once a cheater always a cheater - true or false?

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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    I agree with this!! Unfortunately I ended up with the first type but he is history now!

    ME TOO!!! Thus why I know so much about this lol.
  • sweetiepie31612
    sweetiepie31612 Posts: 240 Member
    Both! Although it's still not right, some people have a pretty good reason to cheat--abusive relationship, etc. When the reason is removed, the cheating stops. Some people just like to cheat and will probably continue as long as they can get away with it.

    I disagree. There is never a good reason to cheat. Either you love and respect someone enough to talk out your problems, think about your actions would effect them, and remain faithful. Or you don't feel that way and you cheat, in which case, you should have ended the relationship. If you're in an abusive relationship, you leave, you don't just cheat.
  • anchorageb2
    anchorageb2 Posts: 55 Member
    Well I seen stone thrower on here.Get off the diet site since your so perfect. If Jesus can forgive those who did it for money and not for love then he can forgive those who may of done it for attention or lack of self-esteem.
    Keep in mind cheating is not only physical but mental too. If your pleasing yourself with thoughts of someone else or something else other than your partner, YOU are cheating.

    So for the flirters or lookers who think you are not hurting your partner.... You are wrong and still a cheater. If you are making excuses for your thoughts or things you have done that was not loving your partner... You are a cheater.
    Can you get over it ... Yes but only when you are honest about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Then when you figure out you really love your partner then you can be satisfied.
  • charlotte66
    charlotte66 Posts: 248 Member
    false

    i cheated on a boyfriend once when i was 16 young and dumb was horrible never told him untill we ended then he told me anyway that he had slept with that guys gf didnt feel so bad then he was 21 so probly should of had more sence! ive moved on and grown up he hasnt 5 years later wants me back but he was a cheater and will always be a cheater as i know from recent girlfriends

    but now with my partner i would never ever cheat on him hes my world we have a family together i would never want to ruin that and id hope he wouldnt either because he knows he would lose everthing as i wouldnt come back
  • DeeJayTJ
    DeeJayTJ Posts: 355 Member
    where are all the men posts?

    this thread is like 80% women! makes me feel like women are more prone to cheating than men!! (which i already think)
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    Cheating is simply unapproved "strange". If your current relationship is unsatisfying, either end it or modify it, openly with your partner. Don't hide it. THAT'S cheating. Search online for "monogamish". Sometimes being monogamish can save a relationship.

    Just saying...

    BTW, I am not monogamish.

    Or you could go all-out and be polyamorous, or swing, or one of the many other labels for various types of consensual non-monogamy. The key word here being consensual...
    Poly and cuckolding lifestyles are gaining more mainstream following each year... prolly b/c of the internet and free flow of information... this is turning into a FL thread.... LOL :laugh:
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    False. People do grow up and do change.

    That being said, there are some people out there that will never learn to be good no matter how many times their hands get slapped.
  • gerirojas
    gerirojas Posts: 101 Member
    I disagree, my husband cheated on his girlfriend when he met me (after about 6 months of hanging out first) , he felt terrible but he knew she wasn't the one for him, he told her and ended there relationship and we have been married 6 years together 11, I trust him completely.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 650 Member
    where are all the men posts?

    this thread is like 80% women! makes me feel like women are more prone to cheating than men!! (which i already think)

    bingo

    I wonder how many people are honest about their views on cheating. It's such a frowned upon thing for obvious reasons, that everyone seems to become holier than thou. Well, SOMEONE is cheating. lol

    I've read that generally speaking, 30% of people cheat......I think that number is waaaayyyyy higher. Seriously, who's going to admit 'yeah, i'm cheating'.:huh:
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    1000000000000000000000000000000% TRUE.. believe me I've been cheated twice by the same man & the worse was that he left me for the very same reason: another women he just recently met, this happened on 2 separate year, first in 2010 & the other one just 2 weeks ago :cry:
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    where are all the men posts?

    this thread is like 80% women! makes me feel like women are more prone to cheating than men!! (which i already think)

    Actually, in my experience, I tend to agree - though that may have more to do with the type of woman that I've been attracted to.
    :ohwell:
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 650 Member
    where are all the men posts?

    this thread is like 80% women! makes me feel like women are more prone to cheating than men!! (which i already think)

    Actually, in my experience, I tend to agree - though that may have more to do with the type of woman that I've been attracted to.
    :ohwell:


    *kitten*?

    sorry.....couldn't pass it up. :)
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    OP- I think it's really cool of you to admit that.
  • nashtyone
    nashtyone Posts: 36
    Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??

    For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
    We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.

    If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.

    If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.

    My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.

