RANT: obese people that PUSH dieting advice!!

It's beautiful that you are loyal, and maybe even a little protective of your friend even though you recognize that she is bullying you. However... if she was a boyfriend, and you described the same relationship, you would be describing an emotionally abusive relationship. The advice for anyone in that kind of relationship is: either you and your friend get counseling to move forward in a positive, healthy direction... or you break up and move on. I understand that people saying "dump the b**ch!* seems flip and callous and doesn't take anything you feel, or what she is to you in your life, into account. And in that sense maybe it feels like more people pushing advice that doesn't work for you.

That said, your relationship with her is toxic, abusive, and codependent. That doesn't mean changing (or ending) the relationship is at all an easy thing, because it certainly would not be. The first thing though is for you to realize that you deserve a supportive, loving friendship. You deserve that. You don't deserve to always be overlooking her bullying, and her disregard for you, and her attempts to manipulate you. You deserve to feel worthwhile of real, true friendship. If you feel like this is the best you can expect from friendship, then that is a much bigger issue than whether or not the idea of animal crackers sends her off on a two hour rampage.

She can be wrong and misguided about diet and nutrition and fitness, or she can know everything about it. It doesn't matter. The bigger issue is the dynamic between you. It might be time to consider that your move toward fitness includes bringing to light every aspect of your life that could be healthier. You already know that she doesn't treat you right. You've explained why you feel like that's okay, and something you're willing to tolerate. I think examining that a little more fully, maybe in counseling, would be a good choice. Having a neutral party to talk things out with is very helpful.

You talk about how she's always been there, and is still your best friend after all this time. You need to ask: would she still be your best friend if you set healthy boundaries and fully believed that you deserve respect from everyone, ESPECIALLY from those who claim a place in your heart and life? If she's only your friend, only there for you, if you let her treat you like this... if you're afraid that changing what you expect from her would cause her to resent and leave you... then she's only ever been there for HERSELF, and you don't owe her what it will cost you to let this continue for the next 10 years.

And if she is a true friend, who does love you, then it may be tricky, but you and she will make a new dynamic, as grown women. It's not about dropping a friend from your life, necessarily: but you don't have to continue to allow her to bully and disrespect you.

Doctor Oketer - chocolate mouse

http://www.oetker.ca/en/product/powder-desserts/mousse/13510

it is about 50 calories per serving , or about 200 if you eat the whole package (like I may or may not have done at certain times of the month)

I like it better than pudding as it feels more luxurious

My nutrition professor is awesome (teaching-wise), but the guy is obese. His class gets filled up pretty quickly, because he teaches the subject so well and thoroughly. For some reason, even though he knows a lot about nutrition and fitness, he just can't seem to follow the information himself. It's kind of sad, considering he's been teaching the subject for years and continues to conduct studies related to nutrition. Nutrition is pretty much his life's calling.

At least you are trying to lose the weight through diet and exercise. I hate when large people complain about how big they are as they are shoving a double whopper in their mouth with a diet coke, then once they are over 600lbs decide to get weightloss surgery!! I wish I could get weightloss surgery on tricares dime. Or when I post on facebook that I'm trying to drop a few lbs my larger friends start saying really mean things to me, even though I'm super supportive of them. I say who cares if you're big or little if you're not happy with your body do something about it as long as its healthy and not dangerous.

You need new friends.

People with bad relationships in regards to food can sometimes be quite obsessive. Obesity isn't always about lack of knowledge but can be psychological issues left unaddressed.
Its interesting that she is so obese and her mum is a nutritionist. Makes me wonder if she is repeating her mums absolutes and that food is a control issue in the daughter/mum relationship.

I had a friend who many years ago had a battle with an eating disorder and while she was starving herself she was obsessed with food, shopping for it, finding new recipes, gourmet cooking. I think unhealthy attitudes to food can manifest in lots of ways.

What many others have posted I agree with this is about her issues not yours.
Its great that you have a measured approach, and will you make mistakes? Sure you will, but thats part of the journey while you discover what works for you. Your friends actions as well meaning as it may be doesn't empower you as an individual.

I think even if you stop talking about your new healthier lifestyle with her each new visible weight loss goal will trigger additional similiar responses.

My heart goes out to this girl and I wish you both success.

