Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.
Replies
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Oh, wow!! I loved reading this post. I finally found someone like me!! I hate cooking!! I suck at it. I don't want to do it. And my husband is a turd like yours!! Thank God I work full-time, so he doesn't get on me too much, but I'm scared to retire someday because I think he thinks I'll turn into an instant domestic goddess. NOT!!0
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But... You do cook. You cook for yourself, you just won't cook for him. Coming from a food-is-love-family, that probably hurts him. Absolutely refusing to cook dinner for your mate, ever, is odd. Gender doesn't even have to be an issue here.
Plus, you both come home, every day, and you both have to cook. Sounds very tedious.
What if, one night a week, you cook for both of you, and one night he cooks for both of you? You each get one night off, and you each get to give a present of a nice meal one night a week.
I don't think he's asking you to revert to the 1950's. He's asking for a gift.0 -
My husband is the sole breadwinner of our family, and for a long time, I tried cooking like a vegan Martha Stewart--everything made fresh and from scratch. But, it was a major factor in bringing me to a very unhealthy weight.
I still cook quite a lot, but want to stop making rich family favorites every day of the week. Instead, I want to simplify my cooking--soups, light vegetable stews, sandwiches, light stir-fries and curries, frozen faux 'meats' and steamed veggies, etc. These are the foods that allow me to fill my macros and feel full. Some days, when I want to have a super light menu, I encourage my husband and the kids to eat out at a favorite restaurant. My husband resists having to do even a slight amount of food prep at this point. By the way, he too is trying to lose weight.
I NEVER want to go back to cooking/baking rich foods and desserts several times a week. Holidays and birthdays--fine, I'll cook and bake. It's been four months and I think my family is now wondering when things will go back to the way things were--me, spending an average of 4 - 5 hours in the kitchen every day.
I don't know how to deal with the fact that I have changed my 'job description,' but my family doesn't want me to.0 -
But... You do cook. You cook for yourself, you just won't cook for him. Coming from a food-is-love-family, that probably hurts him. Absolutely refusing to cook dinner for your mate, ever, is odd. Gender doesn't even have to be an issue here.
Plus, you both come home, every day, and you both have to cook. Sounds very tedious.
What if, one night a week, you cook for both of you, and one night he cooks for both of you? You each get one night off, and you each get to give a present of a nice meal one night a week.
I don't think he's asking you to revert to the 1950's. He's asking for a gift.
The OP says -
"I hate cooking. Sorry, to offend any fabulous cookers. But I was not given the gift. I don't make fantastic creations. I make a giant mess and then eat a mediocre high calorie dinner with my dumbass husband who doesn't even like what I've made 99% of the time and always critics it! "
I think that is relevant to your post.0 -
You know I hear you. But I have the opposite problem! I work all day, then I come home and cook dinner for my wife and the kids, help with clean up, spend time talking and conversing with her and then, after all that she expects me to perform in the bedroom!! I'm telling you, it's about as much as a guy can keep up with!
He needs to get over himself after 17 years and realize that he has a wonderful wife and cooking for him is not part of that package. Maybe hold a little funeral for his expectations and get on with all the good stuff in your marriage! You are his wife not his mama.0 -
But... You do cook. You cook for yourself, you just won't cook for him. Coming from a food-is-love-family, that probably hurts him. Absolutely refusing to cook dinner for your mate, ever, is odd. Gender doesn't even have to be an issue here.
Plus, you both come home, every day, and you both have to cook. Sounds very tedious.
What if, one night a week, you cook for both of you, and one night he cooks for both of you? You each get one night off, and you each get to give a present of a nice meal one night a week.
I don't think he's asking you to revert to the 1950's. He's asking for a gift.
The OP says -
"I hate cooking. Sorry, to offend any fabulous cookers. But I was not given the gift. I don't make fantastic creations. I make a giant mess and then eat a mediocre high calorie dinner with my dumbass husband who doesn't even like what I've made 99% of the time and always critics it! "
I think that is relevant to your post.
She also said that she cooks curries and things that SHE likes, for him. To give a gift, she should make something that HE likes (which apparently isn't hard). And he should make something that she likes. And also he will have to STFU to make this work. If he can't STFU about her cooking, then he needs to STFU about the topic.
It is also possible to make two dinners! I often make what my fella and I eat, and I make something healthy but different for the kids. She can make him a meat and potatoes dinner and have curry herself; and he can put in some effort and make her a dinner she likes and then eat what he wants. Once a week, why not?0 -
buy your husband a cookbook lol0
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I dunno. If it were me, I would just cook for him. Geez how hard is it to make meat and potatoes?
You may this hard to believe, but I work full time and come home and cook a nice meal every night. BUT I enjoy it. That makes a big difference. I have been married three times and my first two were mean controlling jerks and my present husband is really kind to me. I love to feed him (he is skinny, so he can eat anything) to show him I love him. He does the dishes afterward, so it's a give and take.
