Anyone else feel weird being married...

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  • GymAnJuice
    GymAnJuice Posts: 512 Member
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    i think it's a very respectable thing to do, putting your wife's feeling first. i :heart: it
  • LATeagno
    LATeagno Posts: 620 Member
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    At the risk of sounding like a.... yeaaaaah, um, yeah, you're being too cautious. Every now and then I stumble across a (usually female) profile on here that says something like "I'm married, so I don't accept friend requests from men." I showed it to my husband he was baffled.

    I mean, this is a weight loss site, NOT a dating site. I'm here to support anyone who wants to better themselves by fixing their broken bodies, and I'm here to do the same myself. Commenting on the picture of a guy who lost 20 lbs. by saying "good job!" is NOT going to put "ideas" in my hubby's mind. Maybe commenting, "Nice work! I'm married, but do you want to have sex anyway?!" would. We're pretty secure in our relationship. We don't worry about silly things like telling someone "nice work!" if they lost weight. If my husband were "jealous" of the men I'm "friends" with on my weight loss support site, I'd tell him to get a life (after showing him my CLEAN page).

    I don't really see sex on this site at all. The world is made of men and women. That's just how it is. I see motivation, success and help here and nothing more. I don't see any penises or vagina pictures plastered anywhere, so why does it matter?
  • Charlottejogs
    Charlottejogs Posts: 351 Member
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    I agree with most of the posts...it depends on the relationship I suppose.

    I say this with the kindest intention as I feel you are asking for honest answers- if I felt like I couldn't make a small post, I would feel perhaps we have a trust/jealousy problem. I don't even note the gender of individuals I talk to on here... That is my very open and trusting relationship though. Note- I used to work in mental health and dealt with many similar issues so I understand that it can be hard to keep work at work- one of the things that makes people who are able to work in that field amazing...and why I don't do in now:) Good luck!
  • Allan1962
    Allan1962 Posts: 3 Member
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    I'm in the same boat. I read the success stories to stay motivated. Not sure how to respond. Kind of feel like a stalker, though, if I don't say something. Like you, I gravitate toward the men's posts.
  • mizzoulaxgirl26
    mizzoulaxgirl26 Posts: 21 Member
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    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.
  • Llifechange82
    Llifechange82 Posts: 1
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    I would say respectful :)
  • zafferFL
    zafferFL Posts: 402
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    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

    they just happen?

    I wouldn't ever think that the key to not having an affair is avoiding the opposite sex instead of happiness and working on one's own relationship.

    Sounds like treating the symptom and not the real problem.

    off-topic, sorry :)
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
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    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

    Love Fireproof.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    Been married 15 years here, and have at least 2 male friends on MFP, both of whom sent me FR, and have not been 'creepers' (otherwise I'd drop 'em like a hot rock).

    I have no issue with telling anyone, male or female, 'congratulations' if they did well at something. Doesn't mean I want to jump into bed with them. I'm mature enough to know that the grass is not greener anywhere else.

    BUT, to your question, I think you should do what you're comfortable with doing. If it makes you a bit uncomfortable, then don't do it because any of us say it's ok.
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
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    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

    they just happen?

    I wouldn't ever think that the key to not having an affair is avoiding the opposite sex instead of happiness and working on one's own relationship.

    Sounds like treating the symptom and not the real problem.

    off-topic, sorry :)

    OK, the phrase "they just happen" is a bit misleading. In any case that I've looked into an affair it starts at home with the relationship. Usually there is a feeling of "she doesn't understand me. She doesn't respect me. She doesn't appreciate me." And those feelings go unattended for an extended period of time. Maybe the two haven't had sex in a good while. Then through a casual meeting, you find someone who finds you interesting, intriguing, handsome, whatever; and you find them the same way. Under a good relationship you would say to yourself, "limit contact." But under a strained relationship you're more likely to think, "well my wife doesn't appreciate all that I do" or "my wife doesn't find me interesting anymore." And slowly that infatuation can grow into something inappropriate and even cause resentment to your spouse, pushing you towards the other woman. Eventually something will "just happen."
    I like the expression, "My mind is a bad neighborhood that I don't want to go in without being armed."
  • LATeagno
    LATeagno Posts: 620 Member
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    I don't care what that movie says, affairs don't "just happen." Even if a woman throws herself on a man's lap (or vice versa), as a human, you get that lovely thing called reasoning that allows you to be capable of making complicated decisions. While it's true that one doesn't have to "go out looking" for an affair to find one, one ALWAYS has the ability to say no. And even to continue saying no. There is no unconscious decision to have an affair or to cheat. Ever.
  • ashtonalayna
    ashtonalayna Posts: 94
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    No I don't think its weird. While I will comment on a guys post every once in awhile I don't have any male friends on here. I don't think my husband would care if I did but I respect him enough not to. If he was on here I know I would apreciate it if he would do the same. Yea I know we are a bit old fashioned but we love and respect each other and that's all that matters!
  • itsuki
    itsuki Posts: 520 Member
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    If I were in your place and my wife felt uncomfortable if I said "Congrats!" to a woman, well, I would find that very weird and overly sensitive of her.

    If you send her PMs and say "Hey sexy looking great give me a call," that's one thing. But if you can't even be friendly to people of the opposite sex? That's just bizzare.
  • sondra216379
    sondra216379 Posts: 174 Member
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    One word "trust". Who is it with the trust issues your wife not being able to trust you, or you not being able to trust your self? I comment on both all the time and never give it a second thought. If your wife and you had friends over would you ignore the wife/girlfriend because you don't want to upset your wife?


    THIS
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I've never accidentally had sex, ever, with anyone, when I was single and on the prowl, or with my husband now that I'm a boring old married person. It's always a conscious decision. It never "just happens."

    If the sight of a hot guy showing his abs and/or a few kind words from a stranger was enough to pull me away from my husband, or on the flip side, the sight of a woman in a bikini and a few kinds words was enough to pull him from me, our relationship would have to have been built on a foundation of quick sand.

    You know, I've successfully taught me dog the command "leave it." If he's about to chase one of the cats, or pick up a piece of food that fell on the floor, and I say, "Leave it," he will turn away from any temptation. I have faith that my husband has more brainpower and respect for me than my Pekingese does, and doesn't need me to tell him to "leave it," or I never would have married him. :laugh:
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I think it's good that you are mindful of the problems that online social places can cause a marriage. :-) I think if commenting on women's posts makes you feel weird, don't. If it makes your wife uncomfortable for you to comment on women's posts, don't.

    Personally... if my hubby were a social chit-chatty sort of guy, and if he were on here, then I wouldn't feel threatened by him saying "congratulations on your hard work!" I might feel bothered by him saying something like "wow, you look hot!" But that's just me.
    But different marriages have different dynamics. My husband is an introvert, and I am the extrovert. I am an encourager and want to tell everyone what a great job they are doing. It is my nature to compliment others--women and men--and "wow, you look great!" just seems to fall out right of my mouth. But it would be very uncharacteristic for my quiet, reserved hubby to pay a compliment to a woman he didn't know. If he did, I might wonder what was up.

    You also have to take your own thoughts into consideration. Does looking at hot women in bikinis cause you to have lustful thoughts? Do you dwell on these images later even after you've closed down the computer? Do you find your mind wandering to them when you are with your wife? If so, stay away from those threads.
  • leann74016
    leann74016 Posts: 242 Member
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    I think it's very respectful! :)
  • Ginger4real
    Ginger4real Posts: 162
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    Call me stupid but isn't it wrong to look at the women in secret ..I mean, I could be wrong but your O.P implies you do go in and look at the female posts. SEEMS TO ME..if you look at their pics and think wow they did good and look great but don't comment and say~ hey you did great~ ..you are sneeking around *even if only in your own head*. That to me, if it was my man, would be a red flag that he could hide things from me or sneek around and I would never know....and THAT would bug me way more than if my Husband was simply open and honest and congratulated everyone openly and directly.
  • Stefanie7125
    Stefanie7125 Posts: 462 Member
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    "to avoid even the appearance of evil". I think if it feels wrong for you, then it is wrong! More people need to be this respectful of their SO's feelings.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    We are all (or presumably most of us) are here to lose weight. We are working hard and the support aspect of this site is a great thing. I don't think you are disrespecting your wife by telling anyone that they did a great job or that they look great. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we trust and love each other. He doesn't feel disrespected by my commenting on others success. I think it's great that you are thinking about it and are concerned about not crossing a line but I think it's overly cautious. Supporting one another is great. Hitting on someone is disrespectful.

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