Anyone else feel weird being married...

Options
1356

Replies

  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
    Options
    Call me stupid but isn't it wrong to look at the women in secret ..I mean, I could be wrong but your O.P implies you do go in and look at the female posts. SEEMS TO ME..if you look at their pics and think wow they did good and look great but don't comment and say~ hey you did great~ ..you are sneeking around *even if only in your own head*. That to me, if it was my man, would be a red flag that he could hide things from me or sneek around and I would never know....and THAT would bug me way more than if my Husband was simply open and honest and congratulated everyone openly and directly.

    I can see your point there; I guess I should explain. One of my favorite parts of "The Biggest Loser" is when they start showing the contestants loss around week 6 to 8 and you get to see them drop 40 lbs or more week by week in a few seconds. That is really inspiring to me and that's more where I'm coming from when I say I check out the posts. I do try to avoid any posts now where anyone states that they've got underpants shots or bikini shots. Additionally it can be difficult to determine who is a female based on the handle alone (eg. MegLovesBen is way more obvious than TrekFan1980).
    "to avoid even the appearance of evil". I think if it feels wrong for you, then it is wrong! More people need to be this respectful of their SO's feelings.
    Well stated.
  • hotchocchry
    hotchocchry Posts: 3
    Options
    i think its beautiful that you feel that way you have a strong love for your spouse.
  • Ginger4real
    Ginger4real Posts: 162
    Options
    Personally I think it's great that you respect your wife and her feelings. I just don't understand why you have to ask. Do you want to comment on the progress of everyone? Do you want to be able to give and get motivation from everyone..femaes included? Why are you inquiring our opinions to begin with? Do you want to do it and feel like it would be totally innocent? Did your wife already tell you not to talk to women in here? Would you ask her not to talk to men online? I mean I don't much get how you can be talking to me and responding to women in here right now if it's an issue...you can see our profile pics and know what we look like ..would you not reply to me right now if I changed my picture and my thumbnail was a full body shot and I had on a bkini? I think it's cool if you look at the woman and feel she is crying out for attention by wearing a bra and panty set ..then think i'm not in here to talk to such females...and click it closed. I can understand if you don't enable her needy behavior. BUT! .. if you click a topic and the pic is an obviously sincere before and after based on pride and hard work not the need for online attention/cam sex later....If they have on a modest short and tank top set or sports bra and shorts / leggings...then Say congrats and move on... If you can't be yourself and be real with your own thoughts and personality...I don't think you will be married til death do you part....no one can hide their true /natural character forever..No matter how much you love and respect someone else. Too hard on the brain! Not saying that's the case here ..just in general if you can't be natural and have to seek opinions to simply talk to someone ...that's hella hard to maintain for life.
  • 30yearssincebikini
    30yearssincebikini Posts: 261
    Options
    You know her better than we do. If you think it's best to not say anything like that to hot sexy girls in bikini's, then, of course, be respectable and don't say anything.
  • Artemis726
    Artemis726 Posts: 587 Member
    Options
    I find nothing wrong with being respectfully encouraging. :flowerforyou: I have several male friends and my DH of almost 12 years has no problem with it so long as they respect this as a fitness support site, and not a dating site.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Options
    Sorry but I think that's crazy.
  • dhencel
    dhencel Posts: 244 Member
    Options
    I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,672 Member
    Options
    and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

    I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?
    Overcautious. There shouldn't be anything wrong with commenting on a person's success even if they are of the opposite sex.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • karinaes
    karinaes Posts: 570 Member
    Options
    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.
    wtf?! :huh: :noway: lmao! :laugh: good one.

    to the OP depends on your and your wife's comfort level and how much you guys trust each other. if you don't feel comfortable doing it, which you obviously don't, don't. :ohwell:
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    Options
    I'd say you're somewhere in between the two.

    I'm happily married and my wife is sitting right next to me as I type this. I compliment female members on this forum all the time (my MFP friends are hot!), but I also compliment and reassure my wife regularly even though she doesn't seem to need it.

    She knows I'm not going anywhere.
  • Becky1971
    Becky1971 Posts: 979 Member
    Options
    I don't think it's a bad thing at all. but I would definitely be careful with the wording I used. I would back off if my husband was uncomfortable with it, and I wouldn't have male friends if he asked me not to. But he knows that If any lines were crossed, then I would step away from that "friendship". I have done it online and in person. So he has that to count on. It's something we have talked about, and I think your wife is the one you should be asking this question too. Good for you for caring about what your wife feels about this!
  • Zarebeth
    Zarebeth Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

    It is ALL about the level of respect.

