a question mostly for guys and totally not mfp related
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It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.
Absolutely correct - I've had this comment directed at me too - not so much an 'I'm taken' vibe but a 'This isn't a part of what's on offer' vibe.
I frequently don't wear a wedding ring (especially since losing weight - both my proper wedding ring and my commitment ring don't fit any more) and am not particularly bothered whether my wife wears hers or not, even if we're out at bars. Yet neither of us get hit on.
In my mind, we're married and fully committed, and I'm not interested in anyone else. I'll happily have a friendly conversation and talk about anything, but am not interested in anything else.
now that i think about it, the hubby doesnt get hit on much either, but him more then i...0 -
Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?
The short answer is yes, some men do this. It's called neg hits / bait & switch.
The theory is to lower the status of a very pretty girl by being insulting / stand offish / cocky blah blah blah and bring her down to your "league" and therefore have more of a chance with her.
I don't know how common the practice is though. I had friends who thought these types of games were like some kind of magic and it always made me shake my head. I had more success than all of them put together just going over to a girl, smiling and saying "Hi, my name is M, pleased to meet you."0 -
I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.
Whoever came up with that idea either is an Adonis or an idiot.
Why would I want to risk being shot down by ladies I am not interested in especially in front of one I am?
If I am going to get rejected it might as well be once and by the person I wanted to get to know.
I think the theory states that you are supposed to approach with a general question to the group, but position yourself in a way that she would want to interject because she feels left out. I would imagine though, even if this were the case, being that the OP is married, she may not care to interject because she is taken and so not interested.0 -
Bars are a terrible place to meet women. The atmosphere isn't guy friendly. Women will usually be on the defensive in that setting.0
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I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.
it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick
that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair
Yeah, I can't imagine that a large percentage of men practice this.0 -
For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.
see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol
While you are there do you ever let your attention move past the group of ladies you are with.
If you don`t then with the ring it is saying "back off".
Honestly though be careful,while it may be confusing to you when you think about it and all the potential issues is it really a bad thing for your life?
its not bad really, so much as just something i have a hard time understanding. and i wouldnt mind the conversation every now and again, i like to talk to lots of people and guys and girls offer good conversation. not to mention not having to buy my own drinks all the time would be a small plus, even the ONE guy who bought me a drink knew i was married and still bought it, it was nice
and i do look around often, i like to see whats going on everywhere in and out of the group0 -
Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.
I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.
see this is what i fig, that most dudes, if they are trying, are gonna try whether shes in out or of their league. thats why it makes no sense that i cant get hit on when i go to the store to by gum but not by a one of 30 drunk dudes in a bar, its like its the twilight zone for me lol
and the hubs and i are both surprised i dont get hit on ther, not that hes not totally for it haha and thank you
are you married and out looking to get hit on?0 -
Also, I'll buy drinks for anyone that will drink with me........
Lushy Z.0 -
I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.
it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair
Oh it works Ive seen it work. The more attractive woman knows her rank among other women and if she is not the primary target she can possible become defensive about her position in her group. She may even accept a Lesser Male..Someone below her level to protect her spot in the group and show that she is the primary target. Its all theory.0 -
Even when I was single, I never bought a woman I did not know a drink at a bar. It may say I am cheap, but my reason was that I always wanted a woman to have a level head when she made THE DECISION. Now after talking to her and I felt comfortable, I would offer, but buying a drink was not my calling card.
And you are a beautiful woman so most men may think their chances are slim and none, so they invest their money in better odds.0 -
No, I don't think men do this.Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?
Sometimes, they do this, as was the case for me once: He got all his friends to get my friends away from me until I suddenly realized I was on the dance floor without any of my friends. That's when he walked up to me.
He had lots of wingmans that night...0 -
No, I don't think men do this.Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?
Sometimes, they do this, as was the case for me once: He got all his friends to get my friends away from me until I suddenly realized I was on the dance floor without any of my friends. That's when he walked up to me.
He had lots of wingmans that night...
lol that sounds like one dedicated dude!0 -
I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations.
It's probably Mystery Method or "The Game" by Neil Strauss.
I have read both and spent half my time laughing and the other half snorting in derision. I can't believe some men invest so much time obsessing about how to attract women when they could spend that time investing in themselves, careers and life goals and attract women quite naturally.
I'm old fashioned like that..0 -
For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.
see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol
You want what you want and how you want it. Join the club.
While you are there do you ever let your attention move past the group of ladies you are with.
If you don`t then with the ring it is saying "back off".
Honestly though be careful,while it may be confusing to you when you think about it and all the potential issues is it really a bad thing for your life?
its not bad really, so much as just something i have a hard time understanding. and i wouldnt mind the conversation every now and again, i like to talk to lots of people and guys and girls offer good conversation. not to mention not having to buy my own drinks all the time would be a small plus, even the ONE guy who bought me a drink knew i was married and still bought it, it was nice
and i do look around often, i like to see whats going on everywhere in and out of the group0 -
Even when I was single, I never bought a woman I did not know a drink at a bar. It may say I am cheap, but my reason was that I always wanted a woman to have a level head when she made THE DECISION. Now after talking to her and I felt comfortable, I would offer, but buying a drink was not my calling card.
And you are a beautiful woman so most men may think their chances are slim and none, so they invest their money in better odds.
thank you, and thats a very good tactic to have. its best to make sure a woman wouldnt regret a decision for sure. i dont call that cheap, if you are looking id say its a very smart move.0 -
My friends used to get hit on a lot more than I did, but they were all much flirtier than I am/was. One was a complete natural with flirting... unless she really liked a guy, then she's get all bashful and tongue-tied. I was the complete opposite... I'm typically more quiet and could only flirt if the chemistry was there.
