saying...

    BTW, I am not monogamish.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    pretty sure you can't throw anyone that's ever cheated into one of the two camps.

    it's like saying "men are pigs" or "women are sh*tty drivers"

    far too dumb of a statement.

    I agree with this. There could be many variables that come into play, not just one or two.
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    pretty sure you can't throw anyone that's ever cheated into one of the two camps.

    it's like saying "men are pigs" or "women are sh*tty drivers"

    far too dumb of a statement.

    I totally agree with this!

    I agree. I also think that anyone who believes that someone who has cheated in the past is a low-life good for nothing ****face who will never be a whole person is an extremely bitter, sad, and angry human being.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    I'm always surprised by how many people say they'd leave, no matter what, if a spouse cheated. You can't know for sure what you'd do, unless you're faced with the situation. And I think MANY more are in fact dealing with it, than you'd guess. I think there are few marriages that last any length of time, where neither partner has strayed.
  • kalepowered
    kalepowered Posts: 76 Member
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    Some people habitually cheat and others cheat once & never again, but that doesn't change that they're still a cheater - it's not a system where if you go x months without cheating on your SO you get to pretend you aren't one anymore. That being said, I have zero respect for cheaters and would never again trust one. If you are so insecure or morally weak that you cheat, you should not be in a committed, monogamous relationship, and if you are so unhappy in your own relationship that you cheat, be a decent person and end the relationship or work through what you have without putting your parts in someone else's parts. Sounds harsh, but so is cheating & betraying the trust of someone so close to you.
  • PrincessLou71186
    PrincessLou71186 Posts: 747 Member
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    I believe there are two many factors to count. What one person believes to be cheating may not be the same for another. We will never truly know the under lying factors for the cheating unless we are involved, but even then we may not.

    If you have cheated more than once then I would say you are more likely to cheat for the third, fourth or twentieth time, but that does not mean everyone will.

    It's hard to come to a conclusion on those who have only cheated the once because every person that has cheated several times had only done it once at one point.

    It depends a lot on the individual and the couple.

    In the literal sense, yes, once you are a cheater you will always be a cheater, but a 'serial' cheater? Who can tell? Those that a remorseful/devastated/disgusted with the cheating will swear they will never do it again but some do. The path they are on changes and what was going to happen will not necessarily be what happens.

    If my husband cheated on me, I would first want to find out the reason for it, try to forgive him and move on from it. We agreed before we were married that there is only one reason either us would file for a divorce and that is abuse. Everything else we will work on and try to mend the broken paths that stand in our way.

    Everyone is different and I'm not saying our way is right but it's right for us.
  • Langlady
    Langlady Posts: 51 Member
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    I have to say false. I had made a huge mistake by cheating on my last boyfriend. Of course it destroyed us both emotionally. I have made it a point to never do it again but it takes work. People can change their ways but they have to choose to and know what can drive them to do it. I am now engaged to an absolutely wonderful man and would never dream of cheating on him but I am always aware of people that try to pull me astray.
  • adamsonam
    adamsonam Posts: 127
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    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    I agree with this!! Unfortunately I ended up with the first type but he is history now!
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    True. Even if you cheated once that still makes you a cheater. You cheated and always will have. So yeah, to me, once a cheater always a cheater.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    double post
  • samantha64118
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    It depends on the person. Sometimes there are people who cheat and see nothing wrong with it, those people will probably do it forever. But sometimes people just make a mistake. I cheated once, when I was a teenager. It wasn't even sex, it was an emotional kind of cheating. But I still felt horrible about it, and I have never done it since & now that I'm married, I never will cheat on my husband.
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
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    Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??

    For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
    We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.

    If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.

    If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.

    My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.

    Ditto!!
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    ^^THIS. Couldn't say it any better than this.
  • SeanIsMyHomeboy
    SeanIsMyHomeboy Posts: 107 Member
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    WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!
  • arnoldnagy
    arnoldnagy Posts: 51 Member
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    DEFINITELY FALSE! Except when it's true.



    Arny
  • love22step
    love22step Posts: 1,103 Member
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    Both! Although it's still not right, some people have a pretty good reason to cheat--abusive relationship, etc. When the reason is removed, the cheating stops. Some people just like to cheat and will probably continue as long as they can get away with it.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    I have to say False, at least for some.

    I cheated on my first wife, like it was a hobby. That is what happens when you marry at 19/20 becasue you have a kid on the way and are not in love.. yes, it happened. I am not proud of it, but it is factual.

    She was the only SO I have ever cheated on. I am now a happily married man and would never consider cheating on my wife, she is the one I live for and therefore no other could take me away... now you know, if Jessica alba came knocking on the door and was looking for a three way with me and the wife.. I think that is OK.. It's like my wife says "it's not cheating if my husbands watching"

    I like your wife. (Although I'd go a step further and say it's not cheating if your partner knows and approves.)
    Great minds tend to think alike...
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Cheating is simply unapproved "strange". If your current relationship is unsatisfying, either end it or modify it, openly with your partner. Don't hide it. THAT'S cheating. Search online for "monogamish". Sometimes being monogamish can save a relationship.

    Just saying...

    BTW, I am not monogamish.

    Or you could go all-out and be polyamorous, or swing, or one of the many other labels for various types of consensual non-monogamy. The key word here being consensual...