Also, he just finished painting the bathrooms in the house. He changed the oil in my car and fixed the brakes. He takes care of the lawn, fixes everything, I could go on and on. He doesn't sit on hit butt and do nothing. So for us, this arrangement works. well.
But if you really hate it like you say you do, and apparently he hates it too, or he wouldn't be trying to get you to do it, I think a compromise is in order. Or just eat out a lot. Also, I don't know where you live, but here in Virginia, there is a website called personalcheftogo.com who cooks and deliver gourmet meals weekly. The meals are fresh, not frozen and have no additives or junk in them. I used for a while and it cost about as much as a week's trip to the grocery store! Very much worth it. Good luck.0 -
I dunno. If it were me, I would just cook for him. Geez how hard is it to make meat and potatoes?
You may this hard to believe, but I work full time and come home and cook a nice meal every night. BUT I enjoy it. That makes a big difference. I have been married three times and my first two were mean controlling jerks and my present husband is really kind to me. I love to feed him (he is skinny, so he can eat anything) to show him I love him. He does the dishes afterward, so it's a give and take.
Also, he just finished painting the bathrooms in the house. He changed the oil in my car and fixed the brakes. He takes care of the lawn, fixes everything, I could go on and on. He doesn't sit on hit butt and do nothing. So for us, this arrangement works. well.
But if you really hate it like you say you do, and apparently he hates it too, or he wouldn't be trying to get you to do it, I think a compromise is in order. Or just eat out a lot. Also, I don't know where you live, but here in Virginia, there is a website called personalcheftogo.com who cooks and deliver gourmet meals weekly. The meals are fresh, not frozen and have no additives or junk in them. I used for a while and it cost about as much as a week's trip to the grocery store! Very much worth it. Good luck.
What a sweet and appreciative attitude! He's a lucky guy to have you!!0 -
She also said that she cooks curries and things that SHE likes, for him.
whoa whoa whoa I never said I cook curries. ?!?!?! I said I LIKE Indian cuisine - meaning I BUY frozen Indian dinners, Tandoor Chef Pizzas and get Indian take out. I can't even imagine MAKING curry dishes. But whenever I try to share my cilantro pesto naan pizza with hubby he turns his nose up. I make super super SIMPLE meals for myself. Example: frozen grilled chicken breast that I pop in the microwave and a can of green beans (that's my dinner tonight actually) Or hummus and pita with tomatoes. Or peanut butter on toast. Or I heat up a can of soup. Or I heat up a frozen burger pattie. Pretty sexy stuff, I know.
What my husband wants: Pot Roast, Chicken Fried Steak, Meatloaf, Beef Stroganoff... etc
And maybe my problem is that I overwhelm myself thinking I need to make this stuff from recipes and cookbooks? Maybe I should just buy frozen meatloaf and put it on a pretty plate. Maybe this is the compromise. I honestly haven't tried that yet - bringing the standard of his meal down to my own sub par level. It's a start maybe. Maybe it'll be even worse and he'll give up finally. Worth a go, yeh?0 -
She also said that she cooks curries and things that SHE likes, for him.
whoa whoa whoa I never said I cook curries. ?!?!?! I said I LIKE Indian cuisine - meaning I BUY frozen Indian dinners, Tandoor Chef Pizzas and get Indian take out. I can't even imagine MAKING curry dishes. But whenever I try to share my cilantro pesto naan pizza with hubby he turns his nose up. I make super super SIMPLE meals for myself. Example: frozen grilled chicken breast that I pop in the microwave and a can of green beans (that's my dinner tonight actually) Or hummus and pita with tomatoes. Or peanut butter on toast. Or I heat up a can of soup. Or I heat up a frozen burger pattie. Pretty sexy stuff, I know.
What my husband wants: Pot Roast, Chicken Fried Steak, Meatloaf, Beef Stroganoff... etc
And maybe my problem is that I overwhelm myself thinking I need to make this stuff from recipes and cookbooks? Maybe I should just buy frozen meatloaf and put it on a pretty plate. Maybe this is the compromise. I honestly haven't tried that yet - bringing the standard of his meal down to my own sub par level. It's a start maybe. Maybe it'll be even worse and he'll give up finally. Worth a go, yeh?
