married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

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  • CandeesLand
    CandeesLand Posts: 200
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    My husband and I joined our bank accounts when we got married and everything we have opened since then,but we do maintain separate accounts for most things ie; seperate credit card's, student loans, we had separate auto loans until we got new vehicles, and other small stuff mostly because we had them before we were married and don't feel it's necessary to change it all, we both know how to log onto eachothers accounts and talk about finances often so there are no suprises.
  • Zee48
    Zee48 Posts: 789 Member
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    guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

    I love it. I used to tell my husband that all the time. It was extremely funny because he was single until he was 40, an OTR and had never had to co-mingle his finances. I must say he never threw it up in my face that he made more than me though.
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    why cant A pay all the bills & B use that account for their savings

    And this!!

    this^^^
  • DBiddle69
    DBiddle69 Posts: 682 Member
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    Old school...you are married for better or worse...everything is now 50/50...what's yours is mine and whats mine is yours.

    I will bet if you included the pay for "+ cooks & cleans." and I am sure B also does most of the childcare involved after hours that B would make more then A does.

    28 years of marriage and it has always been 50/50 now matter how much more A made then B....it is all used for what WE want or need.
  • TundraTed
    TundraTed Posts: 254 Member
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    I would recommend something like this:

    1. Create a joint account for all agreed upon household expenses. (Mortgage, Utilities, etc).
    2. Figure out each persons total percent of household income. (100k/130k = 77%, 30k/130k = 23%)
    3. Each put in your percentage of the bills. For example, if the total household expenses that need to be covered are 3k per month, then person 1 would contribute $2,300 and person 2 would contribute $700.

    Now both of you are contributing to the household bills based off what you make in relation to each other equally. You can work together to decide what is included in the household expenses (Car payments, CC debt, Groceries, etc).
  • sharleengc
    sharleengc Posts: 792 Member
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    We keep ours seperate. Our paygrades are different...not quite by that much but still. I am in charge of paying but I add up all the bills and we divide the total amount in half. He pays half and I pay half but he gives me the $$ and I put it in my acct and pay everything. Every now and then when there are unexpected amounts or higher than usual bills, it usually just gets added to that full amount unless it's a special circumstance then we deal with it as it comes...but that's not often.

    We also have 3 vehicle payments. He pays the largest one (215) and I pay the two smaller ones that total 200...

    For the most part, I buy groceries for us but he will randomly buy them, usually when he goes with me and throws more in the cart so the bill is higher. If I am more broke, he'll give me $$ for groceries.

    The only thing we have jointly is a savings account that we are both adding to for a down payment on a house. We also have that set so that neither of us can make a withdrawl without the other there too...

    We've done it this way for 5 years, even before we were married and it seems to work.
  • Smansfield1
    Smansfield1 Posts: 50 Member
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    Marriage is a union of two people, for better or worse, richer or poorer. Finances and responsibilities should be handled TOGETHER! And its totally unfair of person A to rub it in B's face. My husband and I are both in college right now, we both know going into this that the career path I am choosing will not make a lot of money but will make me happy. And the career he chose (and not because of the pay) will make up the difference. He would NEVER rub it in my face that he makes more money or pays more of the bills.
  • MGleason2010
    MGleason2010 Posts: 105 Member
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    "It is causing problems because A) always puts it in B)'s face that A) pays most of the bills!"


    This is not healthy....my husband makes about $20,000 less than I do, our finances our combined and we share things equally. Just because I make more doesn't mean he doesn't contribute any more or less than I do. We also talk about purchases and buying decisions together, even though in technical terms more of my salary goes towards most of the bills. He had more of a hang up about it when we got married then I did about him making less, but bottom line, is that if he's happy doing what he's doing and he supports our family in the best way that he can - i'm happy and I can't ask for anything more. I wouldn't have married him if that was the case.

    Suzy Orman once said it very well in my opinion. You should be paying based on a % of your salary. So yes, the person who makes more will pay more in dollar terms, but both parties pay the same %.
  • roguex_1979
    roguex_1979 Posts: 247 Member
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    The fact is A makes more than B and knew that before they got married. Who pays what bills would have been discussed before marriage or shortly after and agreed. If A earns more, A should be able to handle most of the bills and NOT rub it in B's face. The fact that B can contribute is better than most households.

    TBH, sounds like A is a jerk and needs to appreciate B a bit more, or B needs to evaluate of A is the right person to be with. I used to be with an A who always made fun of me and now we're divorced. And this B is happier than ever!

    If A and B can't support each other emotionally, not just finacially, the marriage is doomed, in which case NEVER join monies!!!!
  • montiy
    montiy Posts: 32
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    From experience I can tell you that marriage is absolutely a partnership. Money is a huge part of it and you have to learn to trust eachother about everything, especially your finances or it will never work.

    Agreed!
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
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    My fiance and I keep stuff separate. We MIGHT get a joint bill account if/when we get hitched, but in my situation, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I really don't see a problem with us keeping everything separate. We also don't plan on having kids, so that makes it easier, too.