    True dat.
  • DeeJayTJ
    DeeJayTJ Posts: 355 Member
    where are all the men posts?

    this thread is like 80% women! makes me feel like women are more prone to cheating than men!! (which i already think)

    Actually, in my experience, I tend to agree - though that may have more to do with the type of woman that I've been attracted to.
    :ohwell:

    LOL AGREE

    ive been cheated on, its a horrible horrible thing. yeah she looks like a porn star, so what!? LOL now shes marrying a rich man twice her age!
  • Myndi73
    Myndi73 Posts: 270
    I wouldn's stick around long enough to find out. Once is too many for me.
  • LeelaLosing
    LeelaLosing Posts: 237 Member
    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    i totally agree, it depends on the person. some people feel they are entitled to do whatever they want and have the best of both worlds, other people learn from hurting others and mature....i also think there are a large contingent of people (i've noticed more meant than woman) who don't have the balls to get out of a relationship that is not working for them and cheat vs. getting out clean and honorably and then find the next person......
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Absolutes do not exist. You can not use the words "always" and "never" because everything has a beginning and ending point.

    However with human condition, I will say that people are weighted towards certain behaviors more often than not, so a person who has cheated in the past has a higher probability to cheat again.
  • mm3898
    mm3898 Posts: 138 Member
    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    THIS. This this this. The trick is knowing the difference, but I'm a believer that there isn't one type of cheater- thanks for putting that more eloquently than I could!
  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
    FALSE! - for my situation.... My hubby, when in high school, 'went out' on his girlfriend, but she did it to him first. They were always tit-for-tat for years, well at least that's what his step-mom says (she's been known to falsify things *lie*) He doesn't cheat on me, and never will. I have total faith and trust in him.

    BUT, I do believe that there are people who will always cheat, but these people will always be looking for another relationship to trash and another heart to break. BUT IT WONT BE MINE!
  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    THIS. This this this. The trick is knowing the difference, but I'm a believer that there isn't one type of cheater- thanks for putting that more eloquently than I could!

    AMEN! THIS is what I'm talking about too!
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
    cheating once is one time to many...
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
    Personally I think cheating means the person who cheated was unhappy with something in the relationship (maybe they wanted more attention, more sex, more excitement), and therefore looked for it outside of their spouse. Which in the end, means even if they feel bad about it, are horrified by the pain it caused, might do it again if they become unhappy in the future....
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Once a _________ - always a _________?
    I hope not, because I would be a lot of things.

    No, what defines me today is who I am TODAY!

    Now, I believe it's perfectly acceptable to judge potential future behavior by looking into a person's past and judging them.
    Sure!
    Our past actions are a reflection of who we are, and others will use that to make a sound judgement.
    That's legitimate, and in fact, it's foolish not to.
    As for how we feel about ourselves, we can decide who and what we want to be RIGHT NOW!
    Just don't be angry if the world is not ready to believe you.
    They need time to catch up - they need to see good actions for a season to match your good intentions.
  • liroez29
    liroez29 Posts: 221
    I was married very young, I was just 18, and I cheated on him. It was a bad marriage, and it ended after just over 4 years. And he never knew I cheated until a year after the divorce. The guilt killed me, worst feeling. Every time he would try cuddling with me in bed, my heart would race and sometimes my stomach would get upset to the point of vomiting. Even though he was very abusive, physically and mentally, I still felt I had done worse to him then he had ever done to me.....until I caught him cheating on me anyway. I am a one time cheater, did it once, will never do it again! it is not worth it! Been married again now for 5 yrs and have had no trouble at all staying faithful!
  • mab33
    mab33 Posts: 242 Member
    False. I admit I have cheated in previous relationships. It broke my heart breaking the news. I would NEVER cheat on my husband.
  • dmjohnston72
    dmjohnston72 Posts: 3
    Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??

    For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
    We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.

    If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.

    If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.

    My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.

    I don't believe this is an accurate statement but you certainly have a right to your opinion. In my line of work, I deal with divorces every single day and the most common reason for divorce is loss of affection. Not that it gives us a reason or excuse to cheat but when you lose the feeling of being important to someone and attractive and that their world revolves around you, you seek it out in other ways....some cross the line with a full blown affair, some have emotional flings. Its not a lack or moral character, its being a human and wanting to FEEL something, anything, other than dispair. Some people stay in those relationships for familiar obligations and the HOPE that it will get better and because they truly love their spouse/significant other and don't want to move on without them.....this is just my 2 cents.
  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
    One more thing.....I did cheat on a boyfriend a loong time ago. When I was a teenager, but I have never and will never cheat on my husband. I love him more than anything on earth. We have a great relationship, hardley ever argue, and are always on the same page.

    SO I think it's not the same for every situation.
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
    That's a loaded questions....in my experience, if soemone cheated once and learned from it, then FALSE/

    If someone cheated more then once, then Deifinitley TRUE!!

    In most cases I've seen it's very TRUE, because people usually don't confess unless they get caught or think they will get caught.

    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
    That's a loaded questions....in my experience, if soemone cheated once and learned from it, then FALSE/

    If someone cheated more then once, then Deifinitley TRUE!!

    In most cases I've seen it's very TRUE, because people usually don't confess unless they get caught or think they will get caught.

    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.


    And just to give another point of view....cheaters ruin the good people for the rest of us! If you've ever dated someone who has been cheated on, it is very very hard to gain their trust, and they are very emotionally damaged by it. :'(

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