Question for the divorced daters.....

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245

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  • KlassyKassi
    KlassyKassi Posts: 58 Member
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    I waited a looooong time. Like, years. I had absolutely no interest in a relationship or dating, aside from a good male friend that I could rely on from time to time for *ahem*, some fun. I needed time by myself to get over the heartbreak. But after a while, I just started to feel like I was ready. I think you'll know when it's time. I did.
  • BecksgotBack
    BecksgotBack Posts: 385 Member
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    I waited quite a while to date - but wasted no time finding a relationship of "convenience".

    Being there for my daughter and not subdividing my attention was more important that moving on to the next man. Having a warm body on call helped me to stay on task. :wink:

    ^^^ awesome

    this 1 year single for each 5 married/together thing seems to be backwards for me too....i've been single much longer than my marriage and last relationship combined.

    something's gotta give eventually.

    but don't lower your expectations and never settle. better to be single and sometimes lonely than stuck with a loser for the sake of being "comfortable" or "convenient"
  • Thad81
    Thad81 Posts: 138 Member
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    After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

    I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    I had no kids either, marriage had died in April, divorced in October 2010.
    When I tried dating, I just was not mentally or emotionally prepared for it OR the questions people would ask about my marriage. And they aren't always kind in the delivery of the questions.
    So I took time to get back to me. Started dating a year later, and it still was a bit rough in the beginning. My last date was in December before I decided to get serious about my health. I just was not attracting the people I was attracted to, not just in the physical sense but where they were mentally.
    So basically, you can't force it. If you find something that works 10 days or 10 years after your divorce, than you have it. For me, I have done enough settling in my life. It's going to take one hell of a man to bring me around to the relationship state of mind because I am a very happy single woman :bigsmile:

    PS, I also have an amazing toy that takes care of urges. :wink: Prevents the random pick up at a bar! :drinker:
  • sunshinegirlnm
    sunshinegirlnm Posts: 312 Member
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    Do what feels right to YOU! And keep your expectations reasonable.... :wink:
  • Happinessgrl
    Happinessgrl Posts: 92 Member
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    Just live your life.

    When the right one comes along - you'll know. Don't set a time frame or anything like that. Be you. Enjoy yourself. Eventually, he'll show up.... :)

    ♥ THIS! It made me feel good... Thanks!!!
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

    I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

    Exactly this.

    My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

    Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves ;)
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
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    After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

    I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

    Exactly this.

    My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

    Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves ;)

    This is the point I'm at now too :smile:
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

    I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

    Exactly this.

    My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

    Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves ;)

    This is the point I'm at now too :smile:

    It's a great feeling to know alone does not equal lonely, isn't it?
  • jenny031477
    jenny031477 Posts: 53 Member
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    Definitely give yourself some time and enjoy being single!

    I left my ex husband almost 2 years ago but our divorce was just final this month. We have 2 kids and things got nasty, unfortunately. We are, thankfully, in a much better place but I'm definitely enjoying being single. Do I miss having a man around? Definitely. Do I need a man around? Nope and that's what I love. I am *ok* by myself and I have no doubt that there is someone out there for me. He'll walk into my life at just the right time. :)
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    You need one of these

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHMa2mSX_WsWrwlz9CJD_A0jcy4mhizvmdrx5NLmUCAcwDF6VX


    I already have one!!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I'm not stressed out about it.. I was just curious as to what others have done. The 1 year per 5 years is kinda long! I was married for 10 years. I heard it's 1 month per year you were married..

    I'm not on a deadline or anything but I'm nervous and excited about it. I want to be careful about my choices this time around which is why I'm not rushing. But I also want to be relaxed enough to not pass up a good fella.

    Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
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    It's a great feeling to know alone does not equal lonely, isn't it?

    It sure is :smile:
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
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    im curious
    - did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
    - did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
    - did they have nothing to do with each other?
  • jenny031477
    jenny031477 Posts: 53 Member
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    Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!

    I think my divorce taught me a lot more than my marriage. :laugh:

    I agree that you need to do what's right for you. I'm really scared to death to get back out there and have been on a couple of dating sites but gave up on that route. I just wasn't having any luck with it. I'm pretty much hoping Mr. Perfect will just walk into my life. :wink:
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    I'm not stressed out about it.. I was just curious as to what others have done. The 1 year per 5 years is kinda long! I was married for 10 years. I heard it's 1 month per year you were married..

    I'm not on a deadline or anything but I'm nervous and excited about it. I want to be careful about my choices this time around which is why I'm not rushing. But I also want to be relaxed enough to not pass up a good fella.

    Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!

    Amen sweetie, and not even watching your parents go through it can teach ya all you need to know.
    You'll find your groove and what works for you and trust me, it only gets better!

    ETA: First few dates? Date an older man. I love my young hotties, but the older guys just seem to know how to make a woman feel like she is cherished. ;)
  • xonashwaox
    xonashwaox Posts: 108
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    Only YOU will know when the time is right to date. It took me two years to finally start dating and then once I got out there I realized dating was not what it used to be. I tried a few dating sites also and those were big fails. Now I am just letting it happen on its own. I am sure I will meet someone when the time is right. Good luck to you!! :wink:
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    im curious
    - did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
    - did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
    - did they have nothing to do with each other?

    I've been "trying" to get healthy since 2008... but hit it hard when I moved to my new city 2 years ago.. I was still married. Everybody here is active and it motivated me. My ex also got on the healthy train and we got healthier together... now he's fat again and I'm still going. hehe

    Losing weight and divorce had nothing to do with each other.. actually when I started working on my interior, did I realize that I deserved much better than what my ex was giving me. (he was unfaithful years ago and still an a-hole) The interior makeover just motivated me more to work on the exterior.
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
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    im curious
    - did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
    - did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
    - did they have nothing to do with each other?

    I've been "trying" to get healthy since 2008... but hit it hard when I moved to my new city 2 years ago.. I was still married. Everybody here is active and it motivated me. My ex also got on the healthy train and we got healthier together... now he's fat again and I'm still going. hehe

    Losing weight and divorce had nothing to do with each other.. actually when I started working on my interior, did I realize that I deserved much better than what my ex was giving me. (he was unfaithful years ago and still an a-hole) The interior makeover just motivated me more to work on the exterior.

    thank you for sharing, i just realized i was being nosy
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Make a list of things you've always wanted to do. A Single's Bucket List, so to speak...interests you've always wanted to pursue, places you've wanted to see, or things you've always wanted to do, but just never had the time, money, motivation, or courage to try. Then go out and start doing them. There are many more ways to have fun than just going clubbing on the weekends, and you'd be surprised at how many new and interesting people you'll meet in the process. Maybe among them, when the timing is right, you'll meet someone extra special who enjoys the same things you do.

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