Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.
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We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.
Has he managed to explain to you why he doesn't like it? And why are you so averse to cooking something you can both eat - that you obviously enjoy making for yourself?
If he won't eat what you make, and you won't eat what he makes then the only option is to sort out why you both feel the way you do, so you can at least both accept the situation.0 -
bump0
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We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.
Has he managed to explain to you why he doesn't like it? And why are you so averse to cooking something you can both eat - that you obviously enjoy making for yourself?
If he won't eat what you make, and you won't eat what he makes then the only option is to sort out why you both feel the way you do, so you can at least both accept the situation.
The OP said that her husband does not like what she makes (she's not the best cook) and she doesnt like what he eats (she likes spicy stuff he likes plain). So the reason they feel that way is that they dont like each other's food. Also she is trying to lose weight and he is trying to gain it, so their diets arent compatible. As they've been married 17 years, they have accepted the situation, it sounds like her husband was just grumbling and MTM vented about it.
So, personally, I think the husband is in the wrong suddenly expecting his wife to start cooking meals for him after 17 years of them both fending for themselves. It also sounds a bit sexist. They both work, so why isnt he making her meals? Her meals are simple (chicken and beans) so wouldnt exactly be hard either.
But that is my personal opinion. I dont know either of them well and what works for me wont for most people. My lass and I tend to share the cooking and the chores. I tend to cook when we have friends coming over as I like to cook. I'm not one of these who "actually" thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen. Obviously if one person is working and the other isnt then it would make sense for the none worker to do more of the chores, but each to their own and what makes sense to me might not for others.0 -
But it sounds to me like he is pretty simple to please so if it's going to be an ongoing battle then throw a steak on the grill/broiler/stovetop and put a baked potato in the oven. Wa-lah... :-)
Wouldn't it be better to find a compromise than for her just to give in to him?
Like I said, I'm old fashioned and more of a nurterer... that's just me. But if he's constantly going to bother her about it I would just cave haha0 -
I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???
OP - I don't think you're being unreasonable, and yes, he's a turd! 17 years is more than adequate time for him to figure out that you are not a chef. I agree with some of the posters that cooking together can be very nice, so if you want to do that, and both prepare your own meals, that would be fine. From your description of your tastebuds, if you cook 50% of the time and he cooks 50% then you are eating crap you would otherwise avoid 50% of the time... I don't think that's a reasonable answer IMHO.
Best wishes and I hope your vent made you feel better! :flowerforyou:0 -
I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???
you would think that at the very least, ladies would feel more comfortable handling the eggs....0 -
I "know" the OP, in as much as she is on my friend's list and is a very valued one at that as she is very funny. Her posts are usually dripping with sarcasm and make a refreshing change from the posts about different ways of cooking celery, water retention or the weight of muscle versus fat etc. I'm also a sarcastic SOB and I also kid on with my fiancee all the time. This morning I told her to "shut the hell up with her opinions and get back in the kitchen and make me a coffee" and she told me "something unprintable with Anglo Saxon in it". We both said these things smiling and laughed afterwards and kissed each other bye. Like the OP we have a great relationship as we have a lot of humour in our lives, you need to have to get through this nut house we call an Earth.
So, people need to read the OP with that in mind. She's a nice lass with what appears to be a great relationship and she is a lot of fun.
As for the actual topic, I am a better cook than my fiancee and I enjoy cooking. I wanted to be a chef once. However, since we met, she's put on weight (go figure) and that brought her here. Like the OP's partner, I'm trying to put on weight (as I'm as fat as an anorexic racing snake) which means that increasingly we're eating seperate meals. I cook for me and her son and she... eats a celery stick...her eyes boring into the pile of calories stacked onto my plate. She seems happy
I know I am 
So anyways, we're all different and what works for us doesnt work for everyone else. I'd personally hate one of those sickly loving relationships where I couldnt call my lass an "argumentative pain in the *kitten*" and not expect to duck in order to avoid her punch.
Anyway, I'm off back into the kitchen, my lass has discovered I escaped!
PS I just remembered I forgot the kiss goodbye today... God am I ever dead! :S
To me though it is different when you say it to your partners face, than to say it to a bunch of strangers on an internet forum. If I did that, I know my husband would feel offended, slighted and disrespected. What we say to each other's face either jokingly or in a debate or argument needs to go no further than between the two of us.
I would never put him down to others, especially when trying to "make yourself right" in an argument.0 -
I REALLY really REALLY want to be on your side.
But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.
Why? If she does her own thing and he does his, why is this necessary? If they were both single, they'd each cook for themselves seven days a week.
No kids and they like different foods and it's been this way for 17 years, I don't see why they both have to cook unless they're both eating the same things every night.0 -
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.
I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.
However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.
Umm, my husband doesn't just come home and put his feet up. If he gets home before me, he takes the dogs out and for a walk and feeds them. There is trash to be taken out. He makes sure the maintenance is done on both of our vehicles and the spare vehicle we have, yard maintenance needs to be done and any odd things around the house I need him to do like change light bulbs and such. My husband also runs the vacuum cleaner every day (dog hair) and does the laundry.