    I would say fine, but post as if your wife were looking over your shoulder. If your wife may someday see your comments (and hey, she might!)... would they upset her or not? It depends on HER and her comfort level too. Respect your wife by not making inappropriate comments, which also shows respect to the ladies you comment on because you are not being a dog about it.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Options
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

    It is ALL about the level of respect.

    I would say fine, but post as if your wife were looking over your shoulder. If your wife may someday see your comments (and hey, she might!)... would they upset her or not? It depends on HER and her comfort level too. Respect your wife by not making inappropriate comments, which also shows respect to the ladies you comment on because you are not being a dog about it.

    Perfect. :heart:
  • ivansmomma
    ivansmomma Posts: 500
    Options
    I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!

    You sound just like us, and my husband also needs to lose. We've been married almost 32 years, we still look at the opposite sex, and I am on the one on MFP, Facebook, etc. He's just not a social site person. He knows that I 'talk' to other men on this site, Facebook, etc., but we are sitting next to one another, I show him the pictures, posts, etc. He trusts me, I trust him, and that's the important part of marriage. If this makes your wife uncomfortable, don't post. Have you asked her if this makes her uncomfortable? If you haven't asked, I suggest you do and trust your feelings from there. As others have said, respect, trust and communication. God bless!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,672 Member
    Options
    So I asked my wife what she thought about me saying "dang girl you're hot" on a commenting post by me and she said it didn't bother her (I tell my wife she's hot a lot too). She also stated that she's way more comfortable with me posting comments about females that are hot, rather than me training hot females. I tell her they are done with me when they become hot.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • HeidiRene
    HeidiRene Posts: 335 Member
    Options
    sounds way overly cautious to me
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Options
    Hmmmm.... my husband never goes on message boards but I use this one and am always showing him funny threads about hot dudes/chicks and also will show him absolutely amazing transformations of people. He has never ever said anything against me looking at men's transformations and I've never seen him get all hot and bothered by a bikini/underwear shot from this website. It's all about context I think. This website is motivational, supportive, and with it comes results that people want to share. It's also a respecting thing where both genders get to show off their hard work and get praised for it. There is NOTHING derogatory or shameful about that... but if you go to a porn site or a "rate their looks" type website for example those are definitely way more degrading/sexually involved and I think reactions would change.

    So yeah, in short, I think you are being too cautious but I commend you for being respecful about her feelings!
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Options
    I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!

    You sound just like us, and my husband also needs to lose. We've been married almost 32 years, we still look at the opposite sex, and I am on the one on MFP, Facebook, etc. He's just not a social site person. He knows that I 'talk' to other men on this site, Facebook, etc., but we are sitting next to one another, I show him the pictures, posts, etc. He trusts me, I trust him, and that's the important part of marriage. If this makes your wife uncomfortable, don't post. Have you asked her if this makes her uncomfortable? If you haven't asked, I suggest you do and trust your feelings from there. As others have said, respect, trust and communication. God bless!

    This is totally my situation. My husband will only socialize in real life or on a MMO type game that he plays very casually. Otherwise he stays away from social networking websites where I thrive off this type of stuff. This is the only website I use but I couldn't do this commitment without others to look to. It sucks he won't get on but at the same time he's very supportive and can find his own way to succeed.
  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
    Options
    So I asked my wife what she thought about me saying "dang girl you're hot" on a commenting post by me and she said it didn't bother her (I tell my wife she's hot a lot too). She also stated that she's way more comfortable with me posting comments about females that are hot, rather than me training hot females. I tell her they are done with me when they become hot.

    That's funny (the bold part), LOL..

    Well, I've been married 30 years and my husband and I both have friends in real life with people of the opposite sex. If we can have real friends, no reason why we can't have virtual friends, too.

    To be honest, I'd say that there are some underlying issues going on with insecurity, lack of trust, whatever. If my husband was bothered by my friends, online or real world, I'd say we have a problem in our marriage that needs working on. And vice-versa.

    But, that's us. YMMV.
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
    Options
    I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.
    Huh, that's weird.

    A (male) friend and I drove two days to a convention, picked up a third friend, shared a hotel room, and drove back... because my Dear Hubby was unable to take the time off to go. Hopefully,. this year, DH, and both the friends, and I, will all be able to go.

    I guess it just depends on your personal relationships. Couldn't imagine, for myself, being in a relationship that was too "iffy" to handle that.

Categories