anyone else think this is weird.....

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  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip
    so we agree....it's awkward.
    Give the guy a break - he's making the best he can of a difficult situation.


    Thank u for rational thinking...



    This!

    Double this.
  • angied80
    angied80 Posts: 749
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    Just had to add again to this topic. To those of you who think it is strange especially. My daughters father and I divorced many years ago, but my daughter has suffered NO negative effects, partly because we do make the extra effort to get along. What does that include? Well this may seem "creepy" or "awkward" to others, but we celebrate our holidays together. He is remarried and I am getting remarried, but we see no reason our daughter should not be able to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with both of her parents. After all, she is part of what makes these holidays special to us. So we have a big dinner together, he and his wife, me and my fiance, and open presents together on Christmas etc. We all play cards together, or just hang out regularly. My daughter has no dillusions about us ever getting back together, but at 14, we are setting a good example for her on how to be mature and take responsibility for the life we made, and she loves the fact that we get a long so well. Is it awkward? Not really. The only time I find it awkward, has been when starting a new relationship and trying to explain to that person that I go to dinner at my ex's house sometimes, am friends with his new wife, and celebrate holidays together. This can be a little uncomfortable for the significant other, but if they love you, and understand what is best for the child, they will accept it.

    I never have understood how two people can be married, and decide it won't work, then just never talk to the person on a friendship level again. You once shared your life with that person, and if you have children especially, you have created a life with that person. Does it mean you still love them? HELL no, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship for your childrens sake!

    Just my two cents!



    You are awesome. That is all.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Just had to add again to this topic. To those of you who think it is strange especially. My daughters father and I divorced many years ago, but my daughter has suffered NO negative effects, partly because we do make the extra effort to get along. What does that include? Well this may seem "creepy" or "awkward" to others, but we celebrate our holidays together. He is remarried and I am getting remarried, but we see no reason our daughter should not be able to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with both of her parents. After all, she is part of what makes these holidays special to us. So we have a big dinner together, he and his wife, me and my fiance, and open presents together on Christmas etc. We all play cards together, or just hang out regularly. My daughter has no dillusions about us ever getting back together, but at 14, we are setting a good example for her on how to be mature and take responsibility for the life we made, and she loves the fact that we get a long so well. Is it awkward? Not really. The only time I find it awkward, has been when starting a new relationship and trying to explain to that person that I go to dinner at my ex's house sometimes, am friends with his new wife, and celebrate holidays together. This can be a little uncomfortable for the significant other, but if they love you, and understand what is best for the child, they will accept it.

    I never have understood how two people can be married, and decide it won't work, then just never talk to the person on a friendship level again. You once shared your life with that person, and if you have children especially, you have created a life with that person. Does it mean you still love them? HELL no, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship for your childrens sake!

    Just my two cents!



    You are awesome. That is all.


    X2
  • ojell
    ojell Posts: 749 Member
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    Uhmmm I don't mean to be less than open-minded, but I think this is kind of weird. But then again, I may just be the weird one. I mean I guess if you guys are close and there are no issues between you guys and your current partner feels comfortable with it, then why not? But I personally would not agree to that arrangement.
  • kaits108
    kaits108 Posts: 305 Member
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    anyone else think this is weird.... my ex lives in the city so on his night with the boys during the week he has been taking them to his mom's place that lives 10 min away from me. But he isn't talking to his parents right now. SO tonight he wants to come over to my place to visit the boys... fine... ok... Now he calls me and asks if I have pots and pans and stuff like that so he can cook the supper for the boys... My partner thinks this whole thing is weird... he doesn't know yet the ex wants to cook the supper for the kids... what would you do??? Help!

    I totally think it depends on your relationship with your ex AND with your partner.

    I think it throws another loop into your situation when your partner thinks it's strange. If it's going to affect your current relationship, then you really need to look at the situation and see what you can do to make everyone comfortable with it. I'm not saying don't let your ex see your son, but I think lines might be getting crossed when he's making himself at home in your house.

    Like others have said, we don't know your relationship and your boundaries, but personally, I would adjust the situation to make sure myself and my partner were comfortable with what was going on during the visit. It's great your ex wants to be involved, but I really don't see how him taking your son out for dinner, would be difficult? There are plenty of healthy places to go, it doesn't have to be crap fast food. Personally, I wouldn't let my ex come in and cook in my house on his visits. His visits to me, are his responsibility and his time to get out and do things with our son, but every relationship is different, so it really comes down to you guys, no one on here can tell you what to do.
  • ojell
    ojell Posts: 749 Member
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    I just read your updated post.

    Honestly, this makes me think of Demi and Bruce. I mean it definately works for some people. I even have family members who can pull this off. It really depends on where everyone is emotionally and how the relationship ended, etc etc. Not everyone can pull this stuff off, but like I said before in MY previous post, if you guys get along and everyone is truly comfortable with it, then why not?

    I personally could not do this in my situation simply because my ex can't handle it. I attempted to do this for about a year after we split for the kids sake, but it just got to be too much for various reasons...mostly emotions. SO...if you can do it, and EVERYONE is comfortable with it, then that's pretty great! :)
  • Munque
    Munque Posts: 123
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    My ex and I used to get along (he has a girlfriend now and forgot about his kid) but when we were getting along, he would come see our daughter at my house, we would all go out to eat together, no big deal, heck, when he was working odd hours either me or my husband would make him a plate to warm up at work.

