Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.
Replies
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my dumbass husband
You speak so highly of him
She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.
HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."0 -
But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.
this
Only can agree with this IF the guy also does not like to cook. Only makes it fair. However, if he likes to cook and can do it, then why even deal with a battle? He needs to do it. :-P0 -
My ex husband wanted me to get up really early so that I would cook a real hot breakfast for him, potatoes, or pancakes, not just a quick egg dish. Even though I had a full time job, just like he. Even though I do love to cook, just getting up extra early was not for me.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who loves to cook and who often makes me breakfast.
Tell this story to your turd!
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
It's good to know that you're not only self-righteous when it comes to food, but also when it comes to relationships.
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my dumbass husband
You speak so highly of him
She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.
HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."
Aaaah...sooo romantic. lol! :-)0 -
my dumbass husband
You speak so highly of him
She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.
HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."
I apologize for my ignorance, didn't mean to but in.0 -
I'm all about compromise. Because I am home basically 24/7 I do the cooking/cleaning stuff. He will do dishes for me once in awhile (but I usually clean dishes as I cook so there isn't tons of dishes to do at the end) and he starts the laundry whenever we do it. However we have an understanding that when I get a job we will be sharing everything and if he ever has to stay home for any reason and I'm working he will be the one to do it all like I do now. I like to cook though so I don't mind making meals and stuff, I usually make many things that we use like breads, pizza crusts, baked goods. My boyfriend has very similar tastes to me too so that helps.
Maybe you can compromise with one meal a week that you make that he has to eat, and one meal that he makes that you have to eat for baby steps. He might just have a old fashioned sense to him though but you said he KNEW that you didn't cook when he married you so he's just going to have to deal imo
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Honestly, he sounds just like my boyfriend. We live together. We have two small dogs and we both work full time. I also am going to college full time, as well work out like 5-6 days a week....but I am still the one expected to cook all the meals, prepare his breakfast and lunches for work...clean the entire house, and take care of the dogs. I know how you feel! It gets so TIRING.0
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Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.0 -
He knew that you didn't cook 17 years ago. I see nothing wrong with fending for yourself at dinner time, especially since you are on different pages when it comes to the food you like and he dislikes what you have made. If he wants home cooked meat and potato meals, buy him a crockpot and a crockpot recipe book. It doesn't take very long to prep in the morning, or the night before and put in the fridge, and then it will be ready when he comes home.
Completely agree with this. I don't see why you have to suddenly pick up cooking. Also, I am not sure why people are suggesting that you just "split the duty." If you don't enjoy cooking and it has never been agreed upon nor the arrangement before, I am not sure why it suddenly has to become the norm. I am totally for compromising, but it is silly to think you will magically enjoy cooking and want to do it, even half the time. You can compromise in other ways, though. Maybe if he can cook and you can clean up after or pick up groceries beforehand. That being said, I totally understand why you are upset!0 -
Wow, I'm very suprised at all the judgement going on here!! No one is perfect, we all have issues which is why we are here...no one got overweight because we are always happy, smiling & perfect! This is supposed to be a place to heal our way to better health with support of others going through similar things, I'm sure no one passing judgement on this post would jump for joy if others were judging them! You don't have to agree with what a person says not to trash them, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" at least thats what I was taught!
Now back to the orginal topic...does this make him a turd? honestly I see both sides, and how I believe both sides could behave better. I would not be inticed to cook for someone who nags me into it or critizes in the rare occasion I do do it. On his side though, I would get frustrated if my partner didn't seem to "get it" when something is important to me and make some sort of effort. A little bit of compromise can go a long way..I cook a couple nights a week, not always fancy stuff either, he cooks a couple times a week, and we fend for ourselves a couple times a week..everyone is happy most the time. We have children though and I think that makes a big difference. Honestly if we didn't he'd be lucky if I cooked once a week and didn't live of lean cuisines lol!
It's only your relationship though, and something most definately is working if you have made it 17 years (congrats by the way)! I hope you find a good solutiontion to you dinner time problem!0 -
Criticism is not the way to make a spouse feel like cooking even if you enjoyed it. I would do something like a Rotisserie chicken from Costco, Betty Crocker au-gratin potatoes (add milk, butter and water), a mixed salad bag, butter and garlic french bread, and Birds Eye frozen steamed veggies. Throw a small pie in for dessert. Then say if you cook, he cleans! If he will grill steaks or burgers, sweet potato fries (frozen food) go great. There are lots of short-cuts out there that look liked you've worked. Then give him a couple of nights to cook and see what he comes up with. I buy a couple of cooked chickens, cut them into pieces, put in freezer bags, and use them for chicken sandwiches, burritos, tacos also.0
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I half-expected that the OP was going to be my Mom.... this is EXACTLY the issue she is having. And they've been married for 18 years or so! She doesn't want to or like to cook, and he refuses to because it's the ONE THING he absolutely refuses to do. He takes care of her barnyard of animals, so it isn't like he's sitting on his duff all day.
The result is pretty ugly--- neither one eats very healthfully, nor happily. i don't know how they do it, honestly. So much resentment and anger over this one issue!
