How to not cry when getting your *kitten* chewed??

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Replies

  • Audddua
    Audddua Posts: 176 Member
    When I feel the tears start coming I jut my jaw out - I read somewhere that can help disrupt the tear ducts or some crap like that. Also, I firmly squeeze the skin between my thumb and pointer finger. Breathe deeply and try to calm down. I do let myself cry after a bad day when I'm driving home alone in my car - it's cathartic. I get it out of my system and then when I get home I can move on with my life.

    Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    I'm amazed that there are people who tolerate being abused verbally by anyone!!!

    A boss a few years ago used to speak to his wife like **** & at work communicated to staff the same way. He generally left me alone but one instance he started having a go at me for something in a really unprofessional & aggressive manner, about 1 minute into his little rant I raised my palm to his face, looked him in the eye & told him calmly that until he was prepared to talk to me in a civilized manner the conversation was over or he could take it to HR. You could hear a pin drop as not one of the other staff had ever stood up to him. He flustered for it a bit then lowered his voice, changed his tone & we discussed it like adults. From then on his tone mellowed considerably with the rest of the staff & he spoke to me like a treasured relative.

    I am a grown women, I do not take abuse from anyone, at home, at work or in the street. Anyone who attempts it gets one chance to redeem themselves then they will regret being born.

    My advice is to be more proactive in defending yourself, even if you are in the wrong don't give someone the right to verbally abuse you, ANYTHING can be resolved calmly, civilly & with respect. Until you understand this people will continue to control you & you will be unable to control your emotional reaction. Just my opinion as a women.
  • jfluchere
    jfluchere Posts: 346 Member
    I would have punched them.
  • chicklidell
    chicklidell Posts: 275
    Don't know if i'm repeating ..didn't read all the way through,,,,picture the person butt f*ing naked!! Seriously it works....I had a boss that used to love to belittle, short, stout, bald, and ugly, reaked of cigars..but man he had a temper...I use to picture him naked, I then had to hold back giggles instead of tears...picturing his homely little chubby body tensing with anger...and his very small man unit!!! lol!!! :laugh:
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
    I'm amazed that there are people who tolerate being abused verbally by anyone!!!

    A boss a few years ago used to speak to his wife like **** & at work communicated to staff the same way. He generally left me alone but one instance he started having a go at me for something in a really unprofessional & aggressive manner, about 1 minute into his little rant I raised my palm to his face, looked him in the eye & told him calmly that until he was prepared to talk to me in a civilized manner the conversation was over or he could take it to HR. You could hear a pin drop as not one of the other staff had ever stood up to him. He flustered for it a bit then lowered his voice, changed his tone & we discussed it like adults. From then on his tone mellowed considerably with the rest of the staff & he spoke to me like a treasured relative.

    I am a grown women, I do not take abuse from anyone, at home, at work or in the street. Anyone who attempts it gets one chance to redeem themselves then they will regret being born.

    My advice is to be more proactive in defending yourself, even if you are in the wrong don't give someone the right to verbally abuse you, ANYTHING can be resolved calmly, civilly & with respect. Until you understand this people will continue to control you & you will be unable to control your emotional reaction. Just my opinion as a women.

    This is along the lines of what I was going to post. Don't tolerate being belittled or yelled at. "I'm sorry but I will not allow you to talk to me in that manner. I am happy to discuss this respectfully, otherwise this is not the right time."
  • paulcer
    paulcer Posts: 167 Member
    I'm a tug boat captain and got there the hard way. I'm a serious crier. First, know that crying is the bodie's way of releasing stress hormones. It's an involuntary act. In the end, you will be healthier because of it.

    Now, how to handle it: I find that picturing my bosse's death helps....seriously. Picture them collapsing on the floor and shucks, you know CPR, but with your bad back and all, is it really worth it?

    I also cry when I'm angry, so I make it clear that I'm angry and not scared or remorseful, rarely have I been punished for appearing strong, even pig headed . I've been known to reply to comments about my crying with things like "Yes, I'm crying, I'm angry, keep f***ing talking, I'm listening, I can hear you. Beyond that, over time, I've learned to zone out. Problem with that is that you don't hear what's being said. Really, zoning out is the only way I can avoid crying.

    As a last thought, as you gain rank in your company or work, the number of people who can chew you out becomes fewer so advance, study, jump through the hoops hard and fast.

    I have noticed that women take the workplace far more seriously. Men usually compartmentalize things more easily than we do, your work is not who you are, it's what you do to make money. It's not reflective of who you are. Keep that in perspective.

