married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

Whatever works, but clearly when A is throwing it in B's face - it isn't working.

Currently my husband and I have separate accounts and a joint credit card.

We are working toward joint accounts and eliminating all other credit card debt and only keeping a joint one.

Even though our accounts are separate now - my money is his money and vice versa. I make a good income, but my husband makes more. Never once has he ever even mentioned that he makes more, never once complained about paying the larger bills which he does.

What a horrible situation to be put in... I feel blessed we are both employed. Being belittled because you make less money isn't right. You need to sit down and resolve it. Maybe it's all about the $$ and maybe it isn't.

I make more than my husband, I also have more bills than him, prior to us being married (student loans, credit cards, etc.). We decided that because I make more I would pay the majority of the bills. We have always had a joint account and then separate accounts. We have been married for about 6 months and this weekend we are finally joining all the accounts into one savings and one checking. I had no problem paying the majority of the bills, I make more money. I feel bad that our money will then be paying for my bills. After speaking with him about this he said we should have everything joined, the money is for both of us, and my student loans is part of us because that is what helps me make more money.

I think if you are married it is both of your money, not just one or the others. I think A needs to reevaluate what the money is actually for and where it is going. I am under the assumption that B is not going out and wasting money on nonsense.

Hope you resolve your issue!

I think it is important to have a joint account, as well as your own personal accounts. You should have personal accounts for the bills you had before marriage, and for the things you want to do (I like to pamper myself; Spa, manicures, hair appointments) things like that. But bills should be taken out of the joint account.

However, I do not think it is good to have a personal account if your going to be secretive about it. (I know some men that use their private accounts to go to strip clubs, bars, and pay for things their wives would not approve of.)

But I do believe this is an issue that should be discuessed before marriage.

I'm not married yet but have been with my OH for coming up 6 years, and finances have been joined since Day 1. What's his is mine and vice versa. I wouldn't expect anything less.

This all really depends on the couple. Because even if B wants to combine finances, then A has to agree with the idea. It also might be hard to bring this up when A & B are already upset or fighting about the subject, just because it could come across more like "I want you to share your money"....if not expressed in the right manner.

In my personal opinion. I think once married people should join finances. The way I look at it you are now working towards a future together, possibly a family together, and therefore money now needs to put towards the good of the "whole" vs each pays for their own crap. But I know a lot of married couples who still like to keep their money separate, so like I said, it really depends on the couple.

I might be weird but to keep from any discomfort from B having A paying for all the bills and so on, why not go for a % of their salary each of them put in for living cost? It feels more equal, both have more in their pocket. Then same thing for savings and so on if it is something that can work for A and B. Yes they are married, but it all depends on the individuals. Personally I wouldn't be able to live as B, even tho like B, I earn less than my bf. Yet for some reason, I pay more than him on everything, and by more than him I mean, I pay everything, he pays grocery. See how this is unfair? That's why I think the % idea is better and can leave both feeling they make a decent contribution. Right now I feel like I'm having 2 people living on my income.

Another option is to join a % of both salary that goes into a join bank account to pay everything you do and have together, and the rest you enjoy the way you want.

I don't remember the exact numbers but if A earns 100k and B earns 30k a year, you put 50% for common stuff, that's 65000 a year going for everything you do and have together, and 50% goes to the individual expenses. The contribution is the same even tho the amounts aren't. We have to do with what we earn. Doesn't make sense to have one always broke and the other full of money doing whatever he wants and paying for you as well. It will create conflict at some point or leave one uncomfortable in the situation.

There are several answers for this based on the situations. Should have been discussed prior to marriage.....they should get pro help to mediate.

We have seperate finances and it works out fine. Granted, my situation is a bit unusual, I was married for 15 years then he had a mi- life thing, we got divorced, got back together right after and things have been better than they ever were. I think its mostly due to the fact that during the divorce we got everything out in the open and now we communicate way better, but the money situation is fine being split too. If we married again I would NOT join accounts again. The way we have it worked out is that, oh and I work/volonteer for his business so I am not paid, he gives me the rent money and food money, and if I need more I just ask and its fine. He works and I care for our son and do the house stuff, thats our "deal".

"A" would have to learn to keep their mouth shut before they became an "X" !

^^^ This.

The problem here is the attitude "A" has about it. Joint and/or Seperate accounts can work out just fine depending on the couple. My husband and I lived together before we were married and the day I moved in with him we joined our paychecks and bills. His outstanding credit card bills and truck payment became mine and vice versa. We both take out "cash-on-hand" and any big purchases/expenses are discussed prior to. It works for us. I would suggest that "A" and "B" find what will work for them and adjust thier attitudes as such. Personally, if I were "B", I would not listen but for so long of "A's" BS!

My fiance and I joined because we were paying 50/50 but i make more. We look at it as it is our moeny, doesn't matter who makes more, we're in it together so we pay it all together. I know other people that have it separate and it works for them.. To me it doesn't seem like the money is they problems, it's the attitude about the money.

^ Yep.

I'm definitely in the minority here but my hubby and I keep our finances completely separate. I make a little bit more than him but we still split all the bills 50/50. Part of the reason is that we married later in life but mostly because he has two children from a previous marriage. Regardless of your feelings on the matter, the only opinions that matter is the two people in the marriage. However I still feel that people within a marriage should have their own, separate savings accounts for whatever they choose to purchase. It would be strange for me after all these years to have to ask "permission" to buy anything when I'm working full time, earning my own money.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL !!! :devil:

I have worked in the banking world for many years. I see a lot of customers that feud over finances of "His and "Her" funds. Everyone is different. Some settle with their own account, and some combined.

FYI: >>AND vs. OR<<

If you decide to have a joint checking/savings account. You CANNOT close an account independently if the joint account is named Mr. (A) AND Mrs. (B). You both would have to come in together to sign and close the account. The "AND" in the account name is "together". If you have Mr. (A) OR Mrs. (B), either one can go to the bank and sign to close the account. So, just giving you heads up..

Good luck on your finances.

Im not sure... My husband and I have been married going on 8 years and started with a joint account when we got our first place together 9 years ago. I was only 19 at the time so no huge paying job from either of us.. I feel that once married, people's income should be placed in a joint account. Im a SAHM and have been for almost 7 years so I don't have any income, outside of our sons SSI that comes in my name but when we both worked, both our checks went into the account and our bills were paid from that one account.

I never understood the separate bank accounts after marriage. I have often a sked people why they do this they say: It makes it easier if you have to get divorced (they are all children of divorce). Everything should go into one account unless the ultimate plan is to get divorced.