To all you haters

Yes, we're all beautiful, intelligent people on the inside as the original poster suggested, but that doesn't do us a bit of good if we're dead of a heart attack, or diabetes, or some other weight-related malady at a ridiculously young age.

I suppose that makes me a "hater"...I don't intend to be, but such is life I guess.

Agree with this !!

I don't think she was saying there aren't any consequences to staying at an unhealthy weight as long as you're happy that way. I think the point she was trying to make was that, the line, "you have such a pretty/cute face" is like the line, "you're a nice girl, but you're just not my type". There are implications in those lines...hurtful implications. "You have a cute face, but that doesn't matter because you're fat." "You're a nice girl, but you don't look good enough for me." When you've heard that for years on end, you get tired of hearing it. But, then, I wouldn't expect someone who's probably never had a serious weight problem to understand.

Then take it from someone who has had a serious weight problem. Somebody saying "you're not my type" or "you have a cute face" isn't an insult. I was insulted throughout school about my weight, and many other times outside of it. It sucks, and it also sucks how we beat ourselves up about our weight, but the perceived notion that the world is against us because of it is incredibly unhealthy.

It might be emotionally unhealthy to THINK the world perceives me differently, but I've not always been fat. I remember how differently I was treated when I was healthy and athletic. I'm here to tell you that, in most cases, it's not a "false perception" on my part. It's REALITY. And saying, "you're not my type" isn't the insulting part. It's saying "You're a nice girl, BUT you're not my type." Oh, okay, so what exactly IS your type? A mean-spirited, hateful girl? On a few occasions I've even asked the guy, "Really? What's your 'type'?" Very rarely can they give me an answer that makes sense or is legitimate. And the line "you have a cute face" is almost always succeeded by something like,"if you could just lose a little weight..." I'm sorry, but the mentality, "Just be confident, and everything will work out the way you want it to." Is a load of bunk. Confidence alone is not going to get me what I want. I have LOADS of confidence in WHO I am, and what I have the potential to be. I am NOT so confident in other people's ability to look past my weight and see me for my true worth.

The only confidence issue you have is the one that prevents you from blowing off your haters.

You're putting way too much stock into what other people think of you in the first place.

Your weight has nothing to do with it. People are going to judge. It's part of life. It happens no matter if you are big, small, fit, flabby, etc. It's life. You'll be rejected by men if you're skinny too.

You have a very "woe is me" attitude about this that if you drop, you'll be much happier.

P.S. If you get rejected, WHY would you go follow that up with "well, what is your type?" That just screams "desperate" to a man. Not everyone is going to be attracted to you. That's fine. I'm sure you're not attracted to every man out there also. Let it go and move on. Don't take it personally.

Like I said, it's not a lack of confidence in WHO I am that is the problem. It's a lack of confidence in other people's willingness to get to know who I am because they have an inability to look past physical appearance. People who have taken the time to get to know me, usually end up liking (in many cases even loving) me a great deal. However, in my experience, the general population is not so willing to look past the exterior (and I'm not JUST referring to obesity, either), to see the person underneath. And I can see how you could easily misunderstand the tone of my comments and think that I have a "woe is me" attitude. I promise you, I do not. The only point I have been trying to make is that it's an insult to my intelligence to have people tell me that I'm not being treated differently because I'm fat. I know the reality is that, whether we want to admit it or not, we ALL make snap judgements about people based on their appearance (again, not just referring to obesity). I would just rather someone be honest with me about it, than have them try to "let me down easy" by telling me something that amounts to a lie. I HATE being lied to for any reason. That is why I would dare to challenge a guy's rejection by asking him, "If you're acknowledging that I'm a nice girl, but telling me I'm not your type, I'd really like to know what you mean by that." It's not about desperation at that point. The way I see it, if a guy has the guts to reject me, he should have the guts to be honest with me about WHY he's rejecting me. Believe it or not, it would be much easier for me to handle the rejection if he told me the truth. Rejection is always hurtful, but it just rubs salt in the wound when someone insults my intelligence by lying about the reason for it. If you're not attracted to me because I'm fat, just say, "You seem like a nice girl, but I'm just not physically attracted to girls who are overweight." It would still sting because rejection for ANY reason is never pleasant. But I can't and won't be angry at someone who has the guts to tell me the truth. By the way, backhanded compliments like, "You have a cute/pretty face, but..." are just as irritating. Compliment me, or don't. Make up your mind.