If it were me (and I have a similar situation to some extent) I would consider whether the toxicity and negativity in the relationship is worth the hassle from this particular issue. If it isn't, then try to put on a new mindset--- "I am learning something new, I am learning how to nurture and support my body!" and start learning how to cook. It only is a drudge if you make it so. Put on some great music when you cook, or call a friend and talk on the phone when you are prepping foods. If you like experimenting, check out some cookbooks from the library.
Good luck, in this game of wits the loser is the one who goes hungry! 0 -
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.
I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.
However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.0 -
Marriage is full of compromises. Cooking is not a gift. It is something one need to cultivate to stay healthy and to avoid processed foods and expensive restaurant meals. I am happily married for 36 years. There are dishes my husband cooks and I don't like it and vice versa. We cook according to our needs and it is up to us if we want to try each others dishes. If your husband says it is your job to cook, then let him do the dishes, laundry, taking out the trash etc., and he has to accept what you cook. How about educating him that meat, potatoes, steaks etc., is bad for his health in the long run?0
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I don't blame you at all for being frustrated! It sounds like you've been given some good ideas. I don't think you're in the wrong here at all. Hopefully you can find a way to compromise or a way to heat up premade meatloaf. Mine refuses to touch anything with vegetables...literally anything. Meat and potatoes, that's it. Must be nice when you never gain weight...grrr. I don't cater to him. He can eat what I make or heat up some damn hot dogs. We both work. He refuses to cook, but he doesn't complain...so I'll take it
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Also, I totally get the dumbass and turd remarks. Sounds like us. Our anniversary was last week and on the card I wrote "happy anniversary jerkface." I got something similar in return . 0 -
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.
I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.
However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.
You're assuming "hubby" just "puts up his feet", nice. No he does nothing except watch the little woman do all her womans work right? There's no yard to be mowed, house or car maintenance to do or anything like that; just fat and happy on the recliner.
Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes you have to do stuff for the other person and for the betterment of the family and home regardless of your full time employment status. It goes both ways. Suck it up people and pull your weight around the house regardless of which chromosome you carry.0 -
The point of my post was that if one partner stays at home then most household jobs SHOULD be expected of them. If both work, the housework should be divided equally depending on which jobs each person prefers or excels at. One person should not be stuck pulling all of the weight. It was just an example. I by no means slack off, neither am I a man-hater. ps. I love mowing the lawn - give me that job any day! It's easy too 0
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I "know" the OP, in as much as she is on my friend's list and is a very valued one at that as she is very funny. Her posts are usually dripping with sarcasm and make a refreshing change from the posts about different ways of cooking celery, water retention or the weight of muscle versus fat etc. I'm also a sarcastic SOB and I also kid on with my fiancee all the time. This morning I told her to "shut the hell up with her opinions and get back in the kitchen and make me a coffee" and she told me "something unprintable with Anglo Saxon in it". We both said these things smiling and laughed afterwards and kissed each other bye. Like the OP we have a great relationship as we have a lot of humour in our lives, you need to have to get through this nut house we call an Earth.
So, people need to read the OP with that in mind. She's a nice lass with what appears to be a great relationship and she is a lot of fun.
As for the actual topic, I am a better cook than my fiancee and I enjoy cooking. I wanted to be a chef once. However, since we met, she's put on weight (go figure) and that brought her here. Like the OP's partner, I'm trying to put on weight (as I'm as fat as an anorexic racing snake) which means that increasingly we're eating seperate meals. I cook for me and her son and she... eats a celery stick...her eyes boring into the pile of calories stacked onto my plate. She seems happy I know I am
So anyways, we're all different and what works for us doesnt work for everyone else. I'd personally hate one of those sickly loving relationships where I couldnt call my lass an "argumentative pain in the *kitten*" and not expect to duck in order to avoid her punch.
Anyway, I'm off back into the kitchen, my lass has discovered I escaped!
PS I just remembered I forgot the kiss goodbye today... God am I ever dead! :S0 -
I love cooking - since I had to totally re-learn to eat.
Ladies :
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My husband is so dang picky if he doesn't like what I cook, he can make him his own dinner. And I tell my kids the same thing! I'm not a great cook and try to get out of it when I can. 0
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We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.
Has he managed to explain to you why he doesn't like it? And why are you so averse to cooking something you can both eat - that you obviously enjoy making for yourself?
If he won't eat what you make, and you won't eat what he makes then the only option is to sort out why you both feel the way you do, so you can at least both accept the situation.0 -
bump0
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We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.
Has he managed to explain to you why he doesn't like it? And why are you so averse to cooking something you can both eat - that you obviously enjoy making for yourself?
If he won't eat what you make, and you won't eat what he makes then the only option is to sort out why you both feel the way you do, so you can at least both accept the situation.
The OP said that her husband does not like what she makes (she's not the best cook) and she doesnt like what he eats (she likes spicy stuff he likes plain). So the reason they feel that way is that they dont like each other's food. Also she is trying to lose weight and he is trying to gain it, so their diets arent compatible. As they've been married 17 years, they have accepted the situation, it sounds like her husband was just grumbling and MTM vented about it.