If you eat take-out or frozen meals so often, why not both of you do that for different foods? I'm sure there's places that cook these homestyle type meals fairly well, and there might even be some good frozen ones out there too.0 -
What does "This" mean?0
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Ok so I am one of those people who loves to cook and not to sound cocky, but I am naturally good at it. I come from a long line of Italians who just know how to make good food. My husband commutes 2 hours to work and 2 hours home every day Mon-Fri. I am a stay at home mom. Call me "old fashioned" if you will, but I feel like if he's out busting his *kitten* every day to put food on the table then I'll bust my *kitten* to make a nice meal for when he gets home. When I was working (before we had our son) I usually cooked in the afternoon so when he got home all he had to do was heat it up. The thing that I find funny is that your husband "critics" your food. See, my husband calls me his "iron chef". This makes me want to cook for him even more because I know he appreciates it and loves whatever I make. When someone picks at you when you're doing something for them, it can sometimes make you not want to do it at all. With your living situation I say you cook your meals and what you like to eat and he can make what he likes to eat. It isn't 1955, like you said, and since you both work then who says you have to be in the kitchen all night, especially if he doesn't like how you cook! But it sounds to me like he is pretty simple to please so if it's going to be an ongoing battle then throw a steak on the grill/broiler/stovetop and put a baked potato in the oven. Wa-lah... :-)0
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Yeah, ribs and mashed potatoes from the supermarket deli, on a pretty plate, might make him really happy! I love deli take-out.
And he can totally make your microwave Indian food for you.
Sounds like a good start. 0 -
But it sounds to me like he is pretty simple to please so if it's going to be an ongoing battle then throw a steak on the grill/broiler/stovetop and put a baked potato in the oven. Wa-lah... :-)
Wouldn't it be better to find a compromise than for her just to give in to him?0 -
I'm not going to say you're right. I'm not going to say he's right. I think calling him a dumbass on here because he wants to have a meal together is highly immature & disrespectful. Just because you two chat most of the day doesn't mean that you can't have a meal together? What's wrong with spending a little time together? That's kind of part of a relationship, in my opinion. My fiance eats a way higher calorie diet than I, but we generally have the same meals - I'll have a smaller portion, or occasionally substitute something healthier in for myself. It's not that difficult, really. I'm also not the greatest cook ever, I just try to give it an attempt. Sometimes I completely fail, sometimes I end up making a tasty dinner. It's just fun to experiment sometimes, learn new things. Also, YOU don't have to be the one doing all the cooking...Your hubby could cook a few nights a week, you could cook a few nights, you BOTH could cook a few meals together. I would never get on here & bash my significant other in this way...Maybe try to use some of these suggestions, instead of being disrespectful.
Sorry you think I'm being disrespectful, but you obviously don't know us and should not be judging my relationship. Our marriage is solid. We are very crass and playful with each other and our 17 years together is nothing to sneeze at. I'm venting, I'm frustrated. It happens to the best of us in the best of relationships. So gimme a break, I'm not here to defend my relationship. And certainly don't think I'm being immature. If you can't call you significant other a turd or a dumbass once in a while then you need to lighten up.
I happen to agree with her. Sorry. I would call my husband an *kitten* or a dumbass to his face, but never on a public forum or say that to anyone else either.
I am a control freak and I love to cook so getting food into the house and cooking it I have made my job and I wouldn't have it any other way.
My husband cleans the bathrooms, living room, does laundry and takes care of the yard and the trash.
We have been together for 18 years and even though we both work outside the house, in the house we are more traditional in that sense. Again, I wouldn't have it any other way.0 -
I happen to agree with her. Sorry. I would call my husband an *kitten* or a dumbass to his face, but never on a public forum or say that to anyone else either.
To each his own.0 -
I'm not going to say you're right. I'm not going to say he's right. I think calling him a dumbass on here because he wants to have a meal together is highly immature & disrespectful. Just because you two chat most of the day doesn't mean that you can't have a meal together? What's wrong with spending a little time together? That's kind of part of a relationship, in my opinion. My fiance eats a way higher calorie diet than I, but we generally have the same meals - I'll have a smaller portion, or occasionally substitute something healthier in for myself. It's not that difficult, really. I'm also not the greatest cook ever, I just try to give it an attempt. Sometimes I completely fail, sometimes I end up making a tasty dinner. It's just fun to experiment sometimes, learn new things. Also, YOU don't have to be the one doing all the cooking...Your hubby could cook a few nights a week, you could cook a few nights, you BOTH could cook a few meals together. I would never get on here & bash my significant other in this way...Maybe try to use some of these suggestions, instead of being disrespectful.
Sorry you think I'm being disrespectful, but you obviously don't know us and should not be judging my relationship. Our marriage is solid. We are very crass and playful with each other and our 17 years together is nothing to sneeze at. I'm venting, I'm frustrated. It happens to the best of us in the best of relationships. So gimme a break, I'm not here to defend my relationship. And certainly don't think I'm being immature. If you can't call you significant other a turd or a dumbass once in a while then you need to lighten up.
I happen to agree with her. Sorry. I would call my husband an *kitten* or a dumbass to his face, but never on a public forum or say that to anyone else either.