Hello.. Let get something clear here.. I am a big girl.. I am getting healthy and that is the only reason why I am losing a 131lbs.. I feel happy in my skin and so should everyone else!! I didnt mean to put anyone down saying thin women think they have more pull but sorry to say that just because YOU dont think that way doesnt mean ALOT of thin women dont! I mean ALOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! Thank you to all you ppl who supported and liked this post. (: It took me a while to feel happy in my own skin and it wasnt the weight that stopped me from thinking that.. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO JUDGE YOU NO MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE!!

You aren't doing yourself or anyone else any good by making generalizations and then expecting everyone to just nod and agree. Your original post was offensive to "skinny" people, and you need to just own that you feel that way instead of defending what you said. You have a right to feel how you feel, but so do I. I've been thin and I've been fat..it has never dictated my self-worth, nor do I let others influence my self-worth. Only I can control how I feel about myself.

Why do you care so much what they think? Not everyone has to find you attractive.

Okay, I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I'm not worried about what people think if it turns out they don't want to know me. I'm saying the experiences I've had with people in the past hinders my willingness to even APPROACH people initially with the purpose of FINDING OUT if they'd like to get to know me (either as friends or something more), because I am not confident that they will be willing or able to see past what I look like in order to get to know me. I've experienced so much rejection that it's become questionable to me if it's even worth feeling the sting of being rejected for the CHANCE at meeting someone who MIGHT take an interest in me.

Why not spend more effort and thoughts focusing on these people (who already know and love me) than the ones not interested in getting to know you?

Again, because I don't know if someone is interested in getting to know me or not unless I approach them to find out. Again, my experience tells me that the majority have difficulty looking past the exterior to see that I'm worth getting to know, which, in turn affects my willingness to approach them and find out if the individual in question is one of the rare few who CAN see me for who I am inside. It's quite the social conundrum, I know.

I would just rather someone be honest with me about it, than have them try to "let me down easy" by telling me something that amounts to a lie. I HATE being lied to for any reason.

Maybe they don't want to be mean to you or rude to you. Would you rather them say, "No thanks, you're too fat to date"? I don't think so. Plus, either way, you have to just let it go and move on so why badger them about it?

There's a big difference between being rude and being honest. I believe the rest of what I said answers this question.

Believe it or not, it would be much easier for me to handle the rejection if he told me the truth. Rejection is always hurtful, but it just rubs salt in the wound when someone insults my intelligence by lying about the reason for it. If you're not attracted to me because I'm fat, just say, "You seem like a nice girl, but I'm just not physically attracted to girls who are overweight." It would still sting because rejection for ANY reason is never pleasant. But I can't and won't be angry at someone who has the guts to tell me the truth.

If someone actually had the guts to be that honest with me, I might actually feel compelled to thank him for his honesty rather than burst into tears over the rejection. Also, his demeanor and tone of voice tell me if he's intending to be rude, or if he's just being frank.

If someone came up to you to hit on you who wasn't your type, would you say, "No thanks. You've got a huge beer gut and hair sticking out of your nose."?

I wouldn't say it like that, no. But I might say, "I'm sure you're a nice guy, and I'm always up for meeting a new friend. However, the truth is I'm simply not physically attracted to you, therefore, there is no potential for romantic interest from me. I don't intend to be hurtful, but I prefer people to be honest with me so I try to extend the same courtesy to others." Hopefully, he takes it like a man, since most men will tell you, often with great pride, that they prefer people to be frank with them so they knowexactly where they stand. If he doesn't take it very well, that would only help me feel less guilty (for lack of a better word) about rejecting him.

