Dr. Phil - Open Marriage
Replies
-
I'm too jealous for this type of relationship. I refuse to share my husband with anyone. When I got married my vows were to my husband....no one else entered into those vows with us!!!
I also don't believe just because people are okay with it that it makes it right. There are many things in our society that aren't right but because people say it's okay then you are looked down upon for saying it's not right. I don't agree with this type of thinking.
this, so much.0 -
If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?
I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.
If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?
Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?
Exactly!!!
I feel as long as I am involved in my community, abide by the man made laws of said community, try to love as God says we should (with an open heart and mind) and be welcoming of others into our lives for different reasons.
Live.
Love
Be Happy.
0 -
Me an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple
AMEN!0 -
good for youMe an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple
hubby and i dont go to clubs, but we've had some fun with other people before. 0 -
Yep, this thread will be closed soon.
:laugh:0 -
In theory, I wouldn't mind getting some on the side or my lady doing the same, but I don't know - without the emotional connection, I don't really enjoy sex as much.0
-
If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?
I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.
If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?
Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?
Exactly!!!
I feel as long as I am involved in my community, abide by the man made laws of said community, try to love as God says we should (with an open heart and mind) and be welcoming of others into our lives for different reasons.
Live.
Love
Be Happy.
Thank you. She won't reply. I promise you she thinks her "morals" and "boundaries" are self-evident and if I don't share them I lack "morals" and "boundaries" altogether. I just wish I understood why so many people get so upset about what other people do in private. I often wonder if they wish they could do the same things and are jealous because they can't bring themselves to do it so they don't want anyone else to either. Can't think of any other reason.0 -
If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?
I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.
If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?
Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?
I do agree with this. An open marriage would never be for me, for many reasons. For many reasons, I believe it to be a bad idea. But neither I nor anyone else has the right to judge someone who does choose that, provided that they are breaking no laws and causing no harm to others. Only whatever higher power you happen to believe in has the power to do that. Each of us has made enough mistakes in our own lives that we have no basis upon which to stand in judgement of someone else's choices.0 -
I didn't watch either but to each their own.
My husband asks if he can have a second wife all the time. I say if she cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids and him.... I am all for it!
I am muslim and its ok to have more than one wife, but that means he has to support both (or all) wives in every way according to Islam (financially, emotionally, physically, etc), and the duties of a husband are so heavy that it would be difficult to do. He also has to support any children that come along as well. But nowadays most muslim men love the first wife so much, and most of them are not rich, so they just keep one wife. If you notice it is usually sheikhs and such that have multiple wives, because they are rich and don't spend hours at work everyday so they can take care of their wives. Totally different perspective I know. But to me an "open marriage" is nothing more than sleeping around...no commitment...promiscuity. JMI0 -
An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
Bingo
Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.0 -
The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. This is what is often referred to as a 'moral compass'. It also depends where the 'moral compass' is centered. Most often, it is in relation to religion .. but not always. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.
In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age due to our religious origins on this continent (except for Muslims who are not neccessarily as monogamously based as Christians or Catholics, for instance) .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.
Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.0 -
The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.
In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.
Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.
Awesome educated opinion...love it. Also, sometimes people are told they must obey "man's law" even if it trumps "God's law", which is what our parents (most of us anyway) taught us to obey since childhood.0 -
An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
Bingo
Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.
^THANK YOU!0 -
I do not see anything wrong with it. As long as everyone invoilved knows the rules and are consenting adults.0
-
The term 'right or wrong' is all relative to the standards we abide by individually and collectively...not to mention 'legally'. Whether or not you choose to be moralistic or opportunistic .. each is a choice, each comes with pro's and con's, not to mention consequences.
In our society, the majority of our population is taught and expected to be monogamous from a very early age .. If you choose otherwise, it's like swimming against the current ... you have to deal with consequences that follow. I don't think humans are physiologically equipped to handle those repercussions easily.
Life is complicated enough without having to delve into interpersonal and shared relationships. I wouldn't choose that way of life for anything...Just not for me.
Very well said.0 -
"I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time."
I accept that you can't. That's ok. Some people are just naturally monogamous.
But I, actually, CAN.
And it's awesome.0 -
"I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time."
I accept that you can't. That's ok. Some people are just naturally monogamous.
