Dr. Phil - Open Marriage

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  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    almost every Open Marriage ends up with divorce or a tragic occurrence :yawn:

    Do you have statistics to base this on? I feel as if you're just talking out of your rear.

    I don't need stats. Almost EVERY marriage fails...I think it's creeping to the wrong side of 50-50 these days, but don't ask me for my resource... I'm winging it and being facetious. :wink:
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
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    We all make our way through life as best we can. If everyone is on board, I fail to see the problem.
    What's right for some may not be for others, but that doesn't make it wrong.
    This. Absolutely, this.
  • carriem73
    carriem73 Posts: 333 Member
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    I actually got asked to be a couple's SECOND WIFE a few years ago- he was of Native American descent, so it was "ok" legally for him to marry more than one wife, and his current wife was ok with it!

    They had it all planned out- they would but he house next door, tear down the fence and create one large backyard for all the kids (yikes) to share... he would alternate which nights he spent at which house...

    I said H*&& no, and haven't seen either one of them since.
  • russeljames
    russeljames Posts: 103 Member
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    kinda takes some of the fun out of hit though...
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    There's more to life than being happy, and in my opinion, it cheapens the human experience to spend all of life only seeking after happiness.

    I would challenge you to name one thing you think has a higher priority and I bet my bottom dollar that we can link it directly back to either your own happiness or that of someone else.
  • DG82
    DG82 Posts: 105
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    OMG I saw the show yesterday and just sat there in disbelief of these people's lifestyle. Ok, I mean to each their own, but I did agree w/the mother in the fact that they are screwing up their children's way of thinking what a marriage is really meant to be, in traditional terms. The fact that the one woman watched porn w/her 11 year old daughter was mortifying as well. That woman would just not shut up the whole entire show, hahahaha!! I saw Dr. Phil was def biting his tongue on telling her to shut it, that was the funny part!
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I love narrow minded people. You need to understand, and Avalonis said it perfectly, it is not that there is something LACKING in the relationship. Maybe you should read his comment.

    Lets take the predisposed notions of morality out of it, because morality varies based on personal beliefs. (Typically religious beliefs)

    Imagine that you LOVE to eat steak, Potatoes and broccoli (and a multivitamin). You eat this every single day, for 5 years. It is satisfying your every nutritional need, sure.

    Does that mean you'll never want to eat chinese? Or Tacos?

    Its the same thing with an open relationship. Cheating happens when boundaries that are in place that are SET BY THE COUPLE are broken.

    Since no boundaries are broken, no cheating happens.

    Open your mind. People need to use logic more.
  • tilliesmom9
    tilliesmom9 Posts: 47
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    I think something's broken inside you if you can't commit completely to one person and have that be enough. Either you're with the wrong person or you have insecurities that you have to fill with promiscuity and outside attention.

    Give me a happy, peaceful home with the person I love, someday maybe kids, my rescued doggies, and I will be happy.

    I do want a bigger kitchen though. :/

    So you're telling me that there is no one in the world you'd like to bang? Let's be realistic here, sure it's not for everyone but you can't say people are "broken" for having a different relationship than yours.

    Yep I can, cuz that's my opinion. Lots of people have personality flaws that make them desperate and seek all the attention they can from other people, nothing is never enough for them. If you can find two people like that, you have an open relationship. It's basically telling someone 'Sorry, you're cool and all, but you're not enough for me'.

    The person I love who is fulfilling in all aspects of our relationship. He's my best friend and I want not for another. Even if I did lust for someone else (say, if the relationship got boring, which it inevitably does at times), I would have more respect for him and more dignity for myself than to go running my vajayjay all over town. And I would work with him to find ways to make our relationship more interesting. Because that's what couples do, and in the long run, it makes you stronger.

    :drinker: Happy Friday! :drinker:

    I love narrow minded people. You need to understand, and Avalonis said it perfectly, it is not that there is something LACKING in the relationship. Maybe you should read his comment.

    Narrow minded people make me sad. I just want to say that nothing is lacking in my marriage. He is my best friend. We love spending time together...but sometimes I can be his biggest cheerleader for fun. A little hedonism never hurt anyone.
  • NeshBeMe
    NeshBeMe Posts: 148 Member
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    Why get married then??? I was at church last Sunday and the Pastor was speaking to the men. He was talking about being a 'player' and said "A real player isn't a man that can have 30 women but 1 woman that he can satisfy for 30 years." If people put more effort into pleasing / satisfying the person they have vowed to love, honor, and cherish til dead do them part, an open marriage wouldn't even be an option.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
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    I think something's broken inside you if you can't commit completely to one person and have that be enough. Either you're with the wrong person or you have insecurities that you have to fill with promiscuity and outside attention.

    Give me a happy, peaceful home with the person I love, someday maybe kids, my rescued doggies, and I will be happy.

