Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.

Wow.

I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.

No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.

I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.

I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.

However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.

You're assuming "hubby" just "puts up his feet", nice. No he does nothing except watch the little woman do all her womans work right? There's no yard to be mowed, house or car maintenance to do or anything like that; just fat and happy on the recliner.

Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes you have to do stuff for the other person and for the betterment of the family and home regardless of your full time employment status. It goes both ways. Suck it up people and pull your weight around the house regardless of which chromosome you carry.

I totally agree!!!

The rule I go by in my house is that if I'm not willing to do it myself, then I'm not allowed to expect my husband to do it. If your husband expects you to cook, then he needs to take the lead and set the example and cook food that YOU would like. Maybe then you'd be more inclined to cook for him from time to time.

Leading by example is always the best way to do things, rather than whine, complain and nag. I'm with you on this one.

@muffintopminx
hey! yes, you both should cook!

but one question..,, you never cook - so what do you eat?? Oo
only canned food, pizza etc? or do you always go out to eat?

i'm just interested. i'm wondering what you both eat all the time without cooking...

My husband and I both work full time as well. We do have 1 child and we are both very conscious about what we eat. I've lost 25 pounds he's lost 60. We've determined that the way we like to eat now is grilling pretty much everything. I do the prep work (seasoning, chopping, etc) and he puts it all on the grill and handles the clean-up. It's a pretty good arrangement. There is probably 1 or 2 nights per week that I cook everything in or on the stove. I grew up with my mom and dad both working but we had a real home cooked meal every single night (normally prepared by my mom.) Even before we had a child I always cooked and we always sat at the table to eat. We talk on and off all day long as well but there is just something different about sitting at the table together, TV off and having a more in-depth conversation. But, that's how I grew up and that is something that has always been important to me so we cook pretty much every night and have a family dinner pretty much every night.

I am not taking sides though! But I will say that he knew you did not cook when he married you so it's not like you suddenly changed over night or something.

I love to cook, so it's one of those jobs that's generally my responsibility to take care of. But it's because I enjoy it, I'm good at it, and I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I have the time. Not because I'm a woman. Not once have my female reproductive organs ever helped me cook a meal.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I love it! I don't know though... I think my ovaries have stepped in a time or two... or was that the Fallopian Tubes? I get confused. My chesticales are always hindering the 'creative process' by trying to stir the dishes.... Hrmmmm.... Help or hindrance???

you would think that at the very least, ladies would feel more comfortable handling the eggs....

Touche! ROFL... Yes, I'm quite comfortable handling the eggs!

I hate cooking. Sorry, to offend any fabulous cookers. But I was not given the gift. I don't make fantastic creations. I make a giant mess and then eat a mediocre high calorie dinner with my dumbass husband who doesn't even like what I've made 99% of the time and always critics it!


I really hate cooking.

LMAO!!! You can tell you hate to cook when you called people that cook, cookers. I think they are normally called cooks.

lol! I love this thread

I fold laundry like a mo-fo. Does that count as a kind of love? I got mad skillz with an iron too. I love ironin. I iron his shirts, pants, sometimes his boxers, our bed sheets, heck, I've even ironed socks. I'm crazy borderline autistic with an iron.

You are redeemed in my book...I would cook three meals a day for you if you took over the laundry and ironing...

I'm not going to say you're right. I'm not going to say he's right. I think calling him a dumbass on here because he wants to have a meal together is highly immature & disrespectful. Just because you two chat most of the day doesn't mean that you can't have a meal together? What's wrong with spending a little time together? That's kind of part of a relationship, in my opinion. My fiance eats a way higher calorie diet than I, but we generally have the same meals - I'll have a smaller portion, or occasionally substitute something healthier in for myself. It's not that difficult, really. I'm also not the greatest cook ever, I just try to give it an attempt. Sometimes I completely fail, sometimes I end up making a tasty dinner. It's just fun to experiment sometimes, learn new things. Also, YOU don't have to be the one doing all the cooking...Your hubby could cook a few nights a week, you could cook a few nights, you BOTH could cook a few meals together. I would never get on here & bash my significant other in this way...Maybe try to use some of these suggestions, instead of being disrespectful.

