married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

I have friends who have been married for 25+ years and their finances have been separate this whole time. I am not sure how they divide up their bills or how much each person earns per year, but the system seems to work pretty well for them. If one of those people were being a bully to the other, then I would say it was not working well.


Personally, my husband and I have combined our income/expenses. I am pretty happy with this arrangement, seeing as I haven't worked in almost a year.

for richer or poorer. (umm that means together)

"A" is being a bully. Once married, legally the money belongs to both.

I guess some counselling is in order. "A" should be able to recognise the fallacy in his argument. . .this is a power struggle.

You are assuming A is a him.

I totally agree with you!

I am not married but have had an SO for going on 8 years now. I make probably $20K more a year than he does. We have our finances separate and will continue to do so. I have been raked over the coals by sharing resources on a 50/50 basis and will not go down that road or get married again. We each have our own personal expenses and we share the household stuff. Until I bought my house last year, I would deposit half of the household bills into his account and buy the groceries. Now, I pay the mortgage and buy groceries, he pays the house bills. I usually pay for any entertainment,, vacations etc. and I clothe his 12 y/o daughter. This is not to say that if he needs help, I do not assist because I am always willing to share and he offers to reciprocate when he thinks I might need it. We just have a good relationship where we can discuss everything openly and not point fingers. That has made the difference in our relationship.

My husband makes like 2.5X what I make. We both like to be in control so our compromise was to both contribute a percentage to a joint account where the joint stuff is paid out of - mortgage, bills. We pay for our own extras. I buy the groceries but he pays when we go out to eat, movies, concerts, etc. . He also pays for our vacations and stuff like that.

This system has also worked very well for me. One joint account where each person puts a certain pre-determined amount of money that is for joint expenses has worked well for me. Then I have another checking account that I use to buy my random stuff, and so does he. We also had a joint savings account.

The primary reason we did it like I described was not due to trust or fairness, it was that we have different ways of tracking our money (he tracks, I don't!). This prevented the issues of me forgetting to log my checks, atm withdrawals, etc. I just keep my checking balance in my head, which was making it hard for him to know how much was in one joint account.

The other issue you have here is that one partner is being mean about the fact that they make more money. That is an issue that needs deep discussion. I am sad that A likes to make B feel bad about their earning potential. That's not sustainable in the long run.

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

Amen. Couldn't have said it better.

This!!!

why cant A pay all the bills & B use that account for their savings

And this!!

cheating isnt the #1 cause for divorce, its money so.....

That is a toughie. The first marriage I didn't have a job as I raised the children. As they got older, he paid for my Masters degree and I became a teacher. I got 50% of our assets when I got divorced. Most of my friends got the house. After that, I LEARNED. My second husband paid the bills. I never had s a joint finances after that, good thing as he claim bankruptcy and it would have affected me. I ILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE JOINT ANYTHING, BUT I am older,. If this is a first marriage, I think it should be a partnership. If it is like this then where does it stop?

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

I love it. I used to tell my husband that all the time. It was extremely funny because he was single until he was 40, an OTR and had never had to co-mingle his finances. I must say he never threw it up in my face that he made more than me though.

Old school...you are married for better or worse...everything is now 50/50...what's yours is mine and whats mine is yours.

I will bet if you included the pay for "+ cooks & cleans." and I am sure B also does most of the childcare involved after hours that B would make more then A does.

28 years of marriage and it has always been 50/50 now matter how much more A made then B....it is all used for what WE want or need.

We keep ours seperate. Our paygrades are different...not quite by that much but still. I am in charge of paying but I add up all the bills and we divide the total amount in half. He pays half and I pay half but he gives me the $$ and I put it in my acct and pay everything. Every now and then when there are unexpected amounts or higher than usual bills, it usually just gets added to that full amount unless it's a special circumstance then we deal with it as it comes...but that's not often.

We also have 3 vehicle payments. He pays the largest one (215) and I pay the two smaller ones that total 200...

For the most part, I buy groceries for us but he will randomly buy them, usually when he goes with me and throws more in the cart so the bill is higher. If I am more broke, he'll give me $$ for groceries.

The only thing we have jointly is a savings account that we are both adding to for a down payment on a house. We also have that set so that neither of us can make a withdrawl without the other there too...

We've done it this way for 5 years, even before we were married and it seems to work.

"It is causing problems because A) always puts it in 's face that A) pays most of the bills!"


This is not healthy....my husband makes about $20,000 less than I do, our finances our combined and we share things equally. Just because I make more doesn't mean he doesn't contribute any more or less than I do. We also talk about purchases and buying decisions together, even though in technical terms more of my salary goes towards most of the bills. He had more of a hang up about it when we got married then I did about him making less, but bottom line, is that if he's happy doing what he's doing and he supports our family in the best way that he can - i'm happy and I can't ask for anything more. I wouldn't have married him if that was the case.

Suzy Orman once said it very well in my opinion. You should be paying based on a % of your salary. So yes, the person who makes more will pay more in dollar terms, but both parties pay the same %.

From experience I can tell you that marriage is absolutely a partnership. Money is a huge part of it and you have to learn to trust eachother about everything, especially your finances or it will never work.

Agreed!