Sarah Jessica Parker is "curvy"? dear God...

I'd say so.




Thin, but she has curves.

Yup, she is what I'd call a curvy size 2. (or 0) And curvier than half of the models (they typically don't have hips).

thin doesn't always mean healthy, healthy comes in all shapes and sizes

Then why are we all here trying to lose weight? I'm pretty sure that "healthy" doesn't come in a 400 lb size.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for affirmation and positivity and encouragement, but there are two kinds of overweight people: those who have weight-related health problems, and those who will.

I don't mean this as a personal shot at you or anyone else at all, so I hope you don't take it that way.. I just get annoyed when I see people my size and larger deluding themselves into thinking they're healthy. I spent the better part of my teens and 20's thinking like that, and now I'm paying the price and I don't like to see others make the same mistakes.

Yes, we're all beautiful, intelligent people on the inside as the original poster suggested, but that doesn't do us a bit of good if we're dead of a heart attack, or diabetes, or some other weight-related malady at a ridiculously young age.

I suppose that makes me a "hater"...I don't intend to be, but such is life I guess.

I finally found a sound response in this line!!! Yes, we all come in all shapes and sizes and healthy is good, but fat is not healthy by any means otherwise we wouldn't be on this site in the first place!!! Get real people!

All of the above. We are all here because we want to be healthier, slimmer and live longer.

Being fat is bad for you, just as is being under-nourished.

Why the OP feels the need to have a go at skinny people is beyond me, a few issues going on here methinks!

cute

Also I have another thing to say here.. some of you are saying that people dont hate on us bigger women? PPPPPFFFFFFFFFF hello look at the way our society is?!!?!?! do you see ANY big women modeling? the only bigger people who get through in anything in hollywood is because they have pure talent that they cant pass up! ever noticed how ALOT of the famous ppl these days are bones..and many and I mean many of the women get eating disorders?

I'm still like 260ish lbs right now. I'm telling you that, once my confidence went up, the 'hating' stopped. If it does still go on, I must be too busy to notice it because I have not seen any at all the last two months. When I was looking miserable, buying nachos or a giant Slurpee, ordering 8 things at McDonald's or just sitting on my butt with my crappy posture... oh yeah, I got looks and whispers.

You can look at a fat person and, most of the time, it's obvious when they are doing something to change it. People see me running, I get good looks. People hear me say, "Hold the cheese." at Subway and look down at their feet with guilt sometimes with their footlong double steak and 5 cheese extra mayo sub. People see me walk or even just stand in line straight, not rigid and a few of them will check me out. (Reason for that is my core is stronger and being fit, as well as confident, will have you standing with good posture)

I do see 'big' women modeling. I see big and HEALTHY women modeling though. Lane Bryant, what? Many big women simply do not possess the confidence and physical maintenance it requires to model. Would I want to see a size 24 woman modeling? Hell to the **** no with that ****. I see being that big as an addiction to food and to a sedentary lifestyle. Any person that says, "Oh, I eat totally healthy and exercise" and they are 300lbs and have stayed right there for years of their supposed being healthy is lying.

People don't get to be morbidly obese by being a health nut. They get there by giving up on themselves. It's up to each person to find their own strength to say NO! It's NOT okay to be that big. It's NOT okay to engorge yourself and it's NOT okay to say it's okay. If that's how someone wants to live their own life, that's fine. But to glorify it, to me, is the same as to glorify a crackhead due to the addictive properties here.

I've struggled with eating disorders in the past. I'm still going to therapy for recovery as well. It was not the media or other people that made me go throw up every meal. It wasn't the media that made me stuff my face just before that either. It wasn't anyone of my friends, family or strangers. It was me, all me. It also wasn't about food or weight. It was about control. I did it to myself and I'm a stronger person for getting through it. I'm on my 5th week of not going over my calorie goals or binging. I've gone almost a year without purging as well.