Sorry you think I'm being disrespectful, but you obviously don't know us and should not be judging my relationship. Our marriage is solid. We are very crass and playful with each other and our 17 years together is nothing to sneeze at. I'm venting, I'm frustrated. It happens to the best of us in the best of relationships. So gimme a break, I'm not here to defend my relationship. And certainly don't think I'm being immature. If you can't call you significant other a turd or a dumbass once in a while then you need to lighten up.

Of course she doesn't know a thing about your relationship. How would she? All she knows is that you're calling your own husband a turd and a dumbass. Sounds pretty disrespectful to me too. Regardless, if you don't want to cook, then don't cook. Sounds like this has been the norm in your household for 17 years. What's a few more?

OP wrote:

We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.

What about cooking together? Or taking a class together?

I work FT and cook just about every night, but I love cooking, which was NOT always the case. It didn't come easily - there is definitely a learning curve - but I kept at it and not to brag but I'm pretty dang good at it now. I noticed on your profile that you said you like spicy stuff and foods from different cultures - my husband is Vietnamese and I cook Vietnamese food *all the time* and it is so easy (and fast!) once you get a few of the basics down. Not saying I'm as good as my MIL by any means, but I take notes from her whenever I can.

I *do* think that it's bunk if your husband wants you to cook because he has some notion of cooking as 'your job' or because he's being lazy. If you get along well otherwise, though, it's worth it to figure out some kind of compromise so that you don't feel he's placing unrealistic expectations on you and he has his needs/desires for eating together met.

I understand that kids aren't (and might never be) a part of your life, but maybe your husband's desire for a 'family meal' is an expression of his feelings about infertility. If he always imagined family dinners as part of his married life and the lack of children is one of the reasons you don't sit down and eat together, his desire that you eat together may be one of the things he needs to get past any disappointment or lingering feelings about your fertility issues.

Of course I could be completely, entirely off base, but looking at your profile after reading your post makes me wonder where his desire for family dinners is coming from, and since you never were a cook in all the years you've been together, it seems that there's something below the surface that's driving his behavior. It could be plain ol' chauvinism, too, but IMO it's worth trying to meet each other halfway if you are happy together more often than not.

Edited to add: I haven't read the whole thread, just replied to your original post, so my apologies if I've mentioned something you've already covered elsewhere.

I fold laundry like a mo-fo. Does that count as a kind of love? I got mad skillz with an iron too. I love ironin. I iron his shirts, pants, sometimes his boxers, our bed sheets, heck, I've even ironed socks. I'm crazy borderline autistic with an iron.

@Elenathegreat: Would you be in the market for a sisterwife, by any chance? I am in the remedial ironing class and I may flunk out (again).

I agree. In fact, you sound like an insolent child - 'I don't cook, deal with it'. Oh, and if you spoke about me the way you speak about him, I wouldn't cook for you either.

Why is that insolent? Would it be insolent if he said that to her?

He also calls her names, it's not one-way traffic.

Wifey doesn't like to cook but when she does it is fabulous. She doesn't like taking the time to prep and then clean up. I like to cook but family prefers the basics and I like to spice things up a bit. I have suggested on many occasions each of us take one night to make dinner. My son likes to cook and between jobs/school has chipped in. 16 year old daughter NEEDS to learn but has zero interest in learning. Wife can cook, just doesn't like the hassle.

Am I so bad a Father to ask everyone to chip in and cook 1 meal a week???

he just hasnt arrived in this century yet.

If this is the biggest issue in your marriage I'd say you are doing something right!! Why fix whats not broken? haha

I agree. In fact, you sound like an insolent child - 'I don't cook, deal with it'. Oh, and if you spoke about me the way you speak about him, I wouldn't cook for you either.

Why is that insolent? Would it be insolent if he said that to her?

He also calls her names, it's not one-way traffic.

Tit for tat isn't my style.

But calling someone an insolent child when you've quite clearly not read all the relevant posts so dont know the whole story, obviously is...

I've found with forums that its very easy for people to get into name calling. Something about the anonymity of it all I guess.