The secrets to cutting fat and looking awesome

Acg67
Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
edited November 10 in Health and Weight Loss
I have some more, but the ones i listed def helped me on my journey. Please no negativity aka correcting where i may have made things up.


1) Never eat white carbs while riding a unicorn. This one is pretty self explanatory.

2) Eat Ben and Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs 3-7 nights a week. The reason for this is that both companies use magic cows to source their cream, and it has been shown to exponentially increase fat burning.

3) As soon as you wake up every morning, chug a glass of ice water and hop around on your right foot, counter clockwise. It’s a known fact that your body will burn cals heating up the water, and hopping around will make it take even longer to heat up as it’s splashing around, leading to a higher calorie burn.

4) Right before you go to bed, set aside a bowl of sugar cubes and ice water. This will attract the insulin fairy to it while you sleep and the fairy won’t turn all the carbs you ate past 6 into fat. If you don’t eat carbs after 6, no need for this though.

5) Not necessary, but highly recommended, invest in a casein IV drip and hook up to it every night. Otherwise you’ll be all catabolic and your muscles will waste away or your gains will be lost.

6) When eating white rice, douse it in soy sauce to make it brown. This will confuse your body into thinking it is a brown carb aka good carb and prevent it from being stored as fat. This will also work, if you toast bread for instance and change it to a brown carb.

7) You should eat at the same times everyday. The reason for this is if you don’t, your body will get confused and store everything as fat. If you should cross time zones, still eat at the same times as where you came from, not local times.

8) Always always clean your foods really well. If you don’t, your foods will be dirty and it’s a fact that dirty foods will lead to weight gain.

9) Create a consistent calorie deficit, unless you're eating little to no carbs, then you can eat as much as you want.

10) If Tony Horton has taught us anything, it’s that you need muscle confusion or you’ll just plateau. Personally I like to tell myself how I’m going to set PRs in squats and then walk to the squat rack, get ready to squat and then run over to the bench and bust out some sets, it thoroughly confuses your muscles since they thought they’d be doing squats that day.
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Replies

  • DixiedoesMFP
    DixiedoesMFP Posts: 935 Member
    I'm going to try all of these, starting tomorrow morning! I can't wait!
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    how many crunches do i have to do to have abs?
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    how many crunches do i have to do to have abs?

    ice cream and raspberry ketones will burn the fat off, no need for crunches
  • whiplashy
    whiplashy Posts: 52 Member
    I'm a bit skeptical about some *cough*most*cough* of them but I think I might give number 3 a go in the morning :)
  • Great advice! i shall follow you blindly and do ALL of these tomorrow without any research done on my own!!!!! ;D
  • hbunting86
    hbunting86 Posts: 952 Member
    Hahaha 'don't eat carbs whilst riding a unicorn' LOVE IT.

    I bet some people actually DO believe some of the stuff though.... lol
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    story-cubes-educational-toy-enhances-the-creativity-of-toddlers.jpg
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    :laugh:
  • strawberrie_milk
    strawberrie_milk Posts: 381 Member
    This is the greatest thing I've ever seen.
  • angel79202
    angel79202 Posts: 1,012 Member
    I'm so glad u posted this..I've been eating while grains, killing myself at the gym, etc..where can i find a unicorn? Is it an online site? :laugh:
  • edmoulaison
    edmoulaison Posts: 36 Member
    Everything I wanted to know about weight loss but was afraid to ask!!
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
    LOL!
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
    how many crunches do i have to do to have abs?

    ice cream and raspberry ketones will burn the fat off, no need for crunches

    good. don't have to change a thing.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
    BUMP





    Smh....I've been doing it SO wrong this whole time. :sad:
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    I have some more, but the ones i listed def helped me on my journey. Please no negativity aka correcting where i may have made things up.


    1) Never eat white carbs while riding a unicorn. This one is pretty self explanatory.

    2) Eat Ben and Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs 3-7 nights a week. The reason for this is that both companies use magic cows to source their cream, and it has been shown to exponentially increase fat burning.

    3) As soon as you wake up every morning, chug a glass of ice water and hop around on your right foot, counter clockwise. It’s a known fact that your body will burn cals heating up the water, and hopping around will make it take even longer to heat up as it’s splashing around, leading to a higher calorie burn.

    4) Right before you go to bed, set aside a bowl of sugar cubes and ice water. This will attract the insulin fairy to it while you sleep and the fairy won’t turn all the carbs you ate past 6 into fat. If you don’t eat carbs after 6, no need for this though.

    5) Not necessary, but highly recommended, invest in a casein IV drip and hook up to it every night. Otherwise you’ll be all catabolic and your muscles will waste away or your gains will be lost.

    6) When eating white rice, douse it in soy sauce to make it brown. This will confuse your body into thinking it is a brown carb aka good carb and prevent it from being stored as fat. This will also work, if you toast bread for instance and change it to a brown carb.

    7) You should eat at the same times everyday. The reason for this is if you don’t, your body will get confused and store everything as fat. If you should cross time zones, still eat at the same times as where you came from, not local times.

    8) Always always clean your foods really well. If you don’t, your foods will be dirty and it’s a fact that dirty foods will lead to weight gain.

    9) Create a consistent calorie deficit, unless you're eating little to no carbs, then you can eat as much as you want.

    10) If Tony Horton has taught us anything, it’s that you need muscle confusion or you’ll just plateau. Personally I like to tell myself how I’m going to set PRs in squats and then walk to the squat rack, get ready to squat and then run over to the bench and bust out some sets, it thoroughly confuses your muscles since they thought they’d be doing squats that day.

    352-whoa.jpg
  • I actually prefer to set out dollops of cream cheese frosting for the insulin fairy--she told me she likes that better, it shows more effort. as a result she burns more fat for me than the sugar-leavers.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
    *kitten* I have no way to avoid #1.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    Definitely going to try the muscle confusion one.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    I will do exactly as you say, sir, until the next person with muscles and low body fat percentage tells me something differently. Then I shall blindly follow him or her. Until you say something again...
  • cutie2b
    cutie2b Posts: 194 Member
    Is it okay to eat protein while riding a Pegasus? After all, doesn't the wind drag during flight burn extra calories or something?
  • judypriv
    judypriv Posts: 206 Member
    My unicorn is going to be pissed. We usually eat our bagels in the morning together while he takes his morning run with me on his back.
  • ksavvy
    ksavvy Posts: 52
    Please, please, please can I steal and keep copies in my gym bag, fridge door, and my grocer's freezer case??
  • PrincessLou71186
    PrincessLou71186 Posts: 741 Member
    Needed that giggle, thanks.
  • tracylee679
    tracylee679 Posts: 189 Member
    I don't know that they would work so well for me, but if they will give my hubby a body like the one you have he will be doing these starting tomorrow...lol!

    Too funny, by the way!
  • piinchi
    piinchi Posts: 172 Member
    Nuts. I lost my unicorn.
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    I actually prefer to set out dollops of cream cheese frosting for the insulin fairy--she told me she likes that better, it shows more effort. as a result she burns more fat for me than the sugar-leavers.

    Once again, it's whiskey, cocaine and hookers. :wink:
  • divinesoul
    divinesoul Posts: 48 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    Well written! It's nice to see everything laid out like this in a manner that makes sense. Bump!
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    bump
  • JayneTraub
    JayneTraub Posts: 29 Member
    Now this is advice I can relate to :laugh:
This discussion has been closed.