Fat Shaming

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  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
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    I usually find the people that bark the loudest to others, telling them what they think they are doing wrong usually haven't had to struggle.

    I don't bark. I do try to offer advice when it's asked for, even when it's just my own personal experience. I'm sure most of us struggle with something in our lives.
    This is just the internet, what do other's opinions here really matter?


    Your world is created in your mind, not by others, create a great world and you will live happily in it. :smile:

    Don't know who you are, haven't seen your posts so my comment was not directed at you, I'm sure you don't bark. People are using this site for support so it does matter if said people can't use the site to full advantage. As the rest of my post mentioned, it's the commenting when an opinion hasn't been asked for or the sort of this worked for me so this is how everyone should do it attitude.
  • SONIA820
    SONIA820 Posts: 208 Member
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    I feel very similarly! I am honestly surprised by the level of ignorance and judgement people have on this site. I was so excited to find this place because I know I need the support. Unfortunately, that hasn't yet happened for me. So many people are so busy tearing others down in the name of support and then blaming us for reaching out - as if by our reaching out for support we somehow deserve to be reminded that we are disgusting creatures.

    Let's be honest here: I am obese. I am healthy. I am fully aware that I can maintain my health better by losing weight, eating right, and living an active lifestyle.

    No one has a right to take that away from me so do me a favor Random Internet Person and keep your opinions to yourself. Support does not come in the form of shame or blaming. It comes from understanding and caring.


    I could not agree more!
  • melonsss
    melonsss Posts: 144 Member
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    These words needed to be said. Thank you
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
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    I don't bark. I do try to offer advice when it's asked for, even when it's just my own personal experience. I'm sure most of us struggle with something in our lives.
    This is just the internet, what do other's opinions here really matter?

    So do I. But there's a nice way to get it across without making the person feel like crap. I've been blunt with ppl before. But it's not my first response.

    As easy as it is to say 'it's the Internet' negative comments do hurt ppl.
  • jenbooks
    jenbooks Posts: 55 Member
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    Well said - thank you for making this post. I hope you don't mind that I sent you a friend request. :)
  • gemiwing
    gemiwing Posts: 1,525 Member
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    I got a really hateful comment when I first started. Had me crying all night. For a lot of people that would be enough for them to quit. It's hard enough when you first start this to stick to it without having negativity thrust in your face. Often unasked for negativity. I didn't let that happen and kept going.

    I'm very glad you are still here :)
  • sugarbeans
    sugarbeans Posts: 676 Member
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    Thank you for posting this!! Needed to be said indeed (unfortunately)
  • EricJonrosh
    EricJonrosh Posts: 823 Member
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    I must have missed something...

    Agreed.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    I agree. I think it is body shaming in general. Trust me I get it too. Have you ever noticed the amount of skinny bashing on this website? Then one negative comment on an bigger person and there is huge uproar. It is wrong on all occasions IMO

    ETA: I also don't think many people know what over weight, obese, and morbidly obese look like. We have a very skewed look at it on most occasions unless you know what category you are in. When people think obese they think maybe around 250-300 lobs, but morbidly obese people think of 350+ and the people that cannot walk. They dont mean it to be as rude as you may take it. Just a lack of knowledge or understanding
  • rutkowsm
    rutkowsm Posts: 43 Member
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    I'm so glad someone posted this. I've seen a ridiculous amount of shame being dished out for people who are both large and small, and it's so infuriating.

    Shame isn't healthy, and it's certainly not the way to motivate anyone to become healthy.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    I think what people need to remember is, the internet is text. We are not blessed with tone, inflection, or even a facial expression. Because of this wording is important. If someone says, "you're obese and you are unhealthy", they may just be stating fact or what they know/have been told. To the person it's said towards, depending on their mood, it can be an attack, an insult, or just plain unnecessary. Same goes for vice versa. I've only been around a month but having been part of communities that deal with sensitive subjects like weight loss or relationships, bad wording is how *kitten* hits the fan quick.

    That aside I don't think having people come in and begin to tell a member how big they are and how unhealthy it is and so on is really needed. Why? Well hey, they're already here so obviously some effort is being made. Now if said person is NOT making an effort or is being immature, then sure, remind them of their predicament and how it can be changed. Those that post just to compare their largest to someone else's or to say something along the lines of, "whoo I'm glad I've never been THAT big!" just need to hold their tongue. This site is not a p*ssing contest to see who's bigger or smaller or who can drop the weight the fastest and be the most healthy being on Earth.

    To make a long story short: this is a site of support and while many (myself included) use tough love, it needs to be used wisely and carefully because weight loss, especially if you're among the obese or morbidly obese, is hard enough and takes a grand toll on the mental state of that person already. Don't baby, but don't be a Drill Sergeant, either. Lord knows I would have quit if it hadn't been for people pushing to remind me of my goals.
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
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    I agree. I think it is body shaming in general. Trust me I get it too. Have you ever noticed the amount of skinny bashing on this website? Then one negative comment on an bigger person and there is huge uproar. It is wrong on all occasions IMO

    Here's the thing. It's not one negative comments. It's lots of them. I'd have to be pointed towards so called skinny bashing because I haven't seen it here. I have seen people deride skinny fat but those people who weigh less but have high levels of body fat are just as unhealthy as others.
  • gemiwing
    gemiwing Posts: 1,525 Member
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    Shame isn't healthy, and it's certainly not the way to motivate anyone to become healthy.

    I couldn't agree more! Positive reinforcement gives much greater results, lifts people up and creates vibrant communities- shame just creates isolation, guilt (helloooo emotional eating triggers) and a group of people who are afraid to speak or have anything but a perfect body/response/opinion.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
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    Ahh yes bmi words healthy,overweight,obese. I'm sure everybody has known a "healthy" skinny fat person who is in horrible shape and an "obese" person who's built like a brick *kitten* house. My point is as long as you're healthy and feel good about how you look who cares wtf category others put you in. Technically I'm considerd obese???? But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!
  • takingnameskickingbutt
    takingnameskickingbutt Posts: 232 Member
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    preach.
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
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    I agree. I think it is body shaming in general. Trust me I get it too. Have you ever noticed the amount of skinny bashing on this website? Then one negative comment on an bigger person and there is huge uproar. It is wrong on all occasions IMO

    Here's the thing. It's not one negative comments. It's lots of them. I'd have to be pointed towards so called skinny bashing because I haven't seen it here. I have seen people deride skinny fat but those people who weigh less but have high levels of body fat are just as unhealthy as others.

    Besides on that post that you are talking about I have not seen a lot of fat bashing in one thread. Here and there I may see it, and people attack. I see skinny bashing a lot such as "eww i don't want to be skinny I want my curves" and such, or calling people out who are at healthy weights and calling them too skinny. Happened to me a couple of times actually. Not talking about skinnyfat actually. Most people would agree that is not where you would want to be either. Keep up the good work and *kitten* the haters ;D I have seen you around and think you are doing an awesome job!
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    this-will-not-end-well-cat.jpg

    Honestly, I agree with absolutely everything OP has said (and tracked the obese thread all the way through), but some people are set in their beliefs and it takes a lot to change the way they think.

    People are beautiful and we all have different journeys to go through. But there will be a s**t-storm here.
  • rutkowsm
    rutkowsm Posts: 43 Member
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    But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!

    Well, I'm off to join the badass category.
  • lialuck13
    lialuck13 Posts: 58
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    BUMP

    Everyone needs to read this. Props to you.
  • youngmum
    youngmum Posts: 114
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    you are awesome & good luck with all your goals

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