So, personally, I think the husband is in the wrong suddenly expecting his wife to start cooking meals for him after 17 years of them both fending for themselves. It also sounds a bit sexist. They both work, so why isnt he making her meals? Her meals are simple (chicken and beans) so wouldnt exactly be hard either.
But that is my personal opinion. I dont know either of them well and what works for me wont for most people. My lass and I tend to share the cooking and the chores. I tend to cook when we have friends coming over as I like to cook. I'm not one of these who "actually" thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Obviously if one person is working and the other isnt then it would make sense for the none worker to do more of the chores, but each to their own and what makes sense to me might not for others.0 -
But it sounds to me like he is pretty simple to please so if it's going to be an ongoing battle then throw a steak on the grill/broiler/stovetop and put a baked potato in the oven. Wa-lah... :-)
Wouldn't it be better to find a compromise than for her just to give in to him?
Like I said, I'm old fashioned and more of a nurterer... that's just me. But if he's constantly going to bother her about it I would just cave haha0 -
I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???
OP - I don't think you're being unreasonable, and yes, he's a turd! 17 years is more than adequate time for him to figure out that you are not a chef. I agree with some of the posters that cooking together can be very nice, so if you want to do that, and both prepare your own meals, that would be fine. From your description of your tastebuds, if you cook 50% of the time and he cooks 50% then you are eating crap you would otherwise avoid 50% of the time... I don't think that's a reasonable answer IMHO.
Best wishes and I hope your vent made you feel better! :flowerforyou:0 -
I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???
you would think that at the very least, ladies would feel more comfortable handling the eggs....0 -
I "know" the OP, in as much as she is on my friend's list and is a very valued one at that as she is very funny. Her posts are usually dripping with sarcasm and make a refreshing change from the posts about different ways of cooking celery, water retention or the weight of muscle versus fat etc. I'm also a sarcastic SOB and I also kid on with my fiancee all the time. This morning I told her to "shut the hell up with her opinions and get back in the kitchen and make me a coffee" and she told me "something unprintable with Anglo Saxon in it". We both said these things smiling and laughed afterwards and kissed each other bye. Like the OP we have a great relationship as we have a lot of humour in our lives, you need to have to get through this nut house we call an Earth.
So, people need to read the OP with that in mind. She's a nice lass with what appears to be a great relationship and she is a lot of fun.
As for the actual topic, I am a better cook than my fiancee and I enjoy cooking. I wanted to be a chef once. However, since we met, she's put on weight (go figure) and that brought her here. Like the OP's partner, I'm trying to put on weight (as I'm as fat as an anorexic racing snake) which means that increasingly we're eating seperate meals. I cook for me and her son and she... eats a celery stick...her eyes boring into the pile of calories stacked onto my plate. She seems happy I know I am
So anyways, we're all different and what works for us doesnt work for everyone else. I'd personally hate one of those sickly loving relationships where I couldnt call my lass an "argumentative pain in the *kitten*" and not expect to duck in order to avoid her punch.
Anyway, I'm off back into the kitchen, my lass has discovered I escaped!
PS I just remembered I forgot the kiss goodbye today... God am I ever dead! :S
To me though it is different when you say it to your partners face, than to say it to a bunch of strangers on an internet forum. If I did that, I know my husband would feel offended, slighted and disrespected. What we say to each other's face either jokingly or in a debate or argument needs to go no further than between the two of us.
I would never put him down to others, especially when trying to "make yourself right" in an argument.0 -
I REALLY really REALLY want to be on your side.
But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.
Why? If she does her own thing and he does his, why is this necessary? If they were both single, they'd each cook for themselves seven days a week.
No kids and they like different foods and it's been this way for 17 years, I don't see why they both have to cook unless they're both eating the same things every night.0 -
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.
I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.
However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.
Umm, my husband doesn't just come home and put his feet up. If he gets home before me, he takes the dogs out and for a walk and feeds them. There is trash to be taken out. He makes sure the maintenance is done on both of our vehicles and the spare vehicle we have, yard maintenance needs to be done and any odd things around the house I need him to do like change light bulbs and such. My husband also runs the vacuum cleaner every day (dog hair) and does the laundry.
My husband will have it made for a while after next week as I am getting laid off on March 2 (next Friday). I will pretty much do everything around the house and the yard, everything except for the cars..............
I don't look at it as pulling double duty. You have a household and no matter if I lived by myself or with my husband someone needs to cook and clean. It is no different than if I lived by myself. I would actually have more to do if I lived by myself because the burden of the inside and outside of my house would still need to be done and also have to factor in the car maintenance too.0 -
17yrs? that's awesome. my dad likes for my mom to cook, but he use to critique it, but ate it anyway, lol. it use t upset her, but after 28yrs. she doesn't care anymore and her food decent and had never been bad to me. I believe it is a shared responsibility, it's something you can learn how to do. I don't cook, I one day hope to get better at it, I can do somethings. poor husband. lol. and it's a marriage, there's no picking a side, a I'm right, he's wrong0
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