But I, actually, CAN.
And it's awesome.
I think you can, and as long as the others can too, it is fine....I just think there should be some form of responsibility. They should all get the same respect and treatment as the wife. Being a mistress is often subject to disrespect from all angles. Not right, but that's usually how it is.0 -
hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?0
-
hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?
That's a good question. My fiancé was the one that brought it up. NOTE: We're not in an open relationship, we have just had one girl to come and play. I'm way more comfortable having a girl than adding an extra male.0 -
it was easy for me, im bisexual and my husband always wanted to see me with another woman. it kinda branched out from there, but there was always a discussion of that happening.hmmmmm...... sounds like an idea! My question is, how do you go about bringing the topic up!?0 -
Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".
I think some people just have more love to go around in general.
Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.0 -
An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
Bingo
Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.
And I believe that a person can. And I would never tell anyone it isn't possible to be monogamous. Obviously, for many people, it is and it is satisfying. And obviously from the varying opions on this thread it is possible to be happily nonmonogamous as well.0 -
Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".
I think some people just have more love to go around in general.
Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.
I think I you. 0 -
Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".
I think some people just have more love to go around in general.
Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.
I think I you.
Agreed. Even in the BDSM lifestlye, I find people are generally more accepting and friendly. More love to share!0 -
Why bother to get married then?
Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..
^^^^ Exactly!!!0 -
Marriage is the commitment between two people - to love, honor, and respect each other forsaking all others and this includes sexual intimacy. Sex is intimate. I'm not going to share my body with anyone outside my marriage. If I want to "spice things up" sexually - I will spice it up with my husband. My husband is of the exact same mindset - otherwise we wouldn't be married. We share with each other things we share with no one else and that includes our bodies. I'm not interested in a cheap thrill.
Look up the marriage. You are looking at the christian/catholic view. Not all of us are religious.0 -
note to self:
what happens in society, does not affect society. Check. :flup:0 -
Marriage is the commitment between two people - to love, honor, and respect each other forsaking all others and this includes sexual intimacy. Sex is intimate. I'm not going to share my body with anyone outside my marriage. If I want to "spice things up" sexually - I will spice it up with my husband. My husband is of the exact same mindset - otherwise we wouldn't be married. We share with each other things we share with no one else and that includes our bodies. I'm not interested in a cheap thrill.
Look up the marriage. You are looking at the christian/catholic view. Not all of us are religious.
This is true - and you are right, that is my own definition of marriage... others have a different definition.
I just think personally that those who say "it's just sex" and "it doesn't mean anything" are kidding themselves - it absolutely means something and if it weren't important/significant than you wouldn't do it. It's not "just sex" - in fact it's so important that you seek satisfaction outside your primary commitment. Why is admitting you prioritize sex so hard? Why is admitting you aren't capable of being fulfilled by one person so difficult? Lots of people are like that. Noones definition of love or marriage is exactly the same. I don't personally care, it's just not my thing, but call a spade a spade and don't try to sugarcoat it with a bunch of BS... that I can respect.0 -
Just had a realization over lunch, all of the polyamorous/open relationship folk I know work hard for social causes, kids with autism, violence shelters, animal rights and such... and ask for very little in return. If I had to paint them all with a single description it would be "more generous and compassionate than usual".
I think some people just have more love to go around in general.
Maybe the world would be a nicer place if there were more people like that.
I think I you.
Agreed. Even in the BDSM lifestlye, I find people are generally more accepting and friendly. More love to share!
A lot more trust goes into a proper BDSM relationship/lifestyle than a vanilla one.
Of course.. this is the sub in me speaking, but it's true.0 -
An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
Bingo
Different type of love. I would hope you don't love your kids the same way that you love your spouse. Love can be given to many people. Married love with the intimacy and deepness that is different than love to a child, love to a parent, love to a friend is on such a different level that I personally do NOT believe you can have that level of commitment to more than one person at a time.
This is where I beg to differ.
I see love as an unconditional act and you love each and every person the SAME.
You are intertwining love, commitment and intimacy and they are in fact 2 separate things.
I love my husband, sisters, brother, dad, uncles, aunts, etc ALL THE SAME. The level of commitment and intimacy in those relationships all differ because of the relationship I have with each one of them.
I love unconditionally.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions