To all the "nice guys"

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  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
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    I have a nice guy. My husband tries to act like a jerk and I laugh at him because he just can't pull it off. You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.

    Giggle.

    You might be mistaking confidence for bravado. They're different.

    I'm a quiet guy because I have nothing to prove to anyone. Look around a room and you might notice me because I'm tall and bald but I don't need to make a show of myself but you won't see me mouthing off or making a show.

    When the **** hits the fan, your bad boy is going to crap himself and curl up in a ball or do something really stupid and get himself and other people killed.

    Guys with confidence, and competence, will be there to take charge of the situation, hold off the bad guys, and then triage the big mouth.

    I had the opportunity to serve in the 82nd Airborne (Grenada '83) and some of the most memorable folks I met were the most inconspicuous. It was quite something to bump into someone in Special Forces and, once, a guy who was in Delta Force (you learn to figure out who's blowing smoke pretty quickly). To a man, they're smart, quiet, and polite. They're the real deal and they simply aren't the kind of person who talks trash.

    If you want someone shallow, go for the one who talks and blusters and kick up your heels for a weekend with a schmuck. If you're looking for a lifetime partner, one who understands and respects you, look past all the BS and hype, and go with someone who's confident and mature enough to not need to blow his own horn.

    When we talk about being confident, we don't mean be a loud, obnoxious a**hole in public. My husband is confident and strong, and he doesn't do any of that nonsense. Just go after what you want and cut out the bullsh*t.
  • EllieLou357
    EllieLou357 Posts: 34 Member
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    guys are guys and at the end of the day they want the hot girl. lol not matter if they are nice guys or bad guys. They all want the hot girl and as women we just have to weed them out and pick the right ones.
  • LadyKT
    LadyKT Posts: 287 Member
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    OMG Agreed so so so much! You see, i'm a bit of an aggressive female. Nice, but aggressive. I have confidence to boot. Perhaps thats why I can be aggressive - and by aggressive I mean I know what i want, I want what I want and I go and get what I want (if i can).

    A man that does not do the same and lacks the confidence to do the same just cannot keep up with me. I've had to work extremely hard to get where I am today (and still have some work to do). I just ended a relationship with a wonderful man (we're friends) because he lacked a lot of confidence and was held back by that in life.

    Not saying nice is a bad thing - it's a good thing. But CONFIDENCE IS BETTER. Just don't be a d*ck.

    Also - when it comes to men, I let the men lead. Why? It shows who's confident and who isn't.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Nice people in general are rare.

    What constitutes a nice guy compared to the douche rag is always subjective to the person making the judgement call.

    Nice guy is often code word for "guy I'm not really attracted to but is nice to hang out with". No guy wants to be put in that category.

    Physical attraction drives the vast majority of relationships, especially in the beginning. You can't argue with that. If it were otherwise, sites like this would be failures.

    Physical attraction rarely takes personality or if someone's nice or not into consideration.

    If someone is lusting after someone else, they will often make excuses for that person's ****e behavior.

    Again that cannot be changed, that's just how it is. I have found often that guys that complain about the friend zone are often guys who aren't very attractive. I've not really met attractive men who have an issue with women no matter what their attitude is (nice, not nice, psychotic, etc... lol)

    Bottom line, physical attraction is the key to the beginning of most relationships. If a guy is in the friend zone a lot, he has to ask himself why. A lot of times one can fix their physical appearance. It's sad but true.

    I agree with this to an extent, but I still think physical attractiveness must be backed up with confidence. Looks will get the girl's attention, but confidence gets her phone number.

    Confidence certainly helps but I personally know several guys that are considered very good looking who are quiet, and women approach them all the time with their phone numbers. If they were outgoing they'd get even more numbers. I have never seen a man who was not considered attractive ever have these issues. Not once. I'm sure they exist somewhere but in my own little slice of the world I just have never seen it happen.

