married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

Options
1…910121415…17

Replies

  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
    Options
    we have separate savings/income but we split expenses, I pay the house, she pay the car, i pay the gas, she pay the maintainance, i pay for childs school, she buys the grocery, and so on...
    we've been married for 20 years and still ok.

    i think you need listen to yourself and to your partner, each people has their different personality, even more complex when they got married. there are lot's of factors to make this work. it may be different from each couple.
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
    Options
    I didnt take the time to read all 10,000 responses, but I'll chime in. Marriage is a union, and so should the finances. We each bring strengths and weakness to the table. I made $100k last yr and my wife makes under 5k part-time. But I know she handles a lot more matters with the kids, household, etc. Most of it should be pretty simple. All income goes in, necessary bills get paid, savings/retirement gets set aside, then anything left (if any!) can be spent however you agree. At this point you could come up with a fair split based on your incomes, but not when it comes to bills.

    We've been married 16 yrs and dated 5 yrs before that. Money has never really been an issue (thank God!) but I know it is for many people. We are both very responsible, don't overspend, and dont lie/cheat about our spending. That goes a LONG ways!!! Being self employed, our income can vary dramatically year to year which is challenging. We built a nice emergency fund which is off limits unless a disaster strikes, house will be pd off in 2 yrs and no other debt. Did I mention we have 3 kids? You HAVE to have a plan and get on the same page or the problems will never stop

    Wow...can you you come fix my finances..LOL.

    Actually hubby nad i have been together less than 5 years he had his debt i ahd mine now we have add to ours. But were on the up swing nad on our way to beign debt free (not counting college loans)
  • dfborders
    dfborders Posts: 474 Member
    Options
    Wow - tons of responses - so here is one more - :bigsmile: Unfortunately, this probably should have been talked about before getting married - but since it wasn't, the two of you need to have the discussion now. I think A and B should maybe go out for an afternoon walk without the child and try to discuss this in a nice fashion. Don't expect it to be handled/fixed overnight but at least bring it up. Then when A says something that hurts B feelings - B should calmly ask A why A said what he said - what prompted A's response? The very careful thing here is B needs to not let B's hurt feelings flare out of control (I know so much easier said than done) but if B show a hot-temper or attacks that will probably set A off or at least put A on the defensive. What I am talking about is coming to a conclusion with the least amount of drama. Maybe something more is going on than B knows - maybe this is the way A's parents handled things. However, with all of that being said B can only put up with so much before B loses B's cool - in that case, if A refuses to listen to rational B then maybe A will think twice when B startes venting B's frustration and anger (in a non-violent way, of course). Good Luck with however this gets settled. Remember when two people choose to get married or become life partners they become one and share everything including funds, children, home, discipline, etc. All of these things need to be discussed so that both people can be sure to be on the same page.
  • tlccwill
    tlccwill Posts: 6
    Options
    I just got married in May of this year....Our finances are separate...He make in one week what I make in a month...He pays most of all the bills and I buy groceries....I have to remind him to put the bill money in the joint account every month....it is annoying....on the same hand keeping it separate does allow me to surprise him from time to time. :smile:
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    If those are the actual pay amounts, then I would say A is an idiot and cannot do math. Of course the one who makes more is going to be paying out a bit more. Secondly, why does it matter if the bills are created by both parties involved. I say keep a small side account separate and join most of the finances in a single account that all bills are paid from.

    *Teach A how to do simple math.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Options
    I need advice people!!

    If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and B) makes 30,000

    Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and B) pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

    It is causing problems because A) always puts it in B)'s face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

    Thanks!
    Sounds like a problem only for B who wants to sink her hands in A's wallet.
    If it's all about love and not money, B just needs to keep her fangs out of A's money.

    When people start making issues of money, love goes out the window.
    But if it's such an issue that B just can't go on, divorce A, and marry another B-type broke person.
    You can share misery equally.
  • DaveBuck21
    DaveBuck21 Posts: 5
    Options
    being married means that the finances are shared. It becomes our money to manage, no longer yours or mine.
  • tbresina
    tbresina Posts: 558 Member
    Options
    I have been with my husband for 18 years now and we still have everything separate. I even have a separate bank ha ha. He pays certain things like mortgage and car payments, I pay all the utilities, household needs and groceries etc. We both make about the same and so we split the bills evenly. He doesn't see what I spend on myself and vice versa. It has cut down tremendously on arguments I hear other married couples have regarding bills/finances etc. As long as all our individual bills are paid the rest is ours. We both put in $100/mo to our savings which is the only thing we have together. It has worked out awesome for this long!
  • SARgirl
    SARgirl Posts: 572 Member
    Options
    My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and we still have separate accounts (my name is on his account as well but only because he had to go out of town for work and I needed to have access to his money to pay bills) at separate banks. I pay the bills and we split the amount down the middle. I just write a check from his account every two weeks and deposited into mine to pay bills. He makes a little more than me, but not much and we take turns buying things when we are out (groceries, dinner, etc). If we didn't have separate accounts I guarantee we would be overdrawn constantly! He only goes by what the computer says he has at that time and if we were paying bills and they hadn't come out yet that would be bad! It works for us!
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
    Options
    I need advice people!!

    If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and B) makes 30,000

    Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and B) pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

    It is causing problems because A) always puts it in B)'s face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

    Thanks!

    Marriage is between 2 people, not 2 people+ the opinions of a bunch of random strangers. You should talk to your spouse about what their expectations are financially, as well as other household responsibilities. The bread winner probably just feels unappreciated. Does person B could tell person A how much they appreciate all their hard work, or thank them for taking such good care of the family financially? It really should be done daily. Everyone needs a pat on the back sometimes. As far as combining finances that is a personal choice between you both. Good luck.
  • Glovesave3373
    Glovesave3373 Posts: 92 Member
    Options
    I need advice people!!

    If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and B) makes 30,000

    Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and B) pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

    It is causing problems because A) always puts it in B)'s face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

    Thanks!

    If you use a formula for the bills and other costs it may help. For example total their income is $130K. It is basicly a 76/24 split in income and therefor should be a 76/24 split in bills.... for all bills. As for house work and chores I believe if both parties are working then the home work should be split, unless the one making less is making less because it is a part-time job. If both are working full time jobs then split the chores.

    Best of luck and the financial formula is by Suzzane Orman. Google her and find her book on couples finances. And it can be adjusted as the two increase or decrease in income.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Options
    I have been with my husband for 18 years now and we still have everything separate. I even have a separate bank ha ha. He pays certain things like mortgage and car payments, I pay all the utilities, household needs and groceries etc. We both make about the same and so we split the bills evenly. He doesn't see what I spend on myself and vice versa. It has cut down tremendously on arguments I hear other married couples have regarding bills/finances etc. As long as all our individual bills are paid the rest is ours. We both put in $100/mo to our savings which is the only thing we have together. It has worked out awesome for this long!
    That's just like us.
    We don't even do business with the same bank - :laugh:
    I had no clue what my wife was worth until I peeked at a statement she carelessly left in a locked file I managed to open with some special tools.
    SHE'S RICH!:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

    Love It!
    That's keep her out of my own little piece of the action;.
  • Joannguido
    Joannguido Posts: 67
    Options
    you could tell A either you will stay home and tend to the house and family and he could pay for everything, or A could stay home while B works and see how much fun it is to stay home, cook, clean and raise a family!!! Once you are married it all becomes C. Of course I recommend B put a few bucks away a week, in case A gets "cranky". I went through the same thing, it has taken me 38 years to realize it. I now own my own biz and my A wants me to put my money into a boat LMAO! He has a bike, a vette, and I sold his last boat at a garage sale!!!!! The kids are grown and it is now my turn!!!! I do think it makes me feel better to contribute some to the household. He generally pays the big bills and I get the smaller items we need around the house. Good luck
  • TamJohn2011
    TamJohn2011 Posts: 33 Member
    Options
    I agree with the suggestions that you each pay a percentage of the bills based on your income. Maybe have 3 acounts, 2 separate and 1 joint for the community bills.

    A also needs to stop bringing up that he makes more. If you can't reach an mutual agreement, I would see a counselor.
  • NicolettetheGreek
    NicolettetheGreek Posts: 246 Member
    Options
    I bring in ALL the income in my household..my husband has been out of work the majority of the time we have been together. However, when he does work, he gives me the money. I would say to join the money, and make mutual decisions. Keep 2 individual checking accounts which you put your "allowances" in..you know your money for going out w friends, etc. The other act 3rd, is joint, to pay the Bills.

    Whoever is ragging on the person who makes less money is being an a44hole. I don't care that I bring in the money. He does most of the housework, yardwork, grocery shopping, cleaning. Whatever he can do to help.
  • wcudzgirl98
    wcudzgirl98 Posts: 1
    Options
    Hi! My husband and I are both in finance. We have system that works pretty well for us. Both of our paychecks go into a joint account and then each month we each get a pretty healthy allowance. We can either contribute it to an IRA, go on a trip, out to dinner/drinks with our friends, or shopping. Whatever we want with "Our allowance". We have never fought about money and it gives each of us a little independance. It is also nice around Christmas or his birthday because he doesn't know what he is getting! :)

    Best of luck!

    Cara
  • sharonsjones
    sharonsjones Posts: 574 Member
    Options
    I'm a firm believer in combining however keep a set amount seperate each month. My husband and I have a joint chequing and saving's account but each month we have an alloted amount for each of us (Cash!!) this way though everything is combined you still have some independence and freedom with some of your own money. ie lunches or dinners out, shopping or gifts around holidays etc...

    Thats what my husband and I do. We have joint checking and savings accounts and I get "blow" money every month that I can do whatever I want to with and so does he.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    Options
    IMO I think when two people join lives, they also join finances and debt. They are supposed to work together toward a common goal. Good luck working things out!


    i agree!!!!
  • amuhlou
    amuhlou Posts: 693 Member
    Options
    We have a hybrid based on percentage -

    1) Calculate ALL the expenses per month for the household. Let's say it's $3000/month (make this higher than all bills combined to account for emergency savings)

    2) Calculate %income each person contributes so if person A makes 50k and person B makes 150k. Person A brings in 25% of the total income (200k) and person B brings in 75%

    3) Each month in a joint account, Person A deposits 25% of monthly expenses and Person B deposits 75%. All bills are paid from this account. Leftover remains for emergencies

    4) Leftover income from each person is their own to do with what they will
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
    Options
    guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

    Ha Ha!!! That's what my mother always taught me and I always say to my husband!!!

    I too personally believe in joint money because there is no mine or his, it's all ours. And I even include the student loans in that. We are in this marriage together and do it that way too with finances!!!

Categories