anyone else think this is weird.....
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Asking her to leave while he uses her kitchen and home is a red flag of weirdness in my mind.
Come visit the kids? Cool
Cook for them in her kitchen? Still cool, albeit unusual
Asking her to leave so he can use her home and facilities? Not cool.
My husband has an ex-wife. When she would visit from out of town to see the kids who were living with us, she would stay in a hotel. If she wanted to spend time with them, she would pick them up, go wherever, have a good time and bring them back. She didn't hang out with them at our home. I certainly would not leave her alone in our home. :noway:0 -
He told her she could leave, didn't ask her to leave...at least that way my interpretation. I won't leave my ex in my house either, but to me it shows he is making an effort to keep things normal. Example being if she had plans, since it sounds like this is a regular visit, she should feel free to keep them. And as she said its only for a short time...due to other activities that evening.0
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I don't think its weird, my parents divorced when I was about 10 and he had some odd living conditions and we visited him in strange places. I'd say he is doing whats best for the kids.
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He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:
That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.
I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.
That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.0 -
haven't read the other comments soo if im repeating what others are saying meh...
need more dads like him!.. its not weird its being a dad.. its what dads do for their kids. I like the fact that he is trying .. most dads dont these days... 0 -
I think alot has to do w your current relationship w him as well as how things ended.
I know several people that are now better friends when divorced than when married, and in this type of situation it great for the kids. They understand that mom and dad are no longer married but they both like and respect one another.
If this is the case - then I see no harm. He's making an effort see his kids - can't fault him for that.0 -
He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:
That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.
I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.
That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.
How do we know he needs to be the one to make up with his parents? Maybe it is justified. My point is, he is trying....would it be more ideal for the visit to be elsewhere, absolutely. But, the fact is so many would jump down his throat if he cancelled or I have even seen posts on here that would claim him taking them to chuck e cheese as inappropriate as well. I think there is probably a whole lot more to this story as to way this would be awkward that we don't know. But at face value, he is trying to keep his obligations and I don't see fault in that.0 -
He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:
That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.
I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.
That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.
I LOVE when people state FACTS because they are obviously so close to the OP they know facts. He PROBABLY (not stating a fact , stating a senario) said she could leave, if she wanted.. yada yada.. stating if she had plans or there was something she needed to do then that was still ok with him. That just becaues his situation is messed up and he has to impose on her he wouldnt want to impose on her anymore by making her cancel her plans. Not everyone in the world is a nut. Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.0 -
I think it's funny how, with absolutely no reasoning, the guys has turned from wanting to cook a meal for his kids, albeit, in his ex's kitchen, to trashing the place, using all her food and leaving all the dirty dishes for her to clean...
seriously. chill it, people. take a breath.0 -
He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:
That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.
I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.
That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.
I LOVE when people state FACTS because they are obviously so close to the OP they know facts. He PROBABLY (not stating a fact , stating a senario) said she could leave, if she wanted.. yada yada.. stating if she had plans or there was something she needed to do then that was still ok with him. That just becaues his situation is messed up and he has to impose on her he wouldnt want to impose on her anymore by making her cancel her plans. Not everyone in the world is a nut. Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.
APPLAUSE!!! Wonderful
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Whether it's weird or not, it's overstepping serious boundaries. It is not your responsibility to provide a place to cook and things to cook with.
All these people on here who are wondering why this is weird and wanting to give him credit for trying.... Does anyone give women credit for doing what they're supposed to be doing as a parent? How do you feel about a mother showing up at her ex husband's house whenever it's her turn to have her kids and using his stove and pans? Then telling him to go shopping or something while she's there? It's not respectful and is clearly not within the boundaries of the OP's relationship with her ex.0 -
I think it's funny how, with absolutely no reasoning, the guys has turned from wanting to cook a meal for his kids, albeit, in his ex's kitchen, to trashing the place, using all her food and leaving all the dirty dishes for her to clean...
seriously. chill it, people. take a breath.
Exactly.
It's the OP's house. She's not entirely comfortable or she wouldn't have posted in the first place. It is a blurring of the boundaries. He also suggested she leave her own house! I was advising the OP from the position of having a EX who would happily walk all over me given the chance and I DID mention this, so it's not as if I were even presenting my post as being 100% objective! HOWEVER in my defence, although the OP didn't say her x husband was messy, she didn't say he was tidy eIther. so gimme a break. I've walked this path.0 -
Women. Stop overthinking.