I am a control freak and I love to cook so getting food into the house and cooking it I have made my job and I wouldn't have it any other way.
My husband cleans the bathrooms, living room, does laundry and takes care of the yard and the trash.
We have been together for 18 years and even though we both work outside the house, in the house we are more traditional in that sense. Again, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Pointing out your spouses flaws and calling him names...... That is lighten up, on a public form. I agree with these previous posters, I would be deeply ashamed of myself for throwing my husband under the bus for others to judge and to justify my position. I hope you too can come to a compromise and workout your difference with respect towards one another. And sometimes being crass is truth being revealed in a sarcastic joking manner.0 -
My ex husband wanted me to get up really early so that I would cook a real hot breakfast for him, potatoes, or pancakes, not just a quick egg dish. Even though I had a full time job, just like he. Even though I do love to cook, just getting up extra early was not for me.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who loves to cook and who often makes me breakfast.
Tell this story to your turd!
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.0 -
Team work.
^ this0 -
Has he ever done anything for you just because YOU wanted it? I hate some of the things my husband likes and he hates some of the things I like, but we usually find a way to come to a happy medium.0
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You don't cook
He knows this
You shouldn't have to eat his boring food
He shouldn't have to eat your (fun/awesome/totally yummy) spicy food
Life is too short to be pressured into cooking or eating food that you dislike. I would give a different answer to a couple with kids, but you are free to eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Enjoy!0 -
Hi, "Turd's Girlfriend". I'm "Caveman's Wife". My husband thinks it's MY job to cook dinner every night, too. I must admit - I AM trying to cook more often. I LOVE to eat dinner at a restaurant - but that's part of the reason I gained all the weight. Restaurant portions aren't exactly diet friendly. So, is your guy being a turd? YES. I know the dinner-game too well... Me and my caveman have the same argument nearly every day. Good luck!0
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I say yall split the task of it all, however if he wants you to cook and you do, he shouldnt vent if he doesn't like it or criticize it, at that measure he can fix his own food. If you are doing something for him that he knows you hate doing and then still has the room to criticize it, yeah..those would be fighting words lol. Sorry you are getting so much flack for calling him a name in your post, youve been together 17 years, thats a accomplishment in itself, and no one has to live in your relationship but you and him, so I would just dismiss the critiquing of your relationship, I think you both should sit down and make a happy medium though so it stops being a issue til the day one of you dies. I suggest buying the premade ribs or things like that, all you have to do is pop them in the oven or microwave and wah-lah. By now they have tons of premade 'texan' food as you seem to be describing lol. Good luck, dont sweat those not allowing a person to vent in peace. LOL0
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my dumbass husband
You speak so highly of him0 -
He knew this before he married you, so therefore he has to deal with the fact that he married a non-cooker....i believe if the women is a stay at home mom its kind of her job to make dinner, but if you are both working, then why is it YOUR duty....he can cook too
I AGREE!! I stay @ home, so I do everything around the home, yes cook ( he is also a meat & tators type guy) .. BUT when I worked & had no kids, it was 50/50!!0 -
my dumbass husband
You speak so highly of him
She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.0 -
You're right. If he expects you to cook (or prepare food) every night for both of you then by all means prepare two servings of whatever you throw together, which will not take more time or energy than one serving. I do cook, but what I cook is what I feel like fixing, therefore the rest of the family eats whatever I tell them to eat. I'm not sure there is a world where one person fixes something different for everybody who feels picky. Nice compromise for you then! If he won't eat what you fix then you have the second serving for lunch for tomorrow.
On the other hand I love cooking WITH my boyfriend, and even if I'm the only one throwing things together, he stands around in the kitchen with me and talks about his day, etc. which I think is nice for both of us. Then he usually does the cleaning up, too. Huge bonus.0 -
I say yall split the task of it all, however if he wants you to cook and you do, he shouldnt vent if he doesn't like it or criticize it, at that measure he can fix his own food. If you are doing something for him that he knows you hate doing and then still has the room to criticize it, yeah..those would be fighting words lol. Sorry you are getting so much flack for calling him a name in your post, youve been together 17 years, thats a accomplishment in itself, and no one has to live in your relationship but you and him, so I would just dismiss the critiquing of your relationship, I think you both should sit down and make a happy medium though so it stops being a issue til the day one of you dies. I suggest buying the premade ribs or things like that, all you have to do is pop them in the oven or microwave and wah-lah. By now they have tons of premade 'texan' food as you seem to be describing lol. Good luck, dont sweat those not allowing a person to vent in peace. LOL
Thanks!
Was starting to really regret posting in the heat of the moment. In the future though, I will keep my posts DIRECTLY related to exercise and nutrition. Forums can be rough with so many opinions. Yay for opinions and differences! But I'm over it.0 -
Three sides to every argument..
Side A, Side B, and the truth...0
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