    I do want a bigger kitchen though. :/

    i'm with you on the bigger kitchen.. with that i could overlook a few flaws in a spouse :laugh:


    ^^This^^ IMO^^ The commitment my husband and I made to each other was in mind, body and spirit and we honor each other and are fulfilled by it to this day 28 years later. :heart:
  • MrzMensy
    MrzMensy Posts: 38
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    I cant split my emotions between people like that, I need to only focus on one person and give them all to that one, not several. Maybe I am just to old school, I think people do that when they are always settling for less. They are like sexual hoarders, trying to fill a space but never finding satisfaction.
  • tannjam
    tannjam Posts: 109 Member
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    well have been married 28yrs and cant even imagine it..Do not like to share..but if it works for them more power to them
  • andygettinfitt
    andygettinfitt Posts: 55
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    IMO I honestly dont care what a person does in the bedroom. If they are happy being in a open marriage, who am I to say I know better. For me I am happy with just me and wife but that just me and I sure as hell aint going to judge someone for what they like.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    I need to stop reading posts like this one. It always makes me deeply sad that so many people are "ok with" or think it's "fine if it works for them". There seems to be no higher standard for anyone as long as people are "happy". There's more to life than being happy, and in my opinion, it cheapens the human experience to spend all of life only seeking after happiness.

    Should we spend our lives being miserable? Because I know that's what I was for YEARS in my previous relationship. Should I have stuck it out because there is "more to life"?

    Your logic is flawed. If you do what makes you happy, and what makes the people you love happy (while within the laws of our communities) than thats what it's all about.
    You are unhappy bub. You just don't know it.

    I think happiness was important enough to put in the Declaration of Independence. Maybe it IS important, eh?
  • hdroddy
    hdroddy Posts: 122
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    I would never want an open marriage. I'm truly blessed in my own marriage in that my spouse and I are able to fulfill each other's emotional and physical needs and wants. It takes work, but it's worth it.

    Having said that, if they are all in agreement it isn't my place to judge. The same Bible that discusses the wedding vows also clearly states that major Biblical figures such as Moses and Noah had mistresses and/or multiple wives, so even if you're a devout Christian, there's a lot of ambiguity there.

    It is no more my business what they do in their bedroom (or bedrooms, as it were), than it is theirs what I do in mine. I don't care and I don't want to know about it.

    I don't even have a problem with the porn. My spouse and I have watched a few together. I don't think one spouse go surfing for porn over the other's objections, but, again, if both partners agree, so what?

    The one thing I would have to question about this whole arrangement - well, okay, the three things - are, number one, the fact that they don't want their child to know about the arrangement. I agree that a child doesn't need to know about their parents' sex lives. But the fact that they are hiding the relationship itself would seem to indicate some shame. Thing is, the kid is going to find out at some point, and then what? I mean, they just went on national TV, for Pete's sake. After lying to the child through omission for however long, how do they expect to be able to make it right? Number two - an eleven year old should not be watching porn. Period. And most especially with their parents. I've had all the discussions with my kid about sex ed. We communicate openly about sex, whether she should or not, possible repercussions, how the act itself works, etc. Not easy talks, but for the best for her. But there is no way on God's green earth that I would ever, ever watch sex with her. Of course she knows her parents had, and continue to have, sex. But we don't talk about the details. And, finally, third - no condoms? Big, big mistake.

    If it is just adults involved and all agree - knock yourself out. I couldn't care less. I have no right and no inclination to judge. But when you have a kid and you're doing something you have to hide from them, you're making bad decisions.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    It really just comes down to different opinions. OP said "What do you think?" and so we all say what we think, and that's how it goes.

    Some people, based on how they were raised, family situations, etc, attach morality with sex and fidelity a lot more than some others do. I personally think you should be with the person you love and them only, share everything with them -- if you can't, then you're with the wrong person, or you have issues within yourself that are preventing you to do so.

    Some people have completely different ideas about what can and should be acceptable in relationships that are completely contradictory to my opinion, and yet they live happy, fulfilled lives.

    Mine is just one of many opinions. The only people who seem to get upset are the people who seem to be defending their lifestyle...

    I really don't care what you do, but my opinion was asked, so I gave it. I will always have that opinion because of my background, personality, and religion. Other people vary and I not only respect that, but I love and support it because damn it, this is the internet, and we are still allowed to post whatever the heck we want to, and that is beautiful.

    Everyone go out and have a fabulous day. :drinker:
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I cant split my emotions between people like that, I need to only focus on one person and give them all to that one, not several. Maybe I am just to old school, I think people do that when they are always settling for less. They are like sexual hoarders, trying to fill a space but never finding satisfaction.

    I don't split my emotion either. My partner gets my emotions and love.

    Sex is not tied to emotion or love unless you make it so.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
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    Most important, does anyone want to be judged on their bedroom activities? I don't think so.

    People who go on Dr. Phil, etc. ... yes, I think they clearly do.

    It's nonsense. It's people fooling themselves into believing they're "happy" while they create mountains of psychological turmoil for themselves and their unsuspecting children. I agree with "to each their own" in an it-shouldn't-be-illegal sort of way, but I just find it sad.
  • njblemaster
    njblemaster Posts: 2
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    I want to enter into marriage because I want to fully and completely commit and give myself to someone. I do not think that it is possible if I were to be sleeping with others, even with 'permission' from my spouse. While I agree that each couple should design their relationship for themselves, and not conform to what is expected of them from society standards, I do not find any research that supports open marriage as causing less divorce. Additionally, it seems very risky to not use condoms - the risk of disease is always there, no matter how well you know a person.
  • RH_Brazell
    RH_Brazell Posts: 339
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    wouldn't work for me I dont share well with others just saying

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