once a cheater always a cheater - true or false?
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Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??
For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.
If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.
If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.
My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.
I don't believe this is an accurate statement but you certainly have a right to your opinion. In my line of work, I deal with divorces every single day and the most common reason for divorce is loss of affection. Not that it gives us a reason or excuse to cheat but when you lose the feeling of being important to someone and attractive and that their world revolves around you, you seek it out in other ways....some cross the line with a full blown affair, some have emotional flings. Its not a lack or moral character, its being a human and wanting to FEEL something, anything, other than dispair. Some people stay in those relationships for familiar obligations and the HOPE that it will get better and because they truly love their spouse/significant other and don't want to move on without them.....this is just my 2 cents.
These people are getting divorced.... I think that speaks for itself.0 -
TO me, Cheater = someone who cheats, or has cheated
People who cheat have a lack of sensitivity for someone they should love. No justification makes it right. Even if no one ever finds out or does it again, it will leave a mark that maybe only they can feel. It may only happen once, but it doesn't ever make that single occasion go away. Is the guilty person beyond redemption and not worthy of love? Who am I to judge? But in a world where trust is lost so easily and so hard to gain, why bother gambling your time and emotions with someone you know has a bad track record?
This was pointed out before but the best we can do is gamble on the patterns that we have witnessed, and have faith in those we choose to put our faith in.0 -
pretty sure you can't throw anyone that's ever cheated into one of the two camps.
it's like saying "men are pigs" or "women are sh*tty drivers"
far too dumb of a statement.
I agree with this.0 -
Yeah but plenty of people have gotten divorced, who didn't cheat on each other.. so it in not mutally exclusive... Everyone is different and handles these things in their own way. If there is no love for one another, than you someone will eventually cheat, but if that is the case, they shouldn't be togehter anyway... you need mutual love and respect, and trust. my 2 cents.Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??
For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.
If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.
If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.
My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.
I don't believe this is an accurate statement but you certainly have a right to your opinion. In my line of work, I deal with divorces every single day and the most common reason for divorce is loss of affection. Not that it gives us a reason or excuse to cheat but when you lose the feeling of being important to someone and attractive and that their world revolves around you, you seek it out in other ways....some cross the line with a full blown affair, some have emotional flings. Its not a lack or moral character, its being a human and wanting to FEEL something, anything, other than dispair. Some people stay in those relationships for familiar obligations and the HOPE that it will get better and because they truly love their spouse/significant other and don't want to move on without them.....this is just my 2 cents.
These people are getting divorced.... I think that speaks for itself.0 -
Man this thread is frustrating.0
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Agreed!!Man this thread is frustrating.0 -
Yeah but plenty of people have gotten divorced, who didn't cheat on each other.. so it in not mutally exclusive... Everyone is different and handles these things in their own way. If there is no love for one another, than you someone will eventually cheat, but if that is the case, they shouldn't be togehter anyway... you need mutual love and respect, and trust. my 2 cents.Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??
For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.
If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.
If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.
My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.
I don't believe this is an accurate statement but you certainly have a right to your opinion. In my line of work, I deal with divorces every single day and the most common reason for divorce is loss of affection. Not that it gives us a reason or excuse to cheat but when you lose the feeling of being important to someone and attractive and that their world revolves around you, you seek it out in other ways....some cross the line with a full blown affair, some have emotional flings. Its not a lack or moral character, its being a human and wanting to FEEL something, anything, other than dispair. Some people stay in those relationships for familiar obligations and the HOPE that it will get better and because they truly love their spouse/significant other and don't want to move on without them.....this is just my 2 cents.
These people are getting divorced.... I think that speaks for itself.
Oh I agree - I just don't think siting reasons for cheating by someone who's getting divorced is a very good example of how cheating isn't what I said it was. Love is respect, honesty, honor, and trust. Cheating is deceitful, dishonorable, disrespectful, a selfish intentional choice - pretty much the opposite of love. I stick by my original statement. Those are my standards. Other people have different standards and if that works for them and they are happy then all good. Just doesn't work for me.0 -
TRUTH... for 7% of the cheating population
7% of cheaters are compulsive cheaters, they have an underlying mental issue which will never allow them to change. You can recognize them by their excessive narcissism and lack of empathy. Or you may find them at sex addicts anonymous meetings, but they would never volunteer to be there, normally it's due to their partner's ultimatum.0 -
False.. I think people can make mistakes.. i say first time might have been a mistake and they feel really sorry and show it.. But second time is their way of life and not mine... I don't think in anything we do if we do it once it will mean we will do it again...0
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Both! Although it's still not right, some people have a pretty good reason to cheat--abusive relationship, etc. When the reason is removed, the cheating stops. Some people just like to cheat and will probably continue as long as they can get away with it.
I disagree. There is never a good reason to cheat. Either you love and respect someone enough to talk out your problems, think about your actions would effect them, and remain faithful. Or you don't feel that way and you cheat, in which case, you should have ended the relationship. If you're in an abusive relationship, you leave, you don't just cheat.
I was thinking more of verbal vs. physical abuse, and trying to maintain your sanity and dignity while, at the same time, trying to hold on and get through and maintain a relationship for the sake of the children involved. Life can be difficult and complicated. True, there is never a good reason to cheat; however, I actually said "pretty good" and, sometimes, "good" alternatives may not be evident. Talking out your problems, even with a counselor, isn't effective if the other person is a smooth talker and can only hear his/her own side. Not everyone is strong enough to take persistent verbal battering without a break.0 -
True for those who cheat and continue to cheat and false for those who have cheated and have never cheated again after that.
Cheating is the worst thing you can do. So it's best not to do it when your in a relationship. If you even get a thought about cheating on the person your with, then your clearly not suppose to be in a relationship.0 -
generally true but there are exceptions.. just dont be totally shocked if a past cheater does it again0
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Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??
For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.
If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.
If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.
My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.
You hit the nail on the head there. Well said.
ETA I find it interesting that everyone here, regardless of opinion, says they would never cheat on their current SO (even if they did in the past, which has mainly been teenage/extremely young relationships anyway). I think that fact in itself speaks more than I ever could. You're supposed to be with someone who could never imagine cheating on you, and who you could never imagine cheating on. If that's not the case, you're with the wrong person, get out, and don't allow the inequality of your being out there, while the other person is stuck in an equally problematic relationship (knowingly or not), and is not doing the very things you are out of respect for you.0 -
ask newt gingrich0
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Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??
For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.
If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.
If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.
My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.
THIS!!!! I could not agree more!
I am 35 I stayed in a relationship I probably shouldn't have. I wanted it to work after a while I wanted it to work for my kids more than me. A dumb reason? maybe but it is what it is.. Early in our relationship he cheated tho he never did it again, there are other forms of neglect and disrespect. If your relationship now is built on honesty, respect, love and trust and understanding then you all will be fine. Your not a child anymore nor is he and its what you bring to the relationship as an adult that has the potential to make or beak your relationship because like firesoforion pointed out as adults its more of a conscious choice than a mistake.0 -
I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...
One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.
Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.
I agree, except with one thing... Cheating, the CONSTANT Cheater has Spiritual issues. It is not a condition of the heart.0 -
True for those who cheat and continue to cheat and false for those who have cheated and have never cheated again after that.
Cheating is the worst thing you can do. So it's best not to do it when your in a relationship. If you even get a thought about cheating on the person your with, then your clearly not suppose to be in a relationship.
Sorry, but I don't agree with that at all. I very much doubt there isn't a person here who hasn't at some point looked at someone who isn't their partner and thought "wow". Everyone looks around, that's human nature. You don't have to act on it, but you can't police people's thoughts. Most people can't police their own thoughts.
I also completely disagree that cheating is the worst you can do. How about domestic violence? Ongoing verbal abuse? Neglect? I would pick infidelity over any of those any day.0 -
False to some. I cheated and learned my lesson. I think I did it out of anger because my husband had cheated on me. I felt disgusting and mad after I cheated. I felt I stooped so low just because I was angry I degraded myself. NEVER AGAIN!!!0
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The OP statement is false but clearly IMO a lot of people here aren't telling the whole truth.
I read stats like 1 in 2 people have cheated, that's half the population. Its more common than people will admit and people will always justify their actions in some way or another. In terms of divorce, in the UK, its 1 in 3 marriages are ended because of extra-marital affairs...0 -
False, age, the situation you are put in etc etc, good people can do **** things to each other, 1 life, just live it how you want0
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