My husband will have it made for a while after next week as I am getting laid off on March 2 (next Friday). I will pretty much do everything around the house and the yard, everything except for the cars..............
I don't look at it as pulling double duty. You have a household and no matter if I lived by myself or with my husband someone needs to cook and clean. It is no different than if I lived by myself. I would actually have more to do if I lived by myself because the burden of the inside and outside of my house would still need to be done and also have to factor in the car maintenance too.0 -
17yrs? that's awesome. my dad likes for my mom to cook, but he use to critique it, but ate it anyway, lol. it use t upset her, but after 28yrs. she doesn't care anymore and her food decent and had never been bad to me. I believe it is a shared responsibility, it's something you can learn how to do. I don't cook, I one day hope to get better at it, I can do somethings. poor husband. lol. and it's a marriage, there's no picking a side, a I'm right, he's wrong0
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Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.
I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.
However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.
You're assuming "hubby" just "puts up his feet", nice. No he does nothing except watch the little woman do all her womans work right? There's no yard to be mowed, house or car maintenance to do or anything like that; just fat and happy on the recliner.
Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes you have to do stuff for the other person and for the betterment of the family and home regardless of your full time employment status. It goes both ways. Suck it up people and pull your weight around the house regardless of which chromosome you carry.
I totally agree!!!0 -
of course he doesn't like it he has to do something. I like to cook. My husband cooked before we got married so he could fend for himself. Men seem to think because we are women that means we do the 1955 things. I hate cleaning so that usually is the last thing I do. My hubby will clean if he feels something needs done he never tells me to do something. It should be mutual agreement and quit arguing over it. Tell him to grow up.0
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The rule I go by in my house is that if I'm not willing to do it myself, then I'm not allowed to expect my husband to do it. If your husband expects you to cook, then he needs to take the lead and set the example and cook food that YOU would like. Maybe then you'd be more inclined to cook for him from time to time.
Leading by example is always the best way to do things, rather than whine, complain and nag. I'm with you on this one.0 -
My ex husband wanted me to get up really early so that I would cook a real hot breakfast for him, potatoes, or pancakes, not just a quick egg dish. Even though I had a full time job, just like he. Even though I do love to cook, just getting up extra early was not for me.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who loves to cook and who often makes me breakfast.
Tell this story to your turd!
Wow.
I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.
I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.
No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.
It's good to know that you're not only self-righteous when it comes to food, but also when it comes to relationships.
More people should be that way and we wouldn't have the epidemics of Obesity, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and so many other lifestyle diseases.
I take GREAT pride in providing a healthy environment for myself, my husband and our 2 dogs.0 -
@muffintopminx
hey! yes, you both should cook!
but one question..,, you never cook - so what do you eat?? Oo
only canned food, pizza etc? or do you always go out to eat?
i'm just interested. i'm wondering what you both eat all the time without cooking...0 -
Can't believe this is still an issue between you after SEVENTEEN YEARS!! Ridiculous!!! Won't take sides--grow up and figure it out without us...0
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My husband and I both work full time as well. We do have 1 child and we are both very conscious about what we eat. I've lost 25 pounds he's lost 60. We've determined that the way we like to eat now is grilling pretty much everything. I do the prep work (seasoning, chopping, etc) and he puts it all on the grill and handles the clean-up. It's a pretty good arrangement. There is probably 1 or 2 nights per week that I cook everything in or on the stove. I grew up with my mom and dad both working but we had a real home cooked meal every single night (normally prepared by my mom.) Even before we had a child I always cooked and we always sat at the table to eat. We talk on and off all day long as well but there is just something different about sitting at the table together, TV off and having a more in-depth conversation. But, that's how I grew up and that is something that has always been important to me so we cook pretty much every night and have a family dinner pretty much every night.
I am not taking sides though! But I will say that he knew you did not cook when he married you so it's not like you suddenly changed over night or something.0 -
Well, it's up to you, it's your life and of course you have no obligations to do anything but I think you're missing out on a lot of good stuff.
Home-made chilli, curry, bolognaise, roast vegetables, salads, bacon and eggs, grilled chicken take literally a few minutes of your time preparing them and those dishes that actual cooking doesn't involve any effort, you just let the heat transform the food. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't cook and believe me, I am as lazy as they come, lazier actually.
The best times of my day are enjoying cooked meals with my gf, made by either one of us after a long day at work.0 -
I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???
you would think that at the very least, ladies would feel more comfortable handling the eggs....
Touche! ROFL... Yes, I'm quite comfortable handling the eggs! 0 -
I don't cook, but ex & me used to manage to find some kind of a compromise.
He cooks/I do the dishes. He cooks meat/I make salad. He cooks/I go to the store. Sometimes we played poker on who's cooking.0
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