    However, I would not let him come over and cook dinner while I was away, and anytime he came over for dinner I cook, I would never let him cook in my kitchen, why? Because it's MY house, not our house, we share a child, not a household. If he needed to chill at my house with our daughter, I would happily make everyone dinner, and if he wanted to go eat in a seperate room so he could have daddy daughter time that wouldn't be a problem either.

    I see the point of not wanting him to cook in her kitchen, that's not a part of what they share, that's a part of what her and her new partner share. And yeah, kudos to him for making the best of a situation, but he also has to respect the other parents feelings and boundries, otherwise the kids are going to see the awkwardness, I mean, what part of her staying in the other room, while he cooks for himself and the kids sounds like family time with both parents?

    Why don't both you and him suck up the awkward and you can cook for everyone involved, sit down and have a meal with you, him the kids and your partner. Let them see that everyone is on the same page and can be mature adults, it's a good lesson to learn as a child.
  • Shayyy01
    Shayyy01 Posts: 290 Member
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    I think it shows that he still wants to visit with the kids, i would let him come over this one time, but dont let it become a habbit. Just distance yourself while he is there and do your own thing.
  • LoriBarefoot
    LoriBarefoot Posts: 218 Member
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    Is the city so far that he can't take them to his place??...If so, he may want to consider closing the gap and moving somewhere between the city and the kids. It may be a longer commute but you do what you have to for your kids!
  • Moonbyebye
    Moonbyebye Posts: 180 Member
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    Hmm, that is a bit strange. I do think it's good he wants to see his boys but that was really rude of him to ask you to leave your own house!
  • mickipedia
    mickipedia Posts: 889 Member
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    I think it would be healthier for the kids to see that the parents can get along and stand each other vs him taking the kids out for junk. unless there is some creepy stalker back history then I do not see this as trying to get back into her life. I would bend over backwards to keep a positive relationship with my ex....for my daughters sake.

    Exactly! I don't get the weirdness to this, I view it as him just putting in effort to see the kids and make them a "home" cooked meal rather than taking them out for crap food.

    I'd see it as weird because its one things visiting.. but cooking there makes it seem like its home-y.. the same as if he asked to have a shower or something.. there are certain boundaries that are a little weird to cross as a "guest"

    Yes, i agree him making the effort is really good and as for the "stalker" side of it i wouldn't worry.. blokes don't think that intelligently lol.. he probably just doesn't see the awkwardness of this.. plus mixed signals to the kids.

    and taking the kids out for food doesn't necessarily mean junk.. take them to an actually restaurant rather then a fast food place.
  • HLeAnn
    HLeAnn Posts: 261 Member
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    The fact that you are even asking this question gives me the feeling that you don't feel 100% comfortable, and if that's the case you two need to sit down and set some boundaries. It's not his house anymore, it's yours. But... there's no universal answer, because everyone's situation is different, and everyone's reply (mine included) is going to have an underlying bias based on his or her own past experience. I guess the bottom line is that the lines of communication should stay open with you guys so everyone is on the same page.
  • Angela_Freeborn
    Angela_Freeborn Posts: 62
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    I guess it depends on how "you veiw it"?
    I have almost the same situation with my "X" meenwhile im married to a wonderful man who is a great father to both my boys. My youngest son is my X's and my oldest son is my husbands.
    Now get this one lol.. my X moved in with MY parents 3 months ago which live just 3 mins away from me, sees his son every second weekend at their place, when hes not busy of course.. His original plan was to ask to move in with us BAHAHAHA yea right.. now thats weird.. He spent last christmas with us for the night to be with my boy. was not to bad, but then expected it was ok to do that once, so now why not all the time until the day he asked to move in.. no joke. not to mention i work in a family business with my mother, so when she comes to work sometimes she brings him when hes off. like WTD? so then i have him hanging around me at work too.
    So an awnser to your question if we think its weird. I myself think "yes" its a little weird, and at the same time a bit disrespectful on his part, reason being is even though hes trying to be a good dad (much credit to be given :). ) but hes not thinking about how your husband feels about this or would feel if he knew.. or how you feel about it. You know what i meen? I meen as said before, they are "X's" for reasons right lol.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    ok, time for my soapbox moment. I think it is petty for it to be "awkward" and "weird". It's both of your jobs, as parents, to work together to raise those kids, regardless of the history between you. Do you have to sit down with him, be in the same room? No, but give the dude credit for still being there. I know plenty of women who would gladly open their house up if it meant the father would be part of the childrens life.

    -end rant

    Agreed.
  • ChantalD75
    ChantalD75 Posts: 680 Member
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    wow!
    My ex and I are friends. As he said when he left we are better friends then a married couple... he did cheat on me and I would never let his GF in the house. BUT he is always welcomed to come over and visit with the kids. I just thought it would have been weird for him to cook in his ex's kitchen and her partner living there as well.
    He ended up taking the kids out for supper. The kids didn't want him to cook for them at their house they thought it was too weird. He did after the fact come back to the house and sat at the table with the boys helping them with their homework as I made my own dinner and did a few things around the house. I have no issue with that. BUT I would never leave him alone in my house. I would do anything for my kids and make sure they are happy and well taken care of. I even took his GF's kid for the weekend.
  • LSHANDREW
    LSHANDREW Posts: 39
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    i wouldn't mind either. At least he has the kids in a good enviroment

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