Dr. Phil - Open Marriage
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I don't want to judge others on how they live their life, it's up to them and God be thier judge. God knows I'm not perfect. But to those of you that are on here relating to the Bible you need to get it out once in awhile and read it before you try to make sense of it. First off, many people did have mulitple partners...in the Old Testament. God did away with the old law, therefore he brought forth the New Law and The Commandments, one of them being" Thou shalt not commit adultry". Hello! I belive adultry to be sleeping with someone other than the one you married. Oh, and then there's Fornication- sleeping with someone else before you are married. Nobody has to abide by them anymore, we just have to "believe" in him and we'll all go to Heaven, doesn't matter what we do between now and then. He made up the laws just for fun.
Who knows, I could be wrong and God doesn't care about who I sleep with or what I do as long as I'm happy right?
Sorry if I offend anyone, I just think that ignorance IS NOT bliss and doing whatever you want to make yourself happy now will not pay off later. Scrafices have to be made and lusting after another is one of them. Many of you will hate my comment and will have something contrary or some sly remark, but I'm sorry if the truth hurts.
I know people that swing and it works for them, I love them and their families, but it doesn't mean I have to agree with them. Their lifestyle is what they choose, and mine is what I make of it. Just please don't use the Bible out of context to justify what you want to do.
It isn't about "ignorance". And it isn't about justification, at least not in my post. It's about being aware of the fact that the contradiction exists. It's about being aware of the fact that none of us EXCEPT God has the right to judge. It's about being aware of the fact that morality is not entirely cut and dried. You said it yourself; even God changed his mind. We all have to do our best to do the right things and make the right decisions. The last perfect man, we humans nailed to a tree. Not since then have any of us had the right to judge one another.0 -
Why bother to get married then?
^This.0 -
If they are good with an open marriage, more power to them. Me personally, I could not do it. I would be jealous all the time of the other women, wondering how much comparing he would do etc. Emotionally I couldn't handle it but it works for some.0
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This thread disgusts me to my very core. Why even get married than? Wives--- you honestly can say you have no issue with your husband staying out all night with another woman? NO. NO NONO!!! Come on... have some self respect for YOURSELF and for your relationship!!!!!
Close-minded, ignorant people disgust me.
What gives people the right to call someone close-minded & ignorant just because they don't agree with their opinions/views? That in itself is ignorant.
It is ignorant to state taht people have no respect for themselves because they lead a perfectly healthy lifestyle that is different that yours. If she would have said that she was against it and didn't have that lifestyle then fine. To say that it disgusts you adn assume people don't have respect for themselves is ignorant.0 -
I need to stop reading posts like this one. It always makes me deeply sad that so many people are "ok with" or think it's "fine if it works for them". There seems to be no higher standard for anyone as long as people are "happy". There's more to life than being happy, and in my opinion, it cheapens the human experience to spend all of life only seeking after happiness.
What "more?" What "more" is there to life than being happy? Is there some higher good to being miserable?
Yes..............I believe she called it a higher standard.
If that is the case, then my husband and I are at the bottom of the barrel on her moral compass. We aim to love and live happy to the best of our ability..........0 -
That's so wrong, you have to look back on your sin in disgust & repent & then if you're lucky you'll go to Heaven.Nobody has to abide by them anymore, we just have to "believe" in him and we'll all go to Heaven, doesn't matter what we do between now and then. He made up the laws just for fun.I know people that swing and it works for them, I love them and their families, but it doesn't mean I have to agree with them. Their lifestyle is what they choose, and mine is what I make of it. Just please don't use the Bible out of context to justify what you want to do.
I agree with this statement though.
I was just being sarcastic about the first quote. I do believe you have to repent in order to move on too
Ah, sorry! Sarcasm + internet = no comprende for me haha.0 -
Oh and for those of you that don't go by the Bible, then carry on.. nothing pertains to you. Be Happy!
DITO!! 0 -
This thread disgusts me to my very core. Why even get married than? Wives--- you honestly can say you have no issue with your husband staying out all night with another woman? NO. NO NONO!!! Come on... have some self respect for YOURSELF and for your relationship!!!!!
Close-minded, ignorant people disgust me.
What gives people the right to call someone close-minded & ignorant just because they don't agree with their opinions/views? That in itself is ignorant.
I think it's pretty acceptable considering that it was in reply to someone who didn't just disagree, she called other people disgusting for disagreeing with her.0 -
Shouldn't she be holding a bible?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I would never want an open marriage. I'm truly blessed in my own marriage in that my spouse and I are able to fulfill each other's emotional and physical needs and wants. It takes work, but it's worth it.
Having said that, if they are all in agreement it isn't my place to judge. The same Bible that discusses the wedding vows also clearly states that major Biblical figures such as Moses and Noah had mistresses and/or multiple wives, so even if you're a devout Christian, there's a lot of ambiguity there.
It is no more my business what they do in their bedroom (or bedrooms, as it were), than it is theirs what I do in mine. I don't care and I don't want to know about it.
I don't even have a problem with the porn. My spouse and I have watched a few together. I don't think one spouse go surfing for porn over the other's objections, but, again, if both partners agree, so what?
The one thing I would have to question about this whole arrangement - well, okay, the three things - are, number one, the fact that they don't want their child to know about the arrangement. I agree that a child doesn't need to know about their parents' sex lives. But the fact that they are hiding the relationship itself would seem to indicate some shame. Thing is, the kid is going to find out at some point, and then what? I mean, they just went on national TV, for Pete's sake. After lying to the child through omission for however long, how do they expect to be able to make it right? Number two - an eleven year old should not be watching porn. Period. And most especially with their parents. I've had all the discussions with my kid about sex ed. We communicate openly about sex, whether she should or not, possible repercussions, how the act itself works, etc. Not easy talks, but for the best for her. But there is no way on God's green earth that I would ever, ever watch sex with her. Of course she knows her parents had, and continue to have, sex. But we don't talk about the details. And, finally, third - no condoms? Big, big mistake.
If it is just adults involved and all agree - knock yourself out. I couldn't care less. I have no right and no inclination to judge. But when you have a kid and you're doing something you have to hide from them, you're making bad decisions.
Please stop with all the biblical stuff.
You all that take the bible so serious..............Why? It is nothing but a book of stories that is from a historical time. It is MAN MADE and MAN WRITTEN.
The bible pretty much doesn't mean anything to me and I have been happily married for 14 years now. I am spiritual in other ways, but I am definitely NOT religious.
I agree with you. Pardon me. I wasn't trying to be Biblical. I'm right there with you on the Bible being written by fallible humans. I'm not religious, either. I was trying to make the point that, even if you're using the Bible as your guide, as a few individuals implied, even it contradicts itself and leaves things unclear.
Having said that, though - no matter how you or I feel, the Bible means a lot to some people, and they are entitled to hold onto that. They shouldn't shove it down our throats, but we shouldn't take it personally when they bring it into a discussion, either. Some people need/want religion. The structure and ceremony give them comfort. No harm in it. Fanaticism is the problem, not belief. I myself love God and Jesus. I just don't believe in organized religion. Don't have a problem with those who do.
I love God also and wish to worship the way that I want to.
In the grand scheme of things, I have no problem with the bible and I do read some of the parables and stories in it from time to time. Most times seeking clarity and keeping myself grounded.
I do have a problem with people using God, religion and the bible to judge others based on saying that we should all live a certain way because the bible says so.
That is the other thing..............everyone's interpretation of the bible is different.0 -
An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
Bingo0 -
People with open marriages should have their licenses revoked. :flup:
Judgmental much?0 -
We all have to do our best to do the right things and make the right decisions. The last perfect man, we humans nailed to a tree. Not since then have any of us had the right to judge one another.
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I agree!0 -
People with open marriages should have their licenses revoked. :flup:
Judgmental much?
irony much? :flup:0 -
I think people should stay the *kitten* out of other peoples sex life when it has no bearing or effect on their life what so ever0
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I used to be totally against the idea, but it makes a lot more sense to me now. I don't believe it is in our nature to mate with one person for life. That is a rule designed a long time ago in an attempt to control a society of people. Many "norms" are put in place to define what is and is not acceptable. As time progresses, we accept these "norms" without question, never considering their origin or true purpose. If two or more people have a relationship that is outside of the norm, it doesn't automatically make it unhealthy. It is not for anybody, not even Dr. Phil, to judge what consenting adults do with their personal lives. As long as vulnerable adults and children are not at risk, then more power to anyone who finds happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction.0
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This whole thread is disturbing...we are hear for help with weight loss, if you want to talk of topics like this go to a different site.
If you don't want to participate in non fitness related topics then why are you in the "chit-chat, fun, and games" board? Saying the "chit-chat, fun, and games" board isn't for chatting about topics unrealted to fitness is like saying the introduction board isn't for new people to introduce themselves.0 -
almost every Open Marriage ends up with divorce or a tragic occurrence :yawn:
bullsh*t0 -
This whole thread is disturbing...we are hear for help with weight loss, if you want to talk of topics like this go to a different site.
Hello my dear, but the Chit-chat, fun and games section is for off topic (meaning not weight loss related) ....................0 -
I think people should stay the *kitten* out of other peoples sex life when it has no bearing or effect on their life what so ever
That makes for some seriously boring TV. If we weren't curious about other peoples sex lives sex wouldn't sell, plain and simple. TV shows wouldn't be filled with romance and we'd revert back to leave it to beaver being the best thing the old boob tube has to offer.0 -
If you want an "open" relationship, why get married? To me that's just playing games with lives and society. And what ever happened to morals?
I don't want to judge anybody, but isn't there some responsibility to live your life with some boundaries? You can call it morals, responsibility, integrity, or devotion.
If you choose to live under the term marriage, shouldn't that include being faithful and devoted to one person?
Where ever did you get the idea that you got to decide what is moral? If it doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, it ain't nobody's business what I do. I Suggesting people don't have boundaries just because their boundaries aren't the same as yours is pretty arrogant, if you ask me. What makes your boundaries better than mine? Seriously. Tell me why, if neither of us harms the person or property of a non-consenting other, is your version of morality better than mine? Why do you get to decide? What makes you so special?0 -
I'm too jealous for this type of relationship. I refuse to share my husband with anyone. When I got married my vows were to my husband....no one else entered into those vows with us!!!
I also don't believe just because people are okay with it that it makes it right. There are many things in our society that aren't right but because people say it's okay then you are looked down upon for saying it's not right. I don't agree with this type of thinking.0 -
Yep, this thread will be closed soon.0
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An open marriage means the two involved really aren't committed to each other.
Same wavelength.
Binary thinking. Why can't I be deeply committed to more than one person? That's like saying I can only love one of my kids.
That's completely different.
Why?
Love between you & your spouse is different to the love you share with your children, do you really need me to spell out why, to you?
Yes, because you are saying that "love is finite".
I can be in love with multiple adults. I can love multiple children as their parent. I can love people I just met who have sparkly happy souls and love them for the rest of my life even if I never see them again. I can love X deeply and truly, and love Y deeply and truly, and marry Y because we are more compatible on practical levels.
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Love is a giving thing, it is big and deep and wide, and I am very good at it.
If you love your wife/husband the same way you love a person you just met, then there's something wrong.
It's a different love altogether.
Perhaps you are conflating love and intimacy?
Love means "I see you who for who you really are, and I accept all the wonderful and crappy things about you just as you are, and you bring me joy."
I certainly know my fiance better than I know one of those struck-by-lightning-loves (which are rare, too). We are intellectually and emotionally deeply intimate, we understand each other almost perfectly. We have well established trust and friendship.
I probably do love him more perfectly than I love most anyone else; but it is not a large or necessary distinction. Love just IS.0 -
Yep, this thread will be closed soon.
But fun while it lasted!0 -
I is the winner :flup:0
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i couldn't do it. i cant share my man and the thought of being with someone other then him doesn't apeal to me. but hey, different strokes for different folks.0
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Me an my husband go to swingers clubs,we dont swap but we have brought another girl for me to have fun with. our realonship is more stable and happy than almost all the married people i know.
most of the couples ive met at these clubs are nice happy people.
you dont like it dont do it that simple0 -
it takes different strokes0
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Differnt strokes. Who are you to judge?0
This discussion has been closed.
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