    Good luck and Hugs,
    Paula
  • RobDelco
    RobDelco Posts: 56
    ...your sexual organs are way more powerful than a man's, don't forget that.
    For reals? I think this calls for a cage match!

    Two words: natural childbirth.

    'Nuff said.

    :tongue:

    Kidney stones.

    More painful than childbirth.
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
    ...your sexual organs are way more powerful than a man's, don't forget that.
    For reals? I think this calls for a cage match!

    Two words: natural childbirth.

    'Nuff said.

    :tongue:

    Kidney stones.

    More painful than childbirth.


    Uhhh no...I had both and my kids were delivered with out any drugs or an epidural.......I would rather have a kidney stone again than go through labor.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I'm not going to read 4 pages of responses. Sorry if I'm redundant. My answer is....

    Stop caring.

    For me to feel something about what someone is saying, I have to actually care about their opinion of me. I don't actually care what anyone thinks of me - including my boss or other supposed "important" people in my life. I can't think of anyone's opinion I value more than my own.

    So if anyone wants to waste their breath by going off of me, be my guest. I'm too busy considering the source, finding it amusing that anyone would lose their cool trying to tell me something, and then wondering when they'll be done.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    ...your sexual organs are way more powerful than a man's, don't forget that.
    For reals? I think this calls for a cage match!

    Two words: natural childbirth.

    'Nuff said.

    :tongue:

    Kidney stones.

    More painful than childbirth.


    Uhhh no...I had both and my kids were delivered with out any drugs or an epidural.......I would rather have a kidney stone again than go through labor.

    I would rather go through labour, at least I didn't keep puking during the 26 hours I was in labour :sick:
  • Pakitalian
    Pakitalian Posts: 218 Member
    Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

    Punch.gif


    hahahahahaha
  • Pakitalian
    Pakitalian Posts: 218 Member
    Yell to yourself in your head while the other person is verbally belittling you: "I CAN DO THAT TOO! YELLING IS FUN! AHHHHHH!!!" You might start laughing... but you definitely won't be crying! "ALL THIS YELLING IS NOT NECESSARY! I HAVE VOCALS TOOOOOO!!! AHHHHH!!!" ;)


    THIS
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    Someone trying to chew my @ss out usually makes me turn around and walk away.
  • paulamarsden
    paulamarsden Posts: 483 Member
    I thought everyone sued everyone in the USA?

    so you guys dont have employment tribunals and workplace rights?

    make it HR's issue, not yours.

    If my boss dreamed of shouting at me in a million years i would have his *kitten* in court faster than he could whistle Dixie.

    But he wouldnt, cos im like a foot taller than him. i'd kick his *kitten*.
  • GoldenGirl89
    GoldenGirl89 Posts: 31
    woah, I read that literally @_@
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    I used to cry a lot when being told off, mainly due to anger and you can never think of a really good response at the time. But the posters that have said try and divorce yourself from the tone and concentrate on the content are right.

    Listen intently, do not respond verbally at all during the rant, that is crucial. When you are sure they have finished, Then respond with "I have listened very carefully to everything you have just said and I will get back to you with a considered response after I have double checked the facts. If the rant has taken place in public then I woud add "By the way I would prefer it in future if we could discuss these kind of things in private and not in front of my colleagues as it makes us all uncomfortable.

    The calmer you act the more unprofessional they look. You can go and cry in the bathroom afterwards.
  • Pifflesmom
    Pifflesmom Posts: 134 Member
    Don't listen to the tone, but focus on each of the words. Look for the key word that they use to describe why they are chewing you out. Then politely stop them and ask how you can rectify the situation or at least prevent it from happening again (using their key words to describe the event). If you focus your mind on a constructive solution, you're less likely to get pushed by the person's emotions.

    This!
  • amjolst
    amjolst Posts: 22
    Don't listen to the tone, but focus on each of the words. Look for the key word that they use to describe why they are chewing you out. Then politely stop them and ask how you can rectify the situation or at least prevent it from happening again (using their key words to describe the event). If you focus your mind on a constructive solution, you're less likely to get pushed by the person's emotions.

    This.

    I'm definitely a crier. Someone gave me this advice a couple years ago, after my district manager reamed me out on the sales floor in front of my associates. I tend to bite the inside of my lip, too, when he gets going. It keeps me from opening my mouth and getting myself into trouble.
  • EmilyB589
    EmilyB589 Posts: 11 Member
    I didn't read the whole thread so maybe someone else has said this:
    If you are on the verge of tears press your tounge into the top of your mouth - it should hold back the tears.
    Apparently it's something newsreaders do.
  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
    look at her boobs and nod your head while thinking NICE!!!