    Unattractive men NEED confidence if they want to find a woman. Attractive men can find women even if they come off not confident. With confidence they are unstoppable.
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
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    Won't it be cool when we all get out of junior high and get to go to high school!!!!

    HAHAHA. I totally agree!
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
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    I just wanted to state for the record, there is such a thing as a nice guy thats also a total as*hole.

    For example, I'll help a girl carry something out to her car... but if some meathead wants to call me a pus*y about it, I'll beat the *kitten* out of him. :)

    (this topic recently cameup on another site.. that opinon didnt fly well... because being nice to a girl isnt really 'alpha' )
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
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    Mine is nice....AND can be an *kitten*!! Now what? lol!!!!

    HAHA MINE TOO ^^^ Gotta luv it, I am B sometimes too but sweet most of the time!
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Won't it be cool when we all get out of junior high and get to go to high school!!!!

    Amen!
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.

    And if that's why I haven't remarried, so be it. I'm happy being myself, and enjoying who I am as a person.
  • lorenzoinlr
    lorenzoinlr Posts: 338 Member
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    This is difficult, what about a girl who wants a nice guy but is so shy that giving hints just isn't working?

    If the hint is strong enough then you should get a result, either return interest or disinterest.

    If it isn't strong enough a look, a stolen kiss or a compliment ought to get you there. Of course, as has been discussed in this thread, he'd probably need at least a little confidence to follow up. If he lacks that and I were a woman, I'd move on.
  • Fubar_Bill
    Fubar_Bill Posts: 120 Member
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    Okay folks, here's my 2 cents.

    I have grown up and lived my life as an overly sensitive man. It took me a long time to adjust to this, but I found some simple philosophies which have allowed me to retain some confidence.

    First off, I don't think there is anything "nice" about obsessing over someone. Being fiercly needy and clingy and worrying about whether or not you can "keep" the hot girl who actually agreed to have a date with you for some reason does not make you a nice guy!

    You need to be prepared to let things go and realize that the pretty girl may not be the right "person" for you.

    No sense holding onto someone you are not compatible with just because you think they are hot.

    Once you accept this and realize that you can persue the people you are attracted to with the understanding that they may not be right for you, and you can never really "need" someone until you actually know who they are (which can take months or years to establish).

    Now, if you really are a nice guy who is reading this, then accept first that you are attractive, you can find the right person for you, but only if you are willing to let go of your obsessions and be patient waiting for the right person to come along.

    Cheers,

    - Bill
    Nice Sensitive Guy who has his own philosophical confidence.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Not everyone is built to be with someone. Some people (like myself) have a hard time conforming to what others want.
  • ojell
    ojell Posts: 749 Member
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    Just my little random 2 cents.

    There is a song called mr wrong by mary j blige. LOVE this song btw...Anyway, One of the lyrics is "Bad boys aint no good Good boys aint no fun Lord knows that I should run off with the right one"

    Speaking from my own personal experience with me and with friends of mine (both sexes btw) is we have all wanted to have fun with the "bad" one because they're fun and crazy and exciting whether it be good fun or bad fun. Think Rihanna in her video "We found love". It's bad but so good...of course that's only something you can deal with for a PORTION of your life...at least the majority of us. When it comes time for real contentment...that's when we hook up with the "good" one. Where some of us go wrong I think is that you can still be "good" AND "fun". So this whole "nice" guy thing is hooey to me. It's a lack of confidence in my opinion (at least with the guys I know it is). And as the girls have said, Confidence is sexy and FUN! ;) I know some really nice, GOOD wholesome guys that I LOVE! They're fun, funny, yet really GOOD guys. They're also confident and secure with themselves. They never complain about being passed up for the bad guy. So these Nice guys have choices as well. The only guys I know that complain about being passed up for the bad guy are guys that are insecure and pity themselves.

    I'm not saying this is the case with everyone at all...I'm just saying from my own personal experience and observations with people I know personally.

    I may very well be wrong when it comes to everyone else, but in my circle, it's dead on.
  • lorenzoinlr
    lorenzoinlr Posts: 338 Member
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.