Or in short... everyone's different and physical appearance is only one fraction of what makes someone seem attractive or interesting.
I don't think I've ever had a guy buy me a drink. They had this knack for offering to buy me one right AFTER I got my own. I shoulda just asked for cash. :laugh:0 -
I think it's more likely that you just give off a "don't bother" vibe at the bar. I never get hit on at the bar but I do get hit on other places, at the bar I just don't want strange men coming on to me and buying me drinks so I'm more closed off and honestly, I think they pick up on that.0
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I think your husband saw this movie................Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?
That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.
Oh, yeah, I remember that scene from that movie. Love that movie! I think that you are probably giving off a taken vibe though. I am taken, and I have been told that I give off a taken vibe, not to mention the fact that I usually have anywhere from 1-4 kids with me and don't hang out at bars. LOL. It's nice to be noticed every once in a while, but I don't mind that I give off a taken vibe. I am happily taken. However, I guess it could make you wonder what's up if your friends are getting drinks & you aren't. You are beautiful, though, so don't worry about that and given that your hubs tried to reassure you he sounds like a sweetie too. You got a good one! :flowerforyou: 0 -
your married, I'm not sure why it matters? Espcially if you get hit on everywhere else?0
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no way that guys think that deep on it !0
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If the goods are odd, the odds are good.0
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maybe its cause they are scared of you O_O being a ginger and all lol
jk jk i love gingers. id totally hit on you minus the married part..... i dont get that.. maybe why i dont go out... i stay far away from taken people... bad joo joo0 -
your married, I'm not sure why it matters? Espcially if you get hit on everywhere else?
taken or not its still confusing when the bar is the only place i dont get hit on or talked to, unless its a friend, dudes tend to steer clear. and it was a question to see if the hubbys idea actually happens in real life...0 -
For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.
see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol
Good time with the ladies or not, I eye f*** the hell out of anyone checking me out, just because I can. It makes it more fun...0 -
maybe its cause they are scared of you O_O being a ginger and all lol
jk jk i love gingers. id totally hit on you minus the married part..... i dont get that.. maybe why i dont go out... i stay far away from taken people... bad joo joo
lol being a red head is one of my hubbys fav parts of me! lol and i dont mind being talked to as long as the dude dont spit some rediculous line at me... lol... cause otherwise its just conversation to me but i cant even get that lol... so maybe, they r a little scared haha0 -
I didn't read the all of the posts, but you should be thankful you don't get hit on in bars, or have people buy drinks for you. Bars are a place for a guy that is a target rich environment. They are looking to hook up and move on. Most of the time if a guy is buying drinks or hitting on a girl, he thinks she is an easy take. There are exceptions, but for the most part, every guy and girl knows this to be true.
No offense to your friends, but you probably carry yourself in a way that does make a guy want to "waste" potential time with when there is going to be no payoff. This is a compliment to you, and has definitely worked in your favor. In my opinion anyway.
I am sure your husband earned some brownie points with his theory, and he is not completely incorrect. It just isn't done to get to know more about the "out of the league" girl, it is more about getting after the girls who are more likely to be the ones you are going to take home.0 -
Going to the bar for an alcoholic drink and to meet the woman of my dreams, is not compatible with my current lifestyle, nor is the bar I would expect to meet a woman I would marry.
If I were single and looking for someone to date, I would try to meet her at an exercise location, yoga retreat or workshop, church function. and if she appealed to me and had a happy face, I would quickly introduce myself.0 -
I had to reply (even though I have not read everyone's post). I know, right? Anyway, I go with my girls too and I've only had it happen one time. But you have to remember, if you live in a small town, everyone knows everyone. If you are a regular, than they will know if you flirt, tease or are just looking for fun with the girls. I however play pool tounaments and I intimidate most men with that (I've won everytime I have played and I just test run a guy, I never have a partner). So that's my issue...haven't found many brave enough to cross me, so glad the hubs still has me I guess!!
Good luck on finding your answer!! :drinker:0 -
maybe its cause they are scared of you O_O being a ginger and all lol
jk jk i love gingers. id totally hit on you minus the married part..... i dont get that.. maybe why i dont go out... i stay far away from taken people... bad joo joo
lol being a red head is one of my hubbys fav parts of me! lol and i dont mind being talked to as long as the dude dont spit some rediculous line at me... lol... cause otherwise its just conversation to me but i cant even get that lol... so maybe, they r a little scared haha
hahaha i really do love ginger's i think they are great!! any who i think thats why i get hit on when i go out.. i have NO intention of taking a woman home so i just joke around with people and my best lines are " did you fart cause you blew me away " and "if you were a booger id chose you first" and if im feeling really frisky " do you have crabs cause im itching to get in your pants" all of which make sure i'm going home alone 0 -
I didn't read the all of the posts, but you should be thankful you don't get hit on in bars, or have people buy drinks for you. Bars are a place for a guy that is a target rich environment. They are looking to hook up and move on. Most of the time if a guy is buying drinks or hitting on a girl, he thinks she is an easy take. There are exceptions, but for the most part, every guy and girl knows this to be true.
No offense to your friends, but you probably carry yourself in a way that does make a guy want to "waste" potential time with when there is going to be no payoff. This is a compliment to you, and has definitely worked in your favor. In my opinion anyway.
I am sure your husband earned some brownie points with his theory, and he is not completely incorrect. It just isn't done to get to know more about the "out of the league" girl, it is more about getting after the girls who are more likely to be the ones you are going to take home.
well that is a compliment! and this makes a lot of sense...0
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