    Wait, that might not work. Never Mind.. LOL
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    As the person starts yelling, start looking at the window (like you're not listening anymore), and after 10 seconds or so, look in their direction, yawn loudly, and just say: "Booooooooring!!!".

    Seriously. Why are you even listening/trying to argue with someone who is shouting at you. Pointless.

    Alternatively, just as they start yelling, put your fists on your eyes and shout "Boo-hoo-hoo I am going to cry now!!!" with a childish voice. Fun stuff to do.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    Depends on who is chewing my *kitten* out... I sometimes become amussed and start laughing then I get yelled at even more. I just find their facial expressions very funny... But when it's the boss yellin I just try to look dumb bc I know I am in deep ****!!!
  • JoyfullMovement
    JoyfullMovement Posts: 108 Member
    If they are out of line and disrespectful, I assume that is the case, only focus on the tone and not the details. Know you do not deserve disrespect no matter what is going on. Don't get into the details and possibly defending yourself. Tell them the way they are speaking is not acceptable and you will be happy to talk when they are ready to work it out respectfully. As confidence grows, like possible when losing weight, we may suddenly decide to not let certain behaviors continue that previouslly we allowed. When this happens it can be wise to set our new boundaries slowly/gently to not cause more problems in the relationship. This may be totally off track from your incident but may be worth mentioning. I guess I am thinking of a personal situation not a boss. That can be another matter. I cry easily and have been in that situation also. Good luck!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    This hasn't happened to me too often because I am really careful about not screwing up, honest when I do, and work my *kitten* off all the time. But there have been a couple occasions where I've been disrespected by people who are above me on the totem pole in the lab. I don't cry. I actually wait for them to take a breath, and then cut in with

    "I find your tone/choice of words to be disrespectful/inappropriate. I would like to continue the conversation without raising voices/yelling/swearing."

    That pretty much diffuses everything. I even told my actual boss once that I thought his choice of wording was offensive. Just take a deep breath and say this BEFORE you get really upset. Just because someone wants to chew your *kitten* out doesn't mean you have to let them. Also, your boss has a boss too! Don't forget that! :)
  • hardcoreriot
    hardcoreriot Posts: 9
    just laught when some shouts at you just makes em more angry
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Try not to get your *kitten* chewed. :flowerforyou:

    Yeah. That's the best bet.

    I cry when I'm angry. I hate it, but at least I've never broken my hand or foot punching or kicking something when angry.
  • calida88
    calida88 Posts: 1
    I always just have to remind myself that although in this situation this person may feel like they are above me, really they are just an imperfect person too. No one is perfect, so they shouldnt expect it from you.....but if they feel like they have the right to treat someone as less than instead of just talking things over politley then its probably just how they always get treated. They probably just dont know any better way to deal with those situations....you have kind of got to feel bad for people like that.....
  • imitedlay7
    imitedlay7 Posts: 23 Member
    Thanks for all of the responses guys. Just a little background, I'm in the military and it was my supervisor giving the chewing for an issue that was partially my fault and partially his fault. I admitted my fault but I was pissed that he would bring up this subject (leadership) when he's one of the worst leaders I've ever had, and I cry when I'm angry.

    Also, I didn't mean "weak little girl" or "take it like a man" in a sexist way. I just meant that I don't want to appear weak and I need to learn how to be stronger, stand up for myself and be assertive.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Thanks for all of the responses guys. Just a little background, I'm in the military and it was my supervisor giving the chewing for an issue that was partially my fault and partially his fault. I admitted my fault but I was pissed that he would bring up this subject (leadership) when he's one of the worst leaders I've ever had, and I cry when I'm angry.

    Also, I didn't mean "weak little girl" or "take it like a man" in a sexist way. I just meant that I don't want to appear weak and I need to learn how to be stronger, stand up for myself and be assertive.
    Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things.

    RE: "take it like a man" - what else are we gonna do except jump to conclusions and debate incessantly about it? It's the forum! :drinker:
  • seekingthepatienceofjob
    seekingthepatienceofjob Posts: 288 Member
    Aww Im sorry :(

    I get yelled at a lot. I usually just listen to what they are saying, put up a front and act well-put and mature.....then wait til I get home to cry
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