[/quote] Ditto not only that but FB makes a delete button she's not a friend but a frenemy you don't need her!!!
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we all have frenemies! i thought i was the only one that used this word
Its some times good to keep them on...they provide you with motivation! Well they have me lol

quote]
A good friend is like a good bra--supportive and uplifting. She is neither.
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OP Here.
Many people are telling me to drop this friend, let me explain why I have not done that. We have been best friends since we were in the 4th grade. we were always the "fat girls" Even if we were only 20ish lbs heaver than other children our age, we were always the "fat girls" and no one wanted to be our friends, so we clung to eachother life lifeboats to keep our heads just bearly above water. without her I surly would have been a mess, and I believe the same applys to her.
She is a *****, she is a know it all, shes rude, and obnxious, hateful even. But can I blame her???
We were tortured for years over our weight, so she fought back with torment and words, where is I just became a shy closet eater.
I LOVE her, shes my best friend, I want to share this wit her, I just don't want to be ripped apart for it because shes a bully.
Yes, shes a bully. She has bullied me half my life, I never understood why we stayed friends, why I could even stand her.
But when you have no one, its easy to except someone for every flaw the have even when it hurts you.
Still to this day, im 23 now, and she is still my only friend.
its funny how even with age and maturity, no one wants to be friends with the fat chick.

No one wants to be friends with the fat chick? Yes there will always be people who judge you that way but there are many people here on the boards that have a wide circle of friends and are still overweight. So you can't use that as an excuse.

I think you are about to outgrow this friendship. I am not saying you won't keep in touch but this friendship is about both of you fitting into a hostile/defensive "us against the world, unpopular fat chick identity".

You are not a fat chick anymore! Your a fit healthy athletic chick and your body is just taking some time to catch up with that. You have changed your habits. Your habits are not those of a "fat chick" its those of a healthy person. Your identity has changed and will continue to do so. I think your friend is trying to keep you trapped in the negativity of the past.

Your 23 and you express yourself well, I am sure you will figure out what works for you in the end.

Good luck!

I think it's one of those "Lord, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat" kind of thing.

Simple response, "Excuse ,me, but when YOU are slender and eating healthy, then perhaps I will listen to you, until then, get the heck away from me and let me eat in peace."

Love this response! We should all have the "balls" to say it when necessary. My husband is a big guy and I feel bad for him sometimes. At work when he has his lunch, if he's eating something someone else thinks isn't good for him, they'll comment on it and say ... "Oh you shouldn't be eating that; it's not good for you". If he's eating something healthy, which he tries to do, someone will comment and say...."Oh that isn't enough food for you". People - shut the heck up and mind your own business. There's my rant for the day. Love this site and all you guys for your support!!

I'm sorry to hear about that. Sounds like she doesn't want you to change for her, or she wants to prove that she knows more. I don't know, but this is all about her pulling some power play. But you are doing this for you, so forget her BS. There's no reason for anyone to behave that way. To each their own, as long as it's a healthy plan, there's no right or wrong way to lose weight.

And lastly I would like to point out her mom is a nutritionist, not her. A good diet plan should be individual, and not broad spectrum, otherwise we'd all be supermodels, so I doubt her mom would give you this same advice. And anyhow a nutritionist is not certified/educated, per ce, in the way a registered dietitian is. I know a nutritionist sounds like a person that gives more sound advice then a dietitian, but it's just that "diet" sounds like a fad, where as "nutrition" sounds like a lifestyle. However, in many states anyone can call themselves a nutritionist, but in all a dietitian must keep valid certification. I'm not saying a nutritionist can't give great advice either, I just wanted to point out that little factoid considering your friends is all "trust me, my mom is a nutritionist."

I'm on your side completely. You can't lose weight AND keep it off by depriving yourself. You just have to be conscious of how much you're supposed to be having and make sure to cut it off at the correct serving size. As for a low carb/cal treat: Line a deep ice cube tray or tiny bowl (or, if you get the individual sized yogurts, spoon it into a bowl, clean out the cup, and line it) with plastic wrap (it helps everything slide right out after frozen) and spoon in your favorite light nonfat yogurt. Add some fresh berries to the mix if you like (my favorite light nonfat yogurt is vanilla because I can add whatever fruit to it I'm in the mood for), cover completely with plastic wrap to avoid freezer burn, stick a toothpick or two in it, and pop it in the freezer. Let it freeze completely, preferably over night. It's like having ice cream but completely guilt free!