    And if that's why I haven't remarried, so be it. I'm happy being myself, and enjoying who I am as a person.

    Could not agree more. If someone can't offer something in the same ballpark as us, and vice versa, what are the chances it could be a good fit?
  • LadyKT
    LadyKT Posts: 287 Member
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.


    Ding ding ding! And no, that's not a jerk thing at all. If a man makes good money but blows it all on stupid stuff? Sayanara. If a man does a lot of drugs or parties a lot? Adios. If a man doesn't give a crap about his health/looks? Peace out bro. I'm none of those things and can't be with a guy who is. I want a "me". Not that i'm perfect, heavens no, but to be with an 'equal' is very important.
  • TheDoctor90
    TheDoctor90 Posts: 461 Member
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    Personal experience suggests nice guys do finish last.
    My flatmate is the nice guy, I'm not. He's consistently 'friend zoned', I'm not.
  • Leesseebee
    Leesseebee Posts: 216
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    I agree. Someone just posted something about how women have relegated all the "good guys" and the "nice guys" to the "friend zone". Baloney, in that case specifically-this guy is a notorious womanizer and does not understand, for example, why women should make the same amount as men if men are expected to pay for dinners on dates. That does not strike me as "nice" or "good" or even well-informed. He is an example of many men who assume there is something wrong with women to explain why they are single. Perhaps they have not met the right people or perhaps they need to work on themselves (as you said), but this blanket statement is useless and insulting.
    No, I don't tend to go for guys who are overly sweet-but we are talking extremes and frequently the overly sweet comes across as disingenuous, but I am a big fan of nice guys. I don't complain that they don't exist, just that I have not met the right person yet.
    Thanks for posting this and giving me the opportunity to rant about something that really bothered me too!
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.


    Ding ding ding! And no, that's not a jerk thing at all. If a man makes good money but blows it all on stupid stuff? Sayanara. If a man does a lot of drugs or parties a lot? Adios. If a man doesn't give a crap about his health/looks? Peace out bro. I'm none of those things and can't be with a guy who is. I want a "me". Not that i'm perfect, heavens no, but to be with an 'equal' is very important.

    Funny thing is I have a friend who is probably at least 60 lbs overweight, but won't date a girl who isn't rail thin. Needless to say he has been single for the past 10+ years and complains that he can't seem to find a girlfriend.
  • LadyKT
    LadyKT Posts: 287 Member
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    Not everyone is built to be with someone. Some people (like myself) have a hard time conforming to what others want.

    Conforming to others = insecure. And i wouldn't say 'not everyone is built to be with someone'. Have a positive outlook, but don't bend because someone wants you to. Being yourself is hot. Unless you're a d*ck. LOL!
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
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    You want to know something funny about this topic for me personally?

    I've posted on other threads that asked the question "what are you looking for in a woman?". But then a few women got offended by the answer when I said I expect them to be taking care of themselves. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially. Measured by weight, integrity, responsibility, credit score, etc.

    They told me I was being a jerk. But my reply is inevitably this: I expect this level from myself. Why should I expect any less from a spouse/partner? I want a partner who wants someone like me, someone who is taking care of himself in the ways I've mentioned.


    Ding ding ding! And no, that's not a jerk thing at all. If a man makes good money but blows it all on stupid stuff? Sayanara. If a man does a lot of drugs or parties a lot? Adios. If a man doesn't give a crap about his health/looks? Peace out bro. I'm none of those things and can't be with a guy who is. I want a "me". Not that i'm perfect, heavens no, but to be with an 'equal' is very important.

    Funny thing is I have a friend who is probably at least 60 lbs overweight, but won't date a girl who isn't rail thin. Needless to say he has been single for the past 10+ years and complains that he can't seem to find a girlfriend.

    thats not an excuse... I was 60lbs overweight, and I still railed thin girls....
    it was just harder to do then... both mentally and physically.

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