The biggest thing I had to overcome was letting go of what anyone else thought. My therapist even asks me who gives a **** sometimes. If I was running down the road and someone yelled something mean? **** 'em. Might just push me to run a little harder at that moment. If someone says something about how I should eat some more salad when I'm already eating a salad, I'd probably smile and tell them to get one too because they're pretty gosh darn delicious.

I know you wanted to share your poem and it's a shame it turned out to be an almost 10 page debate. (Yes, I know I was a part of that) But, and I'm not trying to be mean or anything here, it seems like you do still have some confidence issues to work though. A lot of people posting in here do and some admitted it. Confidence doesn't come when you stand up and validate something to the world. That seems more like a shy arrogance to me.

Confidence, true confidence, comes when you sit back and are perfectly capable of achieving happiness and inner peace without saying a word about it to anyone else because you know how you feel and that's the only person that matters.

Then why are we all here trying to lose weight? I'm pretty sure that "healthy" doesn't come in a 400 lb size.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for affirmation and positivity and encouragement, but there are two kinds of overweight people: those who have weight-related health problems, and those who will.

I don't mean this as a personal shot at you or anyone else at all, so I hope you don't take it that way.. I just get annoyed when I see people my size and larger deluding themselves into thinking they're healthy. I spent the better part of my teens and 20's thinking like that, and now I'm paying the price and I don't like to see others make the same mistakes.

Yes, we're all beautiful, intelligent people on the inside as the original poster suggested, but that doesn't do us a bit of good if we're dead of a heart attack, or diabetes, or some other weight-related malady at a ridiculously young age.

I suppose that makes me a "hater"...I don't intend to be, but such is life I guess.
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I agree, but I feel that sometimes people seem to think that you have to be a certain dress size to be healthy, which is what I disagree with. I am overweight and I have a lot of weight to lose, but I equate health with what I put in my body and what exercise I do, not what I weigh or what size clothes I wear. I know that there are overweight people who have health problems casued by or related to their weight, but that is not true of every overweight person. And you do see naturally slim people who eat nothing but crap and don't do any exercise- to me that is not healthy, even if they are the "right" dress size.

The message I took from the original post is to have confidence in your self and love who you are. I wish I could do that. No matter what my dress size has been I have always struggled with self esteem and self confidence.

I have been on both ends of the field..I was 245 pounds and wore a size 24..I got judged and moo'ed at , picked on and rejected , stared at and laughed at and told " You have such a pretty face" ...Now I am 119 and get more flack about being "Skinny" than I did when I was fat.. Sometimes you literally can't win for losing..That's when you need to look up the true meaning of "self confidence" and realize that if you are satisfied with yourself weather you are 120 pounds or 320 pounds , you don't have to defend being happy in your own skin to ANYONE...Just let the haters hate....If you are Confident and truly happy inside and out then their is no need in making others no matter what their size feel self concious....I am happy for anyone who loves themselves and wouldn't make anyone who is heavy or skinny feel like they are any less of an amazing person , I just ask for the same respect...Maybe the person you are making feel uncomfortable about their weight has other issues going on as well...This website , I thought at least was desined to support one another...I am here to support anyone who needs it..Life is a ***** , the last thing anyone needs is me being one on top of it , hell weight loss alone is a difficult not to mention an un desireable pain in the *kitten*...I got who ever's back that needs it simply because I know how difficult it is...

Meat is for men, bones are for dogs.........women were meant to have curves not look like a half-starved 10 year old children.

I love this!!! sounds like something my husband would say!

Love this. While I want to get healthier, I never want to lose my curves - I like being shapely.

That's because it came from the heart.

Damn good posting Christi, bloody excellent actually xxx

Thank you.