Ah I know exactly what you mean. One of my "friends" who is overweight and, from what I've heard him say about exercise and eating, knows next to nothing about fitness and nutrition -- he had the nerve to try to lecture ME on how to eat healthy and be fit when I weight like a third of his weight, and I actually do research on nutrition and fitness, so I find it quite offensive how he attacks me with his "knowledge" of nutrition when I know loads more than he does. He once told me I was unhealthy because I "don't drink enough water" every day when I drink 8-10 glasses a day - he told me I should be drinking an entire pack of 24 water bottles a day. WTF?! And then he told me that coffee was unhealthy and I shouldn't drink it when there is nothing wrong with it. Not to mention... he thinks the Shake Weight is a good exercise routine... yeah. Bleh sorry for the rant. I completely empathize with you.

I'd just like to share something that I learned along my journey. Good friends are good friends no matter what the size. I quickly learned that my size 6 friend was extremely toxic in my life in general, and my size 26 friend was the MOST supportive and encouraging in my weight loss efforts. As you lose weight and gain confidence, you will find that you weed out the toxic ones, and invite the encouraging ones in. It's almost like a flower blossoming. As you gain a sense of who you are, people see that and will be drawn to you.

I made much better friends now on my journey than I have ever had in my entire life.

A heart to heart is definitely in order, because if you want to salvage the friendship then she needs to know that what she is doing is A) annoying you and unproductive.

here's a little different spin .. i read a few pages of this post and didn't see this point of view expressed, so here goes...

from the time i was in highschool, i had to consciously watch what i ate and exercise to maintain my slender girlish figure. this went on for 40+ years and i did just fine. later on i joined weight watchers when i had gained about 30 pounds and again got things under control achieving my lifetime membership goal and maintenance. then i got a back injury and all bets were off. i was physically unable to get cardio exercise and my weight started climbing.. and now i am nearly 80 pounds overweight. i just figured out a way to get a fair cardio workout and have joined MFP to aid me in attaining my weight loss goal. (record keeping and accountability to others)

there have been times when people have ASKED my opinion and i am happy to give it. i do consider myself an expert in planning a healthy weight loss menu and managing calories. i even pride myself in adapting (suitable) recipes to the original weight watchers exchange plan. one aspect, here on MFP, i was never aware of when i was doing aerobics several times a week is figuring out how many calories were burned then eating back burned calories. i just knew if i did aerobics and ate sensible, i never had to worry about my weight.

so, not ALL overweight people are stupid about eating healthy and it pays to listen to all advice, see what sounds reasonable to you, and take what sounds useful to you. there is always more than one way to achieve a goal. also, it seems like most "skinny" people who have never had a weight problem don't have a clue. they never had to worry about counting a calorie. i have seen some advice from so called lifetime fitness experts here that doesn't make sense and could even be harmful.

ps: that does not mean i approve of anyone preaching where advice is not wanted, even if it is from an expert.

I completely agree with this! I am overweight/obese and I tend to give advice to friends who are trying to lose weight (even sometimes without them asking, just when the topic comes up) but I don't do it in an *kitten*-ish way. I too have struggled with my weight, but I too have lost a ton of weight several times....both the right and the wrong way. I have taken a big interest in nutrition, love biology and the way the body works so I have read and been through my own experiences to know what works for me. I also know friends who eat fast food, which I admit I still consume on occasion, but know that going over your necessary calories for a day is easy when all you eat is fast food. So I tell them these things. I am doing this weight loss for good this time, the right way. I HAVE done this before, my issue is I have a huge sweet tooth and I snack when I get bored. So I have adjusted my eating habits to be better and healthier. Not all of us who are obese/overweight are jealous. I personally want to give people I know who need to lose weight the common sense advice that most of us who come here already know. I am NOT jealous of anyone smaller than me, in fact I have always been comfortable emotionally/mentally with my weight regardless of how big i've gotten because I got over that crap when I was younger. I know that I MYSELF got me to where I am and am responsible for my weight. I know I am also responsible for taking it off as well and along the way, since I have done this several times and know that it's simply a matter of calories in/out, eating healthier and exercise when you can find the time is the right way to go about this.

Not all of us big girls are hateful people. I give advice to my friends who want to lose weight that just don't know the basic information that you should know on a weight loss journey. No jealousy here, I just love my friends enough to be outspoken about being fat. Most are happy to hear my opinion on this. And I completely understand there is a line between jealous and being a good friend. Just wanted to make a statement for the one fat girl here who isn't a big b*tch about it

COMPLETELY agree with you both!