Dude wants to cook for his kids. Needs kitchen to do so. Bathroom doesn't work. Suggests OP could go out because of it being awkward, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. Dude is dude thinking dude thoughts. Dude's simple.0 -
I think it honestly depends on the relationship of the two people. For me...I would have no problem with that happening. I get along with my ex ok (despite the HUGE list of reasons why we 'shouldn't'...we do.) Now I wouldn't leave him alone in my house for one second, but if there were understandable reasons...yes, I'd let him cook in my house, and have dinner with our son. (making rules of course) But that's me, and my relationship with my ex. I've always wanted to do what's best for our son, and have had to put differences aside, even if it meant awkward times. (in which there have been a LOT of!)
Now if YOU don't feel comfortable...then that's your right. Try to do do what makes you comfortable to do with your ex, while also trying to think about what's best for the kids.
That's my 2 cents.0 -
If he is supposed to take the kids to his mom's when he visits them, it sounds like it is supposed to be somewhat supervised. I don't think it is weird really but I won't leave him in my house alone.0
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I was gonna suggest that he get some takeout or something along those lines. If you all have no problem being around each other it isn't weird. I find the cooking part a little strange. Does he plan to do all the dishes too lol? Good luck, I hope it goes smoothly :flowerforyou:I don't mind him coming over... I have no issues with that. he has done this in the past... just find it weird him cooking for the kids in my kitchen...
I have suggested he pick up a bucket of chicken for him and the boys... he seemed ok with that.0 -
Come visit the kids? Cool
Cook for them in her kitchen? Still cool, albeit unusual
Asking her to leave so he can use her home and facilities? Not cool.
This! All in all, it's whatever OP is comfortable with. It's good he's there for the kids but still odd...0 -
Edit: Oops, double post.0
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I agree that it shouldn't be that weird to have someone in your house that you must have cared for at one point to cook dinner for ya'lls children. But then on the other hand we don't know ya'lls history either. I would just give it a shot and see how it goes and then make a decision from there on what to do in the future. I do give the guy props though for trying to spend time with the kids. My father left when I was an infant because finding a job was just too much for him too handle. Super slack. But good luck and I hope everything works out well and your kids have a nice dinner with their dad.0
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There are all sorts of relationships with ex's. If you think in terms of strict separation between ex's, yes, it could be a little weird.
But my ex and I lived about a mile apart and had joint custody of our son. She had a key to my house after she left and I had my son 4 days of each week until i moved away 6 years later. As he got older i saw him on weekends and some weeknights often being in his neighborhood rather than mine.
In a society where men are often given the shaft when it comes to their children at least he's trying something to maintain a routine despite other complications.0 -
''like" Lol!0
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Women. Stop overthinking.
Dude wants to cook for his kids. Needs kitchen to do so. Bathroom doesn't work. Suggests OP could go out because of it being awkward, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. Dude is dude thinking dude thoughts. Dude's simple.
"LIKE" LOL!0 -
Women. Stop overthinking.
Dude wants to cook for his kids. Needs kitchen to do so. Bathroom doesn't work. Suggests OP could go out because of it being awkward, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. Dude is dude thinking dude thoughts. Dude's simple.
"LIKE" LOL!
yeah that is good 0 -
snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip
so we agree....it's awkward.0 -
Give the guy a break - he's making the best he can of a difficult situation.
so we agree....it's awkward.snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip0 -
Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.
Wait, are you saying you know the guy?0 -
Women. Stop overthinking.
Dude wants to cook for his kids. Needs kitchen to do so. Bathroom doesn't work. Suggests OP could go out because of it being awkward, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. Dude is dude thinking dude thoughts. Dude's simple.
^ thhhhhiiiisssssssssssss0 -
Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.
Wait, are you saying you know the guy?
Where did I state that? I said personally as in my opinion. Is that what you are reffering to?... I should have edited the AS, it was meant to say ASK. My apologies.0 -
If he is supposed to take the kids to his mom's when he visits them, it sounds like it is supposed to be somewhat supervised. I don't think it is weird really but I won't leave him in my house alone.
It doesnt state... he is SUPPOSED to take them to his parents.. It says he usually does. Which COULD imply that he lives a ways away and its easier to take them there. Not being rude, just pointing out.
There basically was not enough information given. I think if the OP wants better opinions from people then more information should have been given. There are too many opinionated people on here (including myself). Or like I stated previously, ask someone who knows the guy or the situation.0 -
Give the guy a break - he's making the best he can of a difficult situation.
so we agree....it's awkward.snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip
Thank u for rational thinking...0
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