    If it works, great.
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
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    My husband and I have been married more than 17 years, but only last year blended everything. The only reason we did, is because we figured we could save $40 a month by having only one account go into overdraft every month, instead of two. LOL but even in separate accounts, it's always been 'our' money. who ever has it, pays for it. We were together 5 years before we were married, and even then we didn't split things on percentages or anything. I can tell you that when I was 18 and still of course living at home and he bought me a car (a very well used one) my mom was not too happy!

    Anyway, I don't think it is necessary to have joint accounts and split everything down the middle, or based percentage-wise on what each partner makes, as long as you are both happy with the arrangement. If it is a continual bone of contention, it may be time to get some financial counseling.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Whatever works, but clearly when A is throwing it in B's face - it isn't working.

    Currently my husband and I have separate accounts and a joint credit card.

    We are working toward joint accounts and eliminating all other credit card debt and only keeping a joint one.

    Even though our accounts are separate now - my money is his money and vice versa. I make a good income, but my husband makes more. Never once has he ever even mentioned that he makes more, never once complained about paying the larger bills which he does.

    What a horrible situation to be put in... I feel blessed we are both employed. Being belittled because you make less money isn't right. You need to sit down and resolve it. Maybe it's all about the $$ and maybe it isn't.
  • kevinlynch3
    kevinlynch3 Posts: 287 Member
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    One word...counseling..finances together or separate works if there is agreement between the parties. Without agreement..it doesn't matter what you do. If your finances are together..he'll still be saying he pays most of the bills if that's what he is saying now.
  • tinalatina
    tinalatina Posts: 499 Member
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    A and B should look at their bills together and determine which ones can be paid off first and work towards a common goal of eliminating all unnecessary debt in the household.

    Sounds like A resents B's lifestyle/career choice, etc.
    Marriage is a partnership and just because one person brings in more money than the other doesn't mean that the lower-earning person contributes any less. Money is only a fraction of what makes a marriage and lifelong partnership.
    Perhaps financial/marriage counseling will put things into greater perspective for A?

    I think so too... thnx
  • Okieace
    Okieace Posts: 56
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    The way I see it is if you are married your finances should be joined. I'm in a situation where I make significantly more than my wife. She goes to school and works part time. I have no trouble taking care of most of the expenses, I see that as my responsibility. I don't care how much she makes, I'm happy that she contributes as much as she can. We've even discussed her quitting work and becoming a stay at home Mom when kids coming along.

    I know it is old fashioned, but I'm the man and it is my responsibility to provide for my family. it is an honor and privilege to provide for my wife and home. I want to give her the home she deserves. It gives my career more purpose and meaning.
  • jesscaponigro
    jesscaponigro Posts: 114 Member
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    I make more than my husband, I also have more bills than him, prior to us being married (student loans, credit cards, etc.). We decided that because I make more I would pay the majority of the bills. We have always had a joint account and then separate accounts. We have been married for about 6 months and this weekend we are finally joining all the accounts into one savings and one checking. I had no problem paying the majority of the bills, I make more money. I feel bad that our money will then be paying for my bills. After speaking with him about this he said we should have everything joined, the money is for both of us, and my student loans is part of us because that is what helps me make more money.

    I think if you are married it is both of your money, not just one or the others. I think A needs to reevaluate what the money is actually for and where it is going. I am under the assumption that B is not going out and wasting money on nonsense.

    Hope you resolve your issue!
  • jfcarlson713
    jfcarlson713 Posts: 108 Member
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    I've always made more $$ than my husband but he's always contributed more to the upkeep and improvement of our home. We are truly partners. One joint account. I happen to pay the bills but only because I'm more comfortable with on-line banking than he is. We discuss finances all the time and it works great.

    Not so much with my first marriage. He came from a family with $$ and thought he should have everything when he wanted it and didn't care how it was paid for (or not?). Then yelled if we had outstanding credit card balances. So good to have things healthy this time.

    All of this should have been discussed and decided BEFORE you walked down the aisle.
  • Meghansmotivqte
    Meghansmotivqte Posts: 4 Member
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    I think it is important to have a joint account, as well as your own personal accounts. You should have personal accounts for the bills you had before marriage, and for the things you want to do (I like to pamper myself; Spa, manicures, hair appointments) things like that. But bills should be taken out of the joint account.

    However, I do not think it is good to have a personal account if your going to be secretive about it. (I know some men that use their private accounts to go to strip clubs, bars, and pay for things their wives would not approve of.)

    But I do believe this is an issue that should be discuessed before marriage.
  • GreatSetOfBrains
    GreatSetOfBrains Posts: 675 Member
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    Does B do the housework and tend more to the children than A? Because I'd say B could write up a bill for A . . Think about it. . . Find the salary for the positions B holds, for example housekeeper/maid, personal cook, nanny, accountant, handy man or woman, etc. . . I bet the bill gets pretty big, even